Letting Go of Maybe
by Weebble
Summary: Bella is a good student that minds her own business, and Emmett is finally starting his career as a teacher. Unfortunately, when their paths cross, they're forced to face truths they're not ready for. AH, AU, BxEm.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: We do not own Twilight. If we did, we would live in a giant castle with large screen TVs for Weezy and a grand piano to keep Bob out of trouble!**_

_**A/N: Sooooo we were put under strict instructions that there were to be NO presents for our beautiful NewMoonaholic's birthday. BUT, being the clever and sneaky ninja types that we are, we found away around it! Especially as words are free for everyone . . . It was originally supposed to be a one shot, but as we discovered, that was not a possibility! Our wordiness got out of hand, so this, our story, is dedicated to you, our wonderful Momma Bear and our beautiful Stanwee! We love you!**_

_**Happy Birthday, gorgeous!**_

_**Thank you to the wonderful and pretty TheHeartOfLife for donating her epic beta skills to help us out! We love you! Cookie?**_

**Letting Go of Maybe**

**Chapter 1: First Day Complications**

**Isabella Swan POV**

"Coming, Bella?" Jess stood beside the desk, eyeing me the way you might a mental patient. I hadn't even heard the bell signalling the end of class. _Again._

"Uh, sure," I stammered out, thrusting the book I had been lost in into my backpack, earning myself an eye-roll from my friend.

"You know, Bella, I'm not sure _To Kill A Mockingbird_ is a set text for AP Chem class," Jasper drawled, peering over Jess' shoulder into my backpack. "Just saying." His blue eyes sparkled with amusement as I pulled the tattered copy of my favourite book back out and smacked him around the head with it.

"Just because you can't read, _Frank_, does not give you the right to rag on those of us who can."

He grew out of his phase of wearing Fedoras and calling everybody doll-face in middle school, but he would always be Frank to me - ever since he stood up on stage in the sixth grade, in front of the entire school population, and sung _Come Fly With Me _while attempting to tap dance.

"You break my heart, Boo," he retorted, smirking at his use of the nickname I had hated since elementary school. He quickly hot footed it out of the classroom when I started to growl and rise from my seat, wielding the book dangerously in the direction of his head once more.

"Catch you later, ladies," he hollered from the doorway, before scampering off to his next class.

He laughed loudly as I shouted after him, "Yeah, you better run, Hale!"

I turned back to my bag then, quickly shoving everything from my desk in there without any thought for neatness or order. Jess watched me, sighing and probably itching to get her hands in there and sort out the chaos. I smirked at her pained expression, shoving the open bag closer to her, teasing and enjoying the look of intense disgust on her face.

Jess liked order. Her bedroom was like an advert for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Everything had a place and she freaked the hell out if something was not where it ought to be. I swear, she practically had heart palpitations once when Jasper deliberately rearranged her perfectly alphabetized CD collection, moving one CD from each letter and mixing them around. He had never been invited back and she swore that he never would be.

I was not organized. My life couldn't even pass for organized chaos. It was just plain chaos. No order whatsoever. The first few times Jess came round, I could see her fingers twitching, desperately wanting to tidy and clean, but I liked it that way. What was the use in having a perfect haven of order and tranquillity for a bedroom, when you walked out the door and the world was such a mess? Of course, when I put my logic to Jessica, she merely pointed out that the word "haven" was the part I wasn't placing nearly enough emphasis onto. I simply shrugged and after that we mostly met up at her house, where she could be sure of neatness and order.

A sharp flick to my right temple drew me sharply back to the classroom, where Jess was watching me with a mixture of impatience and amusement in her eyes.

"Earth to Bella. Come in, Bella. We're gonna be late for Spanish." She also hated to be late.

"Right. Spanish. Coming." She practically bodily dragged me to class, wittering the whole way about how Mrs. Wilson, our English teacher of a whole, impressive week, apparently fled the school in floods of tears on Friday after some genius freshman wouldn't let the concept of a character called _Master Bates _in _Oliver Twist_ drop.

I rolled my eyes at the seriously concerning maturity levels in the school, and flung myself down in the chair that I always sat in for Spanish. In my world there were three things that you just didn't mess with: my kitchen, my friends and literature. My expansive collection of novels was the only thing in my life that was ordered. If you were looking for anything else in my bedroom, it could have been literally anywhere. But ask me for any book in my collection and I could direct you to it, no problems. Even Jasper knew not to mess with my books.

Half of them weren't even in English - presents from my Uncle Phil and his girlfriend from their travels around the globe. My ever increasing bookshelf requirements had driven my dad crazy for years, before he finally just learned to accept it. He developed some pretty nifty woodworking skills in the interest of saving money.

"So do we get stuck with a substitute then?" I asked Jess, disheartened at the thought of a sub-par teacher for the one subject in that place that didn't make me want to scream. Mrs. Wilson wasn't exactly brilliant; she spent more time trying to shut the rest of the class up than she did actually teaching us anything, but at least she was actually an English teacher. Last time Mr. Banner, our Chemistry teacher, was off work with stress, they brought in a substitute who I doubt could even spell "periodic table", let alone tell you what it was. We spent three months learning from text books before Mr Banner came back, alarmed at how behind we were.

"Apparently not. Lauren said they hired a new guy straight out of college. She said he's hot, too." She waggled her eyebrows suggestively and I found myself rolling my eyes yet again.

"Dude, Lauren would find a toilet brush hot if it had the appropriate anatomy to keep her satisfied."

Jess snorted loudly, earning herself the attention of the teacher, who shushed her with a stern face, then continued with her dull drone to the end of the lesson. I didn't dare pull my book out in Spanish, as Seňora Goff constantly scrutinized the room with her piercing eyes that tried to hide behind pince-nez glasses. So I sat through the purgatory, hoping to God that the one lesson I could stand on my Monday schedule wasn't ruined by lack of a decent teacher.

When the bell _finally _rung, I couldn't suppress the loud whoop of joy that forced itself from me, unbidden. Seňora Goff glared at me, but there was not much she could do as the class had already fallen into loud chatter. Even if she'd tried to chastize me for my rudeness, I wouldn't have heard her.

I scampered quickly from the classroom, sighing audibly at the fact that Jess had merely picked up her chattering from where she left off. Her capacity for remembering entire conversations in almost painful detail never ceased to amaze me.

On and on and on she rambled about the new English teacher, who was, in the completely indisputable words of Lauren, "a total hottie." I didn't tell her that I wasn't interested in what he looked like, as long as he was carrying something other than cotton candy in his skull. What would be the point? In the first place, she wasn't interested in English. The only subject that she considered to be worth her time was Gym and that was because she had an A average from getting extra credit for being a cheerleader. And in the second, the concept of liking a guy for anything but his "smokin' hot body" would never register with her.

"Oh my God, Jessica, are you _still _going on about him?" Jasper's voice was lightly teasing as he appeared in the corridor behind us, tugging on her ponytail playfully. Then, standing tall and puffing his chest out in mock arrogance, he added, "Besides, he's got nothing on me."

"Yeah, Frank, you're adorable," I retorted, patting him patronizingly on the cheek then stalking off, giggling at the slightly hurt look on his face.

"He fancies you," Jess offered, smirking childishly at me.

"Ugh, Jessica Louise Stanley, you are out of your mind!" That's right – I went for the full name. She looked shocked for a moment, before she returned to her taunting and carried on in the same vein.

"Need I remind you, Blondie, that it was _your _ponytail that he was tugging on not ten seconds ago?" I interrupted finally. I couldn't help it. She was asking for it with her childish assumptions about the guy who had been my best friend for years. "You know what they say about boys who pull your hair. I better go hat shopping soon, huh?"

I was disproportionately amused by the hideous look of disgust on her face as she turned to me, with daggers flying out of her eyes. Everybody knew that she and Mike "captain of the football team" Newton were made for each other, and she had no eyes for anybody else. If he wasn't such an asshole I might have thought it was cute.

He was the man – the "special one" of the school. He believed, just like every other carbon-copy jock frat boy in training in the United States, that the world and all its contents were there for one reason and one reason only. And that, in his tiny little brain, was to make his life as perfect as it could possibly be.

The fact that I didn't hold to the same ideal as him had made me his prime target for conversion for three years, before he and Jess fell head over heels for each other, leaving me finally free from his sickening advances and wandering hands. Mike Newton did _not _like being turned down. Even now, he still occasionally looked at me with this expression on his face that suggested he was waiting for me to storm out of the room in a jealous rage, declaring that he shouldn't be with Jessica, but with me. Much as I hate to disappoint people, that was never going to happen. Jess could keep him, complete with his slimy blond hair, held-in spikes with too much gel, and his green eyes that sparkled more with sleaze than anything else. He made me sick.

"As if!" Jess exclaimed, flicking the offending ponytail huffily and then grabbing my hand roughly and dragging me, once again, to class. I needed to do something about this habit she had of pulling me around like a rag doll. "Come on, slow coach, I want to cop an eyeful of this new English teacher before he starts spouting Shakespeare at us and ruins the effect." I opened my mouth to respond that actually, if he started reciting Shakespeare or similar, it would increase his appeal for me, but evidently she was not done yet as she kept going, not even noticing that my mouth was moving. "Oh man, Bella, do you think he'll read sonnets out loud? Or _Romeo and Juliet_?" She sighed heavily, her eye lashes fluttering dreamily. "I love that film. Leo DeCaprio is the most beautiful man on the planet."

I didn't point out to her that just last week Jake Gyllenhaal was the sexiest man alive and before that it was George Clooney, and that, in fact, Leonardo Dicaprio was merely the latest in a long line of beautiful men that she would instantly have left Mike for if they were to so much as wink in her direction.

My musings over, I looked up to see we were in the doorway of the English classroom; Jess had finally stopping wittering and was standing in the door frame, gawping. A small poke in her back had her moving again, advancing further into the classroom with a small giggle as she gazed at the man sitting behind the desk.

Looking up at him myself, I was momentarily startled. He didn't look like a teacher. At least, not in that teachery-teacher kind of way. He was dressed in a smart suit, but the jacket hung vacantly over the back of his chair and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, leaving the ample muscles of his arms on display for the female population of the class to gaze at adoringly. And they were. I wish I could say that I didn't partake, but when all was said and done, I was still an eighteen-year-old girl and I knew an attractive man when I saw one.

He looked so _young, _with deep, brown curls falling in a mop on his head andhis bright blue eyes sparkling as he watched everybody filing into the room and taking their seats. I could see a fire there, an enthusiasm burning deep, and suddenly I felt positive about my prospects for learning something from this man. I felt his eyes land on me and I stilled, staring straight ahead, fighting the urge to meet him, gaze for gaze. When the burning of his eyes moved on, I allowed myself to look up at him once more. I didn't understand the feeling that churned deep inside me as I took him in, every little bit of him. From his chalk-covered fingers, to his wide, genuine looking grin, he was, as Jessica would very probably put it, the most beautiful man I had ever seen. And just like that, I was smitten.

**Emmett McCarty POV**

Sitting in the teacher's lot on the first day of my first job out of college was intimidating enough, but seeing the little cliques meeting up outside was even more so. I was twenty-four and fresh out of college, with a shiny new diploma. I could remember high school clearly enough myself, so I knew what I was in for. My sister had always said I was charismatic enough to pull it off, but in Alice terms, that meant I was a jackass.

To get this job I'd been through three different stages of the interviewing process. I had the credentials; I'd won them over in the face-to-face and I'd passed a rigorous background check. They'd even offered me an extra position as the coach to the football team due to my career on and off the field. If it hadn't been for that accident I could have gone pro. As a wise person once said to me, put 'could have' in one hand and crap in the other and see what you get the most of.

I climbed out of my trusty rust bucket and slammed the door home, cringing as a couple of rust red flakes fell from the undercarriage. The first thing I was going to do when I settled in was buy myself a new car. The ancient Jeep had done me proud through college, but I wasn't a student anymore and I knew I needed something a little more respectable if I was going to do this.

Just like any school, the whispers started up almost immediately. I passed by a group of girls who went silent and fell into giggles and whispers after I'd passed. I wasn't a complete idiot; I knew I looked good. I spent an hour in the gym every night to keep up what I'd developed in high school. I knew it wasn't going to make gaining the respect of these kids any easier, but I couldn't stop living just because I was becoming a teacher.

I straightened my button-up shirt and continued on into the school, feeling the eyes of students following me through every corridor I walked down. For a hot minute, I actually felt horrible for objectifying Miss Reynolds my senior year. I felt like lobster in a tank at a Red Lobster restaurant full of people who hadn't seen food in a week.

In all honesty, it wasn't much better in the teacher's lounge. There were a few younger teachers, but most of them were older and established, their eyes all full of humor as they watched the inexperienced new meat parade in while they recollected their own early days and dreams of change. I could just imagine what they were thinking:_ He's out of his depth. What is he thinking coming in here like that? Those kids will eat him alive._

The one thing they never factored in: I was from an inner city school. I could handle anything they threw at me, as well as what the kids thought they had for me. This was a relatively small town in a decent neighborhood.

"Hi." A blond stepped up first and held out her hand, with a genuine smile. Being a red-blooded American, I couldn't help the once over with my eyes, but to my credit, my eyes ended on hers, and nowhere else. They may have lingered on her legs where the fabric of her skirt ended. "I'm Kate Lewis. You must be Emmett McCarty?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"Only because you're well rested."

"You're only a week in." I raised my eyebrows at her and she giggled, fluttering her lashes.

"You got something in your eye, Kate?" A mousy looking guy asked with a smirk. "Or is that your pathetic attempt at flirting?"

Kate flushed and gave me an apologetic smile, making her way to the coffee machine to get another cup before the bell rang. I gave the killjoy a glare, before finding the locker I would be using.

"So," the ass said from behind me, elongating the "o" as he went. He leaned against the locker next to mine, his ankles crossing. "You gotta be what, twenty-three?"

"Twenty-four. What's your point?"

"Fair warning, kid, it's different on the other side. Don't go in there thinking you have common ground with these kids. Many have tried and failed. All you gotta do is look at the guy you're replacing. He tried too hard."

"Look . . ."

"Banner, Scott Banner."

"Scott, I appreciate the warning, but you do things your way, I'll do them mine."

"Just trying to help, bud." He crossed his arms over his chest and flexed his muscles. He was like a cat pissing on it's territory to make a point.

Yeah, I'm sure he was trying to help, I knew his kind and what they considered help. It generally consisted of butting their noses in and causing problems before there were any. Even if I got it horribly wrong, it was my mistake to make and learn from. His attitude said everything he didn't. He thought he was hot shit, and someone younger coming in and gaining the attention from him made him feel small. It wasn't my problem.

"The name is Emmett, not bud. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a class to teach."

"Don't say I didn't warn you." He smirked, turning away as he messed with the gel clad spikes in his hair.

I gave Banner a wave over my shoulder and Kate a wink as I passed where she was sitting. She blushed again, but dipped her head to take a sip of coffee as I left the room. The one thing most people didn't know about schools was that the teacher's lounge was just as cliquish as the rest of the school. I'd found that out quickly in the job placement I'd done. I may not have had any experience teaching, but I wasn't completely stupid.

I made my way to my first class, happy that I'd been able to come in over the weekend and navigate my way through the place. I knew the shortcuts and I knew the rooms I was expected to be in and when. I even had everything I needed correlated with the classes. I felt prepared and good to go.

I sank into the chair in the unoriginal classroom, with its pasty white walls and sterile smell and propped my feet up on the desk, reclining in the chair. Another ten minutes and chaos would break loose. The scuffing of chairs, the chatter of excitement, and the sizing up of the new teacher. I'd been there quite a few times in my formative student years.

I felt prepared, probably more than I should have, but I was about to find out whether my confidence was well-placed or not, and it came in the form of a ringing bell.

I waited patiently as the students filed in, stopping to stare at me, before finding their seats and falling into them with wide eyes, curious as to what I had planned. Their chatter roared in the small room, but I kept my stance, feet up on table and hands templed over my stomach as I watched with fascination.

The moment the door swung shut behind the last student, I let my legs fall to the ground with a thud. Every head in the room turned to greet me as I pushed up to my full six foot four inches.

"Take your seats and settle in, guys."

I waited until everyone was in their seat and watched the two girls in the back as they whispered back and forth. I didn't say a word; I just watched and eventually, every head in the room turned to them as well.

"You finished?"

Both of the girls nodded in unison, leaving me to clap my hands together and back up to the board.

"I am Mr. McCarty, and I will be your English teacher for the remainder of the year. I will also be coaching the football team. Should you have any questions for me, you will find me in this room or my office in the gym. I have an open door policy. You have a question, even if you think it's dumb, come and see me. It's better than getting a fail for this class. I talk fast, and I write like a doctor. If you don't follow me, stop me and I will go over it again. I don't mind discussion in class as long as it's on topic. Do you have any questions?"

"Aren't you a little young to be a teacher?" Some kid in the back asked. He was smirking as though he was being a smart ass. Little did they know that's who I was in High School.

"Don't let the dimples fool you, kid."

That got a giggle from the girls in the room, and the guys seemed to elbow one another.

"Any valid questions from the peanut gallery?"

When there was no answer, I moved onto the curriculum and started the class. It seemed as though I'd managed to keep most of their attention. We were only a week in so they were still reading the books on the list, but I always started with my favorites and worked my way through them.

I tried to keep their attention, not making it the boring lessons I had remembered from my time in school. If I started losing one, I would amp up the volume and get a laugh before moving on.

I kept the method going through all of the classes and when lunch finally rolled around, I felt a little more confident. So far, so good. Not only were the kids paying attention, but I found I was enjoying myself. The English classes were a passion of mine, but I had to be honest, I still loved football. I wanted to get out there and assess what I had.

When I finally fell into a chair in the teacher's lounge, I was happy to realize I only had two classes left before I was able to get out to the team on the field.

"How's it going?" Kate asked, perching on the chair beside me with a tray from the cafeteria.

"You're not going to eat that trash, are you?" I asked, offering her a smile.

"You got a better idea? The school is too cheap to replace the refrigerator that broke a decade ago." She smiled, pushing around something that resembled fries.

"I'm full of ideas, sweetheart."

"Oh I don't doubt that for a second, Emmett."

I checked my watch and pushed up from the seat I was using. I made my way to the door that led out to the administrative office and gave Mrs. Cope a wink as she handed me the pizza box I'd had delivered.

"Is that even allowed?" Kate asked as I sat down beside her again.

"I asked Mrs. Cope and she said she wasn't sure. As long as I didn't make a habit out of it."

"You're something else."

"No, see now you're the one limited on vocabulary. I'm ingenuitive."

Kate shook her head and laughed. At least I'd made a friend. It was worse in this stuffy lounge than it was out amongst the students. Scott Banner stood in the corner, telling stories of how his substitute was a complete moron and that the school board should be more picky. His small group of minions seemed to be nodding their heads like dashboard ornaments.

In the opposite corner was the Spanish teacher. She was speaking just as loudly and with her heavy accented English, I couldn't figure out what the hell she was saying. I was happy to be sitting in the middle with the one seemingly normal person here. It was going to be a long year if I only had one person to talk to, though.

"Ingenuitive it is then," Kate said, taking a slice of pizza as I slid the box toward her. "And so much better than the muck I was about to eat."

"Told you."

We ate in silence for a while, but as the slices diminished and the silence expanded, I was ever aware of the staring Scotty seemed to be doing.

"So tell me, Kate. Does Banner always talk to you like that, or only when he's jealous?"

"Jealous?" Kate laughed, her chin on her hand as she surreptitiously looked to where Scott Banner sat with his fellow science department nerds. "Why would he be jealous?"

"You really don't see it?"

"See what?"

I raised my eyebrows at her as I sat back in my chair. It was amazing to me that people didn't catch something that obvious. My eyes moved to Banner's before I looked at Kate again.

"He likes you, that's why he did what he did to you when we met earlier."

"He's married."

"You think that stops him from being attracted to you?" I asked, leaning forward. "Men don't always think with their heads. Just because he's married doesn't mean he can't appreciate beauty when he finds it."

Kate laughed and place her hand on her neck. "Why, Mr. McCarty, are you callin' me beautiful?" she asked in a southern accent.

At that moment my phone decided to buzz in my pocket and I knew exactly who it would be. Pulling it out I held it up for Kate to see. "Saved by the bell."

"So it would seem," she mused.

I excused myself and hit the send button as I approached the doors that led to the small area just outside the lounge. There were some benches out there and I assumed that, as they weren't being used by the students, they were reserved for the teachers. I took a seat and leaned against the table as I held the phone up to my ear with amusement.

"Hello, _piuthar_."

"Ugh, I hate it when you go Gaelic on me," Alice retorted, her annoyance clear in her voice.

"It's our heritage, you brat. Not my fault you don't pay attention when Dad talks."

"It's a forgotten language. Not even the Scots use Gaelic anymore," she complained. "Anyway I figured it was lunch here so you're probably doing the same. How's the first day going?"

"So far so good, but I should mention one thing."

"And what's that?"

"We're in a different time zone. What class are you cutting?"

Her silence told me exactly what I needed to know. Alice had always been small; for some reason we'd both been on either side of the spectrum. I was tall; she was tiny. She'd always been fine while I was in school, but from the moment I'd left, she'd had a problem with some of the girls there.

Unfortunately, eight out of ten times, they were my ex's younger sisters, or cousins, or nieces - in once case. I hated that she was baring the brunt of my having fun in high school, but when you're seventeen and girls are all about you, you really don't say no.

"Okay, _who_ is it then?"

"It doesn't matter."

I made the sound of a buzzer. "Wrong answer there, twinkle toes. Wanna try that one again?"

"Seriously, no big deal, Em. Listen I should probably go."

"Alice."

"Yeah?"

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right? I know that it sucks, and if I could go back and change it, I would, but this isn't your problem, and these little witches will get it if they don't stop. If I have to take vacation to do it, I will."

"You're such a jackass, but I love you, big brother."

I grinned at the small sigh that followed. "I love you back, _piuthar_."

She growled down the phone and I couldn't help laughing at her. She was so easy to wind up. One little word could send her on a tirade, but I could hear the resignation in her voice. Those girls were getting to her and I blamed myself for it.

Alice was one of the sweetest people I'd ever met and didn't deserve to have this kind of thing come down on her. None of her friends went to the same school as her; they were all in her dance classes that she took almost clear on the other side of the school. Mom had always complained when she'd had to drive her, but Alice said she'd done the research and this was the best in town. Mom believed her because it was probably one of the few lies Alice was good at.

"I'll call you tonight," she whispered and hung up.

I shook my head and hung up the phone. As a teacher, I shouldn't have been encouraging her to cut class, but she was my kid sister and I knew exactly how they screwed with her. I only had one person left in my home town that I could call, and I knew he would go to the bat and back her up if asked him to, but that was my last resort. She was only a week into her senior year and the son of a bitch was crazy. The last thing I needed was for her to be even more embarrassed.

I just knew that if she needed protecting, he would be the first person I called.

I made my way back into the school and joined the flurry of activity in the halls. People were talking loudly amongst themselves as they got ready for the last two classes of the day, and then there were the ones who hadn't had a class with me and were stage whispering about who I was.

I had only two more classes until football practice and it was almost a countdown. The school hadn't had much luck with wins and I was hoping to change that. I would take them to the championships if it killed me. The principal was confident that I had it in me and I had to prove it, not only to him, but to myself as well. After a day like today, I was willing to do some laps around the field with them.

I ended up counting down the minutes with most of my students.

When I only had one class left, I was almost home free, but of course I wasn't that lucky. I was never that lucky. The last class of the day brought me my Achilles' Heel. I'd always sworn to myself that I was stronger than that; that it wouldn't happen to me. That the very thought of it disgusted me. It was exactly that arrogance that hadn't prepared me for what was about to happen.

I was in the chair at my desk. She walked in with a couple of girls whose eyes were already sizing up the new teacher, but she was different, so much older than the others, and a beauty that I could never have imagined even in my wildest dreams.

Her mahogany locks fell in gentle curls around her shoulders and her brown eyes were wide with curiosity. I wanted to stare at her all day, but I knew I couldn't, I knew I would never allow myself that. Ethics screamed in my head, shutting down every part of me that reacted to this beautiful creature that had just entered my world. Maybe, just maybe she'd be just as materialistic and vapid as her friends seemed to be, that was more than guaranteed to get me over this smack with the stupid stick.

I knew better. I knew myself better, and only three words seemed to slam against my brain as I looked anywhere but at her.

_Dude, you're screwed!_


	2. Chapter 2

**_Disclaimer: We still don't own Twilight. This still sucks!_**

**_A/N: We still love our beautiful Newmoonaholic/Stanweee more than chocolate and rainbows, even though her birthday is over now!_**

**_Huge hugs and cookies of gratitude to TheHeartOfLife1 for betaing for us. She is the best and we adore her. Plus, she's pretty!_**

**_Apologies for the delay in your review replies from chapter 1. We have been fail, but we promise to do better!_**

**Letting Go of Maybe**

**Chapter 2 - Drawing the Lines**

**Isabella Swan POV**

I took my seat, cringing slightly at the exaggerated squeaking of the chair legs against the linoleum floor and blushing furiously as it drew unwanted attention to me. I slumped down in my seat as far as I could comfortably go and pulled my books from my bag, keeping my eyes firmly trained downwards. I could feel eyes on me from all over the classroom and hear Jess snickering softly beside me. She quickly cut that out as I gave her a swift kick to the shin under the desk, and I was relieved when Mr. New Muscles drew the attention of the class with a not-so-subtle cough.

"Okay, calm down, people. It's just a chair. I'm sure you've all seen and heard them before." He shot me a small, sympathetic smile, which just sent my face flaming even hotter as I tried to hide behind my hair, silently congratulating myself on sleeping in that morning and not having time to tie it back.

_Good call, Bella, _I thought to myself, as though there were some conscious thought to my habitual lateness, and not just the fact that my alarm clock batteries ran dead over a week ago and I hadn't yet remembered to replace them.

I felt my cheeks starting to cool as the class fell to order and all eyes turned to the front of the classroom, where Mr. I-Didn't-Know-His-Name-Yet-But-I-Bet-It-Was-Hot was speaking. At least, I thought he was. I was aware that his lips were moving and he appeared to have the rapturous attention of the rest of the class, but all I could hear was the blood pounding in my ears.

I finally regained the use of my ears as he was wrapping up with something about an open door policy and finished by asking if anybody had any questions. I waited for some smart-ass to ask something completely idiotic, just for the sake of making the new teacher look stupid; it was what usually happened to newbies, but nobody said a word. The only sound was a light rustling as Jess shoved a small slip of paper towards me, with _He wouldn't want his door open to do what I want to do with him _written across it in her untidy scrawl. The "i" in "him" was topped not with a dot, but with a tiny heart that made me want to vomit. It never ceased to amaze me how untidy Jess' writing was compared to everything else in her life.

I rolled my eyes at the sentiment on the paper before balling it up and dropping it into my bag. I did _not _want Mr. I-Should-Have-Known-His-Name-By-Now-But-My-Ears-Stopped-Working to find the note and associate it with me in any way. Watching him as he started the lesson on _To Kill A Mockingbird, _I could see his eyes, bright and dancing with enthusiasm for the subject matter, and I found that light to be completely infectious. His excited tone as he spoke to the class, asking questions and practically bouncing when students got involved in a discussion about the text, had me sitting taller in my seat and actually enjoying a lesson for the first time that day.

Apparently not taking my non-response to her first note as a hint, Jess pushed another slip of paper, torn from her notebook towards me. This one read, _Body __and_ _brains. English is gonna be awesome this year!_

I frowned deeply at her, shaking my head minutely and starting to push the note back to her, not wanting to be associated with it in any way. But the progress of my hand was stopped by another, much bigger hand over mine, making me jump and sending my heart thumping in my chest.

Oh crap!

I gave Jess the stink eye quickly before I looked up to Mr. Really-Should've-Worked-Out-His-Name-By-Now with the most innocent and contrite expression I could muster.

"Something to share with the class, Miss..." His words held a question as he tilted his head to one side. It took me several gaping moments of staring into his curious blue eyes before I realized he wanted my name.

"Bella... Isabella Swan, sir," I finally managed to force out, much to his apparent amusement. His eyes twinkled at me in fun before he spoke again.

"Okay, Bella- Isabella Swan - nice name, by the way - if you could save the note passing for math class, I would really appreciate it."

I shook my head quickly in confusion then met his eyes again. _Did he really just say that?_

One glance into his face, which sparkled with mischief, told me that yes, he really did.

"I..uh.. yes, sir," I stammered, despising the blush that I could feel creeping over my cheeks at the attention I usually tried to avoid in class. "Sorry," I finished lamely, waiting until his back was turned to kick Jess sharply in the shin for getting me in trouble. She grinned apologetically at me before swiveling around to where Mr. I-Couldn't-Believe-I'd-Already-Been-Called-Out-By-Him-And-I-_Still_-Didn't-Know-His-Name was perching casually on the edge of the desk with a book in his hand, continuing the class as though it was never interrupted.

Jess took the hint and managed to keep her excitement at the prospect of a young, not to mention _hot, _male addition to the faculty to herself for the remainder of the lesson, and consequently, kept attention away from me.

I watched with fascination as Mr. Yeah-I-Still-Didn't-Know-His-Name-What-The-Hell-Happened-To-New-Teachers-Writing-Their-Names-On-The-Board-Anyway managed to draw in the entire class, keeping the rapt attention of even the most disruptive and delinquent members of the group. His eyes shone and he practically bounced on the balls of his feet when he managed to get people into a debate about the themes in the text. His passion for the subject practically glowed from him as he got more and more enthusiastic and excited with each point of view that was offered.

I watched with fascination, mostly keeping quiet as was normal for me, and observing the effortless way he seemed to bring the usually quite apathetic class to life.

It seemed as though the class was only just getting started, when the bell rung out shrilly, cutting off the discussion mid-flow. I hadn't even looked at the clock once. I was so used to clock watching in almost every lesson that at first I thought it was a fire drill, but when Mr. Wow-I-Went-A-Whole-Lesson-Without-Learning-His-Name started to wrap up and give out homework, I realized that a whole hour had gone by and it felt like just five minutes. I couldn't remember ever wishing for a longer class before.

Even Jess, usually the first one out of a classroom at the end of a lesson, seemed surprised that it was over and was slow to pack her things into her backpack.

The usual clatter at the end of a lesson, with pupils eager to get away, was slow to get started, despite being the final lesson of the day, and the usual race for the door was muted and lethargic. Mr New Muscles sat on the desk, saying goodbye to each person as they passed him and wishing them a pleasant evening. I ducked my head, allowing my hair to cover my face as I blushed, walking past him. I was almost to the door when I heard him clear his throat behind me before speaking.

"Bella-Isabella Swan? Can I have a moment of your time?"

I stumbled slightly, my heart hammering in my chest at his words. I couldn't deduce which was making my heart race more: the thought that I was in trouble, or the way his voice sounded when it was saying my name. Either way, I stopped just short of the door with Jess beside me. Turning, I saw him raise an eyebrow to her, questioning why she was still there.

"Oh right, yeah, sorry," she muttered, turning on her heel and walking out, leaving the door wide open behind her.

Sighing, he walked over and leaned out of the doorway, evidently seeing her standing right beside the exit, waiting to eavesdrop.

"Were you born in a barn, Miss Stanley?" he asked, with that same hint of mischief to his voice I had detected earlier.

"Sorry Mr. McCarty," I heard her reply sheepishly, before the clicking of her heels against the linoleum floors sounded out as she walked away.

. _Thanks, Jess, _I thought silently to myself after she inadvertently gave me his name. For a fleeting moment after hearing his name, I imagined him with an Irish accent, but just the thought of it almost took my knees out from under me, so I pushed the thought back quickly and slowly turned to face him, more terrified than nervous now that we were alone.

"So, Bella-Isabella Swan," he started, grinning at the use of the ridiculous name he appeared to have decided to call me for the rest of my time at Forks High.

"Sir?" I replied, determined not to rise to his obvious baiting.

"Anything you want to tell me?" he asked, his eyebrow going up again in question. His eyes were wide and boring into me as I tried to hold his gaze, completely confused as to what he was looking for.

"I.. uh.. I don't think so, sir?" I replied, the words coming out as a question in my confusion.

"Interesting." He leaned back, perching on the edge of his desk again and eyeing me speculatively, as though something didn't quite add up.

"Listen, sir, I'm sorry about the note. It won't happen again, I promise." I was so flustered that when he started to laugh I almost stomped my feet in confusion and frustration.

"What?" I demanded, beyond irritated that this guy was making me feel stupid. How hard should it have been for a straight A student to impress the teacher of the one subject she actually enjoyed? So how was it that I was floundering around like a fish out of water in the one classroom I should have excelled in?

"Calm down," he said, smirking at me with a knowing look I couldn't interpret. I could feel my cheeks burning with the blush I had no control over. I hated that it appeared whenever I was embarrassed or frustrated.

My irritation reached new heights when, still chuckling to himself, he jumped up from the desk and started cleaning the chalkboard with a duster, leaving me standing there, unsure of what to do. Part of me wanted to storm out of the room in anger; another just wanted to cry. Crying could be good. It usually made men feel uncomfortable and I thought this guy's comfort levels could do with bringing down a little. Maybe then they would match mine.

It was a good idea in theory, but, not being much of a crier, I found that _theory_ was as far as it was ever going to get. I was, however, irritated enough at this point to start down the road of being upset instead and he appeared to notice that when he finally finished cleaning his board and turned to me. His eyes softened immediately when he took in my expression, and, leaning forward with his hands on the desk, he spoke more softly than I had heard him speak all lesson.

"Listen, Miss Swan." I almost missed the silly name he had called me thus far. Somehow it set me aside from the other students and somewhere in my subconscious, I liked that. "I have impressively good eyesight," he continued cryptically, smiling softly at me. "My sister always says that nothing gets past me, but time."

I nodded, unsure of what exactly he was getting at.

"The point I'm making, Miss Swan, is that I see everything that goes on in my classroom..." He trailed off for a moment, as though waiting for me to say something, but met with nothing but a confused look he went on. "Is Miss Stanley a close friend of yours?"

"I.. uh.. I guess so," I replied, wishing he would just find the chase and cut to it, so I could get away from him and the way that he made me feel.

"She must be, for you to take the fall for her like that."

_Oh._

A look of realization must have crossed my face as he nodded, his face suddenly serious. He stood up and circled the desk, his shoulder brushing against mine as he passed me to stand by the classroom door.

"While I admire you covering for your friend, Miss Swan, do not ever think that you can pull the wool over my eyes. If it happens in my classroom, I _will_ see it. Do I make myself clear?"

"Y-yes, sir," I stammered out, not daring to look into his eyes, fearing that all traces of his playful, mischievous side would be gone. In that moment he was all teacher and I couldn't understand why I felt so embarrassed. It wasn't like there was anybody there to see. I had been scolded by teachers before and my knees had never shaken like this and tears had never stung at my eyes the way they did now - tears I had been unable to shed when it mattered.

"Are you alright?" he asked, his teacher voice all but gone now and replaced with the softness he had addressed me with earlier.

I could only nod, certain that if I tried to speak my voice would crack and then the tears I was desperately holding back would start to flow. I so rarely cried that when I did it was like a floodgate had been opened and I did _not _want to let him see that. I wanted to escape that classroom with at least a shred of dignity intact.

"Okay," he said, sounding a little unsure, but unwilling to push, "I will see you in class tomorrow. Might I suggest you choose your seating partner with more care next time?" His hand landed on the doorknob and twisted it slowly. Scenting freedom, I moved forward, eyeing the slit of light in the doorway longingly as it grew tantalizingly slowly.

"Have a good night, Miss Swan," he said formally, when the door was finally opened.

"You too, sir," I rushed out, then scurried out of the door as fast as I could politely go, heaving a sigh of relief as I rounded the corner and leaned back, banging my head against the wall repeatedly.

I was going to kill Jessica.

**Emmett McCarty POV**

After regaining my sanity, I had started the lesson as I had every other class that day, but I couldn't stop myself from taking one last glance at her to see if the appeal was still there. Sure, she was an attractive girl, but I could handle that. I was a teacher and a red-blooded male - process and move on. It's what we did best.

Sadly, the second glance meant I caught her receiving a note from the girl sitting next to her. I called her out on it in front of the class, which was something I'd once promised myself I would never do, but my inner psych student pointed and laughed at me. I was establishing dominance in an inadvertent attempt to reassure myself that I was in control of everything, which was a sure-fire sign pointing to the fact that I had nothing under my control.

Dictating to students was exactly the kind of thing I didn't want to happen, so I tried to regain actual control, rather than some convincing lie I'd told myself in reassurance.

To her credit, Isabella didn't point fingers or make excuses. She took the fall, apologized and let me move on with class. She continued to stay quiet for the duration, even when I had a record number of hands shooting up to give an argument. They'd been assigned one of my favorite books, so it was easy to get them riled up. You start pointing fingers and the people who'd read the book would be eager to argue what they got from it.

I watched as they debated among themselves and kept my eyes away from Isabella and her friend, Jessica Stanley. I could handle this. She was a student; I was a teacher. There was a big line drawn across the dirt at my feet and I was not going to cross it. I'd thrown away some things in my life, but my integrity was there to stay and that was never going to change. She was a pretty girl, end of story.

Just to prove my point, at the end of class I had her stay behind so I could lecture her on taking the fall for someone - a quality I normally found admirable in people. Sadly, all I proved was that I could be a hard-ass and make girls cry. The moment she was free of the room she sprinted to get away from me. She was polite about it, but I didn't miss the gentle thud of her shoes against the linoleum in her desperate attempt to get away from me.

I felt like crap. It was like having all of the wind pulled out of my sails. Even the prospect of coaching the football team didn't do much to bring up my spirits. I'd singled her out and made her feel bad to prove a point to myself. It was the first time it had happened and I swore to myself it would be the last time. It had been a good first day, but this blemish seemed to make all of that disappear. I cleaned up the classroom before I left and gave it a lingering look. I'd looked forward to this day since I'd decided what I wanted to do with my life. I couldn't let this happen again.

I had fifteen minutes before I met with the team in the locker room, so I decided to check in with Alice again. She'd been having a bad day, and now that I wasn't so full of how well my first day was going, I figured maybe I could emphathize a little better. It was also a great distraction.

"Hey, Ali," I mumbled, falling down behind the desk that was in the coach's office. I figured it would be more private, even with the constant goading of the team as they changed.

"Twice in one day. Are we setting up a new precedent for sibling concern?" she asked, her voice heavy with sarcasm.

"You called me last time, squirt."

"Always with the intricacies," she laughed, with her usual bell-like peal. "I'm fine. You don't have to send out the dogs of war just yet. And stop beating yourself up over it. It's not your fault."

"You sure about that?" I asked, running my hand through my curls and tugging at the roots.

"Yes, now stop asking before I change my mind. Seriously though, it's not your fault these girl can't take rejection. It's not like it's something new. I've always been the butt of their jokes. Anyway, how was the first day as someone on the dark side?"

I laughed and put my feet up on my desk as figures passed by the frosted glass with more energy than I could ever remember having. They were just as foul-mouthed as well, which really didn't surprise me.

"It's been interesting. Did you know that the teachers are just as catty as the student body? There's a teacher here who thinks he's God's gift to women. One of the female teachers was being polite and welcoming and he totally called her out for flirting."

"He's into her. It's like being back in kindergarten, except the tug of the pony tail has been replaced by words."

"That's what I said." I chuckled, brushing my hand through my hair again.

"So, I have a question for you. Do you think the parents would reject the idea of me moving in with you and finishing out my senior year in the school you're teaching at?"

"Ali . . ."

Alice sighed into the phone heavily. I knew she'd been building up to the question since her call that afternoon. She had been miserable and the only prospect of happiness would be living with me and finishing her senior year as far from our home town as humanly possible. Before I'd left to come to Forks, she'd reminded me how great she was at being invisible.

I felt horrible that she was picked on. The truth was, no one had taken the time to get to know her since I'd started dating. The girls had already made up their minds about her and the guys only wanted one thing from her. Alice was probably one of the sweetest and funniest people I knew. What she didn't have in height, she made up for in attitude.

"Okay, if nothing gets better by Thanksgiving I'll talk to them, but don't go making trouble. I'll know if it's Alice-made drama or the real thing."

"Seriously?" she squealed, forcing me to pull the phone from my ear to prevent my eardrums from exploding. When the noise died off, I let the phone rest against my ear.

"I'm making you a promise," I said honestly. There was no doubt in my mind that she would have a better senior year living with me, where she would be an unknown. It would be easier for her to integrate into the school when no one knew who she was.

"Thanks, Emmett. I think you should probably ready yourself for the realization that this is more than hypothetical."

"I realize that, but I need something to put in front of Mom and Dad. They need to see that you tried. You know how they are."

"I do, but . . ." A knock at my office door cut out Alice's speech and had me holding the phone to my chest as I dropped my feet to the floor.

"Come in."

"Hey Coach, we're ready to go," said a lanky kid with blond hair and mischievous blue eyes. I could tell he was trouble by looking at him, he had that all-knowing smile that screamed smart ass. We were going to get along just fine.

"What's your name, kid?"

"Jasper, sir."

"Do me a favor, Jasper. Get them in the play room. I wanna watch a couple tapes before we get on the field."

"Sure thing, Coach," he said, pulling the door closed behind him.

"Sorry, Al, I gotta go. Call me tomorrow when you get home, and if anyone gives you a hard time I want to know about it."

"Sure thing, Coach," she snorted, imitating the kid that had just left my office.

"Love you, Ali."

"Back at ya, Emmett." She laughed and hung up the phone.

I rubbed my chest and stood up from the desk, throwing my bag in the private locker I had in my office. I knew if I wanted Alice to have a semi decent senior year, I would have to start putting things in motion. There was no way things would get better for her in three months. In fact, I was pretty sure I would get a phone call sooner, begging me to stop putting it off and just get it done.

Trying to get my head back in the game, I headed out to the play room where I knew the team was waiting for me. I stood outside and listened for a while. If you wanted school news all you had to do was listen to the team. They always heard the best gossip through the grapevine.

Football was something I missed a lot. I'd spent a large portion of my life on a team and I missed being a part of that. It was one of the reasons I'd accepted the position as coach as quickly as I had. Principal Greene had begged me to try and get a winning season out of them. Apparently it had been a long time since the team had done anything but lose. Whether or not I would be able to get them a win was beyond me, but at least this way I still belonged.

Just as I'd heard enough and was about to enter the room, I stopped. Two voices got loud above the din of the rest of the guys. There was an edge to their tones and the confrontational air wasn't hard to place.

"You honestly believe that Bella is interested in you?" Meat Head One asked, anger lacing his tone. "I thought you and Stanley were a couple?"

"What Jess doesn't know won't hurt her. Anyway, what's it to you? I thought you said you weren't screwing her?"

"I'm not, asshole. Bella's my best friend. It's not like that, and before you comeback with some moronic statement, you should know that you've got a snowball's chance in hell at getting anywhere near her."

Hearing her name in the locker room setting rubbed me the wrong way. I was supposed to be objective and professional, especially considering I'd been doing the same thing when I was their age. Yet it felt wrong and it rubbed me the wrong way. I wasn't sure if it was because they were objectifying a girl or if it was because it was Bella. I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

"Did she tell you that while she was doing your nails, Jasper?"

A wave of laughter broke out in the room. They were getting down to petty name calling, which would do nothing to motivate them. I didn't want to hear any more, so I stepped in, effectively silencing the team, who had moments ago been throwing their own commentary about what was being said between the two guys. I knew how locker room talk went, so I pushed through the wall of meat heads and got to the little set up at the front of the room.

"Sit down and shut up, we've got some work to do," I said, pacing in front of the television that was sat next to the white board. "Before you get started, I want your play books up front. I have my own that we'll be playing out of. Whatever happened last week is finished. None of you are secure in your positions. You have to earn your position and prove to me that you deserve it. Everything I do is for the good of the team. You have a complaint, bring it up with me. I expect a lot out of you, and if you want to win the season, you'll listen to me. I want to see what you can do today. So you'll be running laps first, then field training, then a game. You want to keep your positions? You'll fight for them while dog tired."

They all sat staring at me with wide eyes. The excitement was palpable as they tensed up, ready to prove something. The only one who didn't look happy was a round faced blond, who was presenting himself as the leader of the pack. Something told me he'd thought he had the advantage for a while now and it was nothing to do with his playing. I guess I was going to find out soon enough.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" I shouted, waking them up.

The room erupted as they all got up at once and pumped each other up with a good dose of testosterone-fueled teasing. This wasn't anything new either, but it was good to see how eager they were to please. Their past seasons weren't exactly something to boast about. I watched them go and followed at a steady pace. Most of the guys went straight to doing the laps, but, as always, a couple of stragglers hung back by the cheerleaders, trying to impress them with their peacocking skills.

I put two of my fingers in my mouth and whistled, getting their attention and sending them onto the field to play catch-up to the other guys, while the cheerleaders giggled. Thankfully, Kate seemed to be their coach and gave me a smile as she shepherded the girls further down the field, in an attempt to get their attention.

I didn't miss the shy smile Kate gave me, she seemed nice enough. She was after all my age and not off limits.

The boys ran eight laps of the field before I had them running the steps on the bleachers. I followed them up slowly, goading each one of them that my grandmother could run faster. They didn't need to know that I'd never met either of my grandmothers; all they needed to know was that I thought they were slow.

Halfway up the stairs I noticed Isabella on the bleachers, her feet tucked under her. Almost all of her attention was on a pretty beaten up copy of_ To Kill A Mockingbird_.

"Shouldn't you have already read that, Bella - Isabella Swan?"

She looked up at me and blinked several times as the dark brown of her eyes caught the sun. She shielded them with her hand and turned scarlet as she dropped the book from her beautifully small hands. Jasper stopped mid-step and threw the back of his hand to his forehead, dramatically.

"She dropped the book that is never to be dropped. Oh the quiet, mutinous force that is gravity."

Isabella's face went from scarlet to white in a matter of seconds as she looked between us and scrambled for the book that was now sat under the bench she was on. This only seemed to fuel Jasper's laughter even more.

"Aren't you supposed to be doing something, Jasper?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him in challenge.

"On it," he called out, taking off up the stairs again with a rush of energy. Bella watched him go and turned her eyes back to me. Rearranging herself, she let her Chuck-clad feet fall to the ground.

"I'm sorry, sir. I missed the question."

"The book. I was was saying you should have already read it, but from Jasper's reaction it seems you have. Several times over."

"It's my favorite book," she said quietly, brushing off the cover.

So she was smart. After her relative silence in the classroom, I'd assumed she was disinterested in the class. It had made it easy to displace that screwed feeling, and now here I was again, faced with the wild misconception I had formulated to get rid of that slight attraction that had grappled me. The fact that she was painfully shy didn't help either. I found it endearing.

"Mine too," I finally admitted, watching the guys start slowing on the stairs. "But now that I know this, I expect a little more participation from you in class. Enjoy your reading."

I didn't give her time to answer. Instead, I ran back down the stairs and set the guys up for more training before they played. I tried to ignore the fact that Isabella was in the bleachers with her nose in my favorite book. I was an adult - a teacher no less - and I needed to get a hold of myself. This was the first day of my career and I wasn't going to screw it all up because I thought one of my students was attractive.

I finally arranged the worn out players into teams and let them have a game. I gave them all of my attention and watched each player play as best I could. It turned out that my initial assumption that the quarter back was given a free-ride was right on the money. He was dragging ass while the other players, all just as worn out as he was, were giving it their all. I wanted to know what they had left in them after a hard game and he was showing me nothing. When the first game came around, I had a feeling he wasn't going to like the surprise he got.

I finally sent the boys home after a half game. And after the locker room was clear I cleaned up a little and headed home myself, Hoping that the next day was going to be a little easier now I was enlightened.

I'd always been warned about the horror stories of being a teacher and finding your white unicorn. That one elusive thing that most thought was a fallacy. And of course Alice just loved to send me newspaper clippings of yet another student caught having a relationship with a teacher. On the side she'd write "_Don't you dare!_" with a little smiley face below it with the tongue sticking out. I'd never understood the logic behind how people could do that. They were in a trusted position – trusted by the school, the students, and their parents. To take advantage of that was morally wrong.

Maybe it was a good thing that this happened. I had a test on my first job. I could prove that it was something I could fight. I would prove that I was a good and moral teacher.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer: We do not own Twilight or any of the characters thereof, but Emmett as a teacher? All ours!**_

_**A/N: Happy third week of your birthday, momma! We love you more than Harry Potter! :D**_

_**Thank you to our beautiful beta, TheHeartOfLife, who makes us look good! She is pretty and deserves cookies! (Also, her writing is some of the best you will see, so you should go check it out!) **_

_**I also wanna say thank you to all of you for reading. Bob and I are both aware how controversial the subject matter is, but we're hoping you'll give us the benefit of the doubt. We've been having a blast writing this. You guys are awesome, and thank you so much for reading! Hugs until next week . . . I would also like to give mad props to my co-writer Bobble! Her Bella is inspiring!**_

* * *

><p><strong>Letting Go Of Maybe<strong>

**Chapter 3 - A Change In The Game**

**Isabella Swan POV**

"A B minus!" I exclaimed for the fourth time over lunch, the paper I held waving around in my exasperation. Its edges were all dog-eared and it was crumpled where my hand held it tightly. "He hates me. Why does he hate me?"

I finally let the offending paper - on the theme of the mockingbird throughout my favorite novel - drop onto the table and dropped my head onto my folded arms in defeat.

"Aww, wassamatter, Princess?" Mike "Pig" Newton crooned patronizingly from beneath Jess, who was sickeningly feeding him her fries from his lap, where she had been perched right through lunch. "Mr. McCarty not playing favorites like Mrs. Wilson did? How dare he?"

He was baiting me and I knew it. He wanted me to react; he always used to say that he liked it when I got angry, which was very rarely. He said he liked his women feisty. It took all my self control and a gently reassuring hand on my knee from Jasper to stop me from jumping out of my seat and slamming his head into the table by his slimy hair. Instead, I settled for shooting him a contemptuous look before grabbing my things and stalking out of the cafeteria, abandoning my untouched plate of probably indigestible lasagna.

With the stupid English paper once again clutched in my hand, I stomped along the corridor, fighting back the tears that stung at my eyes. I was a straight A student. My parents were going to go crazy when they found out that I dropped below a B for my third English paper in a row. I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong. The standard of my work hadn't changed and, if anything, I spent more time and effort on this paper than any other homework, hoping for a better grade this time, but I was starting to think that Mike the Slime Ball might actually be right. Maybe Mrs. Wilson did just give me good grades because she liked me. Maybe I was as bad at the subject as my recent grades seemed to suggest.

I could feel my entire future slipping away as my grades dropped, knowing that without an A average in English I would never get into Cornell on an English major programme.

"Boo, wait." Jasper's sneakers squeaked loudly on the shiny floor as he pursued me quickly.

Not really interested in company, I increased my speed and called back, "Leave me alone, Jasper."

"Bella, please," he pleaded, catching up to me easily and placing a lightly restraining hand on my shoulder. I spun into him, placing my hands against his chest and pushing as hard as I could, but to no avail. I was stupid to think I could out-muscle him. He spent two hours a day in the gym, working out to stay on the school football team.

"Talk to me, Bella," he said, his voice surprisingly gentle as he wrapped his arms tightly around me. I couldn't ever remember him sounding this serious before. "What's going on?"

"Nothing's going on. I'm just a dunce, evidently," I replied bitterly, straining against his embrace, but he wasn't letting go.

"You and I both know that's not true, Boo. So what's the deal? You're barely eating, and these," he went on, running his thumb over the bags under my eyes, "suggest to me that you're not sleeping either. Tell me this isn't all over a couple of dropped grades?"

"Three grades. _Three_. And without those grades I don't stand a chance of getting into college and getting the hell out of this town. My mom lost her job in June and she can't find work. Without a scholarship I have no chance." I beat my fists against his chest in frustration as the tears I had been suppressing fought their way to freedom and rolled down my cheeks, each one like a spotlight to my shame and despair.

To his credit, Jasper didn't try to stop me from lashing out at him, even though it was completely unfair and would solve nothing. He just stood there and allowed me to use him as a punching bag, then, when I was done, he held me as I sobbed into his chest.

"We'll fix this, Boo. Don't worry. All you need to do is speak to Mr. McCarty, find out what you're doing wrong."

He made it sound so simple.

I couldn't explain to him that I couldn't bear the thought of being alone in a room with him again. That every time he so much as glanced at me, all the blood rushed to my face and I became a stammering wreck. That, despite my ability to express myself on paper - at least to a B minus standard - when it came to actually producing real, coherent words in conversation with him, I was about as articulate as a four-year-old.

I couldn't tell him that despite the fact that Mr. McCarty was very possibly destroying my future with his over-zealous grading, I still had dreams about him at night, and not the clean, PG13 rated kind, where you lose your homework somewhere between your home and the classroom.

The fact was that, despite telling myself for years that I was better than that and I would never stoop so low, I had, inexplicably and without any conscious thought on my part, developed a crush on my English teacher, and it was killing me that I was proving to be a disappointing student for him. The one thing I had always had going for me was my brains, and now, even that was in question.

I didn't consider myself to be especially attractive, though I was often told otherwise. When I looked in the mirror all I saw was plain, boring old me. Nothing special. Just Bella. And I had never been witty or outgoing. I wasn't sporty; I didn't play an instrument or sing. The only thing I was ever good at was school, and English in particular, and now I wasn't so sure any more.

The loud clapping of a single pair of feet making their way down the corridor towards us startled me and had me burying my face even more tightly into Jasper's chest, hoping desperately that whoever it was would just walk on by without giving us a second thought. But of course, naturally, life was just not that kind.

"Is everything all right here, Jasper?"

Of course. Who else would it be?

"Yeah, Coach, everything's fine." Was it just me, or was Jasper's voice just a little frosty when he spoke to him?

"You sure about that?" A pause, then, "Miss Swan?"

Sighing, I reluctantly pulled out of the safe haven of Jasper's chest, where I had left a wet mark on his pale blue shirt with my tears. Looking up briefly, I could see the concern in his eyes before I turned to face Mr. McCarty in all his glory.

I knew I must have looked terrible after crying and his crystal blue eyes widened as he took in my appearance. I felt Jasper's arm land over my shoulders, pulling me into his side and I was grateful to him for grounding me. When looking into Mr. McCarty's face, full of concern for my red-rimmed eyes, that wasn't the easiest of things to achieve.

"Are you all right?" His voice was heart-breakingly soft and he took half a step forward before he appeared to check himself and stop short of a full step.

"Yes, sir," I replied, not especially wanting to go into details with him and wishing that just about anybody, with the possible exception of Mike, had been the one to walk down the corridor and find us.

His eyes flickered briefly to my hand, where the paper he had marked was still clutched tightly in my fist, even more battered now than it had been in the cafeteria, and a look of realization swept across his face. I may have been mistaken, but I would have sworn that there was a moment of guilt in his expression, before he cleared his face of emotion and spoke.

"Ah, Miss Swan, would you like to come to my office for a moment please?"

_No._

"Yes, sir," I replied against my will, feeling like a stuck record.

Sitting opposite him in his office, which adjoined the male changing rooms and the gym, I did everything I could to avoid making eye contact with him.

"Do you enjoy my lessons?" he asked, in his best teacher voice.

Why did he never say what I expected him to?

"Yes, sir," I responded, still keeping my eyes determinedly focused downwards.

"And the work... You're finding it okay?"

"I...uh... Yes, it's fine."

He was silent for a moment; the only sound was the slight rustling of his clothes as he sat forward in his seat, leaning onto his forearms on his desk.

"A B minus is a good grade, Isabella," he said, using a cross between his teacher voice and the other voice - the one he used when he was being sweet to people. The one he had used that first day when he asked me if I was okay, after lecturing me and humiliating me in front of the class. I kept my eyes on a knot of wood in his desk, refusing to look up and see the indifference in his eyes. This guy possessed all my thoughts, both academic and personal and I couldn't bear to look at him, knowing that once I was out of his sight I would be out of his mind also.

"Yes,sir," I mumbled finally, realising that he was not planning on saying anything else until I responded.

"You're disappointed?" he asked, though the way he said it suggested that it wasn't really a question.

I didn't respond this time, instead allowing the silence to stretch out, long and uncomfortable between us. He had made it pretty clear that it wasn't really a question - that he already knew the answer, so what was the point in answering him? If I opened my mouth again I would probably only open the floodgates again, and I sure as hell didn't want that.

I stared intently at his desk, following the lines of the grain in the wood as though they were somehow fascinating to me. He couldn't keep me here indefinitely and we both knew it. Once the bell rung for fourth period I would be free to go to biology, where I was certain I would get the third degree from Jasper, but even that was infinitely better than this unbearable silence.

Flickering my eyes up just for a moment, I was annoyed to see that he looked completely relaxed. He had sat back in his chair and his left ankle rested on his right leg, with one hand resting atop his knee, the other was tapping a pen on the desk as he considered me carefully.

Finally he must have grown weary of the silence, as he sighed heavily and started to speak once more.

"You have a good brain, Isabella. I want to see you use it in class and not just on paper. Your grades are not dependent just on your written work, but also your participation in class discussions, and so far I haven't seen very much of that at all. If you want to study at university level next year, you are going to have to start taking some baby steps out of that shell you keep so tightly wrapped around you. I understand that you're shy, but there is no threat to you in my classroom, and if you believe that there is, then tell me now and I will deal with it. But if not, then I'm afraid that it is on you to fix this." His eyes were boring into me now and I couldn't help but meet his stare timidly, unable to avoid the truth in his words.

"You're a very bright girl. Your written work tells me that much. But you struggle at college if you cannot express yourself verbally as well."

I finally managed to forcefully avert my eyes once more, looking down to where my hands were clasped in my lap, my fingers twisting together nervously at the prospect of having no choice but to speak out in class if I wanted my grades to improve.

I couldn't speak; I merely nodded, once again losing my battle with the tears that seemed to have become part of my life since Mr. McCarty entered it.

"You have nothing to fear from speaking up in my lessons, Isabella. There are no wrong answers in my classroom, only different opinions. You obviously _have _opinions. That much is clear from the quality of your written work. I want to _hear_ them, and any university worthy of your obvious talent will want to hear them, too."

He was quiet again, watching me and waiting for a response, but all I could think of to say was "Yes, sir" again, and I was pretty sure if I said that one more time, he would start to think it was all I was capable of saying.

Finally, like a gift from heaven, the bell rung out, signalling my reprieve from having to find something to say.

"You'd better get to class," he said, sighing. "I'll see you in English. I very much hope to _hear_ you, too."

"Yes, sir," I muttered one more time, before scampering out of the door and running headlong into Jasper, who was evidently waiting outside the office for me.

"How'd it go?" he asked, throwing his arm around my shoulders and walking with me towards biology, where we were lab partners.

"He says I need to speak up more in class," I whispered, trying not to let on how much the idea terrified me. The long whistle he let out told me that I was wasting my time. Jasper knew all about my aversion to public speaking. He was there in sixth grade geography class when I had to do a presentation on tectonic plates and I vomited all over Mrs. Krabowski's map of the world.

"Wow."

"Yeah..." I replied, lamely. "I'm never going to college. I guess I'm gonna wind up flipping burgers alongside greasy Stu and Lauren Mallory."

"Hey, don't talk like that, Boo," he said, maneuvering me into a hug and dropping a chaste kiss on my hair. "You can do this. You just have to believe in yourself as much as I do and you'll do great."

*Sure," I sighed, not at all convinced.

"Hey," he said, adopting his stern face and holding me by the shoulders. "What you have to say is just as important as everybody else in that classroom. More so even, since you have something between your ears that isn't ninety percent air and ten percent porn. Just say what you're thinking. You've read that book so many times you must have _some _thoughts on it by now."

I just nodded sadly and allowed him to lead me into biology by the hand and pull me onto a stool, where his pep talk continued through most of the lesson, when we were supposed to be doing some experiment. Thankfully, Jasper kept me and the corrosive liquids firmly apart and I made it to the end of class unscathed.

Of course, by the time the bell rung and I knew which class I had next, I was starting to wish Jasper had doused me in the most toxic of the chemicals. I realized with a groan that I had English next and I was certain that Mr. McCarty would call on me, just to prove his point.

He and Jasper were both right, irritatingly enough. You don't read a book often enough to go through 6 copies in as many years, without developing an opinion or two about it, but that didn't mean that I wanted to stand up in class and voice them. Public speaking just wasn't my forte and by the time I was standing in the doorway to Mr. McCarty's classroom, I was visibly shaking, to the extent that Jess halted her dissection of what Mike had said to her in the movie theater last night long enough to ask if I was okay. For a fleeting moment I considered saying that I didn't feel well, telling her I needed to go to the nurse, or better yet, straight home, but no matter how much of a coward I may have been, I did _not _cut class. Ever. So I just nodded, pulling my jacket around myself a little tighter, pretending to be feeling cold and not terrified.

I could feel his eyes on me as I walked into the room, but I refused to look up and meet them, instead keeping my eyes cast down to my Chucks, as though trying not to trip. I rolled my eyes discreetly when Jess tried to flirt with him, saying hello in the same voice I heard her use with Mike and twirling her hair around her finger. To his credit, he said hello back but kept his teacher voice and told her to sit down so he could start the lesson.

Eventually mustering enough courage to look up, I was disconcerted when my eyes immediately met his, and the determined smile that curved his lips had me groaning inside. I knew it. He was going to call on me today and I had no choice but to answer him.

This was _not _going to go well.

**Emmett McCarty POV**

For a batting average, I was pretty much sucking. Twice in so many months I had made Bella Swan cry and I wasn't proud of my actions. She was far more intelligent than I'd given her credit for when I started teaching at the school.

I'd settled into Forks High School easier than I'd thought possible. The football team already had seven consecutive wins under their belts thanks to the new play books, and were getting quite the crowd in. I'd played Mike the first half of most games, but it was Jasper that brought the wins home. Whether I played him in the second half or the last quarter, he always managed to get a conversion or four. There were days when I went home hoarse from shouting at them, but it was worth it in the end because they performed.

I spent most of my time at the school, and by the time I got home I was exhausted, but I never failed to call Alice. Things hadn't become any better in the two months since I had made her the promise and I'd already set things in motion for her transfer and even started working on our parents so the blow wouldn't be so hard when the time came. They were coming around, but it still wasn't fast enough for Alice.

I distracted myself with my teaching and tried not to think too much about her situation while there was nothing I could do about it. I had set a date and I had to stick to that, just like she did. I hated that she was miserable, but for now it was her only option.

The students still had the same level of intensity to learn as they had when I'd first started, and my classes seemed to draw out the eagerness in each of my students. Well, all except for one. It seemed Bella was still a weakness for me. I knew I was being deliberately hard on her. Her written work was better than most college students. She was clear and concise in her arguments and I had the inclination that she could swing opinions if she was able to put those arguments into words, yet she never did. She was almost debilitatingly shy and sat in silence. I knew if I didn't do something she would suffer in college. So I pushed her, and challenged her. Even the tears I'd seen her cry into Jasper's shoulder that afternoon weren't enough to dissuade me from my plan. She was the brightest student I had by far but she needed an edge.

The more I pushed, the more articulate she would become. I would bring her grade back up even if it was just for effort. I knew she could work with the material. Unfortunately, I doubted she realized that her "friend" Miss Stanley was working in a little bit of plagiarism. I could see Bella's style in some of her papers, but knowing Bella's affliction for following rules, had an idea that she was clueless to Jessica's copying. I couldn't prove it at all without substantial evidence. Jessica spoke in class; she was always eager to please and it was nothing like her papers. Sadly, without Bella doing the leg work in class participation, there was no way of showing that it was her mind coming up with this.

I knew Bella thought I was a hard ass, and I was aware that she thought I hated her, which in turn probably meant she hated me. It was a sacrifice I was willing to make in order to ease the situation. In all honesty, I probably would have been able to handle being around her if it wasn't for the dreams. I woke up almost every night in a cold sweat, with the belief I'd been fired. It was because of the vivid content of these dreams. They stayed with me right up until the last class of the day when I saw her. It was only then I could clear my mind. Seeing the loathing behind her eyes reminded me that it was just a dream and gave me a reprieve.

It wasn't as though I'd ever do anything to break the sanctity of the student/teacher line that was drawn in the sand, but the dreams made me feel sleazy. Like I was breaking a moral code. I couldn't help my subconscious any more than I could control the weather, but I did try. I had even tried drinking a glass of whiskey to try and knock myself into a deeper sleep.

Seeing her at lunch had given me an early reprieve, and after our small meeting she knew how to make her grades change. I was going to try and help her out with starting it. I hated calling on people who didn't want to talk, but she needed this, and I needed it to call out Jessica Stanley for her plagiarism. Bella already hated me, so it wasn't as though I had anything to lose.

When I finally got to the last class of the day, and I got Jessica past her flirting and into her seat, I gave Bella a look I knew she would decipher. She shrunk in her seat, her mahogany hair hanging over her shoulders and her eyes as wide as a deer in the headlights. There was no doubt she knew what was coming.

"We're going to discuss in class today, and I want everyone to participate. I want to know how you interpret the significance of the mockingbird throughout the book. I know some of you wrote your last papers on the topic, so I'm going to call on some of you to start the discussion. You know the rules people: you have a question or argument, do not hold back."

I pulled out my sheet of paper as though I had no idea who I was going to call on, but I could feel Bella's eyes boring into me, willing me to choose anyone but her.

"Isabella, how about you start us off?"

"Sir, I . . ."

"Excellent." I sat on the edge of my desk and watched her flounder, pulling the wrinkled pieces of her paper from her backpack. They were just as bad as they had been when I'd discovered her in the hall with Jasper, the small lines spilling out from where her hand had been gripping them so tightly.

She stood up, her cheeks a deep rose shade as she looked at her paper and then dropped it to the desk with a sigh. The class started fidgeting the longer she stood in silence. I could see her trembling gently but the resolve was building behind those eyes of hers. I had given her a direct challenge and she wanted to prove me wrong. She wanted to show me I was wrong for my assessment of her ability to speak.

This was the reason she was the one I pushed. She had a fire in her to succeed. I knew her type; she wanted out of this town and out of this life and the only thing standing in her way was me and this task.

I raised my eyebrows and watched her, staring down anyone who dared to make a sound. I wasn't going to have her spooked when I'd promised her she could stand and talk in here. They were not going to make a liar out of me.

Just as I started to doubt my methods and began giving in, she surprised me by speaking. The words were slow and careful at first, quiet and weighted. It wasn't until she realized no one was laughing that she started talking with more confidence. She articulated words and made structured sentences that made it sound like poetry. Her eyes moved around her captive audience as she built her argument.

I watched with rapt fascination as all the students watched her with awe and flipped to the pages she referenced. No one argued her theories because they were sound and airtight, something you could only gain from knowing something as well as she knew the book we were all reading. I didn't doubt her ability to do the same with another text, but for the first attempt she was flying and I found myself proud of her. By the time she sat down everyone was in a quiet discussion of their own.

I wandered around the room listening to the words and smiled. She'd given them something to think about and I was proud of her for it. I stopped by her desk and tapped on the surface with two fingers.

"You just got your A, Miss Swan. Miss Stanley, I'm going to need you to stay behind after class."

I sat at my desk letting each of the "talkers" point out things and waited for a counter discussion from Bella. She still wasn't comfortable with being in the spotlight, but she'd definitely handled herself well. When the bell finally rang and the class emptied out, I was left alone with Jessica Stanley and her never ending hair flip. Had this been the only thing I'd ever have to face, I would never have been in the predicament of sleepless nights I'd found myself in.

"You wanted to talk to me, Mr. McCarty?" she asked with an air of excitement.

"Take a seat, Jessica."

She did as I asked and placed herself on the seat so her legs were on show. I moved to the other side of her desk so she wouldn't get the wrong idea.

"How often do you reword other people's homework?" I asked, perching on the desk in front of her. I watched as she twisted her body until she was sitting straight. Her hands balled on the desk in front of her looking like she was trying to arrange the words to make some sense in her own head.

"Excuse me?"

I picked up her paper that so closely resembled Bella's and held it so the text was facing me. Her eyes were wide as she shuffled uncomfortably. She knew she'd been caught, that much was obvious. She traced a line of wood grain on the desk as she waited for me to continue.

"Remind me what you said about the psychological aspects of the bird and how it pertained to the characters."

"I . . . Well, sir, I . . . This is ridiculous."

"Is it? Something tells me that you didn't write this paper, Jessica. I don't like cheaters and I find lying a step up from a sentence full of expletives. If you want to pass this class, I want a paper in your words on my desk by Friday."

She looked up at me and tucked her hair behind her ear, hope appearing for the first time.

"You're not going to report me to the principal?" she asked, her voice high and reedy with her panic.

"I like to be fair. I'm giving you one chance, Miss Stanley. But if this happens again, I'll not only send you to the principal, I will also let the class know why you're going. I don't like being cruel to my students, but I will not allow cheating in my classrooms. Am I understood?"

"Perfectly, thank you." She stepped out of her chair and headed toward the door with her head down and her book clutched against her chest. Whatever she'd expected, she had most certainly been wrong.

The moment the door clicked shut behind her I relaxed into my seat, happy for maybe the first time that I had allocated one day a week with no football practice, and this was it. I was ready for a night out and I knew exactly where I was going to go. Thankfully, it was close enough to walk to from home

After I'd got home, taken a shower, and called Alice, I headed out the door and down two blocks to the hole in the wall bar that I'd discovered my first week here. It was mostly filled with old guys and their stories of how the town used to be, but I enjoyed their company. Peter, one of the town's army vets, loved to retell his stories of his time in the service, and they never got old. He'd lost his wife of sixty years, Charlotte, three years ago and I got the feeling that the bar was the only thing keeping him going. He knew everyone, and no one had a bad word to say about the guy.

I was on my third beer and Peter was in the middle of a story about a training mission he'd had to go through while he was stationed in a base in the heart of Louisiana. He was taking about the local bars there when my phone rang, disturbing the story. One look at the screen of the phone and I excused myself, stepping outside so I could hear properly.

"Alice?"

"I can't do this anymore," she wailed into the phone, her sniffles loud and clear. She continued in a garbled speech mixed with her sobs and I had to wait for the rampage to end before I could explain I'd understood very little.

"Just calm down, Alice. I can't understand you. Tell me what happened."

"I was running, like I do every night and that bitch pulled up in her car and started in on me. She told me I was a whore and got out of the car. I backed away but she kept coming and ended up pinning me against Mr. Meader's Buick. I thought she was going to hit me, but before I could do anything we were surrounded and they egged me. I have bruises all over me because they were so close. I even got cuts from the damn shells. I can't do this, Emmett. I can't live like this."

"Apart from Victoria, who else was there?"

My question was returned with silence. I could hear her moving around her room and pacing. Even now she didn't want to reciprocate.

"It doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters, Alice. I want names and I want them now."

She sounded off almost a dozen names before she was finished and I was in danger of cracking my phone by the time she was through. I knew some of the names; the others were just part of the pack.

"Don't call him, Emmett. I know what you're thinking, but it's only going to make matters worse."

"They can't get much worse, Alice. Any more of this and they're going to hurt you. I'm going to call you back."

"Emmett, no. Please."

I hung up the phone and scrolled through my contacts to James. He'd been my friend for years. He'd been classified as a paranoid schizophrenic, but he'd been regulating it for years on meds that seemed to work for him. If he hadn't been on the medication, I would never have called him. I was one of two people that could calm him down when he was without them. I would never put Alice in that situation. He had a heart of gold when you took the time to get to know him.

James picked up after three rings, his voice just as deep and gruff as I'd remembered it.

"Here I was thinking you'd finally decided to lose my number," he laughed down the phone. "How are ya, you son of a bitch?"

"Never been better, bro. Busting balls and taking names. Sorry it's been so long."

"Nah, I'm just bustin' your chops, dude. I know you're busy. Hell it ain't like I can't pick up a phone and call your ass."

"I'd welcome it, man. I don't know anyone here," I laughed, running my hands through my hair and leaning against the wall of the bar behind me, propping one leg up to balance myself. "Hey listen, you know I wouldn't ask unless I was desperate, but I was hoping you'd do something for me."

"I've been waiting for this call. Word gets around, man. Who?"

I rattled off the names, much the same as Alice had and explained the story in great detail. He promised me he'd take care of the main players and keep an eye out for my kid sister for three weeks until Thanksgiving rolled around and I could get her the hell out of there.

"No crazy crap, Jay. I want them off her back, no ER visits."

His crazy ass laugh filled the line and I could hear him light up the only thing that seemed to calm his ass down. "It depends if they fight back, man."

"Just keep her safe and don't embarrass her. No foil hats, you got me?"

"It's all good man. See you in a couple weeks."

"Thanks, Jay."

I hung up the phone and dialed Alice's number. Of course she refused to pick up. I knew she was mad as hell at me, but if this is what it took to stop these kids using her as a punching bag, I was willing to do it. I knew how cruel kids could be; if you didn't comply to their ways then you were an outsider. I'd started it and I planned on finishing it. At least in a small town like this I knew she'd be safe and accepted. Thankfully I'd already cleared it with the school. Alice wouldn't be in any of my classes; that was the only stipulation they'd had.

The sooner she was out of there, the better.

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><p><em><strong>Thanks for reading! :)<strong>_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer: We still don't own Twilight. Getting increasingly worried that we never will!**_

_**A/N: Momma, welcome to week four of your birthday! Yours is going to be the longest birthday in history. THAT is how much we love you!**_

_**Jessica, the most talented, not to mention, prettiest beta in all the lands. We love you and appreciate your help so much. We send you more cookies than you could possibly ever eat!**_

_**Thank you to everybody who has reviewed. We apologise for our failure in replying to chapter 3 so far. We will get to them, we promise!**_

_**WARNING: This chapter contains an attempted assault, which some readers may find upsetting. Please proceed with caution and feel free to PM us if you would rather not read. We will be happy to give you a summary of the chapter.**_

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><p><strong><span>Letting Go Of Maybe<span>**

**Chapter 4**

**Isabella Swan POV**

I felt lousy. My head was burning with a fever; my entire body ached; my throat was raw and my head felt as though my brain was trying to burst its way out through my eye-sockets. I wanted to be in bed. But no. Mr. McCarty was having a quiz today. It counted towards twenty percent of our final grade, no retests, no excuses. I was totally screwed.

My mom had told me that, while she admired my fortitude and determination, she thought I was crazy and should have been in bed. But I was finally getting decent grades in his class; the last thing I wanted to do was miss a test and let all my hard work and not inconsiderable courage go to waste. So I sucked it up, along with a cocktail of medication I wouldn't usually have touched with a barge pole, and headed off to school in Jasper's car as normal. Mom promised me that the meds she gave me would get me through the test and keep me human for the day

"Wow, Boo, you don't look so hot. Want me to turn this puppy round and deposit you back in your bed?" Jasper asked, his foot hovering over the brake pedal.

My head rolled side to side on the headrest, sending flashes of pain shooting round my skull, making me groan and shut my eyes firmly.

"You sure about that? It's all part of the service, you know," he coaxed, his left hand leaving the steering wheel and landing on my forehead. Sucking in a sharp breath between his teeth, he slammed on his brakes and pulled over to the side, ignoring the blaring horn of the car behind.

"Dudette, you're burning up. Seriously, you should be in bed. What the hell are you doing going into school today?"

"English test," I manage to scratch out past my sandpaper throat, earning myself a disdainful look.

"Seriously? _This,_" he started, waving his finger up and down at me, gesturing to the general state of me, "is because of a test?"

"Mmm hmm," I responded, trying to use my painful vocal chords as little as possible.

He eyed me with a disbelief, waiting for me to change my mind, but when I didn't back down, he pulled out again. Before long, he was pulling into the parking lot and practically carrying me into the school.

I was left pretty much alone in the first two periods by teachers who knew better than to try to get sense out of me, but by the time lunch rolled around, my head felt like an entirely different entity to the rest of my body, and not in a good way.

Like the lifelong best friend that he was, Jasper met me in the doorway of my Government class and all but held me up as we went to the quad, where he forced more medicines down me along with an entire bottle of water.

"You know, I'm pretty sure that if Mr. McCarty took one look at you, he'd send you home and tell you that the test can go to hell until you're better," he said, feeling my forehead again and frowning. "You should be in bed, Boo."

I didn't say anything. My throat was so sore that I wasn't sure I could have, even if I wanted to. I just sat next to him, leaning into the one-armed hug he offered and shivering into my winter jacket, despite the inferno burning in my head.

"You cold?" he asked, peering down at me. I hated the look of concern on his face, but I nodded, even the slight motion hurting my aching head.

"Come on," he said decisively, pulling me tightly into his side and helping me to stand. "It's not long to the bell anyway, and we have Bio next."

I complied easily, not having the energy or the voice to protest, and the sound of being indoors in the warm was extremely appealing. Every step I took, though measured and careful, sent pain shooting through my skull as the medication I had taken did almost nothing to simmer my fever. I could hear every sound around me, three hundred times louder than usual, or so it seemed to me. Every shrill laugh, every slap of a basketball against the tarmac blurred into the cacophony of sound that burned into my brain like a power drill.

Mr. Banner put up with my inattention and clumsiness pretty stoically up until the point where I spilled an entire test tube of God-knows-what all over the lab table, at which point he stalked up to the table looking stern.

"Isabella," he started, with his hands on his hips and one eye on Jasper as he began to clear away my mess. I just sat with my head in my hands, feeling useless and stupid. "I really do think that enough is enough. While your commitment to your education is commendable, I think that there is a point at which dedication turns to mere folly. You're very clearly not well enough to be here. I really would strongly urge you to at least go and see the nurse. Either way, I cannot allow you to continue with this lab work. I don't want to put you _or _Mr. Hale here in any kind of danger."

Jasper smiled softly at me, still carefully cleaning up bits of shattered glass and soaking up whatever dangerous liquid I spilled and nodding along to what Mr. Banner was saying.

"I'll take her to the nurse, sir," Mike Newton piped up from the desk behind, "since Hale is busy."

I wasn't blind to the look that passed between them. Jasper was virtually snarling at Mike, but Mr. Banner accepted his offer eagerly and I did not have the energy to protest.

"Come on, Princess," Mike drawled at me, taking my backpack in a display of chivalry that, had I felt better, would have made me want to slap his slimy face. As it was, I could only be grateful that I didn't have to carry it.

"Steady, _Newton_," Jasper growled when Mike slipped his arm around my waist, but as I wobbled dangerously when he removed it, he replaced it with a triumphant smirk in Jasper's direction.

We started the long, slow walk down the empty corridor; the nurse's office was at the end of the hall, past all the classrooms and the lockers, near the reception and the principle's office.

Walking past Mr. McCarty's room, I had hoped to see him and somehow let him know that I would miss his test, but looking through the glass strip in his classroom door, I couldn't see him in there. Just a class working quietly with no teacher. Somewhere inside me that registered as strange, but I shrugged it off in my feverish state, hoping that Jasper would inform him of the reason for my absence. Finally we got past all the classrooms and hit the section of lockers that signalled the last part of the walk. It seemed longer than the Great Wall of China when each and every step hurt not just my head now, but my entire body.

A few feet past the final classroom, we suddenly stopped and I wondered at first whether Mike had hurt himself or something. My heart leaped into my mouth when the arm that was around my waist drifted lower, landing - lightly at first - on my ass and then pressing harder, while the other hand came up and cupped my cheek.

Seeing the predatory look in his eyes as his smile turned to a smirk, I tried to back away from him, but his hand on my rear held firm, not just touching but restraining now.

"Alone at last," he sneered, his eyes afire with excitement as his fingers caressed softly down my cheek, sending shivers that had nothing to do with my fever running down my spine. "I thought Hale would never leave us alone."

I shook my head, trembling and desperately trying to coordinate my hands enough to prise his away from me. My body was so achy and sluggish though, I didn't stand a chance against his strength, and there was no possibility of me screaming since I had barely been able to utter a word all day.

"Come on, Bella," he went on, his hand sliding down my throat and moving past the open top buttons of my shirt towards my chest. "You want this. You know you do. I see the way you look at me. I know what you're thinking."

My heart was pounding dangerously fast in my chest now and my head was swimming dizzily, the fever mixing together with my fear at what he was going to do - how far he was going to go, and paralyzing me on the spot. I couldn't move. I couldn't fight him off. I couldn't scream. I had never felt so helpless in my life as his hand cupped my breast and his face leered in towards mine.

"Please, n-no," I managed to croak out, barely audibly, before his lips landed on mine, his tongue pressing forcefully against my determinedly closed mouth.

I closed my eyes, my head rolling back on my shoulders as I did the only thing I could. I prayed to a God I didn't even truly believe in that somebody, _anybody_would come and help me and make him stop.

_I don't want this. I don't want this. I don't want this. _The words repeated over and over like a mantra in my head as he backed me up against a locker, my body trapped now between the wall and his expectant, forceful body.

"Relax, baby, you'll enjoy this," he crooned as though we were some sort of couple, but thankfully, mercifully, releasing my lips.

_It's now or never,_I thought to myself, knowing that no matter the state of my throat, if I didn't at least attempt to call for help now, he would carry on, destroying me forever.

I took in a deep, wheezing breath, preparing to let out the loudest sound I possibly could, but before I could could, I felt his big, warm hand clamp down over my mouth and I realized that my last hope was gone. He could and would do whatever he wanted to me and there was nothing I could do to stop him and nobody here to help me.

The realization that there was nothing stopping him from taking just exactly whatever the hell he wanted from me had my body flopping out of its previously rigid stance. He smiled widely, thinking that I was relaxing as he requested. I could feel the salty tears streaming down my cheeks as the restraining hand on my rear pulled me tightly into him, letting me feel just how excited this was making him.

_Please_ I pleaded in my head. _Please make him stop. _

And then suddenly he was gone and I was sinking to the ground, my back leaning against the lockers. I blinked my eyes several times, trying to clear them from the blurriness the fever and my tears had created. When they finally focused, I could see Mike standing across the corridor from me, looking confused and more than a little afraid. In front of me, staring at me with a heartbreaking expression of concern, was Mr. McCarty.

He took a step towards me and I flinched. He looked _pissed. _Was he angry at me for being out of class and doing _that _in the corridor?

"Easy, Isabella, I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to help you up." His voice was soft, like honey as he offered me his hand. "Are you all right? Are you hurt?"

I couldn't speak, only shake my head, to both questions.

"_You!"_ he exclaimed suddenly, turning to where Mike was trying to slink off unnoticed. "My office. _Now!" _His shouting hurt my pounding head, but all I could think of was how happy I was to see him.

"Sir, I..."

"I don't want to hear it, Newton. Now _move._"

His hand was still extended to me and I wanted to take it, but I could not get my arms to work. He moved towards me slowly, cautiously, as though approaching a wild, untamed animal, but I just sat there watching him, unable to do or say anything.

Finally, he was crouched down in front of me, his hands clasped together and his elbows resting on his knees. His eyes were sparkling with a mixture of rage and compassion. It was an odd combination, but in that moment he was more beautiful than he had ever been. I wished fervently that he would just hold me and make everything better, but he was a professional and would never, ever have done that.

"Can I get anybody for you? Do you want me to find Jasper?" he asked, his voice kind and his eyes naturally swaying towards the classrooms.

I shook my head more fiercely than was wise, considering the pain in my head.

"Don't leave me, _please_," I pleaded, my voice cracking and sounding horrible. Tears were stinging at my eyes again at the thought of being alone and if I could have got my hands to work, I would probably have been clinging to him for dear life.

"All right," he appeased me softly, seeing my panic. "I'm going to take you to the nurse, okay? Can you stand?"

I nodded but remained otherwise stationary on the ground, not entirely sure how to go about getting myself up. He chuckled at that and his face lit up with an almost affectionate amusement.

"You sure about that, Bella-Isabella Swan?"

I wanted to laugh at his use of the nickname he had used since our first meeting, but my body was not cooperating with me at all. I was certain that I felt the corners of my mouth twitch ever so slightly upwards, but aside from that, nothing moved.

Sighing, he moved back to standing up, his hand cupping the back of his neck in thought as his eyes scanned the corridor. I was aware that he was uncomfortable being alone with me, especially after what he just witnessed, but he clearly didn't want to distress me further by leaving me when I had begged him not to.

Eventually he turned back to me with a cautious, guarded expression and said, "Are you all right if I help you to stand?"

He was asking me if it was okay for him to touch me. My heart leaped into my sore throat at his thoughtfulness as I nodded slowly.

"You're sure?"

Another nod.

He sank down to my level, placing his hands under my elbows and gently lifting until I was standing beside him, swaying dizzily on the spot.

"Whoa, steady now. You all right?" he said, placing a steadying hand on my elbow once more. I nodded again, but it quickly turned into a shake of the head as I felt my knees go weak beneath me. He held me up with his hands once again under my elbows, but once he had me steady, he looked into my feverish eyes and started. One hand released an elbow and came up to feel my forehead.

"Jesus, Isabella, you're burning up. What the hell?"

"Not well," I croaked, earning myself a _no shit_look.

"I can see that," he said, sounding almost amused. "What the hell are you doing in school?"

"Test... Your test," I whispered back, my voice entirely gone now. I didn't understand why he was questioning me for being in when it was his test I was here for.

"You came in with a fever because of a stupid English test?" he clarified, looking incredulous. "Are you crazy?"

I felt stupid tears sliding down my face once more, in confusion and pain. He had said... no retests and no excuses and my head ached and Mike...and... I wanted my mom.

"Hey, come on," he said, his voice soft now, seeing my struggle. "Let's get you sorted and when you're ready you can take the test._ When you're ready_and not before. You'll walk it anyway. No problems."

I would have scoffed at his words if my body could have mustered the energy, but he must have seen the doubt in my eyes because he spent most of the slow walk to the nurse's office reiterating his point, emphasising how impressed he had been with my performance in his class.

I almost cried with happiness when I spotted the bed-like contraption in the nurse's room. She took one look at me and helped me to climb onto it, quickly putting a thermometer under my tongue and thanking Mr. McCarty for bringing me to her.

He stood beside the bed, almost protectively, explaining to the nurse what had happened with Mike. I felt a spike of fear and embarrassment as he told her, but there was nothing I could do to stop him. She cooed over me sympathetically, giving me a warm blanket and a cool glass of water and telling Mr. McCarty that I really needed to go home and sleep it off.

"Is there anybody who can take you home?" he asked, looking down at me. "I don't like your chances of getting home in one piece if you drive yourself."

"Uh, Jasper brought me," I rasped, completely embarrassed that the guy I had a crush on was seeing me in this feeble state, having saved me from my worst nightmare in the corridor. I couldn't quite reconcile this guy who was hovering over me with real concern in his eyes, with my hard ass English teacher who I was still convinced hated me.

Maybe it was the shock of what had happened or the fever, or even the meds I had taken to counter said fever, I didn't know, but something made my hand twitch. I tugged on his shirt sleeve, drawing his attention from the nurse, who was talking about things like flu and mono.

"Why?" My voice came out unbidden, and even _I_wasn't sure I really understood the question.

"Why?" he repeated, looking confused. "Why what, Isabella?"

"Helping me... You hate me." My response was barely audible, but he heard it. I had no doubt about that when his eyes closed as though he was in pain and he took a few steps back. When his eyes opened again he looked almost hurt.

"I'm helping you, Isabella, because I'm your teacher and I have a duty of care to all my students. You think I could just walk past and leave you there with him? What kind of teacher would that make me?" I couldn't do anything but blink at him as he paused for breath before continuing. "And I do not hate you. You're a good student and a pleasant kid. I'm not doing anything for you that I wouldn't do for any other student in this school."

I could merely nod and snuggle down deeper into the blanket, trying to make myself invisible to him as he ran his fingers through his deep brown curls, looking more than a little frustrated.

After a long moment of distinctly uncomfortable silence, he cleared his throat and turned to the nurse.

"Would you excuse me? I have a juvenile delinquent and an unattended class to deal with." She nodded to him with a smile, and then he turned on me. "Isabella, do you want me to call the authorities for you?"

I shook my head, not wanting my father and his co-workers rushing in here, all guns blazing. It would be much better for everybody if my dad heard it from me.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, sir. My dad _is_the authorities."

A look of realization crossed his face, realizing what my father did for a living, and he nodded his assent before making for the door.

"I will get Jasper excused from class to drive you home. I hope you feel better soon. Michael will _not_be doing anything like that again. To you or any other girl in this school." And with that last, resolute statement, he was gone, leaving me with the nurse, who grinned at me and offered me another drink.

Jasper appeared before long, looking frantic and tugging at his hair.

"Shit, Boo, are you okay? What the hell happened? Mr. McCarty said something happened, but he wouldn't say what." He finally took a breath and took my face between his hands, searching my face for the answers he wanted. I just nodded wearily and sighed deeply when he put his arms around me and held me tight.

"I'll kill him," he said angrily, before I had even told him what happened.

Tears started falling from my eyes and before I knew it, I was sobbing hysterically with Jasper's arms around me. He held me tight, rocking gently as I clung to him for dear life. I just wanted today to be over so badly, and I wanted my mom.

As though he could read my mind, Jasper released me briefly, before scooping me up in his arms easily, along with the blanket, and carrying me to his car. Thankfully, third period was still in session so nobody saw me being carried like an invalid, but I couldn't have argued with him, even if I wanted to. I was so sleepy that by the time we reached my home, I was dropping off.

"Sleep, Boo," Jasper crooned as he lifted me again, carrying me into the house and up to my room, where my beautiful, soft, warm bed was waiting for me invitingly.

The last I knew was the soft mattress sinking beneath me and my warm comforter being draped over me, before I gratefully sunk into oblivion.

**Emmett McCarty POV**

A knock at the door pulled me out of the small debate some of my freshman were having over how fickle Romeo was in the beginning of the play, because of his rather quick transition from Rosaline to Juliet. Two guys and a girl had the class in silence, their heads moving as though they were watching a tennis match. I sat in silent contemplation as they continued to soil Romeo's good name. The one girl in the debate, Stephanie, was still trying to get across her point that true love conquers all, which was countered by Oliver, who returned with, "Except death."

My attention was pulled away by a short tap at the door. When I looked up, Kate stuck her head in and tipped it as though she was calling me out, so I arranged for the class to write a short paper on the circumstances surrounding the initial meeting of the main characters and slipped out into the hall.

"You have a phone call," Kate said with a warm smile, her hand brushing through her long hair absent-mindedly. She was the only friend I'd really made that was a member of staff, but I was certain that our friendship was more her doing than my own. It wasn't that I didn't want to make acquaintances. I think I couldn't have cared less either way. I was more of a throw chips to the wind and see where they land kinda guy.

"They pulled you out of class to come get me?" I asked, thinking it was strange to have a Phys Ed teacher trek all the way here for a simple message.

"No," she laughed, starting the walk toward the office, her heels snapping quietly on the linoleum. "I have a free period. Mrs. Cope asked me if I would mind coming down here. She said her arthritis was bothering her again. I had nothing better to do, so here I am."

She held out her hands, palm up and followed the action with a shrug as she looked up at me from under her lashes. I wasn't completely oblivious to her flirting. Both of us had been going back and forth since I'd started; it was harmless. Unfortunately, my mind wasn't on her, but instead the call. No one called me at work, and if they did, they called my cell with the understanding I would return it once I had a break. As far as I knew, there was only one person that had the number.

"Did she say what it was about?" I asked Kate as I tried to hide my concern. The only person I could imagine it being was Alice. Her mood was even lower than it had been two weeks ago. James had helped, but he wasn't with her all the time and she was terrified of relaying to us who'd tried their luck at getting to her while he wasn't around.

Obviously missing the undertone to my voice, Kate smiled sweetly.

"She didn't."

I nodded and walked in a companionable silence beside her. The sounds of other classes in action were a dull din in the corridor. It was weird as a teacher to walk around while other classes were in action. The amount of time I'd tried as a student to get free and wander aimlessly was pretty shameful, but as a teacher, I felt a nagging need to get back to the room I'd just left.

It seemed the same couldn't be said for Kate. She seemed perfectly at ease as we walked together down the hall. When we finally passed the small block of lockers that preceded the office, she took a deep breath and turned to me. I knew what she was going to say before she said it.

"If you need me to sit in with your class, I'll be in the staff lounge."

"I appreciate it, Kate. Thanks again for playing messenger."

"You saved me from boredom," she laughed, tucking her long blond hair behind her ear. She gave me a shy, half wave before stepping through the door to the lounge, leaving me alone with the curiosity of my mystery caller.

I pushed into the front office and smiled at Mrs. Cope, who was a shameless flirt for a woman her age. Thankfully she was married, so I thought nothing of charming her right back to gain some favors.

"Line three, Emmett. It sounded important, otherwise I would have just taken a message."

"I appreciate you looking out for me, Mrs. Cope." I smiled, picking up the phone that was sat in the corner. It was mainly used for students to call their parents if they were sick, or had their cell phones confiscated. "This is Emmett."

"I'm sorry. I know you don't answer your cell while you're in class, but it was an emergency," Alice said, her voice shrill with anger. "Mom was called into school today because I got into a fight."

"Alice!" I'd never known my sister to be violent. She was normally so passive. I knew it had to be something serious for her to lash out. "What happened?"

"It doesn't matter," she sighed. "I just wanted to ask if you were really going to go through with transferring me."

Alice had taken to becoming tight lipped about her daily horrors, mainly because she knew it would get back to James and she would have to deal with him while he acted like her bodyguard. I hated that she felt she couldn't talk to me, but it was a side effect I was willing to live with if it meant she would be protected.

"It's already done. I spoke to Mom and she said she'd work on Dad before I got there over Thanksgiving. Why?"

"Because it means today was my last day. They suspended me for a week, which means that I wouldn't be due back until after Thanksgiving."

"Alice, what the hell did you do?" I asked, lowering my voice as Mrs. Cope came back to her desk and within earshot. As much as I liked her, I didn't want my private life being talked about, and she was the source of all gossip in this place.

Alice sighed into the phone, but it was the only noise I managed to get from her for almost thirty seconds. She didn't answer until I prompted her.

"Alice?"

"Just stupid shit. Victoria went too far and I lost my temper."

The way she said it with such dismissal blew my mind. I needed more than this. I needed some answers. I couldn't think of what would provoke Alice into using violence.

"We'll talk about this when I get home for Thanksgiving."

"It's not going to make a difference if I come home with you. Please, just let it go, Emmett. Let me start with a clean slate."

There was a deep sadness in her voice that stopped me from pushing her harder. I hated not having answers when I knew that something had affected her enough to use a physical resolution to her problems, but I really didn't want to make her cry again.

"I'll call you later then?"

"All right," she conceded, sounding utterly defeated. "Sorry I disturbed you."

"Never apologize for needing to talk, kid."

We said our goodbyes and I hung up the phone, running my hands through my hair with frustration. It had been an endless tirade of disasters for Alice and I would be glad to get her away from there. Maybe she would adapt to small town life without all of the drama that constantly seemed to follow her around. I knew she wasn't the root of the problem, and I could only hope that I was doing the right thing.

I thanked Mrs. Cope again and headed out the door and back to my class, but I never made it to my destination. The scene playing out in front of me made my stomach roll with an anger that I hadn't physically felt in a long time. Bella was pushed up against a bank of lockers, looking wan and pale, her cheeks clammy with tears and sweat. She looked sick and terrified as Mike Newton ground into her while his hand was over her mouth. The scene itself would have made me angry regardless, but even I couldn't deny the fact that my reaction was amplified by the fact that it was Bella.

I tried to restrain myself from nailing Newton's head into the wall as I sprinted toward them, but I was finding it harder and harder to keep my calm the more I saw him grinding against her while he subdued her. He was smirking with satisfaction as he pushed harder and harder, and Bella's reaction had me stampeding the last few feet toward them.

In one move, I pulled him from her and slammed him against the lockers on the opposite wall. All of the air left his lungs in a gush that placated my rage for only a second. Even faced with the shit on the other side of the wide space, it didn't escape my notice that Bella had crumpled to the floor. She held all of my attention in that one moment. She looked broken, and sicker than a dog, which only made my anger more palpable. He wasn't just trying to take advantage of her; he was doing it while she was weak and vulnerable. I'd never been so enraged in my life.

I took a step toward her and watched her flinch from me, which only made my anger boil under my skin. It ran through my blood like hot lava, and it wasn't until I saw Bella's expression that I realized I was probably terrifying her even more, which wasn't helping when she was probably in shock after what had just happened.

I tried to ease her with words, raising my hands so I wouldn't scare her. When I asked her whether she was hurt, whether she was all right, the only answer she could give me was two short shakes of her head.

It was then that I caught Newton trying to slip away out of my peripheral vision. If the little shit thought he was going to get away with it, he had another thing coming. I didn't accept that from anyone, let alone one of my students, and definitely not with Bella as the victim. I may not have let myself think about her, but that didn't mean I wouldn't protect her with everything I had.

I sent Mike to my office and tried to help Bella up from the floor. I was trying to think of someone to help her, but her request for me to stay made was so full of desperation, I found I couldn't pull myself away from her. She still looked waxy and pallid, and when it became apparent that she was unable to stand of her own accord, I broke about fifty rules by helping her up from the floor.

There were no words for how it felt to have her this close, to smell the strawberry shampoo, to feel the weight of her against me. I knew it was wrong on so many levels and I chastised myself with harsh words of disgust, but it still didn't take away from the realism of it all.

Her weak legs meant that she lost her balance the moment she found her feet. When I looked at her again and actually saw her, I remembered that she was sick. When I reached for her forehead, I was shocked at just how badly her fever was raging. It was hard to determine whether her shiver was coming from the shock of what had happened or because of the fever. She was all over the place.

When she finally squeaked out the reasoning of even being in school, I once again felt like an asshole. She'd come in out of fear of missing the test I'd assigned for class later that afternoon. I'd idly threatened them with no retests, and of course she'd been the one to take it to heart. After chastising her, and making her cry - yet again - I led her to the nurse's office with slow steps.

It hadn't occurred to me that my words and actions had led her to doubt her ability, and even when I told her she'd easily pass the test I'd set, she looked at me with trepidation, which had me trying to emphasize my point on the slow walk to the nurse's office.

The nurse jumped into action the moment I stepped into her office with Bella. She helped her up onto the bed, sticking a thermometer under her tongue while I explained what I had walked up on and my concern that she could still go into shock.

I think the thing that made me feel the worst was Bella's questioning of my kindness. She'd asked me why I was helping her when I hated her. I wanted nothing more than to reassure her and apologize, but I knew it would be anything but professional, and one word would give away exactly the thing I'd tried so hard to hide. The only option I had was to pull the teacher card and escape my own personal torment. The only silver lining I had was Mike Newton waiting for me in my office. When I asked if she wanted me to call the cops my heart almost stopped with her answer. Her dad was a cop.

I left the nurse's office and tried to gather myself as I headed to the staff room with purposeful steps. I hated to admit it, but I was even more angry now I knew the extent of just how unwell Bella was. She could barely stand on her own two feet, and her voice had sounded as though it was filled with needles. She was defenseless and weak, which only made the attack seem that much more despicable.

Still, I had to get my thoughts in order if I was going to attempt to stay professional, and the only way I could do that was keep an order to what I was doing. If I was going to take care of the brat in my office, I needed someone to cover my class.

"Hey, Kate," I said, sticking my head into the room, not bothering to go all the way in.

"Hey, everything okay?"

"Not really," I admitted. "I found a student trying to force himself on another student. I was hoping you could cover the rest of my class so I can deal with him."

Kate's dainty hand moved to her mouth, but her shock only lasted a second before she sprang into action and followed me out into the corridor. She looked fragile and a little shocked as she stepped past me. She let her hand rest on my arm for only a second before hurrying down the hall toward the class full of students that I'd left unattended.

I headed toward my office with quick, purposeful steps and didn't stop as Newton stood up from the chair outside my door. His face was pale and full of fear, but I ignored him, my anger taking precedence as I threw open my door and stepped to the side to let him pass.

He scurried in like a rat and fell into the seat, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Remorse wasn't going to cut it this time. It wasn't as though he'd been caught cutting class. This was serious; this was possible attempted rape. I wasn't sure what Bella's father was going to do, and right then I didn't care.

"Coach . . ."

"Shut up, Newton. I don't want to hear anything you have to say. There is no excuse for what I saw in that corridor. Do you realize that is classified as sexual assault?"

He lifted his head to say something, his piggy eyes wide and his face pale.

"Do. Not. Say. A. Word," I growled, slamming my palms onto my desk and leaning forward. "Tell me something, Mike. What exactly goes through your head when you're faced with a girl who can barely stand? What about that situation screams that she's into you? I mean, are you mentally slow or are you just so sick that you can't process what the word no means? What would have happened if I hadn't been out of my class? You make me sick, Newton. You're a predator who has been so spoiled, you think something's owed to you. Well I'm done with your holier-than-thou stance and your over-privileged attitude. You're off the team. Clear out your locker now, then we're off to the principal's office."

"Off the team?" Mike cried, giving me a look as though I was a pile of crap he'd found on the sole of his shoe. That fact that being off the team was the only thing to garner a reaction from him made my blood boil at a whole new level.

"Yeah, off the team. You got a problem with that, kid? I don't want you anywhere near me. You make me sick. If I ever hear about you pulling something like this again, I won't stop with the principal. I will call the cops and you can answer their questions."

"You're not gonna call the cops?" he asked, looking relieved.

I pushed off the desk and crossed my arms, swallowing back the urge to ball my fist and plant it into his smug face. The fact that he was relieved only made the disgust I felt coursing through me more prevalent. I wanted to teach him a lesson that would stick with him for a lifetime, but he wasn't worth me losing my job over. I couldn't protect Bella from him if I wasn't here.

"You can wipe that look off your face. Just because I'm not going to the police doesn't mean her parents are not going to press charges, and I can tell you something for nothing, if they ask me to give a statement, I won't hesitate. Isabella has a fever. She's weak, and vulnerable and _you_took advantage of that. Go and pack up your crap."

"Coach, be reasonable."

"One more word and I'm going to lose my temper. EMPTY YOUR LOCKER. NOW!"

Mike fell out of the chair in a rush to do as I commanded. I followed him and watched as he stuffed all of his belongings in his training bag. I could have sworn he even mumbled _asshole_when I held my hand out for the captain's band that he tried to slip past me.

I route-marched him to the principal's office and retold the story, for the third time that afternoon. Mike Newton was suspended pending further investigation and was seated in the office until his parents could come and collect him.

Unfortunately, I still wasn't satisfied. I knew I wouldn't be until the kid showed some remorse, or I was able to put him through a wall. Neither was feasible, so I headed to my last class of the day and tried to ignore the void that Bella's absence had created in the room.

I postponed the quiz and told the class that I wanted them to study more over the Thanksgiving break for it. I gave them the chapters they'd need to look over and let them get on with it. I sat silently at my desk, mulling over my need to get rid of some serious tension. It was only a matter of time before it all came pouring out, so I resolved to go to the gym after practice and get familiar with the punching bag that I'd managed to avoid up until now.

As if the day hadn't been bad enough, it got worse the moment I arrived at my office and saw Michael Newton Sr. sitting outside my door. I knew his type and exactly what he wanted. Being the proprietors of the most successful sporting goods store in the county, I knew they were wealthy and very influential. They wanted this little mess to be swept under the rug so they wouldn't have to deal with it. He was either going to offer me money to accept his son back on the team and keep my mouth shut, or he was going to threaten me.

"Mr. Newton."

"Coach McCarty," he replied, standing up and following me into my office without invitation. "I was wondering if I could have a word?"

"You can have several, but if you think you're going to change my mind about kicking your son off the team, you're wasting your breath."

I moved further into the room and threw a couple of things into a folder, in an attempt to look busy. It was an attempt to look nonplussed by his presence in my office, but he still didn't take a hint.

"Look, Mike told me that this girl has been teasing him for months. You and I both know what teenagers are like, Mr. McCarty. I'm sure he didn't . . ."

I dropped the file I was holding like a hot potato and turned to face the asshole that was leaning against the door jam. I couldn't believe he was making excuses for his rodent of a son. Implying that Bella had instigated a sexual assault was the straw that broke the camel's back. Crossing my arms across my chest and cutting off my body language, I looked the snake in the eye.

"The young lady accosted by your son is anything _but_promiscuous, Mr. Newton, and if I were you I would be very cautious about the words you use, especially considering I was the one that happened upon your son's actions. I'll tell you the same thing I told your son: Should her parents decide to press charges, I will be happy to offer a statement of exactly what I saw. The fact that the girl had the flu and could barely stand, let alone fight off his advances will not look good for him, and I'm sure the school nurse and the rest of the teachers will be more than willing to attest to her medical status if asked. I will not revoke the decision to eject your son from the team, so you should really save your breath. Michael made his bed, and he has no choice but to lie in it. "

"You have no idea who you're messing with."

"Is that a threat, sir?" I asked, raising an eyebrow in challenge.

"I'll go to the school board. You'll lose your job."

I laughed once, a sharp bitter sound. At least he'd figured I wasn't the type of person he could pay off and went straight to the threats. Unfortunately, he didn't have a leg to stand on.

"Go ahead, you'll only be alerting them to the situation. No matter how much influence you think you have, you can't overrule the law. Sexual assault is sexual assault no matter how you look at it."

"Sexual assault? Now hold on just a minute . . ."

"Did your son fail to mention just how far he'd taken it? Maybe you should get the real story out of him before you fight his battles for him. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm not going to make the team wait any longer because of yet another one of your son's mistakes."

Mr. Newton turned and left the office without another word. Sometimes I really hated being right. It would have been nice to see justice served just once, but it seemed that Mr. Newton was more than willing to give his son the benefit of the doubt. Mike Newton never had a chance when that was his role model.

I left my office, locking the door and hoping that this day would just hurry up and end already. Although I knew that once the calm took over I would realize I let my guard down and let myself think about how I felt about Bella, and all that was going to do was cause more pain. I guess I was in for an evening of self loathing.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Hi guys, first let us say thank you for reading and for all the wonderful reviews. You guys have seriously blown us away. Second, we would like to apologize for the delay in posting. We were trying to respond to the reviews, and we just ran out of time, then real life went and got crazy on us.**_

_**So we've come up with a plan and we hope it works. RR's should be a little more regular now as should the posting. We love you guys for sticking with us and we're so sorry for the confusion!**_

_**Thank you, as always to our beautiful and brilliant beta, TheHeartOfLife1, who takes our words and makes them fly. We love you so much!**_

_**And to momma, welcome to week three bazillion of your birthday! We still love you more! 3**_

_**Much love and Massive Hugs**__**  
><strong>__**Weezy & Bobble (Nostalgicmiss & Hev99)**_

* * *

><p><strong>Letting Go Of Maybe<strong>

**Chapter 5**

**Isabella Swan POV**

For four days I didn't move from my bed, except to shower and use the bathroom. If he had thought he would get away with it, I think my dad would have actually handcuffed me to the bed, so insistent was he that I stay there. I tried to keep from him what happened in the corridor with Mike Newton, but naturally, being confidential, it was all over the school by the end of the following day. When the phone calls started rolling in asking if I was all right, my dad got suspicious.

"Why do so many people care that you have the flu?" he wondered aloud, after fielding yet another call from who knows who. His moustache twitched like it always did when he was thinking. Jasper always called him Inspector Clouseau, which had earned him more than one clip around the ear growing up.

I attempted to pretend to be asleep, but it was useless.

"I know you're awake, Bells. What's going on? What aren't you telling me?"

"I...uh...just... It's nothing, Dad."

"Don't give me that," he replied, giving me the sternest look I had had from him in years. He didn't generally have any troubles with me and rarely had to play the Dad card. I was well-behaved, quiet, kept myself to myself, never got into trouble, and I had an impeccable school record, so it was unusual for him to have to pull out the stern face. "Half of Forks High School has called here in the last two days asking if you are okay. You expect me to believe that that number of teenagers have developed bleeding hearts over a case of the flu? Pull the other one, Isabella, it's got bells on it."

My eyes widened at his use of my full name. I hadn't heard him call me that since I was eleven-years-old and Jasper double dog dared me to jump out of the tree-house in his back yard. Once I was doped up on painkillers and my leg was comfortably set in the plaster cast that would be an infuriating part of my life for the following eight weeks, my dad gave me a lecture on the stupidity of jumping out of high places onto solid concrete. I tried to explain to him the implications of turning down a double dog dare, but he pulled out the full name nonetheless, not one, but_ three _times in as many minutes.

"It's fine, Dad, really. Something happened in school the other day, but it's over with. I'm fine."

"Okay, sweetheart, if that's the way you want to play it," he said, standing from his perch on the edge of my bed. "I think I'll just go and pay a visit to young Mr. Hale. He likes to weave a good yarn, doesn't he?"

Oh God! I did _not_ want him getting the tale from Jasper.

I had never actually told him what happened, though he had made a pretty good guess at it, based on who I'd been alone with at the time and Newton's track record of pursuing me. But his version of events was bound to be skewed by the idle gossip in the school. It would be much better coming from me; at least that way I could down-play it, in an attempt to keep my dad from rounding up his co-workers and paying the Newton family a visit. That was the last thing I wanted.

"Fine, Dad. Sit down," I finally relented and he sat back on the edge of my bed, patting my leg through the covers with a satisfied smile.

I gave him a brief run-down of what had happened, editing any details that I knew would make him fly off the handle, hoping that he would remain calm and understand why I didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

Yeah, right. Some hope.

"He _what_?" he raged, standing sharply from my bed and starting to pace the room in anger. "The little... Why am I just now hearing about this, Bella?"

"Because I knew you would be upset," I replied, cringing into my comforter as my dad slammed his fist into my door.

"Damn right, I'm upset, Isabella. You should have told me. This teacher that intervened, who was he?"

"Mr. McCarty, the new English teacher. But please, Dad, leave it alone. I don't want to make a big deal out of it."

"I know," he said, stopping his pacing and coming to crouch beside my bed, cupping my face with his hand affectionately and kissing my forehead. "I just want to thank the guy who saved my baby girl, that's all." It was unusually demonstrative of my dad to behave this way. I never doubted he loved me, but he didn't usually show it so freely. I had known he would be angry, but I hadn't banked on him being upset. I could see a hint of fear and pain in his eyes as he looked at me, sighing softly.

"You decide you want to press charges against this guy, you just say the word and I'll throw the book at him."

"Thanks, but I'd rather just forget it happened."

As he nodded and left me to rest, I didn't tell him how difficult I was finding it to forget. That when I closed my eyes to sleep, all I could see was Mike's malicious face looming over me, the intent in his eyes still paralyzing me with fear, and all I could feel were his hands on my body, unwanted and unkind.

I rolled over, pulling my comforter up around me and closing my eyes, intending to try sleep, until I heard my cell phone buzzing on the night-stand.

It was a text from Jasper that made me smile.

_You know how they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder? I miss you! Is the invalid ready for visitors yet? I'm going mental with no intelligent conversation in this place! J xx_

I typed out a short reply saying he was welcome to come over, but intelligent conversation might be in short supply since my throat was still raw and I was sleep deprived to top it off.

_Hell, Boo. What you been doing in that bed all day, if not sleeping?_

I laughed, knowing where his filthy mind had gone the moment he thought about it and replied,

_Not much. Dad would chain me to the bed if he thought he could get away with it. I miss cooking, or rather, I miss the edible food that I remember came from cooking. Dad could burn water!_

A few seconds later my phone buzzed once more. The text simply read: _Be there at 5. I'll bring supplies. J xx_

I smiled widely and rolled over, hoping to catch an hour or so of sleep before school got out. I was looking forward to seeing Jasper. I hadn't seen anybody but my parents in four days and Mom's fussing and Dad's deer in the headlights, "didn't know what to do with a sick daughter" looks were both starting to grate on me. I was just glad that today, my mom had gone out shopping with her old friend from college and she wouldn't be back until late. With any luck I would be asleep by the time she got home and I wouldn't need to sit through another round of _are you feeling okay? Do you want us to call Doctor Gerandy? Don't forget to keep your fluids up. _When it came to clucking around like a mother hen, my mom could have had international honors.

When I woke, something was different. In my sluggish state I couldn't quite put my finger on it until I tried to roll over and was met with a wall of flesh and a blond, smiling face. Jasper sat casually beside me on the bed with his feet crossed at the ankles and my book in his hands. He was so engrossed in the book that he didn't notice I was awake until I poked him in the thigh.

"Oh, thank God you're awake. Your snoring was starting to drive me insane," he teased, putting my book back on the night stand, marking his page cheekily with my bookmark.

"I do _not _snore," I objected, though it wasn't nearly as emphatic as I would have liked, since my voice was still painfully raspy. "And thanks for losing my place."

"Oh come on, Boo, this way you can just start the book again. You should be thanking me. And you're right. You're really no worse than a buzz saw."

He laughed loudly at his own joke, then yelped in surprise when I pushed him so hard that he toppled off the bed. I peered over the edge to see him lying on the floor still laughing loudly.

"Touchy," he said, laughing and scraping himself up off the floor. "I brought homework, with strict instructions not to do it unless you're feeling up to it."

I reached out eagerly for the work, desperate for something to do to take my mind of being confined to my bed for more interminable days of boredom. He dug into his backpack, fishing out several sheets of paper with assignments and reading on them and I grabbed them eagerly, stowing them in the drawer of my night stand so that my parents didn't see them and realise that I planned to study.

Jasper was watching my enthusiasm with an incredulous look, shaking his head and muttering to himself.

"I wish they'd tell me to only do homework when I'm feeling up to it," he said, with a wistful smirk.

"Yeah, except that you'd probably still be in the sixth grade right now if they worked it that way."

"That's cold, Swan. Really cold." He pretended to pout at me, then a look of realization dawned on him and he jumped off the bed, saying he would be right back. A moment later he returned, looking particularly pleased with himself and pulled out a carton of ice cream from behind his back. "Speaking of cold things," he said, laughing at my expression of pure pleasure and handing over the goods.

"Aw, Frank, you brought my two favourite men with you. You spoil me." I pecked him on the cheek with a giggle before tucking in to the first edible food I had had since I fell ill.

"Oh God, so good," I moaned as the sweet, creamy goodness worked its magic on my raw throat and Jasper watched me with an amused expression.

"Do you three want to be alone?" he asked with a chuckle, attempting to delve a second spoon into the tub, but finding his progress blocked my spoon.

"Boo!" he exclaimed, his hand over his heart and a hurt look on his face. "Didn't yo' momma ever teach you to share?"

"Toys, yes. Ice cream... Not so much," I replied with a wink. "My mom knows the value of Ben and Jerry's. She would never expect me to share it with the likes of you."

He scowled at me, pouting his hardest until I relented and offered him the carton. He sat back down next to me on the bed, one arm around me and the other scooping great big chunks of the ice cream, as though he was afraid I would take it away again.

"You seem a bit better. Do you feel it?" he asked around a mouthful of ice cream.

"Yeah, I feel much better," I replied, nodding. "Didn't yo' momma ever tell you not to talk with your mouth full?"

He snorted with laughter and tightened the arm around my shoulder.

"I missed you, Boo. School isn't the same without you."

"I missed you too, Frank. How is..._ everything_?" He knew what I meant. I could tell from the sharp change in his expression. He went instantly from being playful to looking murderous and he shook his head, putting his spoon down on the side.

"He's gone. From what I've heard, Coach McCarty wouldn't let up on Principal Greene until he suspended him, pending further investigation. I think he wants to speak to you when you're back in school - see what really happened."

I tried to ignore the way my heart thumped in my chest at his mention of Mr. McCarty. But the idea of him sitting in Principal Greene's office, fighting for my honor, made me smile so wide it was impossible to hide.

"I figured you'd be glad he's gone," Jasper said, misreading my expression. "Creep."

"Yeah," I said, snuggling into his side and closing my eyes for a moment. "I'm glad."

"You know," he started, running his fingers through my hair the way he had done for years when I was upset. "You need to get better soon or you'll miss turkey day."

"Dude, I have five days still. If I'm not feeling better by then, I might just overdose on cold meds."

"Don't even joke about that, Boo," he said, but his lips held a small smile. "You know, Coach was really worried about you. I always figured he was a hard-ass, but he's asked about you every practice, making sure you're okay. He even gave the entire team a lecture about the word _no_."

I tried to hide my blush at the thought of him caring enough to ask about me, but I could feel it rising up into my cheeks and I could not hide my face in my bed covers before Jasper spotted my red cheeks. He looked confused for a long moment, one eyebrow raised in question, but when I shook my head and tried to turn away he started to grin at me and I knew he had me figured out.

"Dudette, seriously? Your English teacher?" His eyes were wide and amused and I wanted to hide or deny it vehemently or _something_, but he knew me far too well; I could never hide anything from him. Even when I was eleven years old and I was supposed to have my first kiss with Eric Yorkie in his closet in a stupid game of Seven Minutes in Heaven. Jasper knew right away that we hadn't done it and within the hour he had bribed, blackmailed and tickled the truth out of me. The truth was that I hadn't felt ready and Eric was very much in the closet, so to speak. We had agreed that nobody needed to know that we just sat in there, talking for the allotted time.

No. There was no hiding anything from Jasper.

I neither confirmed nor denied it; I just scooted down, trying to hide my burning face in the bed-covers.

"Aw, don't hide, Boo," he crooned, tugging at the covers I was desperately hiding in. "I think it's cute."

"Great," I mumbled in response, my voice muffled by the purple fabric. "Cute. Just what I want at eighteen years old, is to be called _cute_."

He laughed loudly, tweaking my nose patronizingly. Thankfully, like the true friend that he was, he let the subject drop.

It wasn't like he had a clean record when it came to crushing on inappropriate people. I didn't want to have to remind him of the time he had fallen hook, line and sinker for Mrs. Daniels, the band coach in middle school. He even started to learn to play the trumpet in an attempt to get her attention. He was terrible, but he stuck at it like a champ. He had sent her red roses on Valentine's Day and was broken hearted when she married the art teacher and ran away to New Zealand with him. He had played heartbreak well, writing terrible love songs with whiny lyrics and refusing to eat for at least six hours before his hunger got the better of him.

As the evening went on, although I was enjoying Jasper's company, my eyes began to droop and my head felt heavy. Sleep had been fairly elusive all week, and when it came it was disturbing and shattered constantly by bad dreams. So I didn't fight the drowsiness when it overtook me, and I felt a small smile creep onto my face as Jasper started singing the song from _Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory _to me quietly, just the way my mom did when I was a little girl.

I didn't remember exactly when I dropped off, but it was the first undisturbed rest I'd had since leaving the school on Monday. Instead of Mike's eyes and hands, I dreamed instead about a pair of sparkling blue eyes, looking at me for the first time, not as a student, but as an equal - as something more, maybe.

**Emmett McCarty POV**

Bella never came back to school that week. Unfortunately, after Mr. Newton left, the team got the brunt of my anger in the form of a lecture about the word no and the dire importance of respecting it in any capacity.

I knew it was risky and stupid, but I couldn't stop myself from asking Jasper how she was doing. She had looked so fragile and broken when I'd left her in the nurse's office that it haunted me in my dreams. No woman should ever have to go through that and anyone with a mother or sister should have the good sense to see that. It was diabolical. Worse than that, it was _Bella_, the girl that was forbidden yet whom still invaded my thoughts at night.

Of course the principal, Howard Greene, caved to the pressure of Mike Newton Sr., and revoked the suspension. I wasn't having that. The fact that he wasn't being punished for his crimes rubbed me the wrong way and I found myself in the principal's office, throwing my weight around.

"I want him gone, Howard," I said, pacing the small space on the other side of the desk, my anger a living breathing creature that seemed to fill the small office to capacity.

"Emmett, I can appreciate what you're saying, but they're kids."

"And that's an excuse?" I seethed, stopping to face him. "If you let him back in the school you're telling him that his behavior was acceptable, that there won't be a punishment for forcing himself on the female populace of the school. Is that really a message you want to send?"

"It's out of my hands, Emmett."

"Yeah, somehow I doubt that. You either reinstate the suspension or I will go to the school board. It's not a situation based on circumstantial evidence; I saw what he was doing. Have you considered what could have happened if I hadn't had a phone call?"

"Mr. Newton-"

"Can shove it. I don't care how much money the ass has. This is a state-run school and he has no say in how it's run. If you want me to go ahead, keep him in school."

Howard sighed and leaned into his intercom. "Mrs. Cope, could you find what class Mike Newton is in and have him sent to my office, please."

Mrs. Cope let him know he'd been heard and the phone went silent.

"You're doing the right thing, Howard."

He grumbled at me, but I left his office feeling more triumphant. Passing Mike Newton in the hall seemed to knock the smirk right off of his face, and the color drained from him. I finally felt satisfied that he'd realized how much he'd screwed up. Thinking that his daddy could buy him out of any situation wasn't a precedent that I wanted to set for him. The sooner he realized he wasn't above the law, the better.

The rest of the week held nothing for me other than Alice's constant phone calls. It was as though she was checking to make sure she hadn't imagined my answer the last time she called. It was also to relay to me that James was no longer needed and he didn't need to hang around the house with her.

The week began dragging long before Friday, and if I hadn't had a game Friday night I would have canceled the practice we had scheduled. Jasper had settled in well as quarterback, but that didn't mean the others didn't need work.

When Jasper showed up at my office, requesting to miss practice so he could take Bella some work, I agreed and tried to fight that small, alien feeling of jealousy that lodged itself behind my sternum.

Taking five minutes in my office before I met the guys on the team, there was a quiet knock on the door frame that pulled my attention from the recipe for apple pie that I was considering making to bring home for Thanksgiving.

It took me only a second to figure out who was stood in front of me. His well-starched uniform and shiny shoes were a give away for his profession, but it was the dark, subtly curled hair and warm brown eyes that gave me the name. Well, that and his name tag when I looked for confirmation.

"Mr. McCarty?"

"Yes, sir. You must be Chief Swan. I've been expecting a visit from you." I stood up and offered my hand, which he took and shook with more force than I'd been expecting. "Would you like a seat, sir?"

He gave me a kind smile and looked around as I slapped the top of my laptop down.

"It's been nineteen years since I was last in this office," he said quietly, shifting his belt and gun so he could sit. He had Bella's kind eyes, but I found the uniform intimidating.

"You played?"

"Running back. You've done well with the team, Coach. I don't think we've been anywhere near a championship since the fifties."

I laughed and found myself relaxing a little. Sports always helped men find a common ground, and I was glad that he seemed to be in the mood to put me at ease.

"I just wanted to stop by and tell you thank you for what you did for Bella. She only just told me what happened, and it seems to me that you're the only reason she's doing as well as she is. She doesn't want to press charges and I guess I know why. Everyone in town is intimidated by the Newtons' money."

"You don't seem to be, if you don't mind me saying."

"I went to school with Mike Senior. Let's just say the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree there. Jasper also told me what you did when Greene caved and brought Mike back on Tuesday. You got a lot of guts, kid, and I like that. When my daughter's involved it works even more in your favor. I was just hoping that you would keep an eye on her. I know the Newton kid is inevitably gonna be let back in, and I would feel much better with an extra set of eyes and ears on my little girl. I don't want to invade her privacy, I just don't want Mike Newton within a hundred feet of her."

"Believe me, there's no question of that happening. I threw him off the team, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to keep an eye on him. To be quite honest, Jasper probably isn't going to let him within a thousand feet of her anyway."

"Jasper's a good kid, been Bella's best friend as long as I can remember, but if you taking care of it stops him from getting his happy butt in trouble, I'd appreciate it. Bella may not want to press charges, but the Newtons won't blink at hauling that kid up on assault charges."

"Makes sense. To be honest, Chief Swan, I'm sorry that I didn't walk down that corridor sooner than I did. He didn't get far, but it was still too far in my opinion."

"Yes well, I think I'm better off with as little detail as possible when it comes to this. Bella told me the bare minimum, but I got the gist of the situation. I think if I were to hear any more, the kid may have more tickets than he can count and my officers will be investigated for their outstanding work with a repeat offender."

I threw my head back and laughed. Chief Swan reminded me very much of his daughter. He had a quiet humor and a quick wit that you wouldn't see unless you were paying attention. He was a good man, which made a twinge of guilt smack me in the ventricular cavity. I was dreaming about his daughter at night.

"Well, I guess I should head to work, but I just want to thank you again. I think the school made a smart move hiring you."

I smiled and offered my hand again as we both stood from our seats.

"It was good meeting you, Chief Swan."

"Charlie, call me Charlie."

"Then please, call me Emmett."

He gave me a smile that made his mustache twitch, before rearranging his utility belt and heading out the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I kept the weekend for myself before heading home for Thanksgiving. Mom and Alice had been alternating with their phone calls all week. My dad was too busy trying to hide from the women in his life to harass me. He hid every Thanksgiving, including the week leading up to it, because he knew what Alice and Mom were like when it came to cooking. When I was nine, he'd moved a mini refrigerator into his study and that's where he stayed while he was home. I knew it's where I would be, too. I learned my lesson a long time ago.

"Emmett," Mom called, throwing open the door as I pulled up into the driveway. "You look skinny. Have you been eating?"

Alice laughed from behind her. Her blue eyes, almost the exact shade of mine, sparkling with excitement.

"Yes, Ma. Just been working out in the gym."

"You kids and your muscles." She grinned, patting my cheek before pulling me into a bear hug. The woman was barely five foot three and she still had the strength to throw around my six feet five inches. "I missed you, baby."

"I missed you too, Ma," I laughed, stepping out of her embrace and grabbing for Alice. I hugged her and stood upright so her feet dangled almost two feet from the ground. I forgot how tiny she really was.

"Emmett," she half screamed and half laughed, slapping my shoulders. "You're such a woolly mammoth. Put me down, Sasquatch."

"Do you hear this?" I chuckled, looking at my mom with innocent eyes.

"Put your sister down and go say hi to your dad. He's-."

"In his study," Alice and I said together as I dropped her to her feet.

"Hey, Emmett," Alice called after me, but I waved her off. I knew what she was going to ask and I wasn't going to start an argument with our dad on my first day home. Mom had been working on him, so it wouldn't take much when the time came.

I knocked on the door of Dad's man cave before entering and shut Alice out behind me.

"Hey, Pops," I said, sliding into the leather recliner that matched his and took the beer he handed me. I popped it open and took a mouthful before relaxing into the chair and letting the warmth spread through me with the small amount of alcohol.

The two of us sat in companionable silence until there was a commercial break. That was typical of Dad; he had such focus. He was aware something was going on around him, but he just went with it. I guess it was all part of the territory. Being an air traffic controller made his observation skills crazy.

"So, your mother has been trying to convince me to send Ally-Cat home with you. Is that your doing?" he asked, cutting to the point. "Asking your mother to be subtle is like asking an elephant to tip-toe, son. It just ain't gonna happen."

"Maybe it's just no one can get anything past you, old man," I teased, taking another mouthful of beer.

"Well? What's your argument?" he smiled, muting the TV and leaning forward.

"She's miserable, Pa. I know she's your baby and you want her close, but much more of this and she's gonna crack. I just want to give her a chance to make some friends. It's a small town, the kids are nice, and I think it will bring up her grades as well. Alice is a good kid, but she's always been picked on. I just want her to have one year of high school that she can look back on with a smile."

"It's that bad?"

"I've had James stick close to her for the last three weeks. I know you love this city, but it's not good for kids, especially not freaks of nature who like listening at doors," I said, raising my voice.

"Bite me," Alice said through the door, before pushing it open. "I think I should have a say in this, too."

Dad looked between the two of us and nodded. "Get your ma, child. We'll talk this out then get on with it."

Alice beamed and disappeared, not leaving a sound behind her as she bounded toward the kitchen where mom was inevitably cooking enough for a small army already. Dad looked at me and held up his beer and I pushed my bottle against his, making a small clink. He knew he would be the balance that tipped the scale. Mom, though she would miss Alice and go through some pretty bad empty nest syndrome, only wanted Alice to be happy.

"What's this about, Conner?" Mom asked, stepping in the room while still wiping her hands on the dish towel. "I'm cooking."

"You think I haven't noticed that, woman?" he asked with a half laugh. "It'll only take a minute."

She took a seat and gave me a wink that wasn't missed by anyone in the room. Dad laughed and gave me an 'I told you so' look. I nodded, telling him the point was taken.

"Alice, this is about you, so why don't you start?" Dad said, watching her fidget on the couch next to Mom.

"I want to live with Emmett for the duration of my senior year. My conflict with Victoria and her group has become too distracting and I have no one here I can talk to. At least at Emmett's school no one will know about me. I won't have to deal with things people assume about me and I'll have a chance to make friends, maybe even go to the prom. I know you don't understand the problem here, but because I don't wear brand names and have a brother who is a legend, there's a preconceived notion that no one wants to even attempt to get past. I'm not asking you to understand the hell I've been through since I started high school, all I ask is that you see that I need to get away and find myself before I go to college."

"Emmett? What are your thoughts on this? You're the one she'll be staying with."

"I'd be happy to have her. I know some of this falls on my shoulders. Please don't ask me to explain it, but I think Alice has a chance of fitting in and if she works hard, maybe even making straight A's. I don't think she'll have problems making friends, either."

"So that leaves you, Momma?" he said, his eyes crinkling in the corners with reverence as he watched her.

Twenty-eight years together and they were still as much in love as they had been the day they met. When I fell in love, I wanted it to be like that for me. To start every day looking into the eyes of the woman I loved and feeling that amazement she was mine.

"As much as I will miss her, I think she needs to do this. She's miserable, and I think Emmett's right: in the right atmosphere she will excel."

"Daddy?" Alice asked in her sweetest voice, her blue eyes wide and a stark contrast to her dark hair. "You know I love you, but I have to do this. Please. Please."

I could see him caving. The old man was great at reading people, but was an open book if you knew what to look for. Alice was his baby, his little girl, his princess; I know why he was reluctant to let her go.

"On one condition," he said gruffly, leaning forward and holding Alice's chin between his thumb and index finger gently. "You cause your brother any problem, he sends you home. He works at the school so I am trusting you to be on your best behavior."

Alice grinned and sprang into his lap, her arms closing around his neck as she squealed with joy. Mom got up from her seat and put her hand on my shoulder with a gentle nod. Subtle or not, she got the job done, and Alice got her way.

"Right then, I'll go make dinner," Ma said gently, stepping out of the room and leaving the scene behind. This was going to be hard for her. She had thought she had another year with her baby.

I hung around the house for most of Thanksgiving break. I hated this neighborhood and as much as I loved my childhood home, I missed my apartment. I missed the little town I lived in. The city held no appeal to me as an adult. I'd run these streets and done everything I shouldn't while I was young. What appeal could it have any more?

James came to visit the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. I was surprised at how lucid he was. The meds were doing well for him.

"Hey, man," I laughed, giving him the hand shake/shoulder bump combo. "How's life treating ya?"

"I work at the mill, how do you think it's treating me?"

"Well, you look older."

"Shove it up your ass, man," he chuckled, falling onto the couch next to Alice and putting his arm around her shoulders. She rolled her eyes and continued reading her book. "It has good health benefits. Can't ask for more than that."

"I hear you, man. Listen, thanks for backing Ali up."

"Even though I told him not to bother," Alice piped in, shrugging off James' arm.

"Hey, kid, I had your back regardless. You should have come to me."

"And what, pray tell, would that have solved? You had way too much fun screwing with them."

"Call it payback," he laughed shrugging. "Believe me I know how it feels. Before your big bro befriended me, I was in the same boat, kid."

"Yeah, yeah, I heard the story," she teased, elbowing him in the ribs. "But it's goodbye for me, bucko. I have an out. I'm going to live with Emmy."

"That's good, maybe you can chill a little bit," he laughed. "No one your age should have the vocabulary you do."

Alice rolled her eyes and shut her book. Stepping over James' legs, she headed toward the stairs and grinned. "I'm going to pack. You boys have a nice visit."

"See ya, squirt."

Alice gave him the finger, making him laugh, and climbed the rest of the stairs, leaving us alone.

James hadn't really changed much, with the exception of his now outstanding normality. He told me all the problems Alice had, and let me know where some of the other guys had ended up since leaving town. It was nice to hear that some of them had escaped.

Nothing much happened for the rest of the week after he left. Thanksgiving was filled with good food and football as it always was, followed by a nap and movie marathon, which was a tradition we'd started as kids.

Before I knew it, I was packing Alice's things into my car and watching my mom shed tears as she held her close to her. I knew that this was bittersweet for Alice. She loved our parents, but she couldn't stay locked up in the house for the rest of the year. I gave my dad a hug and watched as Alice once again launched herself at him, this time in tears.

Mom wrapped her arms around my waist and I hugged her back, whispering words of comfort to her and promised to look after my baby sister with my life. It took an hour of hugs and tears before we were in the car and pulling out of the drive.

I was happy to be going home, and though i would never admit it to myself, I was anticipating seeing Bella again. It had been two weeks and I wanted to see with my own eyes that she was all right.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Thank you for reading! 3<strong>_


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: **_ _**Alice has landed, it seems! **_

_**I just wanna thank you guys for your patience, and for your continued support. Hev and I are always so floored with the response we get. You're all so wonderful so I would like to say thank you to all of you that read, alert, favorite and review. We have no words to thank you for that! **_

_**We would also like to thank our amazing beta, TheHeartOfLife1. She always makes our words look pretty and we appreciate her and her time**__**. **__**Thanks, hunnie! **_

_**On a personal note I would like to say how much love writing with Hev99 (aka Bobble). You're an amazing friend and an amazing writer and it has been such a pleasure writing with you! I love you, munchkin!**_

_**Weezy xxx**_

**Letting Go Of Maybe**

**Chapter 6**

**Isabella Swan POV**

By the time Thanksgiving rolled around, I was completely tired of my bed. I could give a detailed map of every lump and bump in my mattress, tell you how many spots there were on the old artex ceiling and could recite practically every word of my extensive book collection, including one copy of _Pride and Prejudice_ in Spanish. Senora Goff _would _be impressed.

When my parents _finally _deemed me fit and well enough to get out and about, school had finished for the Thanksgiving vacation and, despite my mother's best efforts, I had lost what Jasper described as half my body weight, but was more realistically likely to be a few pounds. Looking in the mirror, I had to admit that I looked a bit of a mess. My eyes looked sunken into my face and there were purple, bruise-like shadows beneath them, making me look as though I had come off worst in a fight. My skin was pale - almost opaque in the dim light of my bedroom; I was in desperate need of some vitamin D.

Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, Jasper turned up on the doorstep at ridiculous o'clock in the morning, knowing that I was finally free from the confines of my achingly dull prison, promising to take me somewhere to get some fresh air and to train my stomach for my mom's turkey the following day. I didn't tell him that I didn't think any amount of training would have me ready for anything more substantial than soup for a good few days. He was so enthusiastic about finally being able to hang out with me without being stuck in my bedroom; his happiness was infectious and I found myself more than excited to get out.

He dragged me from the house by the hand, completely ignoring the fact that my muscles were sloppy and weak from disuse, and actually looking surprised when I tripped, unable to keep up with him.

"Easy, Frank, let's not run before we can walk," I joked, picking myself up. "Literally," I added with a wink.

"Sorry, Boo, got carried away," he apologized, scuffing his feet adorably.

"Come on," I said, taking his hand once more and pulling him, slower this time, to his car.

Jasper drove to Port Angeles in his usual manner, completely disregarding the speed limits all the way there. His driving habits were the only thing I could ever remember he and my father coming to blows over. He drove far too fast, but I had to admit that I felt safer in a vehicle with him than my erratic mother, who would stamp on the brakes randomly every few miles, claiming to test that they were still working. My dad always joked affectionately, saying that she was made for a different time. Her aversion to technology of any kind was a standing joke in the family.

Port Angeles was busy, with people bustling here and there, preparing for the holiday. Trussed up in all the layers my mom had insisted on, (despite my protests that I was eighteen years old and perfectly capable of dressing myself to go out in the cold), I barely felt the biting cold that had people scurrying quickly from shop to shop. Jasper and I felt like the odd ones out, walking along sedately, enjoying the fresh air and the holiday atmosphere.

We walked slowly, chatting quite happily about life, the universe and everything, the way we always had and I hoped we always would. Things were always comfortable with Jasper. He had been my best friend for as long as I could remember and we rarely ran out of things to say. If we did it was simple, we just enjoyed each other's company in silence. He was the only person in the world that I trusted with my deepest, darkest secrets and dreams. The only time things had ever become at all awkward between us was in the seventh grade when we were thirteen and realizing that I was a girl and he was a boy. It was a simple thing that we probably should have realised from a young age, but the idea of gender roles had never even occurred to us before. He had always just been Jasper, my best friend, the guy who knew where the spare key to my house was kept and the only male who was allowed in my bedroom without the door being left open.

And then one day at school, we were minding our own business in the dining room, sharing a plate of fries, when one of Jasper's football buddies slammed down in the seat next to him and said, "Eating lunch with your _girlfriend_ again, Hale?" Logically of course, what should have happened was for us to put him straight and carry on as usual.

Yeah, right.

All of a sudden, Jasper was my friend who was a boy. He had Y chromosomes and a... thingy. I, in turn, was his friend who was a girl, with breasts and an impending crimson wave that would have me hurling abuse at him for five to seven days of the month. At thirteen, suddenly we each looked at the other completely differently and feelings happened. Said feelings were very quickly suppressed, thought, when, having been trusted alone in his parents' house one night, we explored his father's drinks cabinet. A few sips of bourbon later we were silly and giggling like... well, like thirteen year olds in a liquor cabinet, and, in true boy suddenly sees girl style, he leaned forward and kissed me. Pulling back, we looked at each other with raised eyebrows, agreed that it was uncomfortable and disgusting, and decided that it was never, _ever _going to happen again.

Since then everything had gone back to normal, and he was Jasper, my best friend who, no matter what people said, was always just my friend. Our spark was wholly and completely platonic and I had no doubt that it always would be. I loved him with all of my heart and would have walked on hot coals for him, but the thought of being any more than friends made both of us shudder.

When we started to pass the one and only decent bookshop this side of Seattle, I tugged on his arm that was linked with mine, gazing at the shop front longingly. He rolled his eyes, turning toward the door and making a big display of looking at his watch, knowing how long I could be once I got a whiff of the books.

I danced down the steps, suddenly finding a reserve of energy at the sight of the rows and rows of books, tugging Jasper along behind me. He laughed loudly at my enthusiasm, and I was just turning to glare at him when I stopped dead in my tracks, my blood freezing in my veins at the sight of the couple who paid at the cash register then turned towards the door.

I wanted to turn and run, to get away, but my body was frozen in place, staring with complete shock into the face of Mike Newton, who was standing, watching me with a sly smirk, hand in hand with my supposed friend, Jessica.

I could feel Jasper's hands on my upper arms, trying to steer me away, but I couldn't move.

She was still with him.

She was my friend and he...he... And she was still with him.

One glance at her malicious expression told me what I couldn't handle knowing.

Falling to my knees, I realized that she didn't believe me. There was no way she could have escaped hearing about what happened; virtually the whole school had called my dad to find out how I was, and yet... And yet here she was, hand in hand with the guy who, had he not been interrupted, could have done anything he wanted to me. I truly believed that if it hadn't been for Mr. McCarty, he could and would have raped me. School corridor or not.

"Bella?" Jasper's voice registered on the peripheries of my mind, but I couldn't quite work out how to respond to him. I could feel his hands on my face and hear his angrily whispered words, directed at Mike and Jessica.

"Get out," he hissed at them, never taking his eyes off me. I hoped against hope that they would listen to him and just go, but I should have known better.

"You might have that ignoramus McCarty wrapped around your little finger, but you don't give the orders around here, Hale. You don't want to see us, _you _leave. I don't think we were done yet, were we, Jess?" Mike's nasally voice sneered, obviously lying; they had been heading for the exit when we spotted them.

"Listen to me, you little snot-weasel," Jasper snarled, his hands disappearing sharply from my face. When I finally looked up, he was pinning Mike to one of the tall bookcases by his collar. "The only reason you're not looking at your _girlfriend_ from behind bars is because Bella is too sweet to put you there. But, if you don't get your sleazy, criminal ass out of here this second, I will call the authorities for her and see that you get what you deserve for what you tried to do to her."

"Wait a second, he..." Jess started, but stopped when Mike put his hand on her arm.

"Don't bother, Jess. Let's just go," he interrupted, earning himself a shocked look. She began to question him as they started for the doors, shooting me one last disdainful glance, before slamming it behind her.

A heavy silence fell over the bookshop as the shopkeeper eyed Jasper with suspicion. He was standing, one hand braced on the bookshelf in front of him and his head resting on his arm. His free hand was shaking by his side and his face was flushed with anger.

"Jasper," I whispered, unsure whether I ought to leave him to calm down on his own. But my quiet word seemed to pull him out of whatever trance he was falling into and he was by my side in less than a second.

"God, Boo, are you alright? I'm so sorry." His hand encased mine, tugging lightly and pulling me to my feet, where he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tightly into his chest.

"I'm okay," I mumbled into his chest, rubbing his back lightly in reassurance. I was certain that he needed it more than I did in that moment. "Can we go home? I don't want to bump into them again."

He nodded his assent and we made our way back to his car in a subdued silence, neither of us feeling much like talking. Jasper put the radio on softly on the way home and I spent most of the journey peering through the window, watching the scenery going by as it gradually changed from the buildings and shop fronts of Port Angeles to the wet, green forests of Forks. There was something comforting in the familiarity of the trees rushing past in a blur, and as the heat blasted out of the vents and the soft music filled my ears, I felt safe again.

Mike Newton was an ass and I hated him, and Jessica had chosen her path; there was nothing I could do about that. But I would not spend the rest of my life indoors, hoping to avoid running into them. In a few days I would have to go back to school and face everybody, and I would find out where the lines were drawn. I knew I would always be able to count on Jasper, and as long as I had him by my side, I could live with the rest.

As though he could sense what I was thinking, Jasper's hand left the steering wheel for a moment, reaching over and squeezing my hand. He didn't have to say anything, he was just there.

"Maybe we could go back, after Thanksgiving?" I offered quietly.

He made me giggle with his response, when he covered his mouth in mock surprise, saying, "Boo! Are you offering to take me out shopping on Black Friday? I thought you'd never ask." I slapped his arm gently, but he smiled widely, having achieved his objective. I was smiling and laughing again, and the mood in the car lifted considerably. By the time he pulled onto my driveway I had almost forgotten about Mike the slime-ball and was smiling broadly when I went inside, greeted happily by my parents.

Thanksgiving was quiet, as it always was. My mom cooked way too much food, much of which I was unable to eat, since my stomach was still getting used to solid foods again. My dad drank too much beer and watched football and I enjoyed spending the day with my family and watching the parade on TV.

Jasper called in the afternoon to plan our shopping trip the following day.

"You're serious?" I asked, laughing at the thought of him actually wanting to go shopping on the craziest day of the year.

"Yeah, sure. Why not?"

"Do you really want me to answer that question? You _hate _shopping."

"Yeah, but Momma Hale says that shopping on Black Friday is something I need to get used to if I want to make someone a good husband one day." He snorted at the idea, before adding, "I think she was trying to make a point, since she was glaring at my dad at the time. He's refused to take her every year for as long as I can remember."

I laughed and agreed that we would go, as long as we could go back to the bookshop. I hadn't got my fix on Wednesday and I still needed something new to read.

If I thought Port Angeles was busy on Wednesday, it was nothing to the complete insanity of Friday. The streets were thick with people rushing around, desperate for the bargains that each shop professed to be selling "for one day only". Everywhere we went we were surrounded by women looking determined, many of them being trailed by surly, bored-looking men carrying lots of bags.

"Wow," breathed Jasper after one particularly harassed looking woman bustled past, hollering instructions back to a particularly down-trodden looking man. "Good job you're so low maintenance, huh, Boo?"

I pushed him, laughing and reminding him that this was _his_ idea, and I was the down-trodden husband in the scenario.

Laughing, we made our way to the bookshop, hoping to find it free of scumbags this time. Thankfully when we entered it was blessedly free of people, but for one young-looking girl who was sat cross-legged on the floor by my favourite section. The classics. I beamed brightly at her when I saw which book she was holding, flicking through the pages of _To Kill A Mockingbird_. She smiled shyly back at me, not saying anything until Jasper noticed what she was holding. Of course he couldn't resist.

"Oh Boo, I think you found your long-lost kindred spirit. Look what she's reading."

She looked slightly alarmed at first, as though she believed he was teasing her, but when he flashed her his most charming smile, she blushed and looked back at the book.

She was tiny, looked maybe a year or two younger than us, with jet black hair held back in a pony tail, and bright blue eyes that looked somehow familiar.

"Oh, uh, I've never read it. I need it for school, for English class," she explained, still looking a little unsure.

"It's the best book you'll ever read. Trust me," I replied, smiling.

"That's what my brother told me."

"Maybe I need to get me a copy," Jasper interrupted, surprising me, since the only interest he'd ever shown in my favourite book before was teasing me over my love for it.

I was turning to him to call him on that when I noticed the way he was looking at her. His smile had softened and his eyes were wide, watching her as she shifted onto her knees as if to stand, and offering her a chivalrous hand to help her up.

"Thank you," she whispered, smiling up at him through her eyelashes.

"All part of the service, little darlin'," he replied, pulling out the southern drawl he learned from his father, that he only used when he was trying to seduce somebody. "I'm Jasper, this is Bella, but call her Boo, she really likes it." He offered her his hand once more, which she took, shaking it and looking slightly unsure of herself.

"I'm Alice," she said, her hand dropping to her side when Jasper released it. "I just moved here. Well, kind of. I'm staying with my brother about an hour away. Little town called Forks."

"What a coincidence," Jasper drawled, draping an arm around her shoulder with more familiarity than was strictly appropriate, considering we only just met her. "You'll be going to Forks High, I presume?"

She nodded her head, looking back down to where she was still gripping the book. She looked like she was battling some shyness and suddenly I wondered whether Jasper had inadvertently hit the proverbial nail on the head, when he said that she was my kindred spirit. Knowing how I would feel, walking into a new school all alone on my first day, I shuddered and asked her if she wanted to travel to school with us on Monday.

"Really?" she asked, looking at me with wide, surprised eyes and a smile tugging at her lips. She looked a little like she was fighting tears and I wondered why such a small display of kindness had her lips quivering and her eyes shining with unshed tears.

"Of course, as long as you can live with Frank's driving. He thinks he's the Stig."

She giggled at that and her face lit up in a smile that seemed familiar somehow. I couldn't quite place it, but there was something about her that seemed weirdly familiar.

"Where are you transferring from?" I asked, wondering if it was possible we had met before somewhere.

"Portland. I've lived there my whole life, but I wanted... _needed_ to get out." Something in her tone told me that her reason for wanting to get out wasn't something she wished to discuss.

"Well, welcome to sunny Forks," Jasper joked, gesturing to the snow-laced sidewalk outside the shop window. "Rainiest place in the good ol' U S of A, apparently. We're very proud of that title." She laughed loudly at his ridiculous expression of pride and I could see her shoulders relax just a little. She was obviously a little nervous - edgy, and I hoped Jasper's goofing around and familiarity would help her to feel comfortable and not scare her away.

"So what brings you to Port Angeles on this beautifully tranquil Black Friday?" Jasper's question made both Alice and I snort with laughter. If there was one word I would have used to describe the city that day, _tranquil_ would not have made the list of the top hundred.

"I need supplies for school. My brother gave me a book-list and I need some files and things. He refused to go anywhere near the shops today, so he dropped me off and he's picking me up when I'm done."

"No need, we'll give you a ride," Jasper suggested with a smile. "No point in him driving all the way out here in the snow when we're headed back that way anyway, right?"

"Oh... I... Uh... Really? No. I couldn't. I don't want to intrude on your date." She stammered back and forth looking shocked and unsure, until her last when both Jasper and I fell about laughing.

"Oh no," I finally managed to get out when I saw the look of confusion on her face. "We're not on a date, don't worry about that. Frank and I are most decidedly _just_ friends."

"Who's Frank?" she asked, still looking baffled.

"Guilty." Jasper raised his hand with a smile. "Boo likes to try and get her own back for the mental torture I inflict on her daily by giving me a nickname that is supposed to hauntingly remind me of one of my less than brilliant moments."

She stood, looking back and forth between us for a long moment, as though she was weighing us up, deciding if we were trustworthy. She must have seen something she trusted there, as she pulled out her cell phone, saying, "I'll have to call my brother, make sure it's okay. You're sure you don't mind? I don't want to be any trouble."

Once she was convinced she was not a bother for us and her brother had confirmed that it was alright, providing that if we turned out to be axe murderers, she was responsible for telling their parents, she accepted.

It was interesting to see how differently she acted on the phone with her older brother, whom she obviously held a lot of affection for. She bantered back and forth with him just like Jasper and I always did and it was nice to see what I assumed was the real Alice, rather than the slightly terrified and very unsure girl we had spoken with so far.

I could see Jasper watching her too, with something akin to wonder on his face. When he turned to me, I raised one eyebrow at him, earning myself "the look" and a good-natured tug on my ponytail. Yeah. He liked her. No smart-mouthed reply or quick-witted shoot down meant that he liked her. I smiled at the thought. She seemed nice and Jasper deserved nothing but the very best.

She stayed with us for the rest of the day, molding into our day as though she was always supposed to be a part of it. She loosened up progressively as the day went along, and by the time we slouched back to Jasper's car, foot-sore and tired, she was joining in with our jibes and mocking as though she was a part of our friendship that we never realized was missing.

The ride home seemed shorter than ever, with insults flying around the car at an almost dizzying rate. By the time Jasper pulled up outside a small, cottage-like building with a red front door and an old, dilapidated truck parked outside, I had a stomach ache from laughing so much.

"This is me," Alice said, pulling her bags together and opening the car door. As the frozen air from outside rushed into the car at the first opportunity, she hesitated, turning back to us both with a shy smile. "Do you want to come in? We could watch a movie or something... if you wanted to," she added quickly, looking unsure despite the fun we had had all day with her.

"Boo?" Jasper turned to me for my response, which was an enthusiastic nod. I wasn't in any rush to get back to my four walled prison any time soon, and I could see that Jasper was keen to get to know Alice a little better.

She looked a little surprised, but pleased when we both stepped out of the car and linked an arm each with her as she walked up to the house.

Inside, the house was simple but homely. It seemed like her brother was still in the process of moving in. Although it was neat and furnished throughout, there was a few packing boxes still dotted here and there, and there were stacks of books everywhere, maybe awaiting shelves to make their home. I was immediately drawn to these piles, scanning the titles and seeing that Alice's brother was extremely well read. Several of my favourites were there, along with some that I had only ever dreamed of reading. There were classics, poetry books, plays, modern novels, biographies and even books about history, art and music and one about classic and sports cars. It was the best, most eclectic book collection I had ever seen and for one moment I felt like I was in a library, the place I felt the most at home in the world.

Shamelessly prying through this beautiful collection of literature, I happened across a stunningly bound copy of_ To Kill A Mockingbird_. It was bound thickly in faded green leather, with golden writing to match the page edges, which shone in the sunlight that crept through the window, despite its obvious age. I could smell the mustiness of old book and inhaled deeply, enjoying the familiar scent as I tentatively held one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen in my hands.

I recalled Alice's words in the bookshop when she said that this was also her brother's favourite book, and I suddenly felt terribly envious of this unknown man, that he had such a beautifully fine copy amongst his collection. He had another, much more well-read copy in amongst his paperbacks, which I had already come across. But this... this was a treasure.

I reverently placed the book back where I found it, treating it more like a holy relic than just words on paper, bound in leather, and looked up to see that both Jasper and Alice were watching me with amused smiles.

"Sorry," I said, sheepishly stepping away from the books.

Alice just smiled and led us up to her bedroom. The room was virtually empty, except for the furniture, and she explained that she only moved in that day and she hadn't even unpacked yet. There was, however, a king sized bed in the center of the room, which she flopped down on, inviting us to join her.

"I have no idea what's in the kitchen, but whatever there is I'm sure you're welcome to it. Can I get you guys drinks or a snack or anything?" She sort of bounced her way to the edge of the bed and jumped off in a maneuver that would have had me in a heap on the floor, but she landed perfectly on her two feet, like a gymnast.

Having our orders of two drinks of anything cold, she bobbed out of the room happily, giving me directions to the bathroom as requested.

"I'll be right back," I said to Jasper, who was lounging back on the huge bed, cushioning his head with his arms and looking right at home. "Try not to get into any mischief while I'm gone."

"Yes ma'am," he said back, saluting me jokingly.

"_Last door on the right," _I muttered to myself, making my way along the hall and reining in my desire to stop and look at the bookcase that was stationed at the top of the stairs, like a sentry.

Reaching for the handle to the last door on the right, I jumped back in shock as it twisted and the door began to open. My hand on my heart, I watched with wide eyes as a familiar figure came into view.

"Oh, Bella, be careful. I think my brother's in the-"

"Shower," I finished for Alice, just a moment too late and still staring at the towel wrapped body in front of me.

"Isabella? What the-?" Mr McCarty asked, completely shocked. Both of us were unable to move: me completely transfixed by the naked and dripping wet torso in front of me, his modesty just barely covered with the towel that was wrapped around his waist, and he, utterly shocked to see one of his pupils - one he didn't especially like, at that - standing outside his bathroom.

I stared shamelessly at him, unable to move my eyes away from his perfect body, no matter how much my mind screamed at me that I was gawping at my half-naked and very angry English teacher. His chest looked as though it had been chiseled from marble, with beautifully defined muscles in all the right places and water glistening as it ran in rivulets down from his soaking wet curls.

Somewhere on the peripheries of my mind I heard another door opening and then Jasper's voice rung out in the tense silence.

"Whoa, Alice, _that's _your brother?" Nobody replied, but in a flash my vision went black as Jasper's hand covered my eyes and he pulled me back, saying, "Come on, Boo, let the poor man dress. I reckon this is our cue to leave."

I allowed him to steer my body towards the stairs where he released my eyes once Mr. McCarty was out of my field of vision. Alice was standing at the top of the stairs with a tray of glasses, looking more than a little devastated.

"No, don't leave, please?"

"Alice, your big brother is my _English teacher,_" I hissed, completely mortified at the way I had been ogling him only a moment ago. "I don't think he's too happy to see us."

"We'll stay in my bedroom," she pleaded, looking towards the bathroom, where he was still standing, looking shell-shocked. He nodded curtly once, before finally seeming to find his feet again and quickly exiting the hall into a room opposite and slamming the door shut behind him.

**Emmett POV Chapter 6**

The drive back to Forks with Alice was filled with her idle chatter. She was more excited than I'd anticipated. Her questions were more often than not about the school and the kids she would undoubtedly meet. They were the kind of questions that should have been easy to answer, but being on the teacher side made me see things differently and I wasn't sure how to answer her.

Were the kids nice? Well as far as I knew, yes, but there were elements of that I didn't know. I had never really thought about the divide between teachers and students before, but being faced with that question now I wasn't sure. I would never have assumed that Mike Newton would stoop to the level he had with Bella. Sure, I knew he wasn't the most amiable person to begin with, but it didn't mean I would expect him to do what he'd done. That was the work of a sociopath, which, looking back, it was very possible he could have been. Maybe he should have sought counseling, because it was inevitable that they would try to get him back into school. I knew the suspension wouldn't last forever. Unfortunately.

Needless to say, it was amazing just how much a teacher could hide out of view when they wanted to.

"Okay, your vague answers are boring me," Alice teased, turning slightly in her seat so she could see me. "Tell me something hopeful. Lie if you have to."

"You get to go shopping for school supplies today." I smirked, letting my eyes move to her briefly. With the wall of trees surrounding us, as well as the hairpin curves, I wasn't wild about taking my eyes of the roads.

"Yay," she replied, her tone dripping with sarcasm. "Black Friday is exactly the time to wander into the unknown, not to mention the fact that it's snowing!"

"Man up, Squirt. You wanna live in Forks, you have to get used to this kind of weather. At least you have the uniform down," I said, thinking about that first day and talking to Isabella on the bleachers. It seemed to me like she and Alice had the same taste in clothes.

"That at least makes me a little more hopeful. Do you think they'll accept me? I mean, it would make sense that most of these kids have known one another since Pre-K, you don't think they'll look at me as some kind of interloper or something?"

"Alice, you have a lot to learn about small town life. You're going to be the most exciting thing to happen since . . . Well, me."

"Holy crap, Emmett! Your vanity knows no bounds. You know that?"

I shrugged and gave her a grin. It hadn't been what I'd meant, but she'd see exactly what I meant after she got to school. In all honesty, I was hoping that it would take away some of the rumors and constant buzz about the Bella/Mike incident, which everyone had been talking about for a week solid. Maybe they could share the limelight and bond over it. I doubted either of them really wanted to be the only ones targeted when school started back up.

Alice continued her barrage of questioning for the four-and-a-half hour drive and by the time we arrived at my small little cottage, I was desperate to have the ability to throw her over my shoulder and dump her in her room. I'd never heard anyone ask so many questions in my life.

"Is this it? Your house, I mean? It's quaint."

"No, I figured I would dump you at the neighbor's house," I said, giving her an incredulous look.

"Sorry, I'm nervous. You know how I am when I'm nervous, Emmy."

"Please, don't call me Emmy here, Alice." She'd called me that since she was three and decided my name was too long. I'd always hated it, but old habits die-hard. Apparently so did old nicknames.

I helped her pull her bags out of the car and showed her to her room. She actually seemed excited about the bare walls; Mom had always developed theme's for Alice's rooms and I think the opportunity to find herself almost seemed unimaginable to her at times.

I would have sorted out something more for her, but I was a guy; the huge, white down comforter on white sheets with white pillows was practical to me. If she wanted to add color, she was more than welcome, but as far as designer to a teenage girls room went, I'd hit my peak. I'd been in plenty as a teenager; it didn't mean I'd paid attention to the color of the walls or the shade of the comforter we'd been making out on.

Thinking about things like that around my sister had me turning for the door.

"Let me know when you're ready to go, I'll drop you off in Port Angeles."

"You're not coming with?"

"Me and Black Friday? Add the two together and see what you come up with, Munchkin."

"Point taken," she laughed, obviously remembering the one time that Mom had managed to drag me to the mall. It hadn't been pretty. Even Alice had added to the handful of cash Mom had given me to catch a cab home. Mom had told me I was my father's son, and pushed me out of the door, grabbing something with an amazing deal before anyone else dared pick it up.

Pandemonium was the only word I had to describe the craziness of the women and their need to get the best bargain they could. It was like watching an episode of _Hoarders_ on fast forward. If it was deemed a good price, they bought it, even if they would never use it.

It only took about an hour for Alice to get bored. I was beginning to wonder if small town life was actually going to work for her. I couldn't remember her being this restless, but I was forgetting exactly how much this meant to her. I tried to cut her some slack, but in the end I rallied her together and dropped her off in Port Angeles, telling her to give me a call when she was ready to be picked up.

I knew it wasn't really fair to leave her stranded over an hour from home, but there was no way I was hanging around in Port Angeles. I still had papers to grade from before Thanksgiving, and I was working on the quiz for my seniors. I'd decided that giving them an extra two weeks to study would mean the thing would at least have to be challenging.

Alice didn't complain when I dropped her off with my credit card. Mom had told me to keep a tally of what I spent on Alice and was offering reimbursements, but I had a plan for that. I was going to encourage Alice to get a job. The credit card I'd given her was going to be paid for by her, and I'd made that known when I'd dropped her off. It only had a five hundred dollar limit so I wouldn't end up in hot water if she decided to go crazy.

By the time I got home, I was ready to put my feet up and have a beer, but considering the beer was impossible, I put my feet up and graded some papers from my sophomores instead. They were still developing some interesting concepts on the book I'd chosen for them to read. _The Power of One_ seemed to hit some of them harder than others, and the discussions they'd had so far had been almost explosive in the classroom. On paper, they were concise, and heavily opinionated, which made for some interesting reading.

When I was only halfway through the stack, my phone rang, and I knew it was Alice.

"'Sup, Squirt?"

"Hey. Didn't we talk about the name thing?" she snorted, and murmured Emmy under her breath.

"I'm your elder, you're supposed to do as I say, not as I do."

"You sound like Dad."

"That was the point," I laughed, pushing the papers to the side as I stood up. "To what do I owe this pleasure? You can't be finished already."

"No, nowhere near actually. I stopped in the bookshop and got a little comfortable in there, and, well whaddya know, I made some friends."

"You? I thought you had a leper status going?"

"Oh you kill me with your wit," she snorted in an unladylike fashion. "That being said, you don't need to come get me. They're from Forks so they're giving me a ride."

"Are you sure they're not strayed loggers who are going to abduct you?" I asked, half serious, half joking.

"You're an ass. I'm hanging up now."

"Just be careful and keep me updated. Mom would kill me if I lost you on the first day."

"I hate you and love you all at the same time," she laughed, giving me a quick goodbye, before hanging up.

Maybe having her here wouldn't be so bad after all. It was kinda nice to have someone to talk to. These past months of being alone hadn't really bothered me, but having Alice around made me realize how much I'd missed it. I had other options - Kate had shown some interest, and Peter always had a story - but that wasn't like having somebody around that knew you well enough to banter with.

The bonus to the situation was that Alice already seemed happier and more relaxed and I wasn't going to deny her that. She had to make her own decisions and her own mistakes, but I would be there to back her up along the way, and I would always protect her as much as I could.

Having the afternoon to myself wasn't exactly anything new, so I continued on with what I was doing. _The Power of One_ was a powerful story, one that I loved to dissect. None of the students had really clicked onto the fact it had been made into a movie, and I planned to keep it that way until the end of the school year when I would break out the DVD and let them watch the journey unfold on screen.

I'd intended to move on to the _Romeo and Juliet_ papers I'd had the freshmen working on, but I was already growing restless. Instead, I went for a run. Pulling on my old Huskies sweater, I took off into the freezing air and let the systematic force of my feet hitting the pavement move me through the small town. It felt nice to get into a rhythm after the massive feast my mom had forced into us the previous day. The repetitive motion was an emotional purgative; it cleared everything and left the focus on the movement of the body or the music pumping out its melody into my ears.

The air was crisp and fresh with the threat of a new snowfall, but it didn't slow me down; it pushed me harder and further until my muscles screamed and my lungs burned. Even my sweater was damp with sweat by the time I hopped over the front gate of my small house, and pulled out my ear buds.

Without stopping, I jogged up the stairs and into my bedroom where I stripped and took a chance that Alice wasn't back yet by dancing into the bathroom in nothing but my birthday suit. The house was quiet so I had to assume she was still with her new friends.

The rush of hot water working its way over my tired shoulders relaxed me, and I let my mind wander into the deep recesses I'd worked so hard on pushing all of this mess with Bella into. I tried not to let myself dwell on these things; it would get me nowhere and there was nothing I could do about it even if I did. Especially after meeting her father, who seemed like a genuinely nice guy who wanted nothing more than to protect his little girl.

If I hadn't have been terrified of saying something I'd regret, I would have asked the guy out for a beer.

Shutting off the water with a frustrated sigh, I reached out for a towel and pulled it around my waist. As a good friend of mine once said, put "if" in one hand and crap in the other and see which filled up first. It was quite the fitting analogy, because I felt lost between the rock and the hard place. Bound by my morals, yet lost in my own mind of what could have been.

I pulled open the door and felt my throat constrict at the sight of a wide-eyed Isabella Swan.

"Isabella? What the-?" The sad truth of it was I had no words. I wasn't even sure what to say. As my mind ran away with the possibilities and fantasies that had plagued my dreams, I was hyper aware of her closeness to me. Her eyes seemed to roam up and down my body which was beginning to "react" of its own accord.

Of all the people for Alice to befriend on her first day . . . I had hoped they would become friends, but this soon, this situation . . .

I felt the stirrings deep in my gut as I tried to recall the ability to speak. I needed . . . I needed . . . Alice's door opened and I was aware of someone else being there, and when a hand wrapped around Bella's eyes, I was happy to see Jasper looking amused as he looked back over his shoulder.

"Whoa, Alice, _that's _your brother?" When no one replied, even his cheeks seemed to burn pink. "Come on, Boo, let the poor man dress. I reckon this is our cue to leave."

He turned the two of them around and led them to the top of the stairs, where he released his hold on Bella's eyes. It seemed to unfreeze me from my temporary paralysis, but the look Alice gave me as she reached the crest of the stairs told me I was screwed.

I couldn't hear the conversation that passed between them, and I wasn't sure I wanted to, I just knew I had to get out of there, I had to go and drink myself stupid before I did something I couldn't take back. My home had been my haven, the one place that had no memory of her, that one place that I could push the torment to the back of my mind and forget every thought she seemed to bring to me.

Now, well now I had this scene in my head, and the endings were limitless in my morally inept mind. It may never happen in reality, but that didn't mean the perfect replica of her didn't run rampant in my sometimes-adolescent brain, and it didn't mean I could stop my dream-self reacting the way I never would.

"We'll stay in my bedroom," Alice said looking up at me, her tray of drinks shaking slightly as her eyes pleaded. This was the first time she felt comfortable with people her own age and I was dropping the ball on her. I had a choice here, be the bigger man, agree and get the hell out or ask them to leave for my own sanity, effectively hurting and humiliating Alice.

Hadn't I humiliated her enough in the past?

I gave her a nod and escaped into the solace of my bedroom, closing the door behind me so I could get dressed and book it before I had too much time to think about what this would mean.

I threw on a button-down shirt and a pair of jeans without really looking at what I was doing. Pulling on a leather jacket and snow boots, I grabbed my keys, phone, and wallet and ran for my life. I sent Alice a text rather than attempting to see those beautiful brown eyes of Bella's filled with worry and respect that made my body react without my permission.

The moment I was out in the fresh crisp air, I finally started getting a clearer head, which really didn't help, considering that the ramifications of what had just happened started to settle in. This was so far beyond inappropriate; it had its own atmosphere. I needed to escape my own my mind and the thoughts that were circling what had just happened. I needed an escape, and there was only one that I could think of. There was only one thing that could give me the haze of oblivion

The bar was emptier than usual when I stepped inside. Peter was there, which was customary. This bar had become his life after he lost Charlotte. Unfortunately, I wasn't in the mood to listen to his stories, so I gave him a nod and fell into the bar stool that he normally gave a wide berth.

"What'll it be?" The girl behind the bar asked. Her eyes giving me an appreciative glance. She was still new here. She was one of those small town girls that dreamed of escape and found herself tied down with a guy and a kid before she even had a chance to buy a bus ticket. Sadly, her guy still managed to get out and left her behind to raise their child.

"Tequila, and a lot of it," I said, pulling off my jacket and slinging it over the stool beside me.

The girl raised her eyebrows and gave me a small smile as she complied with my directions. She set a small shot glass in front of me and left the bottle under the counter in front of me, obviously realizing just how honest I was being about the "a lot of it" comment.

The fire of the liquid settled into my stomach and hung heavily on the emptiness that lingered there, which was a physical and metaphorical statement. It was going to be a long night, and though I hated the thought of leaving Alice alone her first night here, I knew she would be all right if she had her friends with her.

Shot after shot worked its way into my bloodstream, making the delicious and necessary haze take over my mind. _She_ was still in my thoughts, she constantly was, but it was easier to discern the reality from the fantasy. Even the girl behind the bar, whose name I learned was Carmen after a sloppy introduction five shots in, seemed to loosen up a little.

She was leaned over the bar, her cleavage on display for all to see, and I had an intrinsic knowledge that she was flirting heavily with me. In a brief moment of lucidity, I thought about what I was doing.

"How old are you, Carmen?" I asked, slurring slightly as I threw another shot down the hatch.

"Twenty-one. Think about it, Emmett, I work in a bar," she laughed and started drying some glasses, and put them away as she checked on Pete and his small band of merry men. I felt horrible for the guy and would have loved to have joined him now that I was feeling toasty and warm, but I knew that one wrong word and I would fall back into my little black hole.

"So, what's with the tear in my beer?" Carmen asked as she came back to her post opposite me, and leaned over the bar. I laughed and pushed my glass to her for a refill.

"Is that what you think this is?"

"Oh honey, I know it is. You think you're the only one to sit here wallowing in their self-loathing? I've not only been there and done that, I have served many and watched them fall into their own self-pity. You seem like a good guy. It can't be all that bad."

"Can't it?"

"Do you always answer questions with questions?"

"Do you always look good in low cut shirts?" I asked, aiming my balled-up napkin at the low opening of her shirt before shooting. It made its mark and landed gently on the flesh of her chest, which made her laugh and arch her body toward me as she fished it out.

"You, sir, are drunk."

"You may be onto something there, beautiful," I chortled, staring into my empty glass without thought of actually drinking it. "But you gotta stop stealing the liquid gold."

"Are you driving, Emmett?"

"Nope," I laughed, popping the p. I slid off my stool and stumbled toward the men's room, which was going to be interesting considering I hadn't been this drunk since the graduation party on my college campus. "Live a few blocks away. Watch my stuff, beautiful. I'll be right back."

"Sure thing, Emmett."

I could only remember being in the bathroom for five minutes tops, but by the time I came out, the bar was filling up, and the only hole at the bar was the stool that was sat neatly in front of my glass. I frowned and swayed my way over to the bar, well aware that the room around me was swaying like I was sailing the seven seas.

"What the hell happened?" I asked Carmen as she filled up my glass and gave me a surreptitious wink.

"I guess the one decent restaurant in town kicked out the girls and they didn't have their fill of wine," Carmen said under her breath with an eye roll, and it was the first time I realized all of the new patrons were women. Not really a good thing considering my state of mind, but the lines were so blurred I wasn't daring to go home knowing _she_ could still be there.

"The more the merrier," I said a little too loudly, and held up my glass in a toast. The ladies seemed to enjoy the gesture and a stream of giggles followed.

I downed another shot and sat back in my chair, enjoying the gentle roil of fluids in my gut. Maybe it would make everything PT (Pre-Tequila) hazy enough to forget. How I was going to face the class on Monday knowing what Bella and Jasper saw was still a mystery, but it wasn't one I was willing to dwell on.

"Oh I'd know that handsome face anywhere," a voice said from the gaggle of tipsy women.

I was aware of the look Carmen seemed to give the group, but ignored it as I squinted into the sea of pearls and gallimaufry of color. They looked like a flock of birds to my blurred eyes and I couldn't seem to make out anything other than colors of dresses and the base color of their hair. Thankfully, Carmen had a streak of purple through her dark locks and was wearing black, which made her easier to pick out of the crowd.

"Okay, who said that?" I smirked, turning my body in the stool so I was facing my audience head on. Aiming for my lips with my fingers, I instead tapped my cheek. "Put your money where your mouth is, ladies."

"How drunk are you, Emmett?" the voice asked, a little closer. The familiarity of it rang a bell in the back of my mind but I still couldn't place it.

Finally, with her hand on my shoulder, she caught my eyes with hers, and I put the voice to the face. I gave her a lazy smile and wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her close. Her long hair tickled my cheek, but I wasn't complaining considering the view I had from here.

"The question is, Kate, how drunk are you?"

I watched her chest rise and fall as she giggled, and felt part of my body stirring with the movement. Kate leaned into me, her mouth so close to my ear I could feel her hot breath washing over the skin, which made me drag her between my legs to hide my modesty.

"Drunk enough to be candid," she whispered. I could see the look Carmen was giving Kate's back and for a split second I felt guilty. Unfortunately, the more Kate's breath warmed my neck, the more my body reacted to her.

"This is going to sound cheesy as hell, but I never see you in here," I said quietly, as my thumbs teased the strap of her dress running along her back.

"I don't drink much, but Thanksgiving's kind of a crappy holiday for me, so I go out with the girls and get wasted for three days in row."

"Sounds promising."

"It's definitely interesting, but I would say this is by far the best Thanksgiving yet."

"And why is that?" I teased, my fingers brushing over the bare skin between straps. I knew what I was doing was wrong. My need for instant gratification was coming to fruition with the one person I considered a friend here in town. Some part of my mind was telling me that I was starting something that I had to see through to the end, but I ignored it.

"Because, I finally have something to be thankful for," she laughed, placing a chaste kiss on my neck and getting a chortled cheer from the girls behind her. She swung around to face them, her back leaning against my chest as raised her middle finger to the girls.

The resounding chorus of laughter told me that she knew these women well.

"Ladies," she said, slurring the S at the end, making me chuckle. "This is Emmett."

"The Emmett?" Someone asked, with a whoop as Kate nodded.

"The Emmett?" I parroted, my hands resting gently on Kate's hips and turning her to face me again.

"Okay," she blushed, making her look beautiful. "I may have a tiny, minuscule, nanoscopic crush on you."

"That small?"

She shook her head, sending her pin-straight blonde hair falling over her shoulder and across my chest, and sending erotic scenes through my very drunk mind.

"Can I be frank?"

"You can be anyone you want to be," I chuckled, letting my hands grip her hips with a little more force.

She laughed again, her pink lips turning up at the corners as she shuffled closer to me, making an inkling of arousal peak. It was going to be a problem if this turned out to be a dead end.

Kate's hands landed on my shoulders as she leaned in again, her lips taking my earlobe between them before her breath became a little more labored than it had been.

"You're all I think about."

It was a shame I couldn't say the same about her, but it was enough for me to do what I did next. I pulled her flush against my body and bucked gently.

"What does that tell you?" I asked, hopeful that it would mean I wouldn't have to lie to her.

Kate froze against my body, but it wasn't the scared out of her wits frozen, it was the "is this really happening?" freeze. There was a subtle difference, but I was drunk and horny enough to take full advantage of it.

"How about we get out of here and talk?"

"Screw talking, Emmett," she breathed heavily, her chest pressing against mine. "I know we're drunk and it could make Monday awkward, but . . ."

I put my hand on the nape of her neck and pulled her to me, my lips pushing against hers in a sloppy but passionate kiss that I hoped would tell her I knew exactly what she was saying. I knew I'd hit my mark as she mewled gently and pressed her body against mine. Her arms folded around my neck as we fused together in an inebriated version of passion.

Kate broke away with a gentle panting, her eyes meeting mine as she tried to catch herself.

"Night, ladies," she called behind her. A cheer arose, but she wasn't paying attention.

I handed my credit card to Carmen, avoiding eye contact with her as I signed the bill and gave her a significant tip. I was on a path I couldn't defer and I knew it. No matter what happened here on out I knew what the end result would be, and I knew what it would mean in the morning. I just hoped that it would have the desired effect. I hoped it would offer some respite from the constant thoughts that seemed to flutter around the one person I knew I would never have.

It hardly seemed fair to be doing this, but I did like Kate. She was beautiful, and sweet, I loved spending time with her and we could talk about anything. Her intelligence made her seem that much more appealing to me. If I was really going to move on, I couldn't think of anyone more perfect for that task. I just hoped she didn't want just a one-night thing when I was convincing myself to man up.

The town, being as small as it was, meant that we didn't have to walk far to get to Kate's place. The two of us were huddled together as we walked, stopping occasionally to take advantage of the shadows that were in between the stretched out placements of the street lamps.

The moment we reached her door, she fumbled for her keys as I pressed up behind her, my fingers dancing dangerously with the hem of her dress that hung against her thighs.

"I can't think," she moaned, pressing her forehead against her forest green door. "I have imagined this so many times, but this is so much better."

"You have fantasies?" I growled, rocking my hips against her.

"Yes," she panted as her keys clacked against the wood of the door. "But I think we should go inside."

My hand found her arm and worked down the soft material of her heavy winter jacket until our hands met. I guided her hand to the handle and helped her insert the key, all the while breathing gently into her ear. The click told me that the lock had been disengaged and I swung her around to face me. Grabbing her ass, I pulled her up my body and pressed myself against her so the door groaned under the pressure of us.

"Inside," she whispered, her hand scratching at the door behind her as she searched for the handle and liberation to finally get this show on the road.

The door moved, shifting us both and sending me stumbling inside with the double weight of us both. The moment I pushed her against the wall behind it, I kicked the door closed behind us and let my hands go to work. Both of us fumbled, removing clothes without really moving, I even managed to cover myself with the only condom in my wallet before I pushed into her, causing a gentle bang of her head against the wall. I released a feral growl of need as I found a tempo.

There was no going back from this. I'd made a statement and now I had to stick to it, but I couldn't hide from the resounding realization that seemed to hang in the shadows of my mind. Whatever I'd been hoping this would do, however much I hoped this would free me from my want, it didn't.

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><p><em><strong>Thanks for reading! :)<strong>_


	7. Chapter 7

**_Hey there! Many apologies for both the delay and the slight shortage of review replies to the last chapter. I (Hev99) accept full responsibility for both. Life has slapped me around the chops this last week or two and I'm afraid fan fiction dropped a little in my list of priorities. However, there is no danger of us not completing the story and there will always be updates. :) _**

**_Many, many thanks to our beautiful beta, TheHeartOfLife1, who helped us out with this chapter despite being unwell. We love you and hope you get well soon, darling!_**

**_To Newmoonaholic, welcome to week seven billion of your birthday! And to Weezy, (Nostalgicmiss), the happiest of happy ACTUAL birthdays to you! It's an honour and a privilege to write with you and to call you friend! I love you! _**

**_Standard disclaimers apply. Now, on with the show!_**

**Letting Go Of Maybe**

**Chapter 7**

**Isabella Swan POV**

When Monday morning rolled around, as I inevitably knew it would, I wished (for the first time) that I was still ill. Or maimed. Or home schooled. Something. Anything to get out of going in. Monday's schedule involved a whole day of tedium followed by English last period, with my hot, young English teacher, whom I saw dressed only in a towel, not two days prior.

The blaring of my alarm did nothing but remind me that it was Monday, since I had been awake most of the night, worrying about how I would face him. Did I just keep my head down and hope he did the same? Pretend it didn't happen? Or did I wander into class, all nonchalant, like it was nothing, wave and say, "Hi, sir, how was your Thanksgiving?"

This was a new one on me. As far as I was aware there was no precedent for how to deal with your English teacher - who you happened to find irritatingly attractive - when you had just seen him in the almost-nude. I briefly considered googling it, to see whether any other high schoolers had encountered a similar problem. Jasper always said that there was no dilemma that either Google or Wikipedia couldn't solve. I strongly suspected that I had just found the exception to the rule.

Groaning, I rolled out of bed twenty minutes later than the last minute, despite having been awake for hours before my alarm, and practically threw myself towards the shower. If I was going to face him today, I was going to do it clean and a hell of a lot less snotty than the last time he saw me when we were both fully dressed. Brushing my teeth, I could see the blush that spread across my cheeks at the thought of him wrapped in just a towel. With the muscles and the drops of water running down and down and...

_Stop it, Bella, _I chided myself, forcing my brain to think of boring, mundane things, like math and Spanish and various other things involving neither water, nor muscles. Or towels. They were out too, which was tricky, being in the bathroom. Everything reminded me of him, even my book collection - my usual source of solace. And the moment I was reminded of him, my filthy little perverted mind went to thinking about what was under the towel. Yes, I was actually jealous of the drops of water that got to find out.

"_I need help," _I groaned to myself, throwing all my books and homework that Jasper so kindly provided me with into my backpack, just in time to hear the familiar honking of his car horn blaring outside my window.

As had always been Jasper's style, he actually managed to pull off the nonchalant, nothing-happened-on-Friday routine so well that I began to wonder whether he had even noticed that Mr. McCarty had been half naked and dripping wet when we saw him. He swung into their driveway, which was now blessedly free from any vehicles, and looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to go and knock.

"I only get the horn," I huffed, taking off my seatbelt.

"Well, there isn't anybody in the car to go knock on your door for me, and besides, this is the nice end of town. You don't go blaring your horn at this time in the morning in the nice end of town. It's not proper."

"Since when do you care about propriety, asshole,?" I asked, punching him in the arm before stomping up the driveway to the red front door I had seen only once before and yet seemed so familiar to me. Before I could press the doorbell, the door swung open to reveal a very nervous looking Alice. She was clad in skinny fitted jeans and an _AC/DC _t-shirt that I knew Jasper would approve of and had bright red converse on her feet. She pretty much matched me in terms of fashion and I smiled at that. I had never been into fashion and wearing the latest trends. Some of the girls in school made me laugh, trying to totter around on ridiculous spiky heels, with skin-tight clothes on, in the torrential rain that went with living in this God-forsaken town.

"Ready?" I asked, giving her what I hoped was a reassuring smile, though with my own nerves battling against me over the first day back, I was sure it did more to hinder than to help.

"As I'll ever be," she replied, sighing and grabbing her keys before pulling the door shut behind her.

Of course, in my preoccupation over how English class was going to go down, I hadn't banked on the ever reliable school gossip mill and how certain events prior to Thanksgiving would still be central in the minds of half of the school population. Between my run-in with Mike and a shiny new girl to talk about, the school gossips and rumour-mongers had never had more to do.

My day passed by in a blurry mix of sympathetic glances, patronizing arm pats and the occasional disdainful looks or murderous sneers from those who evidently believed that I fabricated the whole thing.

Naturally, the day that usually dragged its ass slower than a snail, sped past like Jasper on the interstate, and before I knew it, I was in English and suddenly I had no idea where to sit or to look. I had been sitting with Jessica in this class for so long that it had become a comfort blanket to me. Every other class that day I had been with either Jasper or Alice and hadn't had to give where to sit any thought. Now, I was standing in the middle of Mr. McCarty's classroom, helplessly looking around me and wishing I could sink into a hole in the ground. The one class - the one _classroom_ I wanted to be invisible in, and instead there I was, standing in the gangway between desks, feeling my cheeks heating up and my eyes prickling. I could feel Jessica's eyes boring into me, a satisfied smirk on her lips when she saw my dilemma. Mr. McCarty was writing on the board; I had a feeling that was deliberate. I didn't think he would want to face me any more than I would want to face him today. But eventually, inevitably, he turned around, looking startled to find me still standing.

"Miss Swan," he started, his voice cracking and not sounding nearly as authoritative as I imagined he would have liked. "Take your seat please."

I turned to him, but my eyes refused to look up and meet his. I was terrified of what I would see there. Anger? Pity? Impatience? Or worse, my greatest fear, indifference? I was certain I could handle anything but that.

"Um..." I looked around me helplessly once more. The only seat free was beside Jessica and the expression she was pointing towards me told me quite clearly that she did not want me sitting there.

"There is a spare seat there, Isabella, right where you always sit." He gestured towards my usual seat, walking past me and pulling the chair out. I was about to drop into the seat, sighing and blushing furiously when Jessica curled her foot around the chair leg and pulled it sharply back under the desk.

My heart was in my throat, beating so fast that it felt like my head would burst. Rejection shot through me as my fear was confirmed. She didn't believe me. Any miniscule remnant of hope I might have had for our friendship died instantly with the crashing of the seat against the desk.

"I'm sorry, I..." I garbled out before my feet grew wings and betrayed me, carrying me quickly from the classroom. I was running - running faster and more smoothly that I would have believed possible, not knowing where I was running to, but knowing that I had to get out and away from _him. _Why did he have to come here? Of all the English classrooms, in all the schools in America, why did he have to be teaching _my _class?

He had never said or done anything to suggest to me that he felt anything for me but a painful level of indifference, and yet I craved his approval more than I had ever wanted good feeling in my life. I had always been relatively un-bothered by what people thought of me - both staff and students. So long as my grades were what they should be and I wasn't actually _hated _by anybody, I was apathetic about their feelings towards me. But now... now this guy was here, in my life, in my school and for the first time I found myself desperate for somebody to like me. Yet all I seemed to be able to do was repeatedly screw up around him. I had been embarrassed either by him or in front of him too many times, and this was the last straw.

I could handle Jessica being a bitch. Deep down I had always known that the potential was there inside her. And I could possibly have handled seeing Mr. McCarty today for the first time since the towel incident. But my brain was too frazzled by everything that was going on to cope with both at the same time.

So I ran.

I ran so hard that it felt like my lungs were on fire. I wasn't accustomed to physical exercise and before long, I could feel my leg muscles begin to burn. But still I pushed, the pounding of my feet against first linoleum, then concrete and finally grass as I hit the athletics field, comforting me, giving me something else to focus my mind on.

One, two, three, four.

_Mike Newton never happened._

One, two, three, four.

_His hands, his eyes, his tongue, never happened._

One, two, three, four.

_Mr. McCarty is your teacher._

One, two, three, four.

_Your _teacher.

One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four. My feet slapped against the wet grass as I counted the steps out in my head.

I heard Miss Lewis, the gym teacher, calling out to me, my name ringing out with a tone of concern, but I kept running - kept pushing. One, two, three, four, my bubble wasn't broken. The bubble where all there was was me and the ground and my steps, running on in perfect rhythm. No Mike. No Jessica. No English teacher. Just me and the lactic acid-fuelled pain in my legs and the screaming fire in my lungs that burned harder and faster the further I ran.

"Isabella." The sharp voice was closer than I realized, then a hand landed on my shoulder, bursting my bubble and sending me jumping back, where naturally, I lost my footing and landed on my ass in the wet grass and mud kicked up by a thousand running feet all day long.

My breaths came in short, angry gasps as I stared up at her. Her blond hair was falling out of her perfect pony tail and dropping around her face as she watched me silently while I fought to get my breath back. I glared right back at her, angry that she broke the bubble I created. Stopping the relentless running meant that I had already started to think again and thinking was dangerous.

When my breathing had returned to normal and my thoughts were running rampant and untamed through my head, she stretched out a hand to me, helping me to my wobbly legs and saying nothing as she walked with me back to the gym, where a noisy game of basketball was being played. I longed to join in, to do _something_ strenuous with my body to stop my mind, but Miss Lewis had other ideas, silently pushing me down to sit on the indoor bleachers that ran around the perimeter of the gym. She disappeared for a moment, then returned with a plastic cup full of water, which she pushed into my hand.

"Drink," she ordered, firmly but not unkindly. I obeyed robotically, not daring to refuse when she looked so fierce. When the cup was empty, I played with it in my hands, cracking around the edge systematically, one finger length between each of the cracks. Miss Lewis watched in stoic silence until I ran out of edge to crack and crumpled the cup in my hand, enjoying the sting of the plastic as it bit into the palm of my hand.

Gently, she prised the cup from my hand, removing my last line of defense, before sitting down beside me, crossing her legs and asking, "Isabella, have you spoken to anybody about what Mike Newton did to you?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"No... I'm sure you don't. But I think that-"

"_I don't want to talk about it," _I practically snarled in response.

"I understand, but- "

"Do you?" I interrupted rudely, shocking even myself.

"Isabella, I don't pretend to know how you feel or what you're thinking, but I do know that out on that field you looked lost and distressed and, while I'm no counsellor, I am here and have two good ears if you need to get anything off your chest."

Get things off my chest? Where did she want me to start?

For the last week it had been so easy to pretend that things were normal. Being away from school meant no reminders. Now we were back and it seemed like everybody knew, and everybody was staring, as if they were waiting for me to do something out of the ordinary. Do a little dance? Sing a little song? I didn't know what they were expecting of me, what they wanted. I just wanted to crawl into my hole of reliable, inconspicuous insignificance and stay there until this particular storm cloud passed.

But would it pass?

The look on Jessica's face in that classroom told me that she wasn't planning on letting this drop. Sooner or later Mike would weasel his way back into the school, and then what?

"They'll let him back in." The words were out of my before I could stop them. Not a question, just a statement of fact.

"Not if Emm- I mean, Mr. McCarty has anything to do with it." My eyes went wide at the mention of his name and I was certain she saw it, certain she could tell. Maybe everybody could tell. Maybe _he _could tell and he laughed at me in his chair at night, sitting in the middle of his perfect book collection as his perfectly formed chest rippled with laughter at silly little Isabella Swan and her pathetic crush on her teacher.

I thought school-girl crushes were supposed to be fun. Hell, Jessica had had enough of them in her time, and she always seemed to enjoy them just fine, judging by the amount of giggling she did. So why did I feel like this? Like my heart was being constantly trampled by a herd of stampeding rhino. Why did my chest tighten and my throat constrict every time he looked my way? Why could I not form a single, solitary coherent sentence when I was perfectly eloquent, if a little shy, with everybody else? Why did my thoughts all muddle into one big, confusing mess when he asked me a question? It was never like this when I had my stupid seventh grade crush on Peter Taylor back in middle school. When I followed him around and went to every gig his ridiculous band - who practiced in his dad's garage - played and bought him chocolates and car magazines with my allowance.

That was the giggly, love struck, puppy-dog eyed crush I was used to. Not this ridiculous, heart stopping need to be with him and yet far away from him as often as possible.

Why was this not the same? And why, when I dreamed about him at night, did his face morph into Mike's just as he was leaning in to kiss me?

"Isabella?" Miss Lewis said quietly, regaining my attention from my inner musings and self flagellation.

"I'm missing English," I mumbled at last, not sure what else to say. "Mr. McCarty will be mad."

"Don't worry about that. From what I've heard, you're a bright girl. I'm sure you can catch up, and I'll explain to Mr. McCarty that you were with me, okay?"

I wanted to ask her where she got her information from. I desperately wanted to hear her say that _he _had told her that, because if he had, that would mean that he talked about me when I wasn't there. That he remembered my existence when I wasn't directly in front of him, reminding him. That when it came to me: it wasn't a simple case of out of sight, out of mind. Instead, I just nodded mutely at her, completely at a loss for what to say. It wasn't like I could sit and spill my guts to her about my pathetic crush on her colleague, so, as far as she was concerned, the only reason I was sitting there was because of that stupid day in that stupid corridor and that stupid boy.

"I'm not going to force you to talk to me, and I'm not going to force you to go back to class while you're upset. If you want to just sit here until the bell, that's fine. I will put a call through to the office to get a message to your English class so they know you're safe at least." She meant the words kindly, but all I could think was that if_ they_ cared so much about my safety, I would be sitting in class now, by my _"friend" _and probably blushing furiously about showers and towels and what was underneath those towels, instead of sitting here thinking about just about anything but.

"She doesn't believe me," I said suddenly, my words not quite filled with the venom I felt at being betrayed by one of my few female friends.

"I'm sorry?"

"My friend, Jessica. She doesn't believe that he forced me. She's still with him and she hates me." Telling it like it was, so plainly, almost felt good - cathartic - and for the first time since entering that classroom, I felt the twitchy beginnings of a smile.

"Well, I think you know that a friend who would turn their back on you after what happened is not much of a friend at all. You stick with Jasper. He's a good kid. He'll see you right."

"Yeah, thanks," I said, perking up immediately at the thought of my best friend. He could always make me smile, no matter what.

"I need to see to my class. Are you going to be alright?" she asked me, standing up beside me and smiling. I nodded and made to stand up, too.

"I should really get to class. I... uh... thank you, Miss Lewis," I said hurriedly, suddenly feeling shy again now that my anger and anxiety had passed somewhat.

"Anytime," she replied with a smile, before turning and beginning to yell instructions to her class.

I loped out of the gym, intending to somehow force myself to go back to English class and apologize for leaving. But my feet had other ideas, and before I knew it, I found myself standing in the corridor, right in the spot where Mike had assaulted me. It was crazy, but I half imagined I could see a dent in the lockers, where he had pushed me. My fingers ran idly over the cool metal while my mind ran over and over the moment when his body was pulled away and my knight in shining armour was standing in his place.

Why couldn't I get him out of my head? I had a crush. Simple. But then why didn't it feel simple? Why did it feel as though this simple "crush" was going to somehow garner me a broken heart? Hearts didn't get broken because of crushes. Not even at eighteen.

"Isabella?" All the breath left my lungs in a fast gasp and my head fell forward onto my outstretched arm. That voice. _His _voice. Why did it have to be him? Why was he _never _in class when he was supposed to be?

Why couldn't I turn around and answer him?

"I'm sorry," I whispered, as loud as my voice would go. Wasn't I just speaking perfectly normally just moments ago?

"I...uh..." I could see his feet as he stepped a few paces closer to me, so he was standing almost by my side. I slammed my eyes shut so I didn't have to look at him, knowing that if I did, my brain would immediately turn into a pile of mush. "I rearranged the seating. You'll be sitting next to Angela Weber now. She seems like a nice kid. You should be okay there."

He rearranged his seating plan, for me? My heart wanted to leap in my chest at the thought, but I refused to allow it, knowing that it was merely a way to stop me from disrupting his lessons. I couldn't speak, so I simply nodded and hoped he would go away.

Cracking an eye open after a few moments of silence, I saw that he hadn't. In fact he was still very much standing next to me and now I was looking at him.

I was looking at his bright, blue eyes and wishing I could see him smile, just to see the way those eyes creased at the corners and his cheeks pulled into the most beautiful dimples I had ever seen. I was looking at the smooth curve of his jaw as it ran down to his throat, where his Adam's apple was bobbing up and down as though he was trying to say something.

I wished he would. I wanted to hear his voice - smooth silk with little bits of gravel. I wanted to hear him say my name, over and over. And most of all, I wanted what I could never have. I wanted his big, strong hands to touch me, to hold me. I wanted his huge thumbs to caress my cheeks, and his long masculine fingers to tangle into my hair as his lips moved in closer and closer to mine.

I wanted to see him fresh from the shower every day and I wanted him to be okay with that.

I wanted what could never, ever be.

Crush? Yeah, right. I was falling in love with my English teacher.

**Emmett McCarty POV**

I woke up with a thumping head and a warm body in my arms, that for a second, made me panic because of the dreams I'd been having. The blond hair that was fanned out over my chest brought back the realization of exactly where I'd been and whom I was with.

Kate Lewis.

Kate and I, and rough sex against a wall that continued onto the floor and in the bed until the climax rushed over me. It had been a three hour marathon of great sex, and I knew what had given me the stamina to last that long.

Guilt washed over me as Kate stirred and stretched like a kitten into my side. Why couldn't things have been simple? Why couldn't I have wanted the amazing woman in my arms? It wasn't as though I was reneging on the decision I'd made the night before. If Kate was game, and she wanted more, I wasn't going to turn her down. She was amazing and I knew I would be lucky to have her, but at the same time, I knew it wasn't enough to stop the nagging that kept the name reverberating through me.

"Morning," Kate whispered, her swollen lips curling in to a satisfied smile.

"Morning beautiful," I said with a smile, brushing the almost white-blond locks from her cheeks with my index finger. "How'd you sleep?"

"Better than I have in a long time," she said with a shy smile, maneuvering herself so she was laid on her stomach, draped over me comfortably. "How about you?"

I gave her a broad smile and decided to give whatever this was a real shot, and finally clear my head of everything else. I let one of my arms rest over her back and ran gentle circles with the palm of my hand.

"You were pretty drunk last night." She grinned playfully, her green eyes holding mine. "I figured you'd wake up this morning and wonder where the hell you were."

"After sex like that?"

Her fair skin tinged pink before she buried her face in my chest and I let my free hand rest on the back of her head.

"So, _the_ Emmett, huh?" I asked. "Is that to say you've talked about me with the girls?"

"I'm sorry," she groaned. "Dutch courage can be a blessing and a curse. I wasn't exactly sober myself."

I chuckled at her embarrassment. As far as mornings after went, this was turning out to be less awkward than any other I'd had. I nudged her gently and smiled as she lifted her head and pulled back slowly. Rather than letting her go, I followed her and nudged myself between her thighs so I hovered over her, leaning on my elbows so I could capture her eyes again.

Her hands tangled in my curls and pulled me to her, so her dark pink lips pressed against mine with a gentle hunger that told me everything I needed to know. This wasn't a one night thing for her.

"So," she breathed, pulling back from the kiss with labored breath. "How about some coffee?"

"You offering? Or asking me to make it?" I inquired, letting my hand rest on the thigh of her that was wrapped around my waist.

"Offering. Do you honestly think I'd have you make your own coffee?"

"Stranger things have happened," I laughed, nuzzling into her neck. Her hips bucked gently against me, waking up the very male part of my anatomy. I groaned deeply as I nipped at her neck and knew we were hitting the point of no return.

I pressed my lips against the flesh of her neck and worked down the column of her neck toward her bare chest, reacting to her gentle moans as I moved.

Without question, Kate reached for her nightstand and I knew that a second round with a more sober mind was about to happen. Which I knew would move us from a casual one-night stand into un-chartered territory.

I didn't leave Kate's house until the late afternoon, and Alice was more than happy to stand by and watch my morning after walk. She was on the couch, her legs tucked up under her as she read _To Kill A Mockingbird_.

"I see my brother hasn't lost his touch with the ladies," she smirked, and I turned to her, my eyes wide with innocence. Had she figured out what I'd been running from?

"Who was she?"

Right. She was more interested into the running _to_.

"None of your business." I smirked, glad that she wasn't being her normal intuitive self. Thankfully this time she'd added two and two and come up with five. "How was your night with your friends?"

She gave me a grin and rolled onto her knees as she hung over the back of the couch, her eyes wide with excitement.

"It was nice. They're both so . . . Nice," she laughed, almost resembling her younger carefree self. "Bella is so sweet and funny, and Jasper . . ."

"Yeah he's on the football team." I smiled, thinking about some of Jasper Hale's more riotous antics. "I think you picked the best of the bunch to befriend."

"Really? Bella seems to think you hate her," Alice snorted. "I told her that she should assume nothing where you're concerned, but that I didn't say that. Not that she believed me anyway. What did you do to that poor girl to make such an impression?"

I tried not to flinch as the guilt worked its way through me. I hated that Bella thought I didn't like her, but in the grand scheme of things it made it easier to have to see her everyday and have to hide how fascinated I was by her. I'd always found intelligence attractive, but there was something about her that pulled me in and wouldn't let go.

Even now, fresh from a love affair with a beautiful, intelligent co-worker, I was back to thinking about this dark-haired beauty that seemed to hold so much of my attention.

"I'm her teacher, Al. I have to be indifferent."

"I guess, but you could ease up on the hard-ass act."

I knew she was right; Bella didn't deserve to be singled out when she was possibly the most exemplary student in any of my classes. I needed to man up and be the teacher I wanted to be. I just hoped that moving on and living my life outside of the school would help the constant barrage of thoughts that haunted

me.

"Where's the fun in that?" I teased, hoping that the delay in answer wouldn't spike her curiosity.

Alice grinned and held up the new copy of the book she'd been reading. "She has good taste in books. Did you know she can practically recite full passages from this thing? She said I would enjoy it, but who knew she'd be right?"

"Oh that's wonderful. I've been telling you that for years, and the first friend that tells you the same thing and you jump to it. Nice, little sister, thanks for the trust."

"Stop pouting, it makes you look old."

I raised my eyebrows at her and took a step forward. Reacting, she sat back on her feet and shook her head, a full warning that if I even attempted the tickle fest I was threatening she would kick out with all of her effort.

"That's what I thought," I teased, continuing to the stairs. "Don't go anywhere, we need to talk after I take a shower."

"No problems, Bella and Jasper have plans, so you're stuck with me."

"Where are you with the book?" I called over my shoulder as I started my weary climb up the stairs.

"Scout and Jem just found the two Indian-Head pennies."

"Keep reading. I'll be back."

She mumbled something in response but I was too far up the stairs to hear her. My body ached and I had to catch a shower and change before I fell over. I hoped Alice was up for take-out and a movie tonight, because with the hangover I was sporting, I wasn't going to be good for much more.

After I felt semi-human again, I made my way back down to Alice who was just as enamored in the book as she'd been when I got home. I fell into the couch next to her, making her small frame teeter in her precariously balanced reading position.

She gave me an index finger indicating I should wait for her to finish what she was reading before I started in with the talk. It took ten minutes, but I imagined that was my fault for distracting her.

"Okay, end of chapter. Whatever couldn't wait can now be discussed."

"I think we need to discuss some house rules. I know that making friends is all part of the experience you want to get from this year, but all I'm asking is for some forewarning. Bella and Jasper saw me in a way no student should ever see their teacher. I know there was no way you could have foreseen that happening, but a little head's up would have been nice. I don't mind you having your friends hanging out here. I just want to know about it in advance."

"I agree. That was weird and awkward and it won't happen again," she agreed, with a small smile. It was typical of Alice to see the humor in the situation, but it was still a little fresh in my mind to see the situation from all angles.

I leaned back and let my head rest on the back of the couch. The next order of business was going to go down like a lead fart in a balloon.

"I was thinking that you should get a job while you're here, Alice. That credit card I gave you yesterday, I want you to keep for yourself and pay the bill. It only has a five hundred dollar limit, but I'd like to think it gives you a little bit of freedom."

"A job?" she asked, her nose scrunching up a little. "Normally I would say that was a good idea, but this is a really small town. Where would you suggest I find manual labor?"

"I checked it out and I figure the best of the bunch are a waitress in the Logger's Diner, or there's a part time position at Sunset Lanes."

"And you have to ask?" she laughed.

"Bowling alley it is. I'll talk to Jerry the next time I go in the bar. He said he would hold off interviewing until he heard from me."

"How often do you go to this bar?"

I shrugged. "They have awesome burgers."

"You're so full of crap. But I get the job thing. I think it'll be fun and it'll get me out of the house."

"A bright outlook? Who are you and what have you done with my baby sister?"

Alice gave me a push and barked out a laugh as I pinched the skin at the back of her neck. Being an older brother, I knew the exact spots to incapacitate her until she folded into fits of giggles.

"Mercy," she screamed, twisting under my grip, half laughing - half screaming. "Mercy, mercy, mercy."

"Really?" I asked. "That's all you've got?

"You were at college for four years, jackass. My tolerance for your sibling torture has deteriorated."

"We're going to have to work on that."

"No, we're not."

"You sure about that?" I asked again, giving her the same torture as I avoided her flailing legs. The girl was so tiny, she was an anomaly, but her kicks were lethal. She was like a pitbull, full muscle in a small compact package.

I spent the rest of the weekend with Alice, but spent time on the phone and texting with Kate. We hadn't really developed any lines with one another, but we were having fun talking and getting to know one another better.

It didn't, however, stop the dreams I had of Bella. It did make them easier to deal with when I woke up, though. It meant I was able to push it to the side and think about seeing Kate again.

By the time Monday morning rolled around, I felt nervous about facing Bella again after the shower incident. No student should ever have to see their teacher in that state of undress. It blurred lines and confused situations that were already slightly patchy to begin with.

I left Alice at home to ride in with Bella and Jasper, which was something she'd arranged while talking to them on a three-way call the night before. In some ways it was hard to believe that she was talking to the same Bella I knew, but then again, I was her teacher; I wasn't supposed to see another side of her.

"Morning, handsome," Kate said, startling me as I poured my coffee. "How was your weekend?"

"Hmm," I answered quietly, my eyes lingering on a small red mark barely hidden under the collar of her shirt. "It was outstanding. I met this hot blond and had my wicked way with her."

"Sounds interesting. I have a feeling she had the time of her life. In fact, I'm sure she's wondering when she can see you again."

"Soon, I hope," I said, giving her a surreptitious wink as Banner approached.

"What are you crazy kids talking about?" he asked, his eyes lingering on Kate's chest, which should have sparked some Neanderthal reaction in me, but just left me rolling my eyes in frustration.

"I was just asking about Emmett's Thanksgiving," Kate said indifferently, with a polite smile. "He went home to his family in Portland."

I was never so glad of pillow talk than I was in that moment, and when I gave Kate a smile, she hid her blush with a sip of coffee.

"Did you bring someone back with you?" Banner asked. "I have a new student in my class. Her name's McCarty, too."

"Alice. She's my younger sister. She needed a change of scenery."

"Troublemaker?"

"No, actually, a victim of bullying," I said, staring him down. It was amazing the assumptions people made when I told them my sister was coming to live with me. I tolerated most, but I wasn't going to let the likes of Scott Banner make assumptions about Alice.

"Kids are such brats these days," he said, turning to walk away. "I'll keep an eye on her in my class."

"Yeah, thanks," I growled under my breath, but he was already out of earshot.

"He's harmless, but has a profound gift for shoving his foot in his mouth," Kate said, her hand coming to rest on my forearm. "Don't let him bother you."

I nodded and gave her a smile as I drank the rest of my coffee, hoping that the day would get somewhat better. It wasn't exactly starting well.

As I'd first suspected, the day didn't improve. I caught sight of Alice only twice during the day, but her smile and thick-as-thieves stance with Bella and Jasper gave me peace of mind about my decision. She was truly happy here so far and I really hoped it would stay that way.

By the time my last class rolled around, I was like a bear with a sore head, and was anticipating seeing Bella again. I'd eaten lunch with Kate but having done that most days anyway, it wasn't exactly new. The sexual undertone of our conversation, however, was.

I wasn't sure what had put me in such a bad mood, and I wasn't really willing to analyze it. I just knew that the feeling in my gut as the students filed into the last class of the day wasn't something I should be feeling. It was so wrong and inappropriate to be excited to see one of my students, yet I couldn't dampen the flames that flared inside of me.

As the students started taking their seats and the room began to settle, I was too aware of the lost soul hanging in imbalance at the center of the room. She was stood in the aisle, her eyes wide and unsure. I knew being back here after everything that had happened couldn't be easy for her.

"Miss Swan, take your seat please," I managed to utter out, sounding broken and as confused as I felt.

"Umm . . ." She looked around the room, bewildered and lost. For a moment I wondered if perhaps she'd had an accident in the hall or something. She was like a deer in the headlights, her emotive brown eyes wide with torment.

"There is a spare seat there, Isabella, right where you always sit."

I gestured to the seat and even moved toward it, pulling it out to prove my point. It wasn't conducive to going easier on her, but I was desperate to get the lesson going and form some semblance of normalcy.

Bella reluctantly moved to the seat and lingered for just a second before Jessica took away the opportunity and slid the chair back under the table, leaving Bella standing lost once again in the aisle.

All of the color drained from her face and her intelligent eyes glazed over, showing just how overwhelmed she really was. I tried to find the right thing to say. I wanted her to feel comfortable and safe in this room, yet here her friend was, making a stand that clearly said she'd chosen her side and was making it more than obvious that it wasn't Bella's.

"I'm sorry, I . . ." Bella was gone in a blink, the door slamming behind her, leaving whispers and snickers in her wake. It was the most repulsive exhibit of thoughtlessness I'd ever witnessed.

"Quiet," I shouted, momentarily at a loss as to how to handle the situation. Most of this was Bella's story to tell and I wasn't going to stand here and belittle her by spreading something that still probably haunted her.

Instead, I knew I had one choice and I planned on executing it immediately.

"Eric, you and Bella will be changing seats for the duration of the school year."

"Mr. McCarty," Jessica started, but I cut her off with one look that I knew she hadn't been expecting.

"Do you have a problem with that, Miss Stanley?"

She sat silently, her eyes narrowed at me. I was goading her and I knew it. If she thought her boyfriend was so innocent then she had a lot to learn.

"Outside, now."

"But, sir . . ."

"Now, Jessica, unless you'd like to pay a visit to Mr. Greene's office?"

She pushed her chair back, making it scream against the linoleum. She pushed past Eric Yorkie and stomped toward the door in ridiculous show of immaturity, slamming the door behind her as she went.

"Angela, is this going to be a problem for you?"

The girl looked up from the back and gave me a kind smile, her gentle eyes telling me everything I needed to know.

"Mr. Yorkie?"

"Not a problem at all. I'll just pour some water on her and watch her melt if she gives me trouble."

"Okay, that's all I needed. Take a seat and start studying for the quiz tomorrow. I'm going to talk to Jessica and hopefully we can get back to the lesson plan for the day."

I made my way across the class and ignored the whispers that started the moment I opened the door. I'd known I would get a reaction, but I'd had enough of Michael Newton Junior's influence at this school and I was going to start with his poor brainwashed girlfriend.

"This is so unfair. You have no idea why . . ."

"Stop talking, Jessica."

"But, sir . . ."

"You're testing my patience. I'm going to ask once more for you respectful silence. This is your last warning."

Her mouth closed with an audible snap that echoed off the walls and linoleum. Crossing her arms, she leaned against the wall and stuck out her bottom lip in a pathetic excuse for a pout.

"Now, do you want to try explaining to me what that was about?" I already knew the answer, but in the name of objectivity, I had to ask.

"She accused Mike of molesting her. When I know that she used to flirt with him, he told me as much."

"Do you know what really happened? Were you there?"

"No, but . . ."

"Then I don't see how you could make such a stretch, Miss Stanley. I was there, and I will say this once and I advise you listen. Bella was doing anything but asking for it. Whether you choose to believe the truth or not is your decision, but when someone can barely stand because of the flu, and a boy is grinding himself against her with his hand over her mouth to stop her calling for help, you can't really argue that she was flirting with him."

"That's not what happened."

"Isn't it? Once again I ask, were you there, Miss Stanley?"

"No, sir."

"As a young woman, you should be more aware of the people you choose to surround yourself with. Sexual assault and molestation is something no one takes lightly. It's against the law and is the most degrading thing that can happen to a person. Did you ever consider what it must be like to be in that situation? Do you honestly believe that anyone would lie about something like that? Use the brain I know you've got, Jessica."

She nodded once, but still didn't look convinced. I just hoped I at least gave her something to think about. No young woman should be forced into that cruel reality like Bella had been, and the last thing she needed was someone calling her a liar, making a situation that left it's victims feeling vulnerable, even more so.

"Take your seat and study for the quiz tomorrow. If I hear any name-calling from you, I will not hesitate to send you to the principal's office. I will not tolerate bullying in any capacity in my classroom. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir." She side-stepped me and pushed open the door, stepping inside with her head hanging like a puppy that had pissed on the carpet. Had she a tail, it would have been firmly between her legs as she took her walk of shame.

"All of you, heads down studying. I'm going to hunt down the last student we're missing. I hear a peep from this room and there will be repercussions."

The class nodded, glanced once at Jessica and dug into their books. I left the door open as I wondered down the hall to the office, hoping that maybe Bella had headed toward the nurse's office so she could get out of here. Not that I blamed her. No one should have to endure treatment like that.

As I neared the bank of metal lockers, I saw her, her hand outstretched in what I imagined was the exact spot that Mike Newton had assaulted her. I approached quietly and watched the emotions flit over her porcelain features. There was so much hurt and pain bleeding from those eyes that I couldn't stay quiet any longer.

"Isabella?"

Her body tensed at the sound of my voice, and the pain I'd seen moments ago seemed to intensify before she closed her eyes and let her head rest on the arm outstretched to the locker in front of her. Had I really hurt her that much? Was I unapproachable to her? She wouldn't even look at me. Instead she chose to let her lashes kiss her cheeks as her hand rested against the place she'd been to hell and back less than two weeks ago.

"I'm sorry." The sound was quieter than a whisper, and had the corridor not been silent, I would have missed it.

"I . . . Uh . . ." There was so much I wanted to say to ease her pain, but none of it was appropriate between student and teacher. No matter how much I longed to ease this young woman, it was out of my reach. Nothing I said would do any good. For either of us.

I pushed through my thoughts, trying to find the right words to say as her teacher, and I knew, even as I said them, just how lacking they truly were.

"I rearranged the seating. You'll be sitting next to Angela Weber now. She seems like a nice kid. You should be okay there."

Her silence spoke volumes between us, making the urge to reach out to her almost painful as I held back. I hated this; I hated the pain that emanated from her. I hated how useless I felt, but being anything other than a concerned teacher would ruin us both.

She opened an eye, almost hopeful that I would be gone, but then there was blue on brown and I was propelled into my own mind and the endless dreams I'd had about her since I laid eyes on her. I floundered like a guppy, trying to find the words that would ease this situation, but something in her eyes became

resolute and steadfast. Something I'd never noticed and had never even hoped to see.

Longing.

The look was longing, and it ran so deep and so true that the only thing I could do was look away. I looked away to stop my very being from shifting; I looked away to stop myself from reciprocating.

This wasn't some idle attraction because she was a student and unattainable. She wasn't my white unicorn. She was someone that made me see a future unfurl in front of me. She was something more, and she was dangerous.

As awful as it was, I knew that I had to give myself over to Kate and be the person she needed me to be. I couldn't be that for Bella. I could never be that for Bella and the only hope I had of working past this and being the teacher and the man I wanted to be was to stand back and be objective.

"Come on, Bella. We both have a class we should be in."

I tore myself away from where she was stood and made my way back to the classroom, well aware that she wasn't following, and even more aware that I was leaving a piece of myself behind with her.

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><p><em><strong>Thank you for reading! xx<strong>_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Disclaimer: We still don't own Twilight. If we did, we would snuggle more than the paltry once a year we manage at the moment!**_

_**A/N: Thank you to our beautiful and long suffering beta, TheHeartOfLife1. We love and appreciate you so much! **_

**_We hope you enjoy the chapter. Apologies for the delay. Illness got in the way! _**

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><p><strong><span>Letting Go Of Maybe<span>**

**Chapter 8**

**Isabella Swan POV**

I didn't go back to English. I just couldn't. The simple thought of facing him in a classroom full of students, who would all be staring and snickering at me, had my fist slamming painfully into the metal locker in front of me, then slumping down to the ground with my back to the wall. I pulled my knees in tight to my chest and buried my face in them, trying to work out just when everything changed.

Just a few short months ago everything had been completely normal. I went to school, hung out with my friends, did my homework, took part in my mom's crazy schemes, (one after the other), and I didn't feel anything out of the ordinary. Boring? Maybe, but it was simple and I was happy. And then this guy, this amazing, well-read, handsome guy bombarded his way into my mundane life and suddenly everything was different. I wished I could hate him for making me feel that way. Dammit, I did hate him, but I wasn't deluded enough to convince myself that that was all I felt for him.

Shaking my head, as though that would get rid of my stupid, rampant thoughts, I pushed myself up to standing, wanting to get out of the corridor before the bell. The last thing I needed was more people staring at me, the basket case sitting on the floor of the corridor.

I headed for the football field, settling myself right at the back of the bleachers, where I hoped I wouldn't be easily seen. Jasper would know I was there; we were heading over to his place after football practice to watch a movie. We invited Alice, too, and she said she would love to join us. She was planning on watching football practice with me then we would all head off together. But, sitting so far back, any and all contemptuous glances Jessica felt like shooting my way from cheerleading practice would have fizzled out by the time they reached me. I also stood a good chance of avoiding Mr. McCarty's accusing glares for not accompanying him back to class, unless he had the team running up and down the bleachers again this week.

"Bella." Alice's sing-song voice calling my name as she approached me, jumping up the steps that were almost as big as her with an amazing amount of grace, made me smile immediately. I had only known her for a day and we were still getting to know one another, but so far I really liked her. She seemed funny and kind, and it seemed like she was carrying a brain around in her head and liked to use it. It was nice having a female friend who wasn't as shallow as a puddle and I was excited about hanging out with her. It was just a shame who her brother had turned out to be.

I wasn't doing myself any favors in endearing myself to my new friend's guardian by skipping out on his classes and refusing to look at him in corridors. He probably thought I was a complete nutcase, one step away from a strait-jacket and padded walls. I didn't imagine that was somebody he would choose to hang out with his little sister.

"Hey, Alice," I said, patting the bench next to me and smiling up at her. "How was your first day?"

"Oh, you know, a little bit like being in a fish bowl, but I would take it over Portland any day. People here are so friendly." I didn't relieve her of that illusion by telling her about my day. I just laughed as she went on. "I guess not much happens around here 'cause aside from some guy named Mike, I was pretty much all I heard anybody talk about."

I stiffened at his name, but recovered myself quickly, not wanting to get into that with her. "Don't worry, you're just all shiny and new. They'll get over it."

"Yeah, that's what Emmett said just now. He guesses they'll move on as soon as the next Harry Potter movie comes out." She rolled her eyes, rummaging through her backpack with her head almost completely inside until she emerged a moment later with two chocolate bars. She handed one to me with a wink, saying, "We're going to need sustenance to keep our energy up if we have to watch all these burly guys working hard."

I laughed loudly, both at her logic and at her idea of burly. The guys on the Forks High football team were hardly what I would describe as "burly".

The name Emmett rolled around in my mind. That had to be his name. Emmett McCarty. It suited him somehow. It was just the right amount of serious and playful. I hadn't seen much of this mischievous side I was told he had, but Jasper was absolutely convinced it existed.

Oh God, now I was analyzing his name? I sighed heavily at how ridiculous I was becoming. It wasn't so long ago that I used to laugh and roll my eyes at Jessica for doing that. I was probably one step short of writing my name alongside his to see how they looked together.

"That's okay," I chuckled, "football practice lost its fascination for me years ago. I mostly just hang out and read until Jasper is done. I think we're going to pick up pizza on the way home, is that alright with you?"

"Perfect," she said with a broad smile. "You sure this is okay? I don't want to gatecrash or anything."

"Sure, honestly, it's nice to have a female friend to hang around with. Particularly one who has the ability to think about something other than shoes and handbags."

We sat and chatted the time away during football practice, and I found that I genuinely enjoyed Alice's company. There were very few people in my life who I felt I could be completely myself with, but I thought that Alice might just turn out to be one of them. We talked about anything and everything, one conversation quickly morphing into another and another and another, until finally, a sweaty, repulsive Jasper jogged over to us, grinning.

"Ten minutes, ladies. I need to shower and I'll be with you."

"Yeah, you'd better shower," I joked, sniffing the air with a look of disgust and instantly regretting it when he pulled me into a head-lock, with his foul-smelling arm pit right by my face.

"Get a good whiff, Boo. It's all man, that smell," he teased, wafting his hand in front of my face jokingly.

"Ugh, Jasper, you are gross. Go shower now before Alice decides to hose you down instead."

He jogged off in the direction of the much-needed showers, and eventually we were finally approaching Jasper's house. With two hot pizza boxes burning their way slowly through my knees, I was startled almost into dropping them when he abruptly slammed on his brakes.

"Jeez, Frank, what's the deal?" I asked, rearranging the boxes on my knee.

"Cars," he replied cryptically, his voice suddenly higher than normal.

"Cars?" I repeated, following his shakily pointing finger to where three shiny vehicles sat in a line in his driveway. "Well now that you've got basic object recognition covered, can we get moving before my knees start to blister?"

He turned to me with a frantic and pained expression, shaking his head.

"Boo, you cannot make me go in that house. Please?" he pleaded with the most pitiful voice I had ever heard from him. "My aunties - the aunties of death are in that house, and if they're in there then I am not going in."

"Aunties? You're afraid of your aunties?"

"You can't say that. You don't know. They'll pinch my cheeks and tell me I've grown and that I'm too skinny, and they'll force food down my throat while telling me about all the eligible 'young' women they've found for me to marry."

Alice and I both burst into helpless giggles at the absurdity of his pleading, which just made him more desperate.

"I don't know, Frank. That could be kind of fun to watch," I teased cruelly.

"There is no force of nature strong enough to force me into that house while those old bats are in there." He crossed his arms and nodded with an air of finality that made us both laugh even harder.

"Well we can't go to mine, it's my dad's poker night. Half of Forks' finest are there and I do not want to play beer waitress to them again." I shuddered at the thought of how crude even police officers could be when they were inebriated. They were harmless enough, but they had mouths like sailors. I knew that even my mom would be hanging out at her friend's house tonight.

"Well," Alice piped up from the backseat. "I'll have to check with Emmett, but we could go to my place, if you guys don't mind hanging out in my bedroom."

"Um, Alice, darlin', you're awesome, but I don't think your brother would be too pleased to see us again. You know, after last time..."

Alice giggled - she giggled about the most mortifying moment of my life so far - before setting us straight.

"No, it's fine. He said he doesn't mind as long as I warn him first."

I couldn't object to the plan. Not without drawing attention to my meltdown during his lesson, so when she pulled her phone out and called him I kept quiet, hoping to God that if we ended up there he wouldn't be home.

Oh God, what if I saw him again? What if I turned into a blubbering idiot like I did ninety-nine percent of the time I was in his presence? What if Alice worked out that I was harboring very non-homework related feelings for her brother? My mind started whirling down dangerous paths again and by the time I came to, Jasper's tyres were squealing as he turned his car around in the wide driveway and headed for Alice's house. His house.

The red door that had featured in more than one of my dreams loomed in front of me, looking bigger than I remembered. I almost cowered in front of it as Alice wrestled with the biggest bunch of keys I had ever seen. It appeared to be mostly comprised of key-chains, some of which were almost as big as the door handle. Finally she pushed the door open and danced inside, and I followed wordlessly with Jasper's hand on the small of my back, ushering me in almost against my will.

When we made it into the lounge, Alice was leaning over the back of the couch with her chin resting on Mr. McCarty's head and her arms around his neck in a slightly awkward hug.

"Hey, piuthar," he said, reaching one arm up and ruffling her hair with it. She squealed at him, pulling out her hair-ties and huffing at the mess he made of her pony tail. He stood from his seat and turned to face us, making eye contact with Jasper and nodding.

"Hey guys, Squirt tells me you're short of a place to hang out tonight. I'll be in here. Help yourselves to drinks and snacks."

He seemed so... relaxed? Where was the stiff, formal man from the classroom?

"Thanks for this, sir. We won't be any trouble."

"No worries, Hale. I'm a fully paid up member of the Male Solidarity, Avoidance of Female Relatives Club. Especially the cheek pinching variety. We guys have to stick together, teacher or not."

Who was this man? Was this the playful side Jasper had been telling me about?

"Hey!" Alice cried out in a high-pitched screech. "Female relative, standing right here." She stomped her foot petulantly, making both Jasper and Mr. McCarty laugh loudly. Her eyes widened in mock anger and she stepped forward, pinching his cheek between her thumb and forefinger and wriggled it patronizingly.

Grabbing her wrist and twisting until he had her arm held up her back, he laughed, using his free hand to tickle her sides ruthlessly until she squealed out through her giggles for him to stop.

"And here, I thought you liked living in Forks," he said to her as he released her, with a wink and a smile.

"Low blow, brother," she replied, scowling in response.

"Relax, I'm kidding." His face was suddenly just an edge more serious and I wondered, not for the first time, what had brought Alice here to live with her brother. I knew her parents were still alive and living in Portland, but she was really cagey about why she no longer lived with them and I was not going to make her uncomfortable by asking.

Changing the subject quickly, she leaned back over the couch as he sat back down, asking, "What you reading?"

"Freshman Romeo and Juliet papers. You want to mark them for me, guys?" he asked, chuckling to himself and waving a wad of papers at us.

"And there's our cue to go upstairs," Alice laughed, taking my hand in hers and pulling me to the kitchen in a complete daze.

I couldn't get over this new, different side to him. It was like he was a completely different person and it was not helping with my resolve to get over him and my... whatever it was I felt for him.

Alice got some drinks and chips then took us up to her bedroom, where we chilled out on her bed, watching movies that we mostly talked over.

It was interesting watching Jasper interacting with Alice. It seemed to me that, in some ways, his behavior around her wasn't that different to mine around her brother. It was clear that he liked her as he edited his usual insults when he used them and he got tongue-tied almost as often as me. He was dramatically more eloquent and loquacious with her than I was with her brother, but, in proportion to how highly I rated his chances with her compared to mine with my teacher, it was probably about even.

By the time we were reaching the end of the second movie and the pizza boxes were sitting empty at the end of the bed, we were all lying down and Alice was curled into Jasper's side with her head resting on his chest. His arm was around her shoulders and I could see his thumb rubbing small, absent-minded circles on her shoulder. I looked up and realized that his eyes were focused solely on her and there was the most heart-breakingly sweet expression I had ever seen on his face.

After a moment he must have sensed me staring and his eyes flickered up to mine. It took them a moment to clear, but when they did they looked excited. We both smiled when a soft snoring noise came from where she was snuggled into him, and I gestured to him to say I was popping downstairs to get a drink.

Nodding, he turned his attention back to her rather than the almost completely ignored movie and I left the room, pulling the door softly shut behind me.

I made my way carefully down the stairs, clutching the rail in one hand and my empty glass in the other. At the bottom of the stairs was a small hallway, with a door leading through into the living room, which in turn led through to the kitchen. I was going to have to walk past him if I wanted a drink.

For a moment I contemplated turning back and going without, but I was so thirsty I was starting to feel dizzy and I couldn't put off seeing him forever. Especially if I wanted to be friends with Alice.

I twisted the handle and pushed the door open before I registered the voices coming from the living room.

Mr. McCarty wasn't alone.

"Don't worry, she's upstairs with her friends," his voice growled, sounding husky and almost frenzied.

My eyes scanned up, as though in slow motion, until they landed on the two figures against the wall - so close that they might have been one. I did a double take before I realized who it was that he was leaning into and pressing his perfect lips against.

Miss Lewis.

The name reverberated around my skull just as the sound of smashing glass rang out all around us. They jumped apart, their eyes immediately finding me where I was standing, frozen in the doorway, my hand now empty. Looking down, I realized that the sound of breaking glass had been my fault. The glass I had been intending to fill now lay in pieces on the ground at my feet.

"I'm sorry," I cried out, beyond embarrassed. "I should have knocked."

"Don't move," he ordered, as I moved to find something to clear the glass with, his face a mixture of anger and embarrassment. "There's glass everywhere and you have nothing on your feet."

I just stood, helpless and surrounded by a sea of glass, my face blushing a thousand shades of red as he sped into the kitchen and returned with a brush to sweep up the glass.

"I'm sorry... I should... Let me do that." I fumbled around for something to say, crouching down to help him to clear up the mess I made, and tried to stifle a yelp as my foot landed on a shard of glass.

"Shit!" he shouted, spotting the blood that was starting to drip from the wound. "Bella, you're bleeding. I told you not to move."

"I'm sorry, I..." I stopped speaking, holding my breath against the smell of blood and shutting my eyes tightly.

"Here, Emmett, why don't you let me help Isabella? Maybe you can get her a drink of water?" Miss Lewis had one hand on his arm and the other was gently prying his fingers from their death grip on the brush, yet all I could see in my head was her hands on his chest, and his hands tangled in her hair.

I didn't dare look up at him and see the fury that was bound to be there. I had been in his home twice and both times had been a complete, unadulterated disaster. He must have been angry; his hands were shaking as she removed the brush and as he went into the kitchen I heard the door slamming behind him.

Miss Lewis swept away the remains of the broken glass while I sat being less than useless and fighting against my desire to run away for the second time in a day.

"Let me take a look at your foot?" Miss Lewis suggested, supporting me to stand on one foot and hop to the couch. "You okay?" she asked, maybe noticing the way my eyes were clamped shut and I was still holding my breath.

"Mmhmm," I offered in reply, still trying not to breathe, but finding it increasingly difficult as my oxygen ran out.

She laughed when I eventually caved and took in a deep, shuddering breath.

"You positive about that?" she asked with a chuckle.

"Blood. Disgusting," I replied pathetically, and she nodded with a knowing smile.

"You just make sure you stay with me. I don't want to have to scrape you off the floor. I do enough of that in gym class." She winked at me and I responded with a weak smile. In truth, I didn't really feel like smiling.

Not only had I completely and utterly humiliated myself again in front of Mr. McCarty, I had somehow managed to do so while also interrupting what looked very much like an intimate moment between him and my gym teacher.

Why was my life suddenly so much like the crappy shows my mom watched on TV?

She looked at my foot, cringing slightly before heading out of the room, saying she needed tweezers and some sort of dressing.

Alone at last, if only for a moment, I allowed myself to feel the absolute mortification I had been holding back. He was my English teacher; bleeding on his carpet should not be a cause for embarrassment.

I could hear their voices, low and fast, coming from the kitchen, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. Part of me wished that I could; the other half was glad. Whatever they were saying in there, I was certain it wouldn't be complimentary about my clumsy self and the fact that I walked in on them while they were... What?

Were they a couple? Or did they just relieve tension together after a hard day of teaching and fending off basket cases like me?

"Here," she said, coming back in and waving some tweezers and a sterile dressing at me. "Let's get you sorted out."

"Thanks, Miss."

"No problem. You're not having a very good day, are you?"

You have no idea.

I said nothing, just laughed humorlessly as she poked and prodded at my foot.

"I'm sorry we startled you."

"I... Uh... Is he okay?" I asked, chewing on my lip nervously. He had been gone an awfully long time. "I keep screwing up," I confessed, staring down at my knees and wishing Jasper's aunts had visited any other day but this one.

"You didn't screw up, Isabella. Why would you think that?"

"Bella, it's just Bella," I corrected, avoiding the question.

"Bella," she repeated, apparently still waiting for an answer.

I looked up into her eyes, wishing I could hate her. Her hands had been touching him. Her lips had been pressed against his and he looked happy with her. I bet she was even able to hold a proper conversation with him without looking like a complete moron.

But I couldn't hate her, because when she smiled at me, it was full of kindness, and when she asked questions, it seemed like she really wanted to know the answers.

"It doesn't matter," I tried. "Like you said, I'm not having a very good day."

"Well, I-"

"Glass of water for Miss Swan." Emmett's voice cut across whatever she was going to say next, and, looking up, it appeared that he had got over his anger while in the kitchen. I figured that was what he was doing in there, since unless he had drawn the water from a well or extracted it from solid rock, it did not take that long to fill a glass with water.

"Thank you," I said meekly, refusing to meet his eyes, again.

"Hey." His voice was so gentle, almost pleading as I saw him crouch down to my level out of the corner of my eye. "Are you alright? You didn't come back to class today and I wondered... And now you're hurt. Forgive me if I'm crossing a line here, but you don't seem to be coping very well."

"I'm-"

"Boo?" Jasper interrupted my response, looking dishevelled as he wandered into the room, running his hand through his shaggy blond hair. His eyes widened as he took in the scene. Me, sitting on the couch, with my foot propped up and wrapped in a bandage, with two teachers crouching beside me and eyeing me with concern. "Jesus, Bella. I let you out of my sight for two minutes and now you need first aid? What happened?"

"I... Well... I sort of dropped the glass..."

"And then stepped in it?" He sounded completely incredulous, and I could understand why. It did sound kind of ridiculous when you omitted the part where I walked in on two of my teachers making out.

"Um, yeah?"

"Girl, we need to get you a full suit of body armour or something."

I laughed half-heartedly, and glanced at Mr. McCarty. He was still in front of me and he looked almost pained. His hand was cupping his neck and I got the impression that he was frustrated that he didn't get to hear my answer to his non-question.

Just for the briefest of moments his eyes met mine, with all their deep, blue intensity and I saw something hidden there that I didn't understand.

It wasn't the concern of a teacher or humour at the ineptitude of a baby sister's friend. It was deeper than that and, just for a moment, it felt as if he saw me. Truly saw me. All of me, not just the fumbling, bumbling idiot I turned into when faced with him.

The smallest of smiles flickered onto his face as he looked straight into my eyes and I couldn't decide whether him knowing who I really was was a good thing or whether it scared me witless.

Either way, that smile was one I wanted to see pointed at me every day. My need for his approval was almost as powerful as my need for oxygen and I vowed to myself that, no matter how much it terrified me, I would somehow get over the ridiculous barrier that stopped me from behaving like a human being in his presence. I would earn myself that smile every day, even if his smile was all I could ever have.

**Emmett McCarty POV**

I tried to keep my head straight as I finished the class and worked the guys in practice, but I was far too aware of Bella in the stands, sitting with my sister and smiling. I never made it obvious, and I certainly didn't draw attention to myself. I think I was making more of a show flirting with Kate than I was with ignoring Bella.

"Come over tonight," I said, my arms crossed over my chest as I watched the guys play a game. JV against Varsity. I kept them on their toes with these games, because if varsity lost, I gave a JV player starting position in the next game. It was a risk but one I was willing to take to keep them in their A game.

"What about Alice?"

"She's going out with Bella and Jasper. We'll have the house to ourselves."

"And how do I say no to that?" She grinned, her cheeks flushing. "What time?"

"Seven?"

"See you then," she giggled, heading toward the girls who were shaking their derrières, like a pack of demented geese.

I gave her a wink and went back to watching the game in progress. I wasn't oblivious to the figure under the bleachers, watching the game with envy, but I wasn't going to address him either. I couldn't have cared less if

Mike Newton lived, breathed and crapped football, he would never be on this team again.

And if he so much as got within fifty feet of my sister or Bella, he was going to learn just how brutal castration could be. As his eyes slid to the two girls at the back of the bleachers, I felt my blood boil. If I had to have him banned from the sport fields, I would. The fact that he was even in school had made my already bad mood so much worse, especially when it had been my sister doing the informing.

By the time I got home, I was ready to crack open a beer and just watch some mindless movie on TV to get the day out of my system, but considering I had at least twenty Romeo and Juliet papers to grade, it seemed I was shit out of luck. That would teach my happy ass to give out homework over the Thanksgiving break.

Unfortunately, my sister and her friends, who found themselves at the mercy of Jasper's evil aunts, thwarted the evening of debauchery I had planned with Miss Katherine Lewis. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't come to the realization that Bella had managed to make me see something I hadn't wanted to see.

Blowing off steam with Kate had been my escape, and I knew just how crappy that sounded, even in my own head, but the cold hard truth of it was I needed it. I needed to move on with my life as though it was a non-issue. I liked Kate and I could see maybe feeling something more for her in time. She was right for me, and I could see that; I was just nudging myself in the right direction.

In less than a year, Bella would be at Yale, or some other prestigious institute with a full scholarship, following her dreams and living her life the way it was intended. I would be the English teacher that pushed her, but that was it. As for me, I would be following my own dreams. I had a chance at a good future with a beautiful woman I respected the hell out of and had amazing chemistry with. The rest would come in time.

As Alice had promised on the phone, she and her friends headed straight to her room with pizza and movies, and they stayed there. Which made my life easier.

When the knock at the door came at seven, I almost regretted having to tell Kate that our plans would have to stay PG-13 because of the company we'd acquired. Unfortunately, the best laid plans of mice and men...

The moment I opened the door, I pulled her against my body with a little more fervor than I'd intended.

"Hello to you, too."

"Sorry," I chuckled, pushing the door closed and guiding her a little further inside. "I've been waiting for you to get here."

"Well you could have called. I've been pacing, and watching the clock."

"Unfortunately, we're not alone," I said regretfully, pressing my lips to the elegant column of her neck as I backed her against the wall.

"We're not?" she asked, her green eyes flashing with disappointment. Seeing that look in her eyes made the need rise in me.

"No, ma'am. Apparently a pack of rabid cheek-pinchers altered the course of fate and we have company."

"Well, where is she?" Kate asked, her hands coming to rest on my chest as she looked up at me and held my eyes. The green sparkled behind her light lashes and I wanted nothing more than kiss her in that one moment.

Pushing my fingers into the soft hair at the nape of her neck, I leaned in slowly, my eyes holding hers as I closed the gap between us.

"Don't worry, she's upstairs with her friends," I said hungrily, closing the space between us. As I deepened the kiss I could taste the faint flavor of her toothpaste, mixed with the Tic Tac I was sure she'd just devoured in preparation for what she'd hoped would happen. Just as my fingers put a little pressure at the back of her neck to tilt her head back, an earth-shattering smash sent me in the opposite direction, spinning to findBella staring at us, wide-mouthed and glassy-eyed.

I was an idiot. I should have known better and had a better hold on my instincts than that. Instead, I was here, facing the one person in the world I never wanted to witness a scene like that.

"I'm sorry," she blurted, her cheeks turning a deep shade of pink. "I should have knocked."

She moved to make her way to the kitchen, obviously hoping to get away from the embarrassing scene and maybe even dig out a broom with which she could clean up the shards of glass that circled her. As my eyes caught her bare feet, with the tiny little sapphire toe ring, my mind seemed to click into action and I realized that whatever she had planned, she would end up with some pretty impressive footprint if she continued the way she was.

"Don't move," I blurted, trying to keep my composure. The way her eyes welled with water was breaking my heart and I wasn't sure I could stop myself from offering her reassurance that was certain to be deemed

inappropriate. "There's glass everywhere and you've got nothing on your feet."

She froze on the spot, her wild eyes crossing over my face before finding anywhere else but at me to look. It was then that I realized I really had been a hard ass. She was terrified of me, and the only person I could

blame was myself. I was the one that made her feel singled out, and I wasn't even sure it was in the good way. The look I'd seen in her eyes at the locker this afternoon had made me realize something, but it didn't

mean I had to punish her for my weakness. I had to stop pushing her away because I was a fool.

I made my way into the kitchen and threw open the door to the laundry room, almost tripping over the very broom I'd come to retrieve. By the time I made it back, Bella was stood amongst the shards so still she could have been a statue. It wasn't until I bent to sweep up the mess that she started moving again.

"I'm sorry . . . I should . . . Let me do that." She crouched down in front of me to help, but the moment she was at my level she winced and tried to hide the fact that she'd managed to do the one thing I'd been trying to avoid.

"Shit! Bella, you're bleeding. I told you not to move."

I knew how harsh the words had come out; I could see it in the slight protrusion of her bottom lip and the stain on her cheeks. In my desperate need to protect her, I had once again come out sounding like a complete asshole. I was making this so much worse and I had no idea how to change the situation.

"I'm sorry, I . . ." Was at a loss for words apparently. I didn't blame her, considering I'd yelled at her for bleeding. It wasn't how I'd intended it, but it wasn't as though that mattered. She was crouched in front of me with her eyes scrunched up, holding her breath as though waiting for an onslaught.

"Here, Emmett, why don't you let me help Isabella? Maybe you could get her a drink of water?" Kate said, breaking the moment and offering me a reprieve. Her hands gently soothed my tense body and coaxed me up from my crouch. I finally relented my hold on the broom and pushed into the kitchen, cringing as the door slammed shut behind me.

I was such an idiot. My hands tangled into my curls as I paced in front of the sink. What was Kate thinking of the scene that had unrolled out there? It wasn't exactly a normal reaction to have to a teenage girl cutting herself on a shard of glass. It was an overreaction that could have spoken volumes. How was I ever going to know? For all I knew she could walk on out of here and . . . Instead she came into the kitchen.

"Are you all right?" she whispered, stepping up in front of me. "You look freaked out."

"I am. Aren't there rules about things like this? I mean, I have a student in my house, when it's really quite unethical. Alice is so happy and I don't want to deny her that, but less than two hours in and said student is a complete mess."

"Stop being such a drama queen," Kate laughed, standing on her tiptoes and tapping the end of my nose with her index finger. "As a guardian of a student, no one is going to care that you have students in your home. As for her foot, it's nothing that a pair of tweezers and a Band-Aid won't fix. If I'm being honest, I'm more worried about her mental state. She had a melt down today, and it was all because of the situation going on with Mike Newton. I'm worried that she doesn't have anyone to talk to, especially since Jessica has turned against her."

"She told you that?"

"She was doing a minute marathon across the sports fields while she should have been in your class. So I calmed her down a bit and sent her back to you."

"They're letting him come back tomorrow, Kate. She's terrified and they're letting him waltz right back into the school."

"Well, I don't think he should expect a warm welcome after the showdown between him and Jessica after practice, but nonetheless, I think you should warn her. And don't take this the wrong way, but I think you should tread easily with her. I think you intimidate her."

"Really? Alice said the same thing."

I blurted it out without thinking, but Kate's gentle smile told me she saw it as nothing but a rookie mistake, not a pathetic attempt to cover up my feelings. I tried to hide my surprise that Kate had noticed Bella's apparent fear of me, but I felt like an ass. Kate really was an amazing woman and I needed to pull my head out of my butt and start being a decent guy or break things off before one of us got hurt.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and laid a gentle kiss on her neck, nuzzling into her as thanks for the reassurance.

"Let me go clean her up and, seeing as blood obviously nauseates her, you may want to get that glass of water I asked for. As soon as she's cleaned up, I'll head out and we can rain check for tomorrow night at my house."

"I'm cashing that in. You realize that right?"

"Counting on it," she said with a dainty wink.

I pointed her in the direction of the tweezers and calmed myself down before filling a glass with water and walking it out into the living room, where Bella was perched on the couch with her foot on Kate's knee.

"Glass of water for Miss Swan," I said as I headed toward them.

"Thank you," she mumbled, looking anywhere but at me. It sure made me feel like a bigger ass than I already did. Kate had been the second person to tell me to lay off Bella. I hadn't realized I'd been that bad.

Needing to see that she was all right, and for her to see that I wasn't the ogre I'd made myself out to be, I crouched in front of her. I knew she'd seen the movement, even if she hadn't acknowledged it.

There was so much I wanted to say to her in that one moment, I had to check myself, and rein in the emotions that seemed to swim through me. Instead, I went the teacher course and eased my voice into the most soothing tone I could muster.

"Hey. Are you all right? You didn't come back to class today and I wondered . . . And now you're hurt. Forgive me if I'm crossing a line here, but you don't seem to be coping very well."

She shifted in her seat, her brown eyes still on the floor beneath her.

"I'm –"

I didn't get to hear her answer; instead, Jasper waltzed into the room and exclaimed in wonderment at her ability to injure herself. Their banter was ever present, but while they were preoccupied, Kate caught my attention and gave me the nod, encouraging me in what we both knew I had to do.

I massaged my neck as the weight of the world crashed on my shoulders. I knew I should be more prepared than this. It wasn't the end of the world, even if it would seem that way to Bella. I just knew that I had to reassure her that I would be there, that she needed to come to me if he so much as looked at her. I needed for her to know that I would protect her no matter what, and not just because I'd promised her dad. It was because I was selfish enough to require her safety for my own peace of mind.

I looked up and met her eyes, the smooth milk chocolate filled with concentration. She was trying to get a read on me. I'd always thought I was pretty cut and dry before, but this girl sat in front of me complicated

things. Never in my life had I wanted to pick someone up and wrap them in my arms so I could protect them. I was a red-blooded American male; sex was as intrinsic as breathing, but this – this was something I'd never felt for a woman.

I felt my lips curl into a smile without really thinking about it. It was filled with words I couldn't say, and emotions I couldn't feel and, for a brief second, I saw the same one reflected back at me from her full pinks lips.

"Okay, my job here is done." Kate grinned, patting Bella's ankle affectionately. "Keep that clean so you don't get an infection, but other than that, I think you're going to keep the foot."

Bella's eyes flickered from mine, cutting the connection and making me blink back into reality.

"I have to get going, Emmett, would you walk me to the door?"

"I would be happy to," I said, giving Kate a smile. "You two don't move. I want to have a quick word."

Bella nodded in short quick successions making Jasper nudge her with an eye roll.

"You got it, Coach."

I followed Kate to the door, and stepped outside with her, pulling the door closed behind me.

"I'm sorry," I said under my breath, reaching out and taking her hand in mine. She gave it a gentle squeeze. "You still up for the rain check tomorrow night?"

"Shut up, and come here," she laughed, pulling on the collar of my shirt so she could press her lips against mine. I gathered her up in my arms and let myself go for just a second, needing the freedom to be myself, even if it was just for a moment. All too soon she would be gone and I would be alone with Bella and

Jasper, and I wasn't looking forward to being the bearer of bad news.

"Just be gentle. From her reaction this afternoon, I don't think she's going to take it well. It's probably a good thing Jasper came down. Call me if you need me, and if I don't talk to you tonight, I'll see you in the morning."

She kissed me again and stepped out of my arms. The loss of her warmth made them fall to my sides. In an attempt to make her smile, I pushed out my bottom lip and tipped my head to the side.

"You sure you don't want to attempt to climb the trellis I don't own, and sneak into my room?"

Kate laughed and reached out, cupping my cheek with her hand. "Goodnight, handsome. We'll continue this tomorrow. Call me tonight if you can."

"Oh I will."

"I have no doubt," she giggled, wiggling her ass as she turned to walk away.

I stood at the door and waited for her to get in the car and reverse out of the drive before taking a loaded breath and turning back to the red door that stood between Bella and me.

When I walked back in, she was leaned back on the couch, looking exhausted and slightly embarrassed. Jasper was beside her, his arm around her neck as he spoke quietly to her. She nodded a couple of times before her eyes gravitated toward me. She sat up straight, almost smashing her head into Jasper's chin.

"Damn, Bella, you got a bug up your . . ." Jasper faded to black as he caught sight of me. It wasn't due to the fact he'd just been about to say something he shouldn't, Jasper had just as foul a mouth as any of the guys on the team. No, this was recognition of Bella's actions.

I made her uncomfortable.

"As you were," I said, forcing a smile. "No need to be formal here. I have a feeling Alice has adopted you."

I saw the smile Jasper flashed at this new information. I hadn't noticed it before, but I had a feeling Alice had managed to make friends and pick up an admirer, all in the same breath. I had to cage the big brother feelings that seemed to rise with the acknowledgement. I wanted Alice to be happy. I wanted her to have fun, and as long as he treated her with respect, I would let it slide. He really was a good kid and I had a feeling she would be safe with him, even if I wasn't exactly excited about how things like that could progress.

"Is that what you wanted to talk to us about?" Jasper asked, mirroring Bella's position by perching at the edge of the couch.

"No, I wish it were," I mumbled, heading toward them. Taking my first move to be more friendly and approachable, I lowered myself to sit on the table in front of the two of them and tried my best to relax.

Bella's eyes were as big as saucers as she watched me and, from the slight tremble of her idle hands, I could tell she was nervous about my proximity.

"Okay, this isn't going to be easy to hear, but I found something out today, and it affects both of you."

I wanted to reach out and hold Bella's hand, and for a second I went back and forth arguing with myself over whether it was appropriate or not. In the end I decided I didn't care and did it anyway.

Her hands were tiny in comparison to mine. They were warm and soft against mine, but that wasn't the only thing that held my attention. Her mouth, with those beautiful, full, rose tinted lips was molded into an almost perfect O.

"Bella, Mike Newton will be back at school tomorrow."

"Son of a bitch," Jasper growled from beside her. I'd almost forgotten he was there; he'd blended away with the rest of the world when her hands had settled into mine. "Coach, that's not right."

I ignored his comment and kept my eyes on Bella. I could see the color draining from her cheeks as the words processed. The person she'd most wanted to avoid was going to be almost unavoidable. It wasn't exactly a big school to begin with, but when there was a chance you'd run into someone that made you feel

vulnerable, it made it the size of a shoebox.

"Hey, listen to me," I said gently, squeezing her hands in an attempt to get her attention. "Bella, look at me."

Her wide eyes found mine, but the girl that had been there not ten minutes ago was gone, and in her place was a ghost. Her porcelain skin had grown pallid and her eyes, normally so deep and full of life, were almost glassy and vacant. I'd been right – she was terrified.

"Between Jasper and I, he's not going to get a chance to get near you. I promise you, Bella. If it's the last thing I do, I will never let him get that close to you again, and I think that goes without saying when it comes to Jasper as well."

"Damn straight," he said, wrapping his arm around her.

"Bella, I want you to know that you can come to me for anything. I don't care if it's because he looked at you or you stubbed your toe and need a ride home."

She nodded but I could see she was simply being polite. I needed to show her. I needed her to see.

"Jasper, I think we should let Alice know what's going on. An extra set of eyes would be great, and I know that if Bella doesn't come to me, Alice will."

"Bells?" Jasper asked, unsure that this was the best plan in the world.

She didn't say a word. She just nodded her head mechanically, her eyes slowly beginning to clear. Jasper got up and hesitated again at the door before turning and sprinting up the stairs, leaving Bella and I alone.

"I'm sorry I've been such an asshole to you," I said quietly. I couldn't look at her while I was saying this because I knew I would give myself away. "I just see so much potential in you and I know that you have the brains to be amazing, but I'm serious about being there for you, Bella. I need you to understand that."

The silence between us lingered for the longest time; even the dull thuds of unclad feet upstairs did nothing to deter from the silence that rang between us with so much force it was the loudest thing I'd ever heard.

When I couldn't stand it anymore, I looked up and locked eyes with hers. They were so filled with emotion that I didn't know how to talk anymore. Yet, I couldn't run away anymore either. If I was going to be her friend, I had to be stronger than that; I had to make a statement.

She took a breath, and then another, and I knew she was about to say something.

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><p><em><strong>Thank you for reading! :)<strong>_


	9. Chapter 9

******Disclaimer: We still don't own Twilight. If we did, Disney World wouldn't know what hit it!**

**A/N: Thank you so so much to our amazing beta, TheHeartOfLife1, who, despite being insanely busy, managed to find time to help us out with this chapter! We love you and are so grateful to you for everything you do for us! When we eventually snuggle, there will be many, many cookies! **

**To you, our amazing readers and reviewers, thank you so much for your patience waiting for this chapter. As you all know, real life happens and sometimes it's just not possible for us to stick to any sort of schedule, but we love you all and appreciate your amazing comments and kind words. **

**To my girl, Weezy, it is an honour and a privilege to write with you and even more so to call you friend! I can not wait to snuggle you in SIXTEEN DAYS. You're the best and I love you!**

**Now then, enough of me (Hev99) waffling! On with the show! **

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><p><strong>Letting Go Of Maybe<strong>

**Chapter 9**

**Isabella Swan POV**

I was so tired. It had been the weirdest and longest day of my life and it was very much not over yet. My hands were encased in Emmett's in a way that was probably completely inappropriate, but I didn't care and, amazingly, it didn't appear that he did either.

A flash of something unidentifiable ran through me when his skin met mine, and I was beyond shocked by it. Then his words - those words that made my blood run cold - came out and it was all I could do to stay as remotely conscious as I did.

They were letting Mike back in.

I knew they would, and yet at the same time I couldn't quite believe it. Did Principal Greene not care about what he did to me? What he could, and probably _would _have done to me if it hadn't been for the intervention of the man sitting opposite me, saying sweet words that I couldn't for the life of me understand. This man who, not ten minutes ago, terrified and confused me, was sitting in front of me, holding my hands as though they were made of glass. My brain was scrabbling around so frantically for an explanation for his sudden tenderness that I almost missed his apology.

"I'm sorry I've been such an asshole to you," he said, so quietly it seemed almost as though he were afraid if he spoke too loudly I would break into a thousand tiny pieces, much like the glass I had destroyed what felt like hours ago. Maybe I would. I didn't know.

I could feel everything and nothing all at once. When his eyes locked with mine, it felt like it would be easy to forget about anything and everything else, just as long as we could stay this way forever. I never wanted his hands to release mine. I was certain that the moment he pulled away, as he inevitably would, I would fall and fall, spiralling and spinning into a vortex that only existed in my mind.

He said that he wanted to help to protect me. Jasper too. That between them they would never allow Mike to be anywhere near me again. His voice was so fiercely determined when he spoke that I wanted desperately to believe him. I wanted to believe that, just because he couldn't get close to me or get his hands on me, he couldn't and wouldn't torment me in other ways.

Those eyes and that smirk. I would have to look at them everyday, knowing that the principal of my school - the man who was charged with keeping all the children in his care safe - allowed him back into the school, either knowing what he did, or not believing that it happened. Either way, Mike had won. I couldn't escape from the fact that the guy who tried to force himself on me was more important to the school than my safety and comfort. A sudden wave of worthlessness swept over me as I realized that they were probably right. Even a would-be rapist was worth more than me. In fact, Principal Greene had no reason to even know who I was. I'd always prided myself on that in the past, thinking that staying away from his office was a good thing. Now, it seemed, my relative anonymity was working against me.

My thoughts swum around and around, and it wasn't until I felt a slight increase in pressure on my hands that I realized how long we had been silent. Jasper had not yet returned, though I could hear footsteps upstairs, and my hands were shaking inside Mr. McCarty's grip. He was holding eye contact with me, his perfect blue eyes sparkling with emotions I couldn't put names to, and it seemed he was waiting for me to say something.

I didn't know what to do or what to say. My thoughts were trapped in an endless, dizzying cycle and the only one that stood out in that moment was that I didn't have any choices here. Just like Mike gave me no choice when he pinned me to a locker and touched me against my will, clamping his disgusting hand over my mouth to remove even my option to cry out for help, now Mr. Greene was giving me no choice.

Forks was a small town; it wasn't like I could request a transfer to get away from him. The only options I had were either insane and inadequate homeschooling by my erratic and educationally-not-brilliant mother, or going on as normal and facing him every day.

_My mom_.

She was flighty and unreliable, but she loved me, completely and unconditionally and, suddenly, I wanted her more than anybody else in the world. I wanted her to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be alright, regardless of whether it was true or not.

It was ridiculous. I was eighteen years old and going to college in the fall, but somehow, after a couple of steadying breaths, I managed to humiliate myself completely by whispering words that would surely make him laugh at me.

"I want my mom."

He didn't laugh. He didn't even smile. He just nodded seriously, squeezing my hands one more time and saying, "I can call her for you, if you'd like."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't. I just nodded, feeling tears prickling at my eyes at the thought of the embrace I so desperately wanted.

He moved to stand, attempting to release my hands, but finding himself restrained by the death grip I didn't even realize I had on his fingers. I looked down at our hands and could feel him do the same, but I couldn't force myself to loosen my grip. The thought of losing the contact that was grounding me sent irrational waves of panic through me and it was all I could do to look up at him apologetically.

"Here," he said, pushing our hands together so that both of mine were encased in one of his, as he pulled a cell phone from his pocket. His hands were so _big. _Not the scary kind of big, the safe kind. Suddenly I believed that when he said he would protect me, he meant it. "I'll need her number," he pointed out, his phone now waiting in his free hand.

Numbers. Right.

"I... Uh... I think..." I couldn't for the life of me think about what my mom's cell phone number was. Numbers were the furthest thing from my mind and I just stared at him blankly, hoping that he would somehow magically just suddenly _know _the number, via some weird brain version of osmosis. Apparently biology... or physics... or whichever science it was, didn't work that way as he just looked at me, his expression understanding but still enquiring.

Blessedly, Jasper chose that moment to enter, towing a confused and groggy looking Alice behind him. His eyes widened slightly and a small smile slipped onto his face when his eyes took in the fact that Mr. McCarty was still holding my hands in his. I hoped he wasn't reading anything into it. He was simply being kind to me. Nothing more.

"Jasper, I need a phone number for Bella's mom. Do you have one?"

He quickly fumbled for his phone, where he always joked that he stored his entire life. Without Steve Jobs, he argued, his life would be a disorganized mess, much like mine with my old, battered but faithful Nokia that I couldn't quite bring myself to part with, no matter how much Jasper nagged me to get a smart-phone.

"I'll call her," he offered, dropping Alice's hand gently and wandering into the kitchen with the phone to his ear. Alice moved forward and sat beside me on the couch, tucking her feet under her and eyeing me with a mixture of interest and confusion.

"Are you okay, Bella? What's going on?"

I looked pleadingly at Mr. McCarty, not much wanting to tell Alice about what happened with Mike, but knowing if she was going to be asked to watch out for me, she needed to know. He held my eyes for a long moment, not saying anything, before he nodded slightly and squeezed my hands again, then launched into telling her what he saw that day in the corridor. It was strange hearing it from his point of view. I had been so dazed and frightened that day that, despite the fact that it happened to me and not him, his view of things seemed much clearer than mine.

"He is being allowed back into the school tomorrow, and-"

"_What?" _she exclaimed, her face full of outrage. "How can they let him back in? What the hell?"

"I know," he responded, his head dropping dejectedly as though he felt he was somehow responsible for this turn of events. "I don't want you going anywhere near him, Al. I'm serious. He's not safe for young women to be around, and the last thing we need is for you to get hurt trying to protect Bella. All I ask is that you come to me if either of you has a problem of _any _kind with him. Or any other young man for that matter."

"Sure," Alice replied simply. I was sure that she would have no qualms about going to her big brother if anything happened. The question I had to ask myself though, was, would I?

"Bella?" he started, turning to face me again, his eyes asking me the very same question. "Will you come to me?"

Was it just me, or was his question more loaded than it seemed? In theory he was asking me about Mike, but in reality it just sounded like he intended it to mean much more. But what more was there? Were my stupid feelings - that he couldn't possibly reciprocate - getting in the way of my logic again?

I looked away from him, back down at my lap, but nodded reluctantly.

"We'll fight this, Bella. Don't think that you have nobody in your corner, because I assure you, you do. One way or another, he won't get away with what he did, and he will _not _be getting back on the football team, no matter what his _daddy _might think." The way he spat the word "daddy" made me realize that he wasn't ignorant to Michael Newton Senior's influence in the town. I wondered how long he would get away with snubbing Junior before said influence forced his hand. No matter how much we might have wished things were different, money talked and his family had more of that than they knew what to do with.

"Thank you," I whispered. "And thank you for stopping him. I never got the chance to say that. If it hadn't been for you, I don't know..." I trailed off, not wanting to think about the rest of that sentence.

He smiled in response, giving my hands one last squeeze before releasing them as Jasper walked back into the room. Apparently they had relaxed somewhat as he had no trouble pulling his hands away this time.

"Your mom's on her way, Boo," Jasper said softly, sitting on the arm of the chair and putting his arm around me, squeezing tight. "She's pissed," he added with a pointed look in Mr. McCarty's direction.

"Yeah," he replied, standing up with his hand cupping the back of his neck. "She's not the only one."

When my mom arrived, I fell into her embrace like I was seven years old again and she held me tight, cooing and stroking my hair as I allowed myself to silently cry on her shoulder. I knew how pathetic it must have looked to Mr. McCarty, but I couldn't care in that moment. My heart was hurting and my mom was the only person in the world who knew how to make it better.

"You want to go home, baby girl?" I nodded into her shoulder. I was torn between never wanting to leave Mr. McCarty's home and desperately wanting to be alone in my bed where I could wallow as much as I wanted, without worrying about who was watching.

My mom talked all the way home about how ridiculous and irresponsible it was to allow a "child like that" back into a school. I was thankful for her chatter; since she barely paused for breath, I wasn't expected to do any more than listen and nod where appropriate.

My dad was still playing poker with his friends from work when we got home, so I sloped gratefully up the stairs and crawled into my bed, without even changing. Kicking my sneakers off, I curled up and allowed myself to fall apart. I buried my face in the pillow so that my sobs could not be heard downstairs and eventually must have cried myself to sleep, since the next thing I knew, I awoke to my dad leaning over, kissing me on the forehead and pulling my blankets up snugly around me.

"It's going to be alright, Bells," he whispered, and I wasn't certain whether he could tell that I was awake in the darkness. I closed my eyes again and snuggled deep into my bed. I dreamed restlessly about what would happen the following day and woke to the blaring of my alarm, nervous and wishing I could stay in bed where I was safe.

~:~:~:~:~

The school seemed smaller somehow. More crowded. Everywhere I went I looked over my shoulder, just waiting for him to jump out at me. I jumped at every loud noise, scanned each classroom before I walked in and flinched each time my eyes found his arrogant form. He was strutting around the school like he owned the place - like nothing ever happened - and I was walking around like a deer in the headlights. By lunchtime I was exhausted from my hyper-vigilance all morning and when Jasper met me by my locker, I slumped into his side.

"Long morning, huh?" he observed, eyeing the bags under my eyes with distaste.

"Something like that."

We walked into the cafeteria where we were meeting Alice for lunch as usual, but my stomach rolled violently when I saw _him _sitting provocatively at our usual table. He was going out of his way to make me feel uncomfortable and my feet froze, unable to walk into that room where he had decided he was, once again, king.

"Boo? Lunch," Jasper attempted, trying to coax me past the door.

"I lost my appetite," I replied, before turning on my heel and walking briskly into the girl's bathroom, where I promptly emptied the contents of my churning stomach.

My head was spinning and tears were dripping down my face without reserve. I wanted to scream and shout and smash everything I could see, crying out that none of this was fair. I never did anything but get ill one day and now I felt like a prisoner in my own school. I was a straight A student with an impeccable discipline record, but because my dad was a cop and not the most successful businessman in town, and because I preferred to read than throw a football around or wriggle my ass cheering on those who did, I was being forced to share air with the scumbag that tried to hurt me.

Suddenly filled with a surge of anger, I slammed out of the toilet cubicle, stopping to rinse out my mouth and wash my face, and I walked out of the room, heading in the direction of Principal Greene's office. If he was going to be a coward and let him back in then he was damn well going to give me his reasons why. I was pissed and he was going to know it.

Adrenaline powered through me as I stomped down the corridor, feeling empowered by the idea of standing up for myself. I was usually passive to the point of idiocy, just like my dad, but this was my principal putting not just my safety but also my education in jeopardy, and _that_ I would _not_ stand for.

Reaching the office, I slammed the door behind me and barked at Mrs. Cope that I wanted to see the principal and _now_. Looking a little flustered she picked up the phone and dialed through to his office, murmuring softly into the receiver, too low for me to hear.

"He says you can go on through," she said eventually, looking a little confused. I soon realized why when I stalked into the small room with a face like thunder, to see Mr. McCarty already in there with a matching scowl on his face.

"Ah, Miss Swan, why don't you take a seat. We were just discussing you."

"Oh, were you? Were you explaining to him what the hell I did to deserve any of this? Because if you were, please, enlighten me, because I would very much like to know what I'm being punished for." I could feel that my face was beetroot red and my hands were shaking. I couldn't quite believe that I just shouted at the principal. For a small moment I was mortified, until I looked up and saw the look on Mr. McCarty's face. He was gazing at me with an expression of pure pride and I felt my blush deepen when I realized he was proud of me for standing up for myself.

The room was deathly silent for a long moment. The only sound was my labored breathing. I wasn't used to shouting at authority figures and I could feel the resulting anxiety coursing through me. Principal Greene looked stunned and didn't seem to be able to speak for a long while. I smiled a little inside, realizing that I had surprised him. He hadn't expected little Isabella Swan to give him any trouble over this.

"Well, ah..." he floundered, all his usual calm authority gone. "You're not being punished, Miss Swan. I'm sorry you feel that way. But, things being the way they are-"

"You mean the fact that you're too much of a coward to protect the girls in this school from a guy who believes that he has the right to touch anybody he wants to?" I barked, not even caring at this point whether I was crossing the line by calling the principal a coward to his face. If he didn't expel people for sexual assault, he would have no grounds for expelling me.

"I believe in giving people second chances, Miss Swan. Please _sit down_." He was trying to regain the authority he had very clearly been lacking up to this point, but I would not let this drop.

"Sure, why not? Give the poor guy a second crack at the whip so that next time he can get it right. Next time I'm sure he'll take care to molest his victim where there's no chance of somebody coming along and stopping him." I slammed down into the chair he had gestured to, glaring at him and enjoying watching the way that he squirmed in his seat. I didn't look, but I could feel Mr. McCarty's eyes on me and I wondered whether he was still smiling.

"Well, I... Ah... I think molestation is a bit of a strong word."

"Really?" I huffed, "What would you call it then?"

"Well, I don't know. I wasn't there."

"No. You weren't," I said pointedly, my eyes boring into him as he clutched at straws that weren't helping him. "Maybe Mr. McCarty can tell us what _he_ would call it," I suggested, pleased at the opportunity to turn to him.

He had a look of complete wonder on his face and, for a moment, he didn't seem to realize we were both looking to him. Maybe it was unfair to put him on the spot that way, but he didn't seem fazed when he looked to Principal Greene with the most serious expression I had ever seen him wield and said, with no hesitation, "What I saw was sexual assault. Possibly attempted rape."

"You're sure about that?"

"Unequivocally. He had his hand covering her mouth, stopping her from calling for help. Why would he do that if, as he has repeatedly protested, he believed she wanted what he was doing to her?"

We both turned to the principal, waiting for him to attempt to reason his way out of this one, but he didn't. He was silent, his chin resting on his fingers, which were forming a pyramid while his elbows rested on the desk in front of him.

"I'm not a trouble-maker, sir," I said, quieter and calmer now. "All I'm asking you to do is keep me safe so I can get the education I need. I haven't learned a thing all morning. I was too busy looking over my shoulder, hoping that _he_ wouldn't be behind me. Is it asking too much to be able to go to school and not have to be afraid the whole time?"

"I'm sorry, Isabella. My hands are tied. His father threatened me with the law if I didn't reinstate him immediately."

"Yeah?" I started, standing up and slamming my hands down on his desk, angrily. "Well my father _is_ the law."

I didn't like playing the "my father's the Chief of Police" card very often, but my blood was boiling and I wanted him to realize that Mike wasn't the only one who could play dirty.

My veiled threat made, I left the room, letting the door slam closed behind me and ran almost headlong into a figure that tottered precariously on high, spiky heels.

"Bella?" It was Jessica. She put her hands on my elbows to steady me, but I shook them away, far too mad to deal with her right now.

"Get your hands _off_ me," I barked, before turning on my heel and rushing away, ignoring her feeble, whiny-voiced protests behind me.

Emboldened by my new-found confidence, I made my way back to the cafeteria where Jasper and Alice were sat with their heads together, talking seriously.

"She's nowhere, Alice. I looked everywhere. I even paid a freshman to go and check in the girl's bathrooms for her."

Slumping down in the seat next to him and making him jump almost out of his own seat, I smiled apologetically at him.

"I'm sorry, Jasper, Alice."

"Boo, where the hell did you go? I looked everywhere. I was worried."

"I went to see Principal Greene," I explained, earning myself raised eyebrows from both my friends. They were both well aware of my usual debilitating shyness and neither of them seemed quite able to believe that I took myself there off my own back.

"I was pissed." I shrugged and smiled at the expression of pride on Jasper's face as he hugged me.

"That's awesome, Boo. I hope you gave him hell."

"Yeah," I answered with a smile. "I think I did."

**Emmett McCarty POV**

Watching Bella leave while she looked so broken didn't do much for me. In fact, it didn't do much for my temper either. I was furious about the situation, even more so after seeing just how much it affected her.

I called Kate as she'd asked me too, but we spent the hour on the phone talking about how the school system was flawed and the fact that the town's wealthiest family had too much power. My training had prepared me for a lot of things, but going up against the pompous ass that was Michael Newton Senior and the never-ending stretch of his money was all new territory, and Kate and I vowed to start doing some research so we could go up against him, fully armed with laws and facts.

The fact that Kate was willing to help made me feel even better about my decision to give what we had a chance. I wasn't going to lock Bella out anymore, either. I would try and be her friend, even if it meant I had to always be aware of what I was doing around her. It was a stressful thought that had me tossing and turning in my sleep. I'd always been a decent morning person but after a night like that, I was a bear with a sore head.

Things went from bad to worse when I got to school the next morning and found a note on my desk from Principal Greene, letting me know that I would be taking Michael back on the team. It wasn't a question, it was a command, and I didn't play those games. Unfortunately for Howard Greene, he was not prepared for the wrath I unleashed against him during lunch. It would have been sooner had I not had classes.

The moment my class let out at lunch, I marched to his office and pushed into the small outer administration area Mrs. Cope ran.

"Emmett, this is a welcome surprise."

"With you it's always pleasant, Mrs. Cope. Is he in?"

She gave me her usual wink and smile before dialing through to Howard's office. I watched her closely, looking for the denial I was sure was coming. When she scratched the top of her head with her Bic pen, I knew I was about to get denied.

"Emmett," she started as she hung up. Unfortunately I wasn't in the mood to denied, so I stomped past her desk and threw the door open anyway.

"How did I know you wouldn't take no for an answer?"

"Because this isn't something you can hide from, Howard," I said calmly, my voice filled with the quiet, lethal venom that made him shrink back in his seat. "If Newton is back on the team, you're short a coach."

"You can't do that."

"Watch me. When you offered me the position, you said my rules. That was the agreement and if the team didn't win, we would renegotiate. If it's my rules, Michael Newton is not on the team."

"Emmett, you can't walk away. You're taking us to the first regional championship we've seen in almost thirty years. Do you know how big that is for a school our size?"

I did know and he knew it, so I raised my eyebrows in challenge. I guess we'd see how important the school was in comparison to the Newtons and their money. He had a choice to make, and though I knew it would let the team down if he chose to stick his nose up the Newtons' asses, I knew the guys would understand. From what I understood, most of them disliked Mike anyway.

"Seems to me you have decide what's more important to you," I said, leaning forward and resting my hands on the back of the chair that was facing him. "If you want my opinion, your cowardice is grating. Michael Newton may have money, but this is a state school and he knows it. How far will you let this go, Howard? When do you start risking the integrity of the school to please one man?"

"That's not-"

"Yes. It is. And you know it. The fact that he's even in school to begin with is a huge moral issue, and it was only out of respect for you that I didn't go over your head to the school board. I'm beginning to see that was a huge mistake."

"Watch yourself, Emmett. That's the second time you've threatened me with the school board."

"Because you know that you're in the wrong. What that kid did . . . his endgame . . . Well, you would have a lot more than me and the school board to worry about. The people of this town entrust us to look after their children while they're here, and you've completely disregarded that."

"The kid messed up. He knows he's messed up."

"That's bullshit and you know it! He's a manipulative weasel, just like his father. If you're scared of him, tell him I went over your head and you had to reinstate the discipline until a hearing."

"Why is this so important to you? You were a kid once, too. We all did shit we weren't proud of."

"I never forced myself on a girl," I snapped, my hands gripping the back of the chair with enough force to make the skin on my knuckles almost two shades paler than the rest of me. "Anyone with a sister or a mother knows how vulnerable that can make a person. Isabella Swan has never hurt anyone. She minds her own business and does as she's asked, and the one time she expects something from us, she's been let down. Don't tell me that doesn't weigh on your conscience, because it sure as hell does mine."

The silence in the room hung between us. It was loaded and weighted and I knew he was beginning to see things through my eyes. I just needed to push a little more.

Unfortunately I never got the opportunity. The buzzer on his desk sounded and he picked it up, turning in his seat so he could avoid my eyes.

"Send her in," he sighed, pushing the phone back into its cradle and turning his eyes to the door. It didn't take a second before it was pushed open. What surprised me was the face stood at the other side of it.

Bella's eyes were dark and narrow and she stomped in. Her hands were balled at her side and tremors worked their way through her body. She was wound so tight she looked like a bomb about to go off.

"Ah, Miss Swan, why don't you take a seat? We were just discussing you."

If I'd thought her eyes had been narrowed before, it was nothing in comparison to the way she looked now. Had she been capable, I was sure she would have spontaneously combusted on the spot.

"Oh, were you? Were you explaining to him what the hell I did to deserve any of this? Because if you were, please, enlighten me, because I would very much like to know what I'm being punished for."

For a second I was stunned. I'd never seen Bella angry and I sure as hell had never seen her stand up against an authority figure. As much as I hated to admit it, she looked beautiful in her rage. Whatever had happened had pushed her over the ledge she'd been precariously balanced on since the whole thing had happened, and this was her stepping off. I'd never been more proud of her.

Hearing exactly how she felt about the whole thing made her reaction the night before make a lot more sense. She was right, of course. She was the victim, yet she was the one being forced to suffer because the asshole behind the desk was too weak to stand up to someone he thought was influential.

I looked between Howard and Bella and almost burst out into a fit of laughter at the look of abject horror on Howard's face. It seemed I wasn't the only one Bella had surprised with her sudden need to be loquacious.

"Well, ah..." Howard looked to me for support but I shook my head, enjoying this verbal punishment. He and I both knew he deserved it, but it wasn't hard to see he was out of his element. He desperately tried to wriggle his way out of things, verbally, but she was more than a match for him.

"You mean the fact that you're too much of a coward to protect the girls in this school from a guy who believes that he has the right to touch anybody he wants to?" she asked, her tone accusing.

It was a fair question, whether he liked it or not. It was exactly what he was doing. He was letting a student objectify the girls in his class and, by not punishing him, he was letting all the other students know that it was a standard that wouldn't be upheld.

I kept quiet in my corner and let Bella unleash her fury. Her cheeks, now a rosy pink, flared with her anger. Her dark hair hung over her shoulders and shook with the force in which she spat out the words. I'd never been more proud of someone for standing up for themselves.

The fact that weeks ago, this girl had been too afraid to speak out and give her opinion in class, but had now morphed into the astoundingly articulate woman that was stood in front of her principal, handing him his own ass, made me giddy.

It wasn't until the two of them looked at me that I realized I was being brought into the conversation. Thankfully, I'd been following their conversation, even if I had missed my own name interjected in there.

I backed Bella up a hundred percent, because she was right. It wasn't a case of boys behaving badly. What Mike Newton did was sexual harassment, and I was certain that had I been delayed in walking down that corridor, it would have progressed to the point of rape.

Bella left, leaving her last words hanging in the air like a gunshot. Howard's already pale skin was pallid with a tinge of green. If I'd had to hazard a guess, I would have said he'd forgotten exactly who Bella's father was.

"Emmett, these are serious accusations. Are you sure about what you saw?"

"Sure enough to stand in a courtroom and testify to it. She was helpless and he was restraining her. I have no doubt where it was headed."

"Do you think we can reach a compromise?" he asked, his elbows on the desk in front of him.

"What do you propose?"

"Newton is off the team indefinitely and if there are any complaints, they get directed to you. We pull him from his classes and put him in remedial as a punishment that will be indefinite. We will also instate a new rule that he cannot be within fifty feet of Miss Swan, and if he is caught breaking the rule, he will be expelled immediately."

"No go, Howard. Letting him back in here is setting the wrong standard. He needs to be kicked out. For good."

"And where's he supposed to go?"

"Not our problem. What does Newton have over you that you're stalling?"

Howard sat behind his desk, looking more and more frustrated by the second. Did he owe the Newtons money? It wasn't as though they were the mob; they weren't going to break his knees for not paying up on time. It was a small town; sure it would be awkward, but it was about time they were brought down a peg or two.

"Your silence speaks volumes, Howard. Get him out of here before he does anymore damage. If you feel it's necessary to home school him so you can please Senior, that's on you. You say your hands are tied, well I'm afraid so are mine. If he's not gone within the next hour, I'm going to the school board and putting in a formal complaint."

Howard picked up the phone on his desk and dialed out to Mrs. Cope.

"Can you have someone hunt down Michael Newton for me, Mrs. Cope. Make sure you send a boy . . . No, I don't think you're . . . I'm sorry. I know you've been doing this longer than I have. Yes, Mrs. Cope, thank you."

"You're doing the right thing, Howard."

"Yeah, we'll see about that."

I waved him off and stepped out of his office to face Mrs. Cope, who was slamming her stapler down on piles of unsuspecting papers. Her scowl made her look older than I was sure she was.

"Well?" she asked, a little less irritable than she had been.

I made the world-renowned Baseball gesture for 'outta there,' and she gave me a smile of victory. I suspected that was exactly why she hadn't put up much of a fight when I waltzed into the office. The woman was good at her job.

"I knew having you here would be a good thing for the school," she beamed.

I would have stayed and talked to her longer, and maybe even would have liked to have caught a glimpse of Newton's face when he exited the office, but I knew I had to tell Bella so she'd have peace of mind, even if half the day was over.

"I'll talk to you later, Mrs. Cope."

"You better," she chuckled, stapling with a little less enthusiasm than she had before.

With that, I took off into the corridor and scanned the students that were leaning against lockers and talking. With the bell so close to ringing I knew that she'd have to head down this way soon. Her locker was . . . The fact I knew where her locker was didn't really correlate with the "trying to avoid her and pretend she didn't exist" routine I'd had going on. Neither did the instant recognition of her dark curls falling over her shoulder.

Shaking off my self-denial, I made my way toward her, calling her name to stop from startling her. Unfortunately she was firmly in her Bella-zone and still didn't hear me approaching. When I finally reached out and touched her arm, she almost went through the roof.

"Bella, I was calling you," I mused, shaking my head in good humor. Unfortunately, I finally followed the direction her eyes were trained in and saw Mike Newton making his way down the corridor, looking like the smug bastard he was. "Come on, come with me."

"This is such bullsh–honkey."

"While I agree with you, we don't have long until the bell and I would prefer to talk to you now." I smiled, nodding toward the closest empty classroom.

"Oh right, sorry," she mumbled, looking down at her feet awkwardly. It was as though she'd forgotten whom she was speaking so candidly with, and now the reminder had pushed her back into the shell she seemed to keep around her protectively. "Is this about me yelling at Principal Greene?"

"In a way," I replied, holding the door open for her and stepping inside. I left the door open behind me as the rules stated, and stepped inside, instinctively moving toward the desk and leaning against it.

As it was my nature to teach, it seemed it was hers to slide behind the desk and look politely interested.

"Am I in trouble?"

"No, not at all. In fact, I think you'll be surprised at the result you got."

"I don't follow," she said, her eyes searching mine with such an intensity I had to shift my position to politely look away from her. Those brown eyes of hers unnerved me, but that wasn't due to anything she'd done, that was because of the dreams her chocolate brown eyes and the body they were attached to starred in.

"You going in there and standing up for your rights, not only as a student, but as a woman, has had the desired effect."

"Sir, are you saying what I think you're saying?"

I laughed; I couldn't help myself. "That would require me knowing what you think I'm saying, and I've never been much for the mind reading."

"Sorry. Are you saying that he's been suspended again?"

I shook my head, and took a chance, crouching down in front of her and putting my hands on the desk that sat between us.

"No, Bella, he's being expelled."

"Really? I mean . . .Well, I didn't think . . . I just said what I was feeling."

I watched her as she tucked the loose strands of her hair behind her ear. I could see she was stunned and I knew I had to say more. If I wanted to bridge this gap I had created and be a bigger man than I had been up to this point, I had to tell her more, I had to make her trust me.

"Well, it worked, and I just want you to know how proud I am of you. I know you had to be pretty upset to march in there like that, but you made your point, and you didn't let him intimidate you into changing your mind."

"How could I?" she said, her eyes looking into mine with earnest. "I couldn't think straight all day. I was too busy looking over my shoulder. I kept thinking about what he'd done. What if he tried that with someone else and they weren't as fortunate?"

"Well, you nipped that in the bud, didn't you?"

She shook her head in disbelief before a broad smile spread across her lips. She couldn't believe this; she couldn't believe that she'd made a change. I'd meant what I'd said to her. I was proud of the way she'd handled herself and the situation. She'd made a stand as a student, for herself and all of the other female students that were within reach of Michael. She'd thought it was out of her power, and she'd proven herself wrong.

"Thank you, Mr. McCarty, for everything. I think you backing me up in there helped just as much."

"It was just the truth," I said, stretching up to my full height. "I meant every word I said in there."

She nodded, her eyes as wide as saucers.

"Why don't you head to class? I'll see you in English."

"Ah, yes, thank you."

She pushed out from the seat and stood up, looking undecided as to what to do next. Rocking onto the balls of her feet, she gave me a wave and pulled her bag over her shoulder before rushing out the door and into the stream of students that filled the space.

Having some justice served felt good. I'd never thought I would be happy about a student being expelled, but in a situation like this, I felt it was completely justified. Even if he had simply had an error in judgment, he could never take it back and Bella would always be haunted by what he'd done. However, as it stood, I knew he held no remorse for what he did; he only regretted getting caught. I'd seen it in the way he'd looked up at her through the bleachers the day before and, from Bella's reaction, there had to have been some kind of altercation. This was for the best – I unequivocally believed that.

As I walked out of the classroom into the thinning halls, I was aware of the students in the hall that weren't moving. They were all turned in the direction of the lockers. At the other end, Michael Newton Junior was being supervised as he cleaned out his locker.

As I turned and headed toward my class, I held in the smile I felt like showing and instead opted for a look of complete indifference. Justice had been dealt out fairly, and now we were free to move on with our lives.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading! :)<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**_Disclaimer: We don't own Twilight. If we did, we would be living in a giant castle by now, with our girl, Sabi'sSookie!_**

**_A/N: We've given our amazing beta the week off this week because it's both Christmas and her birthday so she's a tad busy with other things. So any mistakes are ours, not hers!_**

**_Our deepest apologies for how long this chapter has taken to come out! We had a fortnight of squee and snuggles in Texas together, and when Hev99 returned home, Christmas and work vomitted all over our lives. So this is rather late, but it comes to you all with our apologies and best wishes for a Merry Christmas for you all! We love you guys!_**

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**_This chapter is dedicated to our girl, Sabi'sSookie and her little Wookie! We love you!_**

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><p><strong>Letting Go Of Maybe <strong>

**Chapter 10**

**Isabella Swan POV**

The next few weeks at school passed by in a blur. With Mike Newton gone, I breathed easier and managed to relax somewhat. I even found myself enjoying my lessons with Mr. McCarty, and not just because he was an enthusiastic and engaging teacher. It seemed like something had shifted since that night in his home, when I bled on his carpet and interrupted his "alone time" with my gym teacher. I wasn't exactly sure what had caused the shift in him, but that night he apologized for being an "asshole" to me, and ever since it seemed like he was going out of his way to be pleasant to me. Now I saw what everybody else had seen right from the start. He _was _funny; his mischievous side had come out to play on several occasions, usually when I was hanging out in his home with Alice, who had become a firm friend.

She and Jasper were so adorable together; I loved watching them. Although they were still officially "friends", I didn't think it would be long before their label changed. Their hands were always _accidentally _brushing against one another and, when they thought nobody was looking, they would hold hands under the table, or he would walk along the corridor with his arm around her shoulders. Although he did that with me, too, with her it was different. He and I were like Dawson and Joey, before things got all weird and complicated between them, but they were more like Chandler and Monica, and watching them shyly get closer and closer was pure pleasure.

I knew that Mr. McCarty had noticed it, too. Occasionally I would see him watching them, when they thought they weren't being observed, and though I could see a slight twitch in his jaw, I could see him reasoning with himself that, if Alice had to be with anybody, he would rather it was someone like Jasper. Sometimes when we hung out at Alice's, Jasper spent more time bantering back and forth with Mr. McCarty than with us. I'd even heard him call him Emmett on occasion, and Mr. McCarty had never called him on it. It seemed that as long as he remained respectful at school, what happened in the house, stayed in the house. I got the feeling that if they hadn't been teacher and student, he and Jasper would have been porn buddies or something. I could easily picture them sitting in matching Lazy-Boy recliners, drinking beer and having burping contests.

As Christmas grew closer and the weather got colder, Alice grew more and more excited about her first Christmas in Forks. She had finally divulged to Jasper and I her reasons for moving away from Portland. We were both devastated that she had been bullied to the point of forcing her out of the school, but we joked that their loss was very much our gain and were glad that she seemed so happy here.

She wanted to do all the lame, small-town Christmas stuff that Forks had to offer, since apparently Portland was depressingly generic at this time of year. I also got the impression that she was excited to have friends to do those things with, though she never came out and said that. The three of us were practically inseparable, doing everything together, including homework. Mr. McCarty had come home late from work one night, highly amused to see us all spread out around his dining table, studying quietly, with chips and soda all around us. He had laughed a loud, gaffawing chuckle that resonated round the room, drawing all of our eyes to him in surprise.

I loved his laugh. It was loud, raucous and if the dictionary could hold sounds, it would be filed under pure happiness.

The last English lesson of the year, Mr. McCarty handed out candy canes and let us watch _It's A Wonderful Life, _my favorite Christmas movie. As the class were filing through the door at the end of the lesson, he touched my arm with a soft smile and, as I tried to ignore the soft buzz that travelled through me at his touch, he quietly wished me a Happy Christmas.

"Thank you, sir," I replied with a smile, fighting to ignore the fluttering of my heart as his eyes crinkled at the corners and his cheeks dropped into the dimples that made me weak at the knees. "You too."

"Do you have big plans for the holidays?" he asked. It may have been just my weird paranoia, but I would have sworn that he tried repeatedly to engage me in conversation, asking me questions that would force me out of my usual, shy, one or two word answers. He was never unkind about it. In fact, if I had to guess, I would have said he was doing it to help me.

"Not really," I responded, "Just a quiet day with my parents and hopefully my mom will let me cook this year." I shuddered at the thought of the unmitigated disaster of last Christmas and the giant, tofu turkey, when my mom was experimenting with vegetarianism.

"You cook?" he asked, raising an eyebrow in surprise.

"When my mom isn't filling the kitchen with smoke, yes, sir, I do." He laughed again, that beautiful, gaffawing laugh that made me happy to my bones.

"I envy you that. I could burn water," he admitted with a wry smile.

"I'm sure that's not true," I giggled. "Cooking is just like English. There are no right or wrong answers, just different ways of doing things. The only place freer than a kitchen is a novel."

"Is that so?" he asked with an amused grin. "Well then maybe I ought to try my hand at something more complex than pulling a take out menu from a drawer."

"You should. Just think of it like writing an English assignment and you'll do fine," I suggested, not quite able to believe that I had held an entire conversation with him without stuttering and stammering my way through it. Maybe now he would actually think I was a real person and not just a stammering fool.

"I'll definitely give that a try, thanks," he said with a smile. "Have a good vacation, Bella."

I walked away smiling, disproportionately proud of myself for having my first successful one on one conversation with him.

"Why do you look so pleased with yourself?" Jasper appeared out of nowhere, draping his arm around my shoulders and tugging my ponytail playfully.

"Oh, you know, one hour 'til the Christmas vacation," I lied. "I guess Alice has worn off on me."

He laughed at that. Alice's enthusiasm for everything festive was extremely contagious, and even my dad, who generally disliked everything about the holiday, had been affected by her. Both my parents were quite taken with my new friend and she had my father utterly charmed. Jasper joked that she had him wrapped around her little finger when she somehow managed to convince him to join us watching _The Muppet's Christmas Carol_ and baking Christmas cookies one evening. My dad _did not_ bake.

When the bell rung for the end of the final class of the year, I welcomed it with a mixture of excitement and sadness. Since Mike Newton was expelled, school had been a fun place to be, and I would be lying if I said that I wouldn't miss Mr. McCarty's lessons. One saving grace was that Alice was staying in Forks for the holidays and her parents were coming to stay. That meant that I would get to see both Alice and Mr. McCarty from time to time.

Jasper would undoubtedly spend more time visiting me than at home, since his cheek-pinching aunts were coming to stay and he was not keen to start the new year with a bruised face. He had already booked his place on my couch for any and all Seahawks games over the break. Apparently his aunts thought football was "completely barbaric" and wanted to spend the entire time doing "family activities" like frighteningly competitive games of charades and baking Christmas cookies. He reasoned that, if he wanted to be subjected to baking, he at least wanted it to be in _my _kitchen, where he could guarantee that the results would be edible.

Two days after school got out, with only three days to spare before Christmas Day, the three of us were lounging around in Alice's living room, drinking candy-cane flavored hot chocolate and making a disastrous racket on Rock Band, when a noise, even worse than that of Alice on the microphone, started up at the front door. We all shot up and turned to the door in time to see Mr. McCarty trying to force a beast of a Christmas tree in through the small door frame.

"Emmett, what the hell?" Alice exclaimed, running forward to try to help him. Maybe with him pushing and us pulling, the giant would actually make it into the room.

I paused for a moment, before I darted forward to help, stunned by the sight of him. He looked completely beautiful, all trussed up in a thick woolen coat, with a red and blue scarf bringing out the soft, rosy glow of his cheeks. An almost matching hat was pulled down over his hair, with just a few of his dark curls escaping down his forehead. His eyes were bright with happiness and the cold, and his grin was so wide that it was infectious and before we knew it we were all laughing and trying to get the thick branches past the old, stubborn door-frame.

When it was _finally _all inside, with the exception of the multitude of pine needles that had fallen victim to the cruelly narrow entrance and were now scattered across the snow on the driveway, it lay on its side in the living room, which was looking smaller and smaller by the second. The tree looked enormous and it became clear that it was never going to stand up in the room.

"Dude," Jasper said, shaking his head and switching his eyes between the huge fallen beast on the ground and Emmett, who was standing looking confused.

"I measured it," he offered lamely, looking a little crestfallen that his, admittedly very beautiful, tree was never going to fit.

"Did you measure the ceiling?" Alice enquired, looking hilarious squaring up to her bear of a brother, who was probably twice her weight.

"Umm..."

"And _that, _dear brother, is why you teach English and not maths." She patted him on the cheek patronizingly, then we all stared down at the tree, contemplating.

"Any chance you think it looks good there?" Jasper asked with a cheeky grin. Mr. McCarty chuckled, not taking his eyes off the tree, with his hand cupping the back of his neck, thoughtfully.

"We could chop some off the bottom," I suggested, knowing from years and years of experience with an over-enthusiastic mother how my dad always dealt with over-sized trees.

"Genius, Swan. Gold star!" Mr. McCarty snapped his fingers in my direction with a grin. "Come with me please, you little Einstein." He offered me his hand to help me to step over the tree without tripping, and I took it without thinking. Both our eyes immediately zipped to our joined hands, and I could tell that he could feel it, too. That weird feeling that shot up my arm and straight to my heart. Nothing so pronounced as an electric shock, but similar. Like we were both charged and when our hands met, the power surged through our touch and into the other. I wanted to pull my hand back, but found that I couldn't. My body was betraying me in the worst possible way. I couldn't even move. My hand appeared to be fused with his and all I could do was stare at our point of contact, my mind racing at a thousand miles an hour, but somehow not managing to coordinate me enough to move my body.

I looked up at him and realised that he was staring right at me, looking almost alarmed, but his hand didn't leave mine. He did, however, appear to break out of the trance that had taken us both captive, and managed to half pull, half drag me over to his side of the tree, where he immediately dropped my hand, as though it was made of molten lava.

"I... uh... I need someone small to help me get to my toolbox in the garage. Alice won't go in there. She's scared of spiders."

"How do you know I'm not?" I asked, almost petulantly, still reeling from the effect the simple touch of his hand could have on me and agonizing over its loss.

"Are you?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow at me and killing me inside by looking as though he genuinely wanted to know the answer.

"Well, no, but that's not the point, is it?"

"My apologies. Miss Swan, w-"

"Bella," I growled, interrupting him. I _hated _when he called me Miss Swan.

"_Bella," _he corrected himself, bowing a little with a smirk. "Would you do me the honor of accompanying me to the garage?"

"Since you asked so nicely," I teased, turning in the direction of the front door, which now looked a normal size again.

"Uh, Jasper, would you..."

"Right behind you, sir," Jasper replied to the non-asked question, saluting him and walking behind me to the garage.

When we made it through the snow to the garage that was attached to the side of the house, I could see why he needed somebody small. The smallish space was filled virtually to the rafters with... stuff. Boxes upon boxes, with bits of furniture and sports equipment all mingled in together to create complete chaos. I could see that several of the boxes contained more books and I was itching to look through them and see what else he had. His book collection was already the best I'd ever seen, taking up most of his house in shelf space.

"Uh oh, sir, Boo has spotted your books. You'll never get any sense out of her now."

I felt a presence by my side and assumed it was Jasper, until the soft voice spoke beside me. "You can look at them if you like."

My eyes shot up to look at him, wide and surprised. He was eyeing the boxes with an affectionate smile and I could see that he treated his books just as reverently as I did mine.

"Really?" I asked, trying to keep the hope and enthusiasm out of my voice in case he was teasing me.

"Of course, books are for reading. You're welcome to read any of my books, any time. What kind of English teacher would I be if I didn't allow you to read?"

"Well, I... uh... Thank you." I wanted to rip the lids of the boxes right away and gorge myself on all those books full of stories. I wanted to sit here and devour them one by one, spiders or no spiders, but we had a tree to chop.

I managed to make it through the insane amount of rubble, to his toolbox, where I pulled out the saw that he asked for without incident. But naturally, being the clumsiest person in Forks, I had to get my foot caught in a lawn-mower cable on the way back, and fell sharply to the concrete floor, grazing the heels of my hands and probably bruising my knees.

"You okay?" Mr. McCarty asked, the laughter that he was trying to stifle obvious, despite his best efforts.

"Fine," I replied. "Nothing new."

He took my hands in his again and inspected the small wounds with a tut and a shake of the head. "Your father won't let you come here any more. I always send you home bleeding."

"Don't worry, sir. It's nothing he isn't used to. My parents considered buying shares in a band aid company when I was little, I fall down so often." He gaffawed loudly at that, dropping my hands and picking up the saw from where I dropped it when I fell.

"Let's get inside, get those hands clean and cut us up a tree."

We spent the evening listening to lively Christmas music and decorating the tree, once it was a reasonable size for the small room. It glistened happily with twinkling fairy lights and baubles that reflected the bright lights around the room. Then, as the credits rolled on yet another heart-warming Christmas movie, Alice coughed, turning in Jasper's arms where she was comfortably settled, to face her brother.

"So, I was thinking," she started, chewing her bottom lip nervously.

"Sounds dangerous," Emmett interrupted, laughing and earning himself a death glare from his little sister.

"Lips moving - still talking," she shot at him. "I was _thinking_, before I was so rudely interrupted, that it would be fun to hang out here for new years. I don't know if you guys have plans, but if not, couldn't we have a party of sorts here?"

"I don't want half of Forks High here on New Year's Eve, Alice," he replied, looking almost sad when he said it. I had never thought about how hard it must be for him to have his sister living with him and befriending his students.

"I wasn't thinking of half of Forks High, doofus. Just Bella and Jasper, if they're up for it."

Alice and Jasper both looked at him hopefully. I kept my eyes averted, feeling bad that he might feel pressured into having us round. I didn't want to impose; we were in his home often enough as it was, though he never seemed to be bothered by it any more, I didn't want to disturb him on the holidays as well.

"Alice, it's..."

"Yeah, squirt, that'll be fine." We all stared at him, open mouthed and wide eyed. Alice looked like she couldn't quite believe what she heard.

"Eh?" she said, very eloquently, earning herself a chuckle from her brother.

"I said that'll be fine. Why are you looking at me like that? You act like I'm completely unreasonable!" He rolled his eyes, good-naturedely, and made a loud "umph" noise when Alice squealed and jumped into his lap, throwing her tiny arms around his broad shoulders and kissing his nose.

"Thank you! You won't regret it, I promise."

"Well, you know, anything to get these two young hoodlums off the streets for a night," he joked, winking at me.

Oh holy hell, he winked at me.

_Don't blush. Don't blush. Do _not _blush. _

I blushed. Of course I did. I had been behaving like a completely normal human being all evening, and one little wink and I turned the colour of a beetroot. I was glad I was sitting down, feeling fairly certain that, had I been standing, my knees would have given out at the devastatingly handsome look on his face. His eyes were creased at the corners, and he looked so relaxed that he could almost have been just one of us - a young man hanging out with his friends. I had to keep reminding myself that he was still my teacher.

My hot, young teacher, who just winked at me.

My hot, young teacher who winked at me and made my heart race in my chest and my hands shake in my lap.

"Time to go, Boo," Jasper said, breaking the silence that was probably only awkward for me, and jumping up from the couch. "Places to go, aunts to be tortured by." He let out an exaggerated sigh, before grabbing my shaking hands and tugging on them until I was standing upright.

"Right, yeah, home," I stammered, hating myself for turning, once again, into the tongue-tied idiot of old. I allowed myself to be pulled to the door, where my coat and other cold weather gear were hanging.

"Coat, Boo. You put your arms through the holes." Jasper was just barely containing his laughter as he helped me to shrug into my coat then pulled my hat over my head, giving me a knowing smirk as he did so.

Clear of the house, in his car, I finally broke the weird silence that was so unusual with us. We thought it - we said it, that's how it had always been. But driving down the street, I had watched him fight with himself, his jaw ticking like it always did when he was holding back.

"Spit it out, Frank. You've been dying to say it since the door closed, so just get to it." He snorted softly, his face finally breaking into a smile and his death grip on the steering wheel relaxing slightly.

"Just... Boo, he's your teacher. You got it bad... For a faculty member. What is it? His enormous..." I raised an eyebrow at him in warning, daring him to finish that sentence.

"Book collection?" he finally finished, with a cheeky smile.

"I don't know what it is," I sighed, averting my eyes from his and staring down into my lap where my fingers were tangling nervously. "I just... He's... I don't know."

"Hey, relax. I'm not interrogating you or anything. It's just not like you, Boo. Falling for somebody so utterly unattainable."

His words hurt. I knew the truth of them well before he said them, but hearing it out loud made it all so real. As far as Jasper was concerned, I merely had an inappropriate crush on my teacher. He didn't realise that my heart was involved.

"I know," I whispered, turning to look out of the window at the passing scenery, rather than let him see the tears that were prickling at my eyes.

I hated that he had this power over me. That a single look or word could make me fell so helpless. That I had cried more times since meeting him than I had in the rest of my life put together. I hated that the one time in my life my heart had felt like it might just belong to somebody else, it had to be my teacher that it fell for.

I didn't realise that we were slowing down until Jasper's brakes squeaked and the tyres started to bobble over snow on rough gravel instead of the smooth tarmac of the road as he pulled into a layby. I kept my eyes firmly averted, but I knew it was hopeless. Jasper knew me almost better than I knew myself and before I knew it, the tears were rolling freely down my face.

"Boo?" Jasper's voice was soft in the quiet car. His music had stopped along with the engine and there was just the sound of the occasional car flying past on the road, their headlights briefly lighting up the interior of the car each time. "Hey, look at me."

I shook my head, my eyes shut tight in a vain attempt to seal the salty tears in, but when his hand landed gently on my shoulder I whirled around to face him before I could stop myself. Cracking my eyes open I could see his look of confusion. He couldn't understand why I would cry over a simple crush on a teacher.

"I'm so stupid," I croaked out through my stupid and embarrassing tears. "Of all the people in all the world, I had to go and fall for the guy I can never have. I'm just his baby sister's friend, just one of his students and I hate it. Why can't I stop thinking about him? Why can't I stop wishing things were different?"

Jasper looked sympathetic as he reached over and gave me an awkward, one-armed hug over the center console. "I'm sure it'll pass, Boo."

"Do you think your feelings for Alice will pass?" I asked, suddenly angry at the unfairness of the situation. It wasn't really fair for me to call him out like that; we had never discussed what he felt for her, but it was obvious to everybody that there was something there.

"That's a bit different," he responded, pulling back and suddenly refusing to meet my eyes.

"Is it?"

His eyebrows shot up so high that they almost disappeared into his shaggy hair that was flopping down over his forehead.

"Well I... I mean, we... I mean... Shit, Boo, you really feel that strongly for him?"

I didn't answer. I just looked back down to my tangling hands, fighting back another wave of tears. It felt good to have someone know, to have someone understand what I felt. And he did understand, because he felt it, too. I could see it in his eyes every time he looked at Alice, every time their hands met.

But he couldn't understand how it felt for the object of your affections to be completely out of reach - morally and legally. Mr. McCarty was never going to be able to be more than my English teacher and the big brother of my friend, and somehow, I was going to have to learn to live with that.

New Year's Eve was going to be very interesting.

**Emmett McCarty POV**

Once the school bully was gone and life fell back into a normal pace, time flew past me. Kate and I had actually defined our relationship and become exclusive, and she was almost giddy about spending our first Christmas together, even if it meant sharing me with my family. Mom and Dad had decided they were going to come to us, which for me was weird. It was the first time I would spend Christmas away from my childhood home. Alice, however, was over the moon.

I could understand their reasoning for wanting to come. They'd noticed that Alice was happier than she'd been in a long time and they wanted to see why. They wanted to see the environment that had brought her out of her shell and brought back their rambunctious little girl.

I knew that dad would question me about Jasper the moment he found out that Alice was interested, but I hoped he wouldn't give her too hard of a time. The two of them had been taking it slowly and had developed a friendship. There were boundary issues, such as hand touching and surreptitious touching when they thought no one was looking, but I knew it hadn't gone any further.

Having Jasper around meant having Bella around a lot of the time. Not that I was complaining. While I was Christmas shopping for Kate, I'd picked her up a present before I'd even realized how unethical it would be to give it to her. If I was hellbent on giving her a gift, it had to be something whimsical that would be acceptable for a teacher to give a student. So I ended up buying her a collectors edition of her favorite book, and I bought Jasper a signed jersey from the Seahawks that I'd found on ebay. The sapphire bracelet that matched Bella's toe ring was set in my underwear drawer and left there. It was doubtful that it would ever see the light of day.

Bella had come out of her shell over the month since Thanksgiving. She seemed more comfortable in my home and on occasion joined in with the teasing that had become the norm in the house. I knew I was wrong to be so happy about her company, but it eased that part of me that couldn't seem to let her go.

It wasn't that I hadn't tried. The raging battle that seemed to escalate between my heart and my head made it impossible to compartmentalize and push it to the side, so I embraced it. I let myself admit my feelings and followed it with the dose of reality that told me it was unethical.

The unfortunate thing about getting to know Bella Swan better was that she seemed to grow on me further. The way her eyes almost pulled to the books as she entered the house, and her gentle caress of the spines on the shelves as she spoke was mesmerizing. Her sense of humor was off the charts, and when she and Jasper got into one of their discussions, Alice and I would sit back and watch with amusement.

I had split my world into two, inside the walls of my home, where Jasper and Bella were my friends, and everywhere else, where they were my students. Even Kate had embraced that. When she came to visit she joined in with the endless banter and laughed right along side us, though I always noticed Bella's reservation when she was there.

Christmas came and went, we had a small affair with Jasper and Bella around the tree on the twenty-third, and our parents arrived on the morning of Christmas Eve. Mom fell in love with the small house I was renting. My first attempt at a Christmas turkey was better than I had imagined, but that was mostly thanks to Bella and her instructions. Had it not been for her, it would have been burned or dry.

Alice spent the three days our parents were there talking about school and her friends. I was even able to brag about her grades and the teacher's comments on how pleasant and eager to learn she was. My parents loved Kate, and my dad used his Scottish charm to keep her laughing.

When they left, I was torn between being relieved to have my space back and missing them, but the impending get-together Alice had organised for New Years was a source of excitement. Kate had some friends from out of town visiting and they would be in Port Angeles doing a bar crawl. It suited me just fine. I was turning into a homebody.

It was only going to be the four of us as usual, but there was a certain excitement about the whole thing because it was Alice's first sleep over. One I had approved as long as Jasper took the couch, which was a pull out bed.

"Are you going to be drinking?" Alice asked, leaning against the kitchen counter. She was making dip and cookies and pizza, thankfully not all at once.

"I don't know, Mom," I teased.

She slapped me with the dish rag she been using to pull hot trays from the oven and pulled herself up onto the counter. Judging by her proximity to the oven, she was enjoying the blast of heat. The boiler had ceased to work that morning and considering it was New Year's Eve, no one was willing to come out and fix it, so Alice had advised Bella and Jasper to bring something warm to wear.

"Well, I was just curious."

"No and no," I said, leaning against the kitchen Island opposite her. "I'm a teacher. You are not going to drink, Alice. I know you're catching up with all the teenage rites of passage here but that is not one I can allow."

"Chill out," she snickered. "That's so not what I was going to ask. Have you met my friends? We don't need alcohol. I was just going to ask you not to get drunk. You get really loud when you're drunk."

"You're so lucky I like you."

She gave me a grin and hopped off the counter as the timer chimed on the oven. I left her alone to finish preparing the food while I took a shower. By the time I reappeared, Alice's company had arrived with a huge pile of food to add to the already excessive amount we had. Bella had made a lasagna and homemade garlic bread, and Jasper had brought enough redbull to keep an army awake for a year.

"Something smells good," I sang, poking my head around the kitchen door. "I guess Bella's here, 'cause I know Alice's food doesn't smell like that."

"Hey! What is it with the verbal abuse? I'm your blood, you big lug."

I grinned and Bella blushed. Since she'd become comfortable around me, my ability to make her blush had

diminished somewhat, so shamefully I endeavored to make her blush as much as I could.

"What's with hanging out in the kitchen anyway?"

"It's cold," Alice whined, and Jasper wrapped his arm around her as she leaned into him. I shook my head at the ever-growing public display of affection between them.

"Oh, I brought you something for that," Bella laughed, turning to the bag at her feet and smashing her head on the cabinet door.

Jasper guffawed, and released Alice so he could step forward and make sure Bella was all right. I was biting back my laughter. She was inclined to things like this but I never got used to seeing her hurt herself. It was hilarious how apt she was at tripping over things that normally posed no problem.

"Boo, I swear, you hurt yourself tonight and you will have to wait until morning. Do you know how busy the emergency room is on New Years?" Jasper laughed, planting a platonic kiss on the spot she banged her head.

Anyone watching the two of them together without knowing them would think they were a couple, but Alice and I knew better. They were more like siblings. They were as close as you could get but their love was completely based on their friendship. They'd both explained it to Alice, and it was obvious once you paid attention.

"Shut up, Frank, or you won't get your present."

"Lips are sealed, Boo," he grinned, putting his hand on the cabinet as she bent over to dig through her bag again.

Rifling through her bag, she ignored everyone else in the room and bit her bottom lip in concentration, standing as close as I was, I spied the book I had bought her for Christmas, which was marked with the bookmark Alice had bought for her.

Finally she pulled back with a bag from the sporting goods store in Port Angeles and grinned.

"My mom was riding to Port Angeles for her costume. She's going to a costume party at the Weber's, and I rode with her. I figured with no heat we'd need these."

She handed out the packages to each of us, and blushed as she got to me. Turning over the package in my hands I couldn't help but laugh. She'd bought us all thermal long johns. The one's she'd picked out for me were bright red like you would see in the westerns.

"Thanks, Bella."

She shrugged and twisted her own package in her hands. it was things like this that amazed me. She was probably the most giving person I'd ever met, but she never expected anything in return.

"Okay, so I have movies galore to take us to midnight, then we can watch the ball drop. I have Boo's favorite," Jasper said, laughing as she winced.

When I caught her eyes with mine she shook her head and shrugged.

"Horror movies give me nightmares. Frank loves to share his collection. He's under the impression that forcing me to watch them will desensitize me."

"Has it worked?"

"No," she laughed shaking her head emphatically. "I just hide my face through the gory bits. Do you want me to heat up the lasagna before we get started? If I'm going to do this, I need sustenance."

"Just how gory is it?" Alice asked, looking around Jasper to see Bella.

"Hey, it's just a movie, people," Jasper snorted, pinching Alice playfully on her arm. "You got two strong men to protect you, you got nothing to worry about."

Alice and Bella both looked at him incredulously and I held my hands up in surrender. This was nothing to do with me.

Bella moved around the kitchen as she got things ready and Jasper and Alice moved around her. They were all three a little team and it was good to see Alice so integrated into their small group. Feeling useless, I grabbed a beer and headed for the couch, flicking through the channels so I was out of the way.

We ate in our normal fashion, loud and in complete chaos, while Bella and Jasper bickered. The food was amazing and by the time I took my spot on the couch again I had my hand on my stomach I was so full. When Jasper finally convinced Alice and Bella that the movie wasn't that bad, he shut off all the lights and snuggled into the love seat, while Bella perched on the other end of the couch I was on, her legs curled up to her chest.

She still didn't look happy about this.

As the movie progressed, she gravitated toward me. I didn't think it was intentional; it was due to her squirming in her seat as the evil undead guy stalked his prey. It wasn't gory by any means, but even I had to admit how intense it was. All of us had jumped at one point or another.

When the movie was over, she was sat right next to me, the soles of her feet resting against mine as she glared at the credits.

"You said it wasn't bad, you liar," she whined, throwing a pillow at Jasper.

"No, Boo, I said it wasn't gory."

She shook her head anyway and excused herself. Alice and Jasper disappeared into the kitchen to get chips and drinks, leaving me alone on the couch. When Bella returned she gave me a timid smile.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," she grinned. "I told you I was no good with movies like that."

"What movies do you like?"

"It depends what mood I'm in really. How about you?"

"You seen the Die Hard movies?"

She nodded as a beautiful smile broke out on her face.

"You've seen them."

"Jasper has the whole collection," she answered, rolling her eyes. "They're actually pretty good. Where is Jasper?"

"In the kitchen with Alice. They've been in there a while."

Bella's eyes got big and moved from me to the door and back again. When I moved to get up, she floundered, her cheeks flaring red. She'd obviously put the pieces together and I wasn't far behind her. I put my fingers to my lips and stepped quietly to the door. Bella watched me with curiosity, but didn't hesitate when I tilted my head as an indication for her to join me.

Stood side by side at the door, I gave her a wink and pushed gently.

The door gave way easily and didn't squeak as it normally did. Beyond it, Jasper and Alice were tangled together, their lips firmly together. Alice was sat on the counter and Jasper was between her legs with one hand on the nape of her neck.

I elbowed Bella who was stood next to me with a congratulatory smile on her face. She looked up at me from under her long lashes and grinned.

"Ahem."

Jasper jumped back so quickly his ass hit the island. Alice covered her mouth and giggled as she watched Jasper flounder.

"I . . . We . . . We just . . . Ah shit."

"Frank, are you at a loss for words?" Bella laughed beside me, her eyebrows high on her forehead with amusement.

"Sir, I'm sorry . . . I mean, I . . ."

"Relax, Jasper." I laughed, leaning against the door as Bella fell into hysterical giggles beside me. Jasper glared at her and then me and back, relief washing over his face.

Bella was still laughing so hard she actually snorted, then stumbled. Without thinking my arms wrapped around her waist and held her up. Her laughter turned into a gasp and a hiccup as she looked down at my hands.

"You stable?" I asked, ignoring the way my head was screaming at me as that jolt of pure excitement shot through me when we touched. I ignored the fact that I was that close to her with my hands on her hips; I ignored the sudden assault of her smell on my senses, and I ignored my need to pull her closer.

"Yes, I . . . stable," she squeaked.

I released her from my grasp and gave a smile to the other two as though nothing had transpired. I didn't want to make a big deal of the event so I grabbed a cookie and made a bid for freedom.

We watched another movie, which was thankfully lighter, and Bella stayed on her end of the couch with a blanket thrown over her, while her eyelids drooped considerably. Even Alice and Jasper seemed subdued on the love seat. The two of them were cuddled considerably closer than they had been before, and as much as it killed me not to go all big brother, I attempted to be happy for them. Jasper was a good guy, it was easy to see that he cared about Alice. As long as he kept it that way things would be good between us.

When the credits finally rolled on the movie, the peanut gallery decided to wake up a little bit.

"It's eleven-thirty. Shall we put on the rockin' new year's eve deal?" Alice asked, with a yawn that set off a chain reaction.

"Thirty minutes to a new year. I should not be this tired," Jasper grumbled, resting his head on Alice's shoulder. "I think it's time to break out the good stuff."

I raised my eyebrows in question, but the only answer I received was a finger to wait, while he disappeared into the kitchen. He came back with the Redbull, and handed a can to each of us.

"Frank, you do realize what this crap does to you right?" Bella laughed, as she read the can that sat in her hands.

"Well aware. Now let's turn down the TV, turn the radio on and get lively."

"There's four of us. How exactly is that going to work out?" Bella snorted, rolling her eyes. Something told me that she'd prefer to stay away from anything that required gravity or coordination.

"Okay, then lets play Rock Band, you can sing, Boo," Jasper mocked, trying to hid his smile.

"No, nu uh, no way. You know I don't do the mic."

"Why?" I asked, turning in my seat to face her.

"Because I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket."

"I don't believe that," I teased, hoping that the competitive side she hid well would come out to play.

"I will not be coerced into this," Bella pouted, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. "I'm barely coordinated enough to play the bass, and I really don't want to deafen you."

"Oh come on, Bella," Alice chimed in, slinking over to my XBox. "I downloaded Joan Jett's_ I love Rock and Roll_. You sing it in the car. Come on."

Bella shook her head and backed away as the opening titles began on the game. We'd played this so much we all had our own characters. Her eyes seemed to grow wide as Alice lined up Bella's as the singer.

"This is so unfair. Do something, Mr. McCarty. This is peer pressure."

I couldn't help but laugh at that, and when the abject look of horror as she realized I would do nothing passed over her face, it only made me laugh harder. The skin of her cheeks moved from rose pink to scarlet to puce as she backed toward the bathroom.

"You can't hide all night, Bella," I managed to get out between breaths. "It's just us. No one is going to judge you."

"Why me?"

"Because it's so easy, Boo," Jasper joined in, circling the couch to cut her off. Alice circled around the other direction, her smile broad.

"Damn it. Fine. Only on one condition."

"Name it," I said, turning on the couch so I could see her.

"We _all_ have to sing. Frank can't be the only one," she said, looking triumphant. Unfortunately for her, I wasn't that shy, and neither was Alice.

"Done," I replied, chuckling at the horror in her eyes.

"Works for me," Alice chipped in.

"Votes are in, Boo. You're gonna be singing first."

"I hate you all," Bella huffed, swiping the wireless mic from Alice, a small smile on her lips. "When your ears start to bleed, don't look to me for sympathy."

"Duly noted, Miss Swan," I answered, setting up the drums in front of me.

It turned out Bella wasn't half as bad as she made herself out to be. The smoky quality to her voice actually made it sound very good. I attempted to get her to sing Janis Joplin's _P__iece of __M__y __H__eart,_ but she was having none of it. Apparently one song was enough for her.

Alice sang a Pat Benetar song, and I chose _Crawl _by Kings of Leon. After Jasper sang Bon Jovi's _D__ead or __A__live_, we were closing in on midnight.

"It's weird thinking that in four minutes, we'll be in the year we graduate," Bella said wistfully, throwing herself into the couch.

"We'll start hearing back from colleges," Jasper added, sitting next to her and throwing his arm around her shoulders. "By the fall we'll be living away from home for the first time in our lives."

"You guys make it sound like a bad thing," I chimed in, as Alice sat on Jasper's other side and cuddled into him. "Look at it like it's an adventure. Out there on your own, you'll discover yourselves, you'll make terrible decisions and learn from them. It's the end of an era, but a beginning to a future."

"I've never been out of the State of Washington," Bella said, sadly.

"Well, this could be a good opportunity for you then."

"Dad wants me to apply to UT," Jasper said quickly. "I told him it was too late, but he said it's never too late."

"You do realize this is supposed to be a happy occasion?" I laughed. "You have another five months before graduation, have fun and make the most of it."

The countdown interrupted the mumbled responses I got. We all stood up and and counted down with it. The moment the ball hit the bottom and the number lit up, the sadness seemed to dissolve. Alice launched herself into Jasper's arms and unabashedly kissed him with all her might.

Bella smiled at me demurely, avoiding looking at the two of them.

"Happy New Year, sir."

I rolled my eyes and threw my arms around her. It was a hug that resembled one I would give my sister, but she hugged me back with a little giggle before letting go. I gave Jasper a man hug when he finally released Alice, and I gave Alice a big squeeze and a kiss on the forehead.

Five months was all I had left of these three. They had become a part of my life, they enriched it, and I knew it was going to be hard to let them go. The new year was going to bring some new situations, and I wasn't entirely sure I was ready for that.

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><p><em><strong>Thank you for reading! :)<strong>_


	11. Chapter 11

**_Disclaimer: We still don't own Twilight... Any day now?_**

**_A/N: I just want to thank you guys for reading. You have all been so amazing and so patient with us and our posting schedule. I hope you all had a great holiday and that Santa brought you everything you wished for... I didn't get my Emmett, Edward or Jasper so I was a little heartbroken, but he made good with jewelry so it's all good! But I believe he got Hev99 addicted to Merlin! _**

**_Thanks as always for your support and your reviews and wonderful thoughts on the characters and the stories. Happy New Year to you all!_**

**_Much love and epical hugs from the two of us._**

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><p><strong>Letting Go Of Maybe<strong>

**Chapter 11**

**Isabella Swan POV**

By the time March rolled around, I wondered where the hell the year was going. I was discovering that there was some truth in that thing my dad always told me about time going faster and faster the older you got. It was a scary thought, though. I was just eighteen; how fast was time going to be skipping forward when I was in my thirties or forties, if I was already losing whole quarterly periods in the blink of an eye?

Winter was breaking rapidly into spring; Forks was getting greener and the snow had long since melted. Everything was coming into bloom and the floor of the forest that backed onto my house was sprinkled with small wildflowers. On the rare sunny days that managed to force their way through the usual sheeting rain, I would take a blanket out into the garden and study for my finals.

Exam fever was affecting everybody; even Jessica looked a little ruffled. She had tried repeatedly to reinstate our friendship, but I couldn't quite forget the way she had so easily turned her back on me, in favor of her boyfriend. While I could forgive easily, the image of her snubbing me as I fought to control my breathing in the bookshop would not allow me to forget.

At first, Alice seemed surprised, almost shocked at how Jasper and I responded to Jessica. It was so out of our natures to be that way but, if anything, Jasper was even angrier at her than I was, and he let her know it. When Alice was aware of why we behaved that way, she understood completely and every day I was grateful to whatever fate made us walk into that bookshop and meet her that day. She was rapidly becoming a close friend and I was dreading saying goodbye to both she and Jasper when we went off to different colleges in September.

Much as I tried to deny it to myself, I was also going to miss her brother. Outside of school, he had almost become a part of our group. An integral part. His teasing of me was even more merciless than Jasper's and I almost had myself convinced that when we left to go to college, he would miss us.

Miss _me_.

It was completely wrong how badly I wanted him to miss me. How much I wanted him to want me around. But when we hung out at his house, all curled up on his couch, watching movies or playing video games and he joined in with our friendly banter, it wasn't hard to conceive of a world where he could enjoy my company.

Sometimes I even caught him looking at me with the oddest expression on his face, almost as though he were in pain, but not. His eyes were soft and held this expression that was impossible to read. The crazy part of me that forgot that he was my teacher, tried to convince me that it was an adoring look, but the logical part of my brain reminded me repeatedly that that was not possible. In school he was always the consummate professional, keeping the lines completely free from blurriness by acting almost as though he never saw us beyond the school gates. Almost, but not quite entirely. Sometimes he would greet us in corridors or in the parking lot and stop to chat, but in the classroom it was strictly back to Miss Swan and Mr. McCarty.

He still called on me infuriatingly often in class, but I felt much more confident about speaking out now, especially sitting next to Angela, who was a lot nicer and much less giggly than Jessica. She had even started eating lunch with us and had joined us for movie nights a couple of times. It was clear to me now that he called on me, not to make me squirm because he didn't like me, but because he genuinely wanted me to improve my verbal reasoning skills in time for college.

He was a good man and an extraordinarily good teacher. He had seen potential in me on his first day that people who had been teaching me for years had never seen. I was shy so they left me alone. He challenged me to do better in a way that nobody ever had before and, had I not been inappropriately harboring feelings for him, I would still have loved him for that.

I was trying really hard to focus on the book I was reading and not on the football practice going on so close that I could literally smell the sweat as I sat, my Chuck-clad feet landing against the bleachers with a rhythmic thudding as my legs swung back and forth

The team were in the final of some big competition or other and Mr. McCarty was really putting them through their paces. The usual hour-long practice had doubled in length in the last week and Jasper was so exhausted each night that he barely had enough energy to tease Alice and I.

Ordinarily, Alice and I sat together on the bleachers, watching the boys practice and laughing at the cheerleaders, but tonight she had a shift at the bowling alley, so I was sitting alone.

I watched, fascinated as the guys ran past me, doing laps up and down the steps as part of training. I was so distracted by them that I didn't notice the figure beside me until he spoke.

"You know, Swan, you're at football practice so often, I'm surprised you haven't joined the team yet."

It was Mr. McCarty. His face was lit up with that playful smirk that I associated more with his home persona than his teacher side.

"Trust me, sir, you don't want to see the chaos I can cause, just by attempting to throw a football straight. Entire ecosystems have been wiped out by my sportsmanship," I replied, laughing.

"Ah, don't worry about that. I'd straighten you out." His smile was genuine and the dimples were there. The were creased innocently into his face, for all the world as if they weren't making me want to jump him, right there in the stands.

"Well, it does appear that you're some sort of miracle worker," I said, gesturing towards the newly elevated football team as they continued to run, panting and sweating but determined. "I don't think Forks High have been in any sort of final since before my dad went to school."

"He said that, too." He chuckled and jogged away before I could ask him when he had spoken to my father, calling, "See you later, Swan," over his shoulder at me as he went.

_See you later._

My heart tugged at the idea that so soon I wouldn't see him_ at all_. Graduating High School and getting out of Forks was all I had wanted for so many years, yet now, when my dream was so very close to fruition, suddenly I was questioning it.

For eighteen years, Forks had been dreary, rainy and depressingly dead end-like. The options for teenage employment were pretty much limited to waitressing, baby-sitting or working for Newton's Outfitters. Since my Emergency Room record was, depressingly enough, a standard joke around the town, no self-respecting restaurant would hire me. I had no skills or patience with children and I didn't ever want to be within fifty feet of Mike Newton, even before he proved what a sleaze bag he was. So the only way I had been able to earn money was by going to the station with my dad and helping out with filing.

Forks had always felt claustrophobic, tiny, almost stifling in its limits. But now that the time for leaving was drawing closer and closer, suddenly it was feeling just about the right size.

I turned back to my book, desperately forcing myself to focus and stop thinking about him. It was completely unhealthy to have that kind of infatuation with a faculty member; even Jasper had told me that. Repeatedly. He had sat me down only a couple of weeks previously and talked seriously to me about it, knowing that what I felt was more than a simple crush. Jasper knew me better than to think that I would just get over him. I had never been somebody who flitted from one thing to the next, like my mom. I was more like my dad in that respect, steady and unchanging. Once I settled on something, generally it lasted. Much as I hoped that my feelings for Mr. McCarty - _Emmett_ would pass, I was fairly confident that they wouldn't. Especially since he had started being nice to me. It would almost have been easier if he had continued being an 'asshole'.

Sighing, I placed my bookmark in to mark my page. Having read the same paragraph three times, I was realizing that my brain just wasn't in the right place for reading, even if the book _had_ come from Mr. McCarty's collection. True to his word, he had allowed me to freely use his book collection, even spending time pulling out books that he thought I would enjoy and asking me what I thought of them. I think if he thought I had time, he would have had me writing assignments on them, he asked so many questions and always seemed genuinely interested in my answers. In fact, much as my mind screamed against the very idea, if it weren't for the fact that he was dating Miss Lewis, I might have convinced myself that my feelings weren't entirely one-sided.

But he _was_ dating her, and every time I saw them together, even innocently walking down a corridor, side by side, their pinkie fingers just barely brushing against each other, my heart dropped a little more in my chest. I got his grins, complete with dimples and scrunched up eyes, and I got his A's, written in bright red pen with little smiley faces next to them. I got teased when they made me sing on Rock Band or when I tripped over my own feet trying to play tennis on the Wii, but she got his kisses, she got his hands caressing her skin and his eyes burning into her with the fiery gaze I craved so badly but could never, ever have.

The hardest part was that I wanted so badly to hate her, but she stubbornly refused to do anything to earn it. She was sweet and kind and always joined in with the fun we had in his living room, as though she were simply hanging out with her partner's friends and not her students. I wanted her to be a thorn in my side, but she just wasn't. The only crime she had committed was being legitimately involved with the man I was in love with.

Yeah, I hated her.

"Wanna go bowling, Boo?" Jasper's voice next to me, coming from his showered and changed form, had me realizing that I had somehow managed to think and over-think my way through the entire practice.

I nodded in response, rolling my eyes at his new-found love of ten-pin bowling. I was terrible at it, but it didn't matter too much, since we spent more time hanging in the bar area chatting to Alice while she worked, than we did actually bowling.

"Are you two off to distract my baby sister while she works?" Mr. McCarty attempted to look disapproving, standing off just a few feet away. Just like Jasper, his hair was wet from the showers, and it glistened in the sunlight as small droplets ran down his neck, disappearing under his shirt. "If she gets fired, you guys are paying her credit card bills."

"Don't worry, sir. With the amount Frank spends at the bar, they ought to be giving her a raise for bringing in customers. He's doubled their annual profits in three months."

"You crazy kids not made it official yet, Hale?" He smirked as Jasper started to fidget uncomfortably. Making Jasper squirm about his "not-actually-a-relationship" relationship with Alice appeared to be one of Mr. McCarty's favorite past-times.

"Well, uh... You know... Just..."

"Relax, Jasper. What Alice does on her own time is her business. As long as she doesn't get hurt, I'm keeping out of it."

"I wouldn't hurt her," Jasper said emphatically, his face suddenly serious. "I couldn't."

"Then there's no problem, is there?" Mr. McCarty smiled brightly before telling us to have a good night and sauntering off in the direction of the parking lot, where his dilapidated old truck, which he had been saying he was going to replace for months, was waiting for him.

I watched his retreating back, trying not to sigh at the fact that he was walking away from me again, and probably going home to spend the evening with _her._

**Emmett McCarty POV**

Easter rolled around too quickly for my liking. My first year as a teacher and coach of Forks High School was coming to an end. The team had dropped the ball in regionals and we'd missed the opportunity to go to nationals by one lousy conversion. It was still the furthest the team had gone in a long time so I was praised by not only the principal, but the school board as well. It felt good to have something like that under my

belt.

My life was still divided into two, but I'd adapted and it actually started making sense to me. Spending time with Alice, Bella and Jasper had become an integral part of my day to day life. Alice was happy and she actually enjoyed her job. I couldn't have asked for more than that.

Alice being friends with Bella had given me an insight to the one person on the face of the planet that I wanted with everything I was. Having the ability to spend time with her in a platonic setting had been cathartic for me. It pushed away the haunted feeling that had hounded me before Thanksgiving. She was just as bright as I'd known she was, but her sense of humor was a killer. In three months she'd also made a substantial dent in my book collection and was always hungry for more.

We'd spend hours talking about the authors and characters and what they were trying to convey through the stories. I had endless questions and thankfully, Bella seemed all too happy to answer them.

The only part of my life that wasn't working for me was my relationship with Kate.

I would have loved to have blamed the crumbling foundation on something other than the reality, but the truth was, she was driving me crazy. When I'd first met her, I thought she was a sweet and demure woman who needed coaxing out of her shell. Unfortunately, the truth was she was single because she was a controlling and opinionated pain in the ass.

The sex was still great between us, but that was the only thing that worked. Conversations turned into heated debates and yet another stage for her to voice her political agenda. I liked politics as much as the next person, but using it as a crutch for conversation in a relationship meant it was doomed to failure.

Pushing all that aside, she'd also started talking about marriage and I just couldn't commit to her the way she wanted me to. Thinking about being married to her was like preparing to live in a room made of chalkboards, all with nails being dragged down them. She made me feel trapped and claustrophobic. She was also the single most jealous person I'd ever met.

I'd been trying to break up with her for three weeks, but it was never the right time. Almost as though she knew what I was trying to do, she'd get me aroused and shut me up with her lips. It seemed stupid to complain about a woman using her sexual prowess to shut someone up; we both managed happy endings from it, but it was everything in between that made it a necessity.

As a teenager, I'd thought sex was the basis of a relationship, but the older I became, the more I was basing the importance on an intellectual connection. The first couple of months with Kate had been fantastic. She'd been funny, and warm, kind and caring, yet it was all pushed to the wayside. Spooning in bed had turned into a chat session about the importance of whatever reform was being pushed through congress, and it was the biggest turn off I'd ever encountered.

I felt trapped and, no matter how good a relationship was, once that feeling of the walls closing in started, you had to cut and run.

Standing outside her door, I felt like a coward for not knocking. She had no idea I was coming around and I knew that the element of surprise would have to work in my favor.

As the heavens opened and the rain began to fall in thick, heavy sheets, I knew my time had come. It was now or never.

Lifting my hand, I knocked gently on the door and stood under the skinny awning that was only big enough to shelter a squirrel. As the rain found its way down my collar, I knocked again with a little more enthusiasm. It was only seconds from the second knock to the sound of her heels on the hardwood, but it felt like a lifetime, each second sending contemplation through my brain.

When the door finally opened, I gave her a small smile.

"Can I come in?"

"Of course you can, Emmett. You're soaking. Let me get you a towel."

I followed her into the living room but stopped there. I knew I couldn't give her any excuses to get naked. My eyes scanned the room and thought about all the times I'd been here over the months. Everything seemed to hold a memory that seemed almost sordid now that I was ending it.

"Babe, come in here," she called from the bedroom.

"No, Kate. I'm not staying."

"What? Why?" she asked, poking her head around the door frame. "I wanted to show you this website I found. It's this place that I found that would be perfect in the Spring."

I raised my eyebrows. I hadn't proposed and wasn't planning to, yet she seemed determined to plan a wedding. She'd been leaving hints as subtle as anvils around her home. Bride magazines on the coffee table, jewelry store pamphlets on the night stand. Even if I hadn't decided to end it, there was no way in hell I was getting married.

"Can you just come out here a minute?" I asked, running my hair through my damp curls. "We need to talk."

"Give me just one minute."

I nodded as she disappeared back into her room. I wasn't sure how she was going to appear, but I attempted to be ready for anything. When she finally came out I had to fight to keep my body from reacting to her. She was wearing a corset with stilettos and a smile. No man could resist that. It was in a rule book somewhere.

"Kate, put some clothes on."

"Why?" she pouted, slinking up to me and working my coat over my shoulders. "I've been saving this little outfit to surprise you with. You said you loved corsets."

I was losing ground and I knew it. The moment she hit the belt buckle I was powerless. Her hands moved down over my chest and tangled in the leather at my waist. I was losing motivation yet again.

In a moment of perfect clarity, I grabbed her arms and pushed her away gently. The awkward situation down south wasn't helping me make my case but I had to do this.

"Kate, I can't do this anymore. We have nothing in common but great sex. Is that really how you want to live your life?"

"Oh God, I . . . I'm so embarrassed. I mean, I . . . Why the hell are you breaking up with me?"

I sighed with frustration and bowed my head. My hand massaged the back of my neck and I planted my eyes anywhere but on her. This wasn't how I'd envisioned doing this. I'd wanted to sit her down and talk to her like an adult. Instead I was a blundering fool, making a mockery out of the situation.

"I'm breaking up with you because this isn't working. I never meant to hurt you, Kate, but you have to see that the spark that was there in the beginning has long gone."

"It's me, isn't it. This always happens. What did I do wrong?"

I stepped past her and into her bedroom. After grabbing her robe from its place on the back of her bathroom door, I made my way back to the living room and handed it to her. She pulled it on without a word, but the glistening pool of tears in her eyes wasn't lost on me.

"It's not you. It's both of us. This wasn't working out. You're an amazing woman and I've enjoyed our time together, but you start digging past the great sex and there's nothing there."

"I don't understand."

I took her hand in mine and led her to the couch. As I sat, I pulled her down with me and took my hand back, clasping them together between my knees. I didn't want to give her the "it's not you it's me" speech because it wasn't true; we were both to blame for the collapse of the relationship.

"It doesn't make sense to me anymore."

"Are you seeing someone else?" she asked, her bottom lip trembling in sadness.

I knew the question was coming; when you broke up with someone it was inevitable. There was always an assumed warm body replacing theirs. The truth was, it had nothing to do with anyone other than the two of us not being good for one another.

"No, I've been nothing but faithful to you, Kate. It's just I can't find the why between us anymore. I know I'm not making much sense, but the only way I can explain it is to tell you that there's no spark between us."

"The story of my life," she finally sobbed, and I pulled her against me and let her cry.

She didn't say another word to me as she cried into my shoulder, and my growing guilt was like acid in my stomach. I didn't regret my decision to break up with her, but I hated that she'd been hurt in the process. I'd assumed she'd seen the same thing I had, but this outpouring of emotion told me exactly how wrong I'd been.

As her weeping died down to simple sniffles and the silence became piercing, a peaceful calm came over me. I knew it was a selfish thing to feel while I was still in her house, still comforting her, but I couldn't have fought it if I'd wanted to. I hated hurting her, but that didn't mean it wasn't the right thing to do. I felt more confident than ever that this was how it needed to work out.

"Kate?"

"It's okay, Emmett, just leave," she said in a broken voice. I knew she was trying to be strong, but the cracks in her voice made it impossible. I didn't know if we'd ever be able to get back to being the friends we had been before this mess.

It was times like this I realized that this was the very reason you didn't get involved with colleagues. Who they were professionally and who they were privately were two different entities.

I kissed her gently on the forehead as I stood up and for a moment she was hesitant to let go of the grip she had on my sweater. Her fingers were curled into the fabric with desperation. I pried one off, and then the other and kissed the back of her hands before placing them in her lap and backing away.

"I loved you, Emmett," Kate whispered as I bent to pick up my coat.

"I'm sorry, Kate."

I left without another word and walked the numerous blocks home in the relentless rain. The icy drops fell from my hair and slid under my coat and sweater, making me shiver. With as cold as it was I should have been jogging or sprinting for the cover of my humble home, but it was refreshing, and it gave me a chance to clear my head before I had to face the smiling banter of The Three Stooges.

Larry, Curly and Moe were all at the dining room table when I finally got there. Their books were spread out on the table as they pored over them. All three of them had AP classes that would work toward their college credits and they were taking it seriously. They hadn't heard me come in, so I watched them for a moment, letting the reality of the situation sink in. I would lose them all in about six weeks. Once they

finished their finals, they would have prom, then graduation.

It wasn't going to be easy adjusting to being alone again. I would miss each of them individually but they needed this rite of passage. They needed to go out into the world and find themselves. More than anything, I would miss the connection I'd made with Bella.

She was perfect in every way, and yet I was going to have to let her go. She needed to find herself out there in the world, and no matter what I felt about her, I knew I could never hold her back. I had to believe that if it was meant to be, I would find her again one day.

"Emmett?" Alice said, startled. "You're soaking wet. What's going on?"

"I walked home," I mumbled, kicking myself into gear and heading toward the stairs. I was avoiding their eyes as I moved. The moment I was clear of the room, I jogged up the stairs and peeled off my soaking clothes.

I pulled on some flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt and sat on the edge of my bed, trying to get rid of the funk that had it's spindly hands on me. Guilt from a breakup was definitely a new emotion for me, which was just another indication that I'd hesitantly grown up in the last year.

"Emmett?" Alice's voice came through the door with her gentle knock. When I didn't answer, she cracked it open and peered inside. One look at me and she slid in through an impossibly small gap and danced toward me.

"Shouldn't you be studying, squirt?"

"Don't do that," she sighed, sitting on the bed next to me, her body angled so she could see me. "Don't hide behind nicknames. I know something's going on."

"I'm fine, kid. You have enough to worry about without being dragged into my drama."

She pinched my arm hard enough to get my eyes on hers and dodged my come back. She knew something was wrong and she was trying to help. I just wasn't sure how to explain it to her. She and the others had only seen the side of Kate that was a teacher. She hadn't let them in beyond that.

I guess I wouldn't know until I tried.

"I broke up with Kate," I replied with a sigh. I honestly hadn't planned on being so morose about the whole thing. I had been planning on dropping it into a conversation, not having my baby sister console me.

"Oh, Emmett, I'm sorry. What happened?"

I rubbed the back of my neck with discomfort. I hated having to burden Alice with crap like this. I was her big brother; I was supposed to protect her and be her shoulder to cry on, her confidante, but her she was turning the tables on me yet again.

"It just wasn't working. She started talking about getting married and having a family and I realized I didn't want that. Well, I want that but I knew it wasn't going to be with her. As much as I respect her, we just didn't work well."

"How did she take it?" Alice asked, rubbing my back gently.

"Tears . . . There were lots of tears, and she told me she loved me."

"So you feel guilty?"

I nodded and cracked a small grin at her. "Your big bro is ridiculous."

"No, my brother is compassionate. You've always hated hurting people. You just have a different way of expressing that now."

"When did you get so smart, kid?"

This time she beamed at me. "Since my compassionate big brother let me come live with him."

I wrapped my arms around her tiny frame and gave her a hug. It was a hug that said more than I ever could and, from the squeeze I received back, I knew she understood. I wasn't the only one that had grown up this year. Alice had become an amazing, bright young woman since she'd moved here. We'd become closer than we'd ever been and I was grateful for that. As much as she'd needed me, I'd needed her, and I was only just beginning to see it.

"I'm going to miss you and your crazy friends."

"Is that your way of telling me you love me, you big ox?" she laughed, sitting back and punching me in the arm. "Because if it is . . . I love you, too."

She got up from the bed and headed back to the door. With her hand on the knob, she turned to look at me again.

"You coming?"

I shook my head. I needed some time alone and I felt exhausted. I was sure after some sleep I would be fine. I just needed time to process it without having to be cheerful. Alice had been right about the guilt. On some level I'd always felt guilty about hurting people, but I'd covered that up by moving onto someone else and hiding that part of me. I wasn't going to do that now. I couldn't. For the first time, I was going to be true to myself. I needed to evaluate my life and what I wanted from it. I needed to decide which path I

was going to take.

"Can I get you anything?"

"You can hit the lights on your way out." I grinned.

She nodded and flicked off the switch, only allowing a small stream of light to filter in from the hall as she slipped out and left me alone. I fell back onto my bed with a sigh and closed my eyes, trying to avoid the scene from unfurling in my mind. It was done, over with, and now I had to move on.

To what? I wasn't sure, but like everything the answers would come with time.

The last thing image I saw before I fell into a deep sleep was the deep, mahogany curls and soulful brown eyes of Bella Swan.

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><p><strong><em>Thank you for reading! :) You wanted rid of Kate, we obliged! Happy New Year! <em>****_Just as an aside, Hev99, the Bobble of the Weebble, is writing for the Fandom4Heroes compilation. _**

**_Fandom 4 Heroes aims to help raise money and awareness for 2 charities. Help for Heroes and The Poppy Appeal. Info on each are:_**

**_H4H: Is a British charity which has supported those men and women woundedin the service for their country since 9/11 including building "homes from home" at Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Birmingham._**

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	12. Chapter 12

******_Disclaimer: We still don't own it. Please send any information on how we can change that fact to us... with cookies! We like cookies!_**

_**A/N: Huge, enormous, gigantic snuggle squishes to our beautiful beta, TheHeartOfLife, who did a super fast, super awesome job on this chapter for us! You're awesome and we love you!**_

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><p><strong>Letting Go Of Maybe<strong>

**Chapter 12**

**Isabella Swan POV**

"Jasper put you up to this, didn't he?" I slammed my locker shut, cringing as the metallic bang resonated down the emptying corridor, then rounded on Eric. My eyes softened as I took in the fact that he was shying away from me, looking a bit like a deer in the headlights.

"Well, kind of... But..." He looked painfully uncomfortable and wouldn't meet my eyes. I felt bad about snapping at him, but really, I had already had this conversation to death with Alice and Jasper. Even Mr. McCarty had thrown his opinion in while we were supposed to be studying round his kitchen table.

"Listen, Eric. It's really sweet of you to ask, but, as I already told _Jasper, _I don't want to go to prom." I practically shouted Jasper's name, having spotted him loitering just around the corner, spying on Eric's progress with me.

"I, uh... I'm not supposed to take no for an answer," he said, still not meeting my eyes.

"_Hale,_" I shouted. "Stop being such a coward and get your ass over here, right now." He came slinking around the corner, trying to look contrite, but failing miserably.

"S'up, Boo?" he asked innocently, attempting to grin his way out of my bad books and throwing his arm around my shoulders. Shrugging him off, I pointed my finger accusingly into his chest, shooting daggers out of my eyes at him.

"I _told _you I didn't want to go to prom. What the hell, Jasper? You're getting Eric to do your dirty work now?"

"He's not doing anybody's dirty work, Bella. Jeez, calm down, would you? I just knew that Eric couldn't go with his boyfriend, since the school is anally retentive about kids from other schools going to prom, and I thought you could go together. As friends."

I wanted to lay into him, to tell him that we had killed this discussion dead over a week ago when the three of them ambushed me while I was _trying _to study for my Chemistry final.

We were sitting round Mr. McCarty's kitchen table, Jasper and Alice's game of footsie hidden under the table-top and Mr. McCarty and I pretending not to notice as he marked papers and I studied. Since they finally put a label on their relationship, just three days earlier, they felt that it was now acceptable to flaunt it in front of her big brother. To his credit, said big brother was doing an admirable job of ignoring their touchy-feely moments.

I was deeply engrossed in memorizing the electron configurations of atoms, happily blocking out everything, even somewhat successfully ignoring the fact that _he _was sitting almost right beside me, close enough that occasionally our arms brushed one another. Each time we would both apologize and I would attempt to hide my blush behind a text book or my hair.

"So," Alice started, breaking the companionable and studious silence. "Do you want to go shopping for prom dresses with me, Bella?"

I blinked, looking up at her confused. It took me a moment to clear my head of the Chemistry-induced haze before I realized she was looking at me hopefully, almost bouncing in her seat.

"I can go help you to pick out a dress if you like, but I'm not going to the prom. Pretty dresses and dancing aren't really me."

"I have a photo from the Dance Dance Revolution game at the bowling alley that would suggest you're lying, Boo," Jasper interjected with a grin.

"Is that a threat?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. "Trust me, Hale. You do _not _want to start a photograph war. You remember when my mom went through her photography phase?" He nodded, suddenly looking nervous. "She still has _all _the photos." I held back a snort as his eyes went wide and he held back whatever he had been about to say. My mom's photography obsession happened to coincide beautifully with Jasper's Frank Sinatra phase and she had some pictures that were perfect bribery ammunition.

"Why don't you want to go to prom, Bella?" Mr. McCarty asked, his chin resting in the crook of his hand as he looked at me with interest.

"Because getting dressed up in uncomfortable clothes and shoes that will, let's face it, probably land me in the ER, then pretending to enjoy myself while being forced to dance and hang around with the very same people I try to avoid every day at school, does _not _sound fun to me."

His eyes widened and his lips turned up in an incredulous smile that I was becoming more and more familiar with. It was part surprise and part pride and it came out every time I went on a rant. While most people rolled their eyes at me when I did that, Mr. McCarty always looked happy. He had dedicated months of English lessons, and even some times in his home to bringing me out of my "shell", as he called it, and now, when I let myself relax and let go enough to speak out, he always looked just a little bit proud of me.

"I can't fault that logic, guys," he said, winking at me before turning back to Alice and Jasper's matching pouts.

"But, Bella," Jasper whined, elongating the _a_ and pouting. "Prom is like a rite of passage. You have to go."

"Dude, you told me that my first baseball game was a rite of passage, too, and we hadn't been there more than twenty-five minutes when I got hit in the face by the ball."

"Whoa, did that really happen?" Mr. McCarty's face was a picture as he looked at me amazed.

"Seriously, sir, tip of the iceberg. Boo attracts trouble wherever she goes. There is no activity simple enough to be danger free for her."

"And this from the guy who thinks prom is something I should partake in?" I childishly stuck out my tongue at him, receiving a scowl back.

I was under the impression that I won that argument, but apparently Jasper had had other ideas, judging from the hopeful expression on his face as he stood, shoulder to shoulder with Eric.

"I hate dancing," I mumbled, feeling my resolve starting to crumble with the look on Eric's face.

"I knew she'd cave," Jasper said with a triumphant smirk.

"I hate you, Frank," I said, flicking the end of his nose before turning on my heel and starting to stalk away. I heard his footsteps following me just seconds before his arm landed over my shoulders.

"No you don't. You love me really."

"Don't push your luck, Hale, and if I break my neck, leg or any other appendage, _you _are paying for the emergency room."

"You know, Boo, Mr. M. has offered to chaperone the prom." I glared at him sharply. Ever since Alice told us that he and Miss Lewis split up, Jasper had been teasing me, telling me that he broke up with her because he was secretly in love with me. "What? I'm just saying," he said, laughing and mussing my hair. I huffed in irritation, throwing his arm off my shoulders and attempting to stalk away with dignity, only to storm headlong into Miss Lewis, who promptly dropped the pile of books and papers she had been carrying all over the floor. So much for dignity.

"I'm so sorry, Miss Lewis," I said, hurriedly crouching down to help her retrieve the dropped items.

"Don't worry about it," she replied, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and avoiding my eyes as she scooped a pile of papers together haphazardly. As she pulled them together, a thin strip fell out, landing face-up on the linoleum and revealing four small photographs of she and Mr. McCarty together. They were obviously taken in one of those little photo booths in the mall and each photo had them pulling different goofy faces and looking almost blissfully happy.

_Almost. _

There was just something off about his expression. I couldn't quite place it, but there was something missing from his smile. When we hung out around his house and he joined in with us, goofing around, there was this light in his blue eyes that practically made them sparkle, like sapphires. But in the photos, although his eyes were bright and happy, that light was missing somehow.

Hesitantly, I reached forward, plucking the strip of memories from the ground, intending to hand them over. But before I could even raise my hand, I felt them being practically ripped from my grasp, and when I looked up, Miss Lewis was slotting them in amongst her papers with a face like thunder.

"Maybe you could be more careful next time, Miss Swan," she said sharply, standing up and clipping off down the corridor without another word.

"Yes, ma'am," I mumbled, saluting after her rapidly retreating back and stumbling to my feet.

"Wow," Jasper murmured beside me. "Maybe she agrees with me about why he broke up with her."

He was being playful and I knew it, but I couldn't stand the tiny tingle of hope that shot through me every time he suggested the idea that Emmett had feelings for me.

"Just drop it, would you?" I snapped unfairly, turning away to hide the tears that were stinging at my eyes. I hated that he had the ability to put them there when he wasn't even anywhere near me. I hated this power that he had over me without even trying. I was nothing more than his baby sister's friend. We had fun together when we were in his home, but as much as I wanted him to think about me, to pine after me the way I did him, he probably forgot I existed the moment I was gone. Out of sight, out of mind. The way it ought to be.

Try as I might, though, I couldn't completely quell the tiny bubbles of excitement that rose in me, unbidden, at the thought of seeing him dressed in a tuxedo at prom.

"I can't believe I let Jasper talk me in to this," I growled out, slamming the curling iron down on Alice's vanity in frustration as the same piece of hair I had been trying to fix for at least ten minutes, stubbornly refused to hang properly.

"Relax, would you? You are going to look amazing. I'll help you with your hair in a moment," Alice said, trying to placate me the way she had been all afternoon. She blew impatiently on her nails, encouraging the pearly nail polish to dry, before coming forward and un-peeling my fingers from around the curling iron.

"Here," she said softly, taking the offending clump of hair and curling it neatly around the barrel, her reflection smiling reassuringly to me from the mirror. She didn't even have her dress on yet and she already looked amazing, with her hair all pinned up with soft curls running down her back and a small amount of make-up, just accenting her already perfect complexion. Her slinky, bottle-green dress was still hanging on the back of the door, along with the monstrosity I had eventually consented to buying, after being told in no uncertain terms that wearing jeans and a baseball shirt was not an option.

Neither Alice nor I were especially fashion conscious, but I had to admit, it had been a lot of fun going dress shopping. She was a "get the job done" shopper just as much as me, and it must have taken about half an hour to get all we needed for the prom, then we spent the rest of the day just hanging out together. I enjoyed the opportunity to have Alice to myself for the whole day, without Jasper clinging onto her as though she were about to disappear in a puff of smoke the way he so often did.

We had agreed to get ready together, since neither of us were experienced in the ways of, to use Jasper's words, "dolling up". Between us we had managed to get ourselves looking decent and now all we needed to do was put on our dresses and death trap shoes before Jasper and Eric came to pick us up.

My heart tugged slightly with regret that I couldn't go with who I really wanted to and the thought must have registered on my face, as Alice frowned at me, tilting her head to one side.

"Where do you go when you do that?" she asked, her eyebrows knitting together curiously.

"I don't know what you mean," I replied evasively.

"Yeah." She sighed, her slightly hurt expression making me wish that I could tell her about this. If it had been anybody else in the world, I would have been grateful to have a female friend to confide in, but how was I supposed to talk to her about this when the object of my infatuation was her brother? How would that conversation even go?

"Hey, Alice, you know your big brother, who you absolutely adore and who dotes on you? Yeah, well, I'm secretly in love with him and the fact that I can't be with him makes me want to gouge my own eyes out."

_That _would be a fun conversation.

I placed my hand lightly on her arm, drawing her sad eyes up to mine and offering a reassuring smile.

"Sorry, Alice. It's nothing, really."

"Well, if you ever need to talk, I'm here. You know that, right?

"Thanks. I appreciate that, really, I do. I'm so happy you moved here." She smiled genuinely at that and we shared a brief hug before we finished getting ready.

At the sound of the doorbell, I pulled on the shoes that would probably have me sporting a plaster cast by the end of the night, and tottered to the front door, where Jasper and Eric were waiting with a nice looking car to spirit us away to prom.

**Emmett McCarty POV**

The music was loud as it reverberated through the empty gym. The girls on the prom committee were all putting the finishing touches to their decorations and were making sure everything was perfect. I felt like an idiot standing around in my penguin suit. Tugging at the bow tie around my neck, I let my eyes scan the darkened room.

Kate was stood on the opposite side of the room, alone, and half concealed by a huge cutout of James Dean. Things had been strained between us since I left her home all those weeks ago and I hated that every time we got close to making eye contact, she looked in the opposite direction or walked away. I missed her as a friend, but I knew she needed time. I'd hurt her, but even as beautiful as she looking in her stunning brown and turquoise dress, I couldn't regret my decision.

My life had become exponentially easier since we'd parted ways. I didn't feel like a fraud, and I was no longer pushed around to do things I wasn't comfortable with. Kate was a great friend, but as a couple we were volatile and dysfunctional.

I leaned against the wall closest to the locker room and watched as the students started to stream in. It started out slowly, but eventually the room became a flourish of colors and corsages, each of them on the arm of a tuxedo clad boy. When Ben and Angela entered and I saw the Chucks peeking out below his black pants, I almost felt jealous that I hadn't thought of the idea first. My shoes were already pinching my feet.

Much like New Years, I had consented to Alice, Bella and Jasper hanging out at the house together once it was over. It made it easier for me because I didn't have to worry about the stigma of prom night and about Alice being shacked up in the seedy motel at the edge of town with Jasper Hale. I knew I couldn't stop her if it was what she chose to do, but I hoped that being in her brother's home with their mutual best friend present, they would reconsider.

I kept my eyes on the door and the punch table as the students filtered in, all of them lining up to have their picture taken in their formal attire before becoming sweaty and frenzied dancing the night away.

When Bella and Alice entered, they both took my breath away. Alice had never been one to dress up but she looked elegant in the dress she'd chosen. Then there was Bella. Her turquoise dress made her skin look porcelain as it hugged her curves and fell just above her knees, the bow around her middle accentuated her tiny waist and her beautiful, mahogany hair fell over her shoulders in big, loose curls that only made her all the more appealing to me.

I stayed in my corner, hidden in the shadows and indulged myself in watching her make small talk with the people, as she'd so eloquently put it, she'd put most of her effort into avoiding. I could see the discomfort as her eyes scanned the room, and for a brief second of weakness, I found myself hoping she was looking for me.

She was dragged around the room by Eric, who was apparently a lot more of a social butterfly than anyone had realized. After the third group of people and the third blush rose on her cheeks from the compliments, she stumbled across the room to the punch table and poured herself a cup with a gentle sigh.

"Aren't you glad you changed your mind?" I said over the music, stepping out of the shadows. "You could have missed all this taffeta and streamers."

Bella laughed in her usual shy manner and rolled her eyes. She gave a look over her shoulder and froze for a second with her mouth open as though she'd forgotten what she was going to say. It took her two breaths to regain her composure.

"I'm guessing you're here to thwart the punch spikers, Mr. McCarty?"

"Guilty as charged. Why, is that what you're here to do, Bella?" I teased.

She pushed her wrists together and held them out to me with a grin. "You caught me red handed, sir. Though where I would hide contraband in this dress is a mystery."

"Good point, Swan," I teased, finally stepping up beside her. "You and Alice look very beautiful this evening, but is my house still standing?"

Her peal of laughter made my heart stutter in my chest and made me question my masculinity. Wasn't it supposed to be girls that got all giggly and heart fluttery? I was a grown man; I should have been in control of my reactions.

"No casualties and we kept the disaster zone centered in Alice's room. Though the scotch we stole for our nerves may still be sitting out."

"I'm going to pretend that you're joking, even if you're not."

She giggled again and I couldn't help thinking about how radiant she looked like this. She really didn't give herself enough credit for her elegance. Sure, she fell over her own feet and cussed like a sailor when she didn't think I was listening, but she looked graceful in this setting.

"What are you two laughing about?" Alice said, dancing up to us with her hand firmly in Jasper's. I was beginning to think they'd been surgically joined together there.

"I may have let the fact that we got dutch courage from Scotch slip." Bella snorted as she winked at Alice.

"You told him about the Bruichladdich?" Alice gasped, her hand over her mouth.

My heart stopped. That bottle of scotch was one of only five hundred bottles and had cost my dad a thousand dollars. He'd hunted it down as a graduation present for me. Other than my books, it was my most prized possession.

I knew Alice had to be joking. She knew all about it and the special shadow box I had it displayed in. Forty-year-old scotch was meant to be drunk, but I had promised my dad I would only open it for the birth of my first child, if I decided to open it at all.

"You're joking. You are joking, right?"

"Will you relax," Alice laughed, patting my arm. "I already know if I touched that bottle I would have to give you my first born. I like to think you know I have better smarts than that."

I blew all the air out of my lungs with exaggeration and put my hand over my heart, which made all three of them laugh.

"You guys go have fun. I'm going to continue my vigilant watch on the punch."

The three of them took off into the ever growing crowd and I moved back to my post behind Marilyn Monroe and leaned against the wall.

The night passed slowly and the punch bowl got no action from teenage misfits. It made it quite the boring evening if I was being honest. When the music went through its eighties stage, I bopped along with the beats and made sure I was out of sight and out of mind, but watching Bella do the YMCA only seemed to prove her point as to why she didn't dance. She'd hit Eric on the head twice and stumbled into Alice as she teetered on her heels.

I tried to stay in the moment as I watched them, but all I could think was that in two weeks, this would all be over. Two weeks and my first year as a teacher would be gone. Two weeks until Bella would be graduating and I would only have the opportunity to see her a couple of times during the summer.

I'd turned into a masochist where Bella was concerned. I'd spent so long fighting how I felt about her that now I constantly retreated to my own mind, where I was free to live the life I wanted with the person I wanted to be with. I seemed to have an intrinsic knowledge that she and I would be happy together. It didn't seem to matter what scenario played out in my head, it always had the same outcome. She was right for me, but it was so wrong in this reality.

I let my eyes linger on her a little more as Jasper took her hand and twirled her on the dance floor. He was probably the only person on the planet that could keep the girl on her feet doing that, and even Alice

and Eric gave them a wide berth as they broke out the cabbage patch.

When the music finally faded out and Howard Greene got up on the stage, all eyes turned to watch him. I hated the whole prom king and queen thing; to me it was a popularity contest that really set a bad standard to send them all out into the world together. Still, it was tradition and all of the students seemed to buzz as Howard cleared his voice.

"Good evening, everyone. It's time to announce Prom King and Queen. I'm sure you're all aware that there were a couple of last minute entries today. The added names were . . . Eric Yorkie and Isabella Swan, and the Captain of the football team, Jasper Hale and Alice McCarty."

There were murmurs all through the crowd. I smiled at the announcement, and I could see Alice was beyond herself, but Bella wasn't so impressed. As the principal got on with it, she backed away from her small group before turning to sprint toward the locker rooms.

I made my way toward the door and blocked it just as she broke through yet another border of cutout icons from the past. She saw me too late and stumbled into me with a small yelp.

"Bella?" I asked, checking to make sure no one had seen the faux pas.

"I'm sorry, it's just. I hate this. I figure if I can hide, it'll all be over."

I nodded and led her to the chairs the committee had set up for teachers. It seemed they were going for an out of sight - out of mind scenario, because the car from _Bullitt _was blocking the entire area. I sat Bella down and took the seat next to her as she practically hyperventilated.

"Who the hell nominated me?" she gasped, her tiny hands clasping onto mine with more strength than I would have believed her capable of. "I mean, seriously. I spent this whole year hiding from people."

"It was Jessica," I said gently. "She wanted to make it up to you. She thought it was the nice thing to do. When she found out you were coming with Eric she submitted your names."

Bella mumbled under her breath and shook her head, making her curls bounce on her shoulders. Her eyes stayed firmly on the floor as she continued her ramblings under her breath and I couldn't help but laugh a little.

"This is not funny, Emmett," she said, looking up at me with wide eyes. Whatever else she was about to say seemed to disappear as we locked gazes.

It was like being stuck in a vortex for me. The soulful brown of her eyes dragged me in and refused to let me go. I wanted to say something to reassure her, but the words wouldn't come.

"I mean . . . Mr. McCarty," she whispered.

I could feel myself leaning towards her as my thumb rubbed lazy circles on the back of her hand. I wasn't the only one moving either; with each passing second the space between us was getting smaller and smaller. My head and my heart battled for dominance with every inch that disappeared.

"Emmett's fine," I mumbled. It was the truth, after all. The way her lips curled around my name made me almost drunk with euphoria.

"Bella? Where are you?" Alice called, making the two of us spring apart. I dropped her hands and stood up, almost stumbling over a chair as Bella watched me with evident disbelief. "There you are. Why are you hiding?"

Bella was speechless for a second as she kept her eyes on me, but when Alice took another step forward, the illusion was broken and she turned to her with wide eyes.

"Because if I stayed where I was I was going to vomit?"

"You're so dramatic," Alice laughed, dropping down in the seat next to her. "No need to worry. Amanda and Derek won. They're having their first dance now. Who the hell nominated us?"

"Jessica," Bella growled. "She was apparently trying to make up for what she did."

"So I should keep you away from her for the rest of the night then?"

"Yes, probably best."

I stepped away and left them to talk amongst themselves as my mind went wild with what could have happened. I should have gone back to my post by the punch bowl, but instead I found myself in my office,

behind my desk with my head in my hands.

Bella was still a student at this school, if Alice hadn't have come to find her, there were no guarantees that I wouldn't have followed through and kissed Bella. I'd wanted to, I knew that much. The pull to her had been impossible to fight. I'd spent so long fantasizing about her that the one second of weakness had almost felt like a dream to me. It was the lines of reality blurring together and making it impossible to discern one from another.

I had to be more careful. I had to be mindful of my emotions around her. I had to let her go. She still had a life to live. She had four years of self discovery to play with. I'd been there and I'd done that. I was living my life, and thinking about my future. I refused to take that away from Bella.

There was no doubt in my mind that she felt the same way about me. I had seen it in her eyes, mingled with the hope as we'd been merely inches from one another. I wasn't sure what the next two weeks were going to hold for us, but I knew I had to let her go. I couldn't ever let her know how I felt, even if it meant hurting her. I had to do this for her; that was the only thing that was going to convince me I was right.

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><p><strong><em>Thank you for reading! :)<em>**


	13. Chapter 13

**_Disclaimer: We still don't own Twilight. But yummy Teachermett? He's all ours! _**

**A/N: There are no words that can express how much awesome love we have for our amazing and beautiful beta, TheHeartOfLife1. You are the kindest, sweetest person and we adore you so much for helping make our words look pretty! **

**You, our readers, the wind beneath our wings (not kidding!), we couldn't be more grateful to you for your support. You have been so kind to us in your reviews and each one makes us smile and encourages us more than you would believe. We don't know what we did to deserve such wonderful readers, but you are, without a doubt, the best in the fandom! We love you!**

**And so, to graduation... **

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><p><strong>Letting Go Of Maybe<strong>

**Chapter 13**

**Isabella Swan POV**

"I'm so proud of you, sweetheart." I swatted away my mom's meddling fingers for what felt like the hundredth time in only a few short minutes and straightened the hair she had been aiming for myself. "My little girl, all grown up."

Sensing that she was about to start with the waterworks and reminiscing about when I was little, I turned to my dad for assistance. He could usually be relied upon to remain stoic and emotionless, at least on the surface, through most things, but apparently today was the exception to that.

"You look great, Bells," he said, his moustache twitching suspiciously and his eyes glassy.

I stood in the awkward silence between my cooing, proud parents, attempting not to wobble too obviously in the admittedly rather small heels that I had conceded to wearing for graduation. Alice and I had made a pact of sorts: For one day, and one day only, we would put our tomboy tendencies to one side and embrace the girlyness within. It was a pact that both Jasper and Mr. McCarty had embraced wholeheartedly. In fact, although Jasper swore blind it wasn't, I was convinced that it was he who instigated the idea in the first place. He had enjoyed seeing Alice looking so beautiful for prom and insisted that we simply must replicate the effect for graduation. He and Mr. McCarty - Emmett_ - _had gone on for ages about how nice it was to see us both all dressed up, until eventually we caved, just to shut them up.

My pinched toes were protesting the decision now, though. I hadn't even left the house yet and I was already eyeing my Chuck collection, longingly.

There they sat, all lined up in various colors, like beacons of hope to my already aching feet. _Later, _I mentally promised my feet as we passed the beautiful comfort on the way to the door.

Naturally, being Forks, it was pouring with rain. I ran as best I could in those stupid shoes, under the cover of my graduation gown.

I smiled to myself, remembering the previous week when we were given our "graduation gear" as Jasper insisted on calling it. We had been going back to Alice's straight from school, changing and heading out to the bowling alley. When we arrived, Mr. McCarty - _Emmett -_ was already there, eating cold pizza from the fridge in jeans and a sweatshirt that was rolled up to his elbows.

_God I loved his arms. _

When he saw what we were carrying, he grinned and told us to try them on, regaling us with a horror story about a guy who graduated with him. His gown was a foot and a half too long and he tripped over it on the way up the steps, falling into the band, having a domino effect until the entire band was lying in a tangled heap of music stands and instruments.

I had shuddered at the thought. I did not need help from anything other than gravity in turning everyday objects and events into death traps. The last thing I needed was for my gown to trip me up.

I dragged Alice and Jasper upstairs, forcibly, and tried on the gown. Thankfully, it fit just fine and posed no additional risk to the safety of myself or the gathered masses.

Plucking the coat-hanger off Alice's bed, Jasper turned on me with a grin, shouting "Expelliarmus!" loudly. I giggled at his use of a quote from probably the one book series he had ever read without having to write an essay afterwards.

Laughing, I grabbed a hanger, too, and we joked around, throwing fake spells from _Harry Potter _around and rolling around laughing. The graduation gowns did look surprisingly like Hogwarts uniforms - all black with a burgundy trim.

And that was how Emmett_, _found us - lying in a tangled heap of gowns and hangers, giggling and yelling random Latin words.

I blushed furiously, trying to hide behind Jasper's gown, mortified that he had caught his supposed star pupil yelling out quotes from what was, essentially, a children's book. My mortification didn't last long, however, when, grinning from ear to ear, he offered me his hand and helped me up. Then, pulling a piece of lint from the carpet out of my hair, he chuckled and said, "You're the only girl I know who reads more than Hermione. She was always my favorite character."

I looked up at him, a little shocked and confused by his words. Not least because I never expected my English teacher to be a fan of _Harry Potter_. But also because I was pretty sure he just compared me to his favorite character in the books. Searching his face for clues, I was stunned by the intensity in his eyes. His grin was still very much there, but his eyes swirled with an unknown emotion as they locked with mine. They were such a bright blue, but for the first time, I noticed tiny flecks of green floating in them.

As my brain caught up with me and realized that I'd been staring into his eyes for long enough to notice impurities in the color, I shifted my gaze away quickly, trying to force myself not to think about what it meant. What it _all _meant.

I tried to shrug off the lingering memory of prom night, but I couldn't shake the feeling that if Alice hadn't appeared when she did, he might just have kissed me. I could still feel the softness of his hands around mine. They were so big; they encased my small hands perfectly, holding them safely and grounding me when I was freaking out. I could still almost taste the scent of his cologne, musky and masculine. I could feel the soft heat of his breath against my cheek as we slowly drew closer and closer together, lost in the moment and forgetting everything that stood in our way.

But did he forget? Did he even care enough to need to? I spent ninety percent of my time around him believing that once I was gone, he would forget about me forever. But there were times, like prom night, or when he would grab my hand excitedly when I asked to see more of his book collection and his eyes would light up as he dragged me from shelf to shelf, when he would look at me just so, and I would feel a soft tingle down my spine and experience the unshakable notion that my feelings for him weren't entirely one-sided.

I felt that now - that little tingle of excitement - as I felt his eyes linger on me, long after I had averted mine. It was like I was electrified to his presence and the moment he was nearby or looking at me I could sense him. I felt his gaze more than once that evening, when instead of going bowling as planned, we decided to stay in and have a _Harry Potter _movie marathon. Just occasionally I would look up, feeling his eyes on me, and when I did my eyes would lock with his. He said nothing, just slowly shifted his gaze back to the television where, invariably, _Hermione_ was being clever or saying something about reading.

"Bells?" My dad's voice brought me back to now and the fact that I was standing in the pouring rain, with one hand gripping the car door handle, while my parents watched me with amusement. "You planning on standing out here all day, baby girl?"

"Right. Graduation. On it," I mumbled, crawling into the back of the car while trying to disentangle myself from the gown that had been a Hogwarts cloak in my head only seconds ago.

Since the weather was so Forks-like, the ceremony had been moved into the gym where rows and rows of seats were laid out facing a small stage with a podium and lectern in the center.

We were all seated in alphabetical order, which placed me next to Jessica. She smiled shyly at me as we took our seats, mumbling something about liking my shoes. I wanted to blow her off the way she had me when I was at my most vulnerable, but I couldn't quite bring myself to. It was graduation after all, and if she wanted to offer an olive branch, then I would be big enough to take it. After all, who knew when or if we would see each other again.

I returned her smile with a small mutter of thanks for her shoe comment and, peering out of the corner of my eye, I could see her smiling and looking more relaxed than I had seen her in months. We didn't have time to talk however, as the ceremony quickly got underway. Principal Greene stood at the podium, looking every bit the man in charge in his smart suit and broad smile. I snorted silently at the idea of him being in charge. Mr. McCarty had more balls than he would ever have. I lost all respect for the man in charge the day he let that scumbag, Newton, back into school.

He rambled on endlessly about school spirit and achievement and God knew what else, then we all trampled up to the podium to receive our diplomas. Angela Weber gave her Valedictorian's speech and before I knew it, the whole thing was over.

There was a small reception afterwards, with warm champagne for the parents and non-alcoholic fruit punch that tasted like rotten apples for the students. People stood around making small talk with each other. Forks was a small town and everybody already knew everybody else's business, so really the conversations going on were mere formalities and everybody looked uncomfortable. When the first family eventually left, everybody looked relieved that they were finally free to go.

My dad, as chief of police for the town, was kept occupied in conversation long after that first family left, and my mom was sitting on the bleachers with Alice's mom, looking as though they had been friends forever. My mom always did find it easy to get along with people. She wasn't awkward and shy like me; I got that from my father. Alice and Jasper had disappeared off somewhere - probably to somewhere private so that they could celebrate graduation in style.

I found myself standing alone in the middle of the gym that was so familiar to me, yet suddenly I felt completely out of place. I had my offer from Cornell and was moving to New York in just a few short weeks, and suddenly the world felt very big. Even the gym looked bigger than usual, with all the people milling about where there were usually basketballs being hurled around. Seeing it for the last time in this way, familiar yet different, I was overcome with a sense of fear of the future. Could I do this?

Here, I was a small fish, yes, but the pond was tiny. In the real world, I was an even tinier fish, but the pond was more like an ocean, stretching out and broadening my horizons so wide that I couldn't see them any more.

I wanted him.

I wanted the gentle touch of his hands to pull me back to earth and stop my heart from racing like a freight train in my chest. I wanted his confident voice to say reassuring words that would make this less frightening.

My eyes darted around the room, desperately seeking him out, but failing to find him, until finally I spotted him slinking out of the gym and into his office.

I hesitated at the door with my knuckles resting against the wood, unsure whether to knock. I could feel my thumping heart slowing against my ribs as I rested my forehead on the door. It seemed as though his mere proximity was enough to calm me somewhat, but I craved more, and before I knew it, without thinking I was stumbling through the door.

He was sitting in the chair behind the desk with his suit jacket thrown over the back of his chair and his tie pulled loose from around his neck. The top buttons of his shirt were hanging open and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, that rested on the table. His head was in his hands, but jerked up at my abrupt entry into the room.

"Bella? What...?" He looked up at me, scanning my face for a moment before his eyes widened then narrowed quickly. "Are you all right?"

Was I all right?

I was gazing at him, the frenzied panic from a moment ago probably still fading from my eyes as I just stood there, gawping at him. He looked just like my teacher, Mr. McCarty. The only thing missing was the chalk from his fingers and the book from his hands. Looking at him now, I could have been forgiven for thinking that nothing had changed. But _everything _had changed.

He wasn't my teacher any more.

With that thought, I came to myself again and stepped forward, placing my diploma on his desk in front of him. Then, instead of sitting in the opposite seat, the chair where his students sat, I continued forward until I was standing beside him.

He looked up at me and the expression on his face almost brought me to my knees. I didn't doubt it any more. All the things in my mind that had stopped me from believing he could ever feel anything for me flew out of the window when he gave me _that _look. His eyes were wide and soulful, his mouth not quite smiling, but most definitely not frowning either.

"You're not my teacher any more," I whispered, afraid of shattering the peaceful silence in the room.

"No, I'm not," he replied, a hint of a smile pulling at his lips. But he wasn't laughing. He wasn't making fun of me or teasing me. His expression told me that he knew exactly why this was relevant to me and gave me hope that maybe, just maybe it mattered to him, too.

"I..." I started, trailing off lamely. He said nothing, tilting his head to one side with the small smile still on his beautiful lips. I wanted to touch them. I wanted to run my finger along them, then press my lips against them and keep them there forever. Instead I settled for placing my hand over his, where it was resting on the desk, gasping quietly at the feel of his skin against mine. It was as though just the simple touch of his hand could stop my heart in my chest.

"Bella..."

"I need..." I interrupted, afraid of the look of regret that flashed briefly in his eyes. "I... I need..."

"What do you need, Bella?" he asked, his eyes aflame as his hand twitched beneath mine.

"You... I need you." He said nothing, and when my eyes lost their grip on his it felt like I was falling - falling hard and far and I needed him to save me. "Please," I pleaded shamelessly, unable to live with the idea of losing him, just when it became okay for me to have him.

His eyes were staring at where our hands were joined, fused by my need for contact. His hand twitched again and before I knew it, my hand was encased in his and he was standing before me, reaching for the other hand.

His eyes were already full of apologies and, unable to handle seeing it there, knowing what it could mean, I closed my eyes, feeling the tears that the action released dripping down my face.

"Don't," he whispered, his right hand releasing my left and coming up to sweep the tears away before cupping my cheek delicately. "Please don't cry."

His voice was so gentle and compassionate that I could feel my heart fracturing inside me at the thought of losing him. My free hand reached out, gripping his shirt tightly in a feeble effort to keep him with me. Tears were streaming down my face now, knowing what was coming but incapable of hearing the words.

"Please," I begged once more, my hands shaking and my knees starting to go weak.

"Oh God, Bella," he said, pulling my head into his chest and holding it there as he dropped a small, chaste kiss onto my hair. "Why did you have to ask for the one thing I can't give you?"

The hand that held mine was trapped between us and I could feel his heart racing as he held me to him in an embrace that I never thought I would have. I clung to him desperately, wishing that I could un-hear what he said as I cried shamelessly into his chest.

"I'm sorry," I croaked out through my sobs. Most of the sound was probably lost in his chest, but I knew he heard me when his grip on my hand tightened and his other hand snaked around, the fingers tangling delicately in my loose hair.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he replied eventually, his voice heart-breakingly soft.

"This is stupid. _I'm stupid," _I cried out, finally prising myself away from his embrace, whimpering slightly at the loss of his touch, but forcing myself to step back.

"No," he said, his eyes firmly holding mine, despite my attempts to pry them away. "If things were different, Bella."

"Things _are _different," I argued, not even caring now about the mess my face must have been in from the crying. "Things became different the day I finished high school."

"They did," he acquiesced, stepping back and cupping his neck with his hand. My heart balked at the familiar gesture and it took all my self-control not to force myself back into his arms. "But you have things to do now. You have to go where I can't follow."

"I don't have to go anywhere."

"You can't wait to get out of Forks. You told me so yourself, Bella."

"I don't care about that. I don't care about college and New York. How can I go to New York and be myself, knowing that I left a part of me behind?"

"I won't have you throw your future away for me. You've been working for this all your life. I _will not _stand in the way of that. I can't." He threw his hands up in the air, the gesture almost despairing and I was certain that I saw tears stinging at his eyes before he turned away from me. His hand slammed down on top of the metal filing cabinet that stood in the corner of his office, ringing out with a note of aching finality.

"You don't want me," I whispered, my own words tearing a hole in my chest, but I forced myself to stay to hear his answer.

"I _can't _want you, Bella."

"Right," I said quietly, then again, louder. "_Right." _

I clawed behind me for the door handle, waiting until it slammed shut behind me before I let the tears flow again. I edged my way along behind the bleachers, not wanting to be seen, shot my mom a text saying I was getting a ride home from a friend, then, as soon as I hit the corridor, I ran.

With tears blurring my vision, I didn't care where I was headed. All I cared about was getting the hell away from that office as fast as possible. I ran, my heels clipping against the floor and throwing me off balance until I kicked them off my feet, abandoning them where they flew and continuing on. Eventually I hit the double doors at the end of a corridor and flung them open, gulping in lungfuls of fresh air that smelled of rain. _Of Forks._

I ran on blindly until I found myself in the center of the football field where I had watched _him _training the team more times than I could count. On the center circle, I let out a cry that burned my lungs as it expelled the pain from my body and fell to my knees, sobbing and wishing that I never entered that office.

**Emmett McCarty POV**

The sheets of paper fell around me like awkward snowflakes. All of them bowed and danced as they fell to the ground. Looking around my office, I'd made a mess. The moment Bella had opened the door and run, I'd lost all of my self control and started throwing shit in a fit of rage.

It had been the right thing to do, yet I felt like I was being crushed by a damn steam roller. Having Bella that close, begging me to give us a chance, I'd been so close to telling her yes. It had taken everything in me to not pull her into my arms and kiss her until her lips turned that deep pink they did when it was cold.

I'd known I loved her for a long time, but denial could be handy when you wanted to live in blissful ignorance. I'd been selfish in keeping her so close. I'd let her in one too many times and she finally saw through through the smoke screen I'd put up to hide how I felt. I'd known the night she'd come over with her gown over her arm, her cheeks flushed with excitement.

The lingering looks, the touches that lasted a second too long, the smiles; all of it had led to this point and I was the asshole that had just broken her heart. The one thing in the world I wanted and I was pushing her away. She'd been right of course, she was no longer my student, but before we'd had this deep resonating connection, her heart had belonged to Cornell University and New York.

If I'd accepted her request like I'd wanted to, I knew she would end up resenting me. How could she not? Even her parents knew what this meant to her. I'd stood behind them as they'd approached her to congratulate her. I'd heard the excitement in their voices as much as I'd seen it in her eyes.

I'd retreated to my office to pout like a spoiled child and never in a millions years had I thought she'd follow me. I hadn't even hoped to hear the words come out of those perfect lips. She'd declared she'd needed me, but she was mistaken. I was the one that needed her. I'd never felt so much pain as I had in that moment when her face crumpled. I wanted to kiss away the tears and tell her I'd made a mistake. Unfortunately, I knew I hadn't. She had a dream and she needed to follow it. I was not going to be the one to stop her.

The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to destroy something. I wanted to rip a hole in the universe at the unfairness of it all. Knowing she wanted me back was more than I could take because it made her all the more attainable. It would be so easy to go after her and tell her that I would give up everything just to have the chance at being the person she thought I was, that I would follow her to the ends of the earth until I fell dead at her feet. Yet I couldn't. She was so young and had so much life ahead of her.

Colege held so much for her and I didn't want to be the thing that held her back.

I fell into my chair, but got up again and paced the office. I was restless and broken. The only person I had ever met that had managed to get under my skin and I'd pushed her away. She thought I didn't want her . . . it was almost laughable. One minute in my head and she would see just how wrong she really was. All I thought about was her, her legs, long and gangly as she tripped over them, her perfect pert ass that I'd almost been caught staring at on more than one occasion, her tiny fingers, flushed cheeks, chocolate eyes and full lips. All of it attracted me to her, but the one thing that came above all of that was her intellect.

We could talk for hours about books. It was the one time I allowed myself to take her hand and relish her touch. We would take in all of the books laid bare on my shelves, or I would watch as she stacked them as she emptied the boxes in the garage. When I'd asked her about it, it was order of interest. Of course the biggest pile was always her to read pile.

I had been attracted to a lot of people through physicality, but Bella was the only person I'd ever met that had ever attracted me doubly with her brains and beauty. These last couple of weeks had been spent watching her, my mind idiotically traveling to a future we could never have, where her belly was swollen with my child and her smile was just for me.

When she'd left this room, she'd taken my heart with her, and I doubted I would ever find anyone like her again so it would be hers to keep. She was everything to me. I'd fallen so deep that I wasn't even sure how I was supposed to breathe now she'd left. I felt like a lost soul, drifting helplessly. There was no anchor, no point of origin, just an endless sea of darkness that held only memories to keep me going.

For the second time in so many minutes, I fell into the chair again. My body felt tired, my heart felt broken and my head was pounding out a rhythm that could give Metallica a run for their money.

"What the hell did you just do?" Alice demanded, as the door she'd just thrown open slammed against the wall. The gentle patter of dust hitting the linoleum made me cringe.

"I set her free." I sighed, turning my chair away from her. Apparently, according to the wetness on my cheeks I'd been crying.

I'd been expecting her a lot sooner than this, but apparently I wasn't the only one who needed to be alone. Alice knew how I felt about Bella, she'd figured it out after the _Harry Potter _marathon where I'd only been able to keep my eyes on her. Alice knew my love of the wizarding world, and the moment Bella and Jasper left she confronted me.

"I can't believe you," she'd snapped, her hand on her hips and her cheeks flushed with her fury. She may have been small but she definitely knew how to tell you off. "My best friend, Emmett? You want to seduce my best friend?"

"Wait. What? No, Alice," I said in defense, walking away from her and hoping that she would let it drop. Apparently she wasn't finished though, and she certainly wasn't convinced that I was telling the truth. The moment my butt was planted on the couch, she started in again.

"Oh come on, Emmett. A leopard doesn't change its spots. I'm sorry, but she's not just a cheap whore that you can use and throw away again. I've seen it too many times."

"Fuck you, Alice. Fuck. You." I think that was the first time I had ever dropped expletives at my sister before, but the words struck a nerve. That's who I used to be; that's how I used to be, but not in that moment, and never with Bella.

Alice had just stared at me, her mouth open in shock.

"I love her, Alice," I'd admitted, looking up at her. It was the first and last time I'd ever said it out loud.

Now, here Alice was again, her hands on her hips, her eyes boring holes into the back of my head. I didn't need to see her to know how she was staring at me. I knew her too well. We were both silent for a while, and when I turned my chair around to face her, her eyes moved from narrowed to filled with sadness in a heartbeat. I knew she could see the emptiness, and the heartbreak.

"Oh, Emmett," she sighed, kicking through the papers on her way to my desk. "Jasper went after Bella, she looked terrible. And you . . . I don't think I've ever seen you like this. What happened?"

I rubbed the back of my neck. I couldn't stand the pitying look Alice was giving me so I rested my head on the wood grain of my desk. I wasn't sure how to even describe it.

"She came looking for me, she . . . Alice, she wants to be with me. She said she would give up everything to be with me, but you and I both know she would only end up resenting me. No matter how I feel about her, I had to let her go."

The desk creaked as Alice parked it on the surface. I felt her hand on my back as she let out a sigh. I wanted to be alone with my misery but I knew Alice was going to refuse to leave me like this.

"What do I do, Alice? I never thought I would find that one person. I never truly believed in love before. Then there was Bella, and all I could think about was her, and what a life with her could be like. I fought it, it's wrong for a teacher to feel that way about a student and . . ."

"Emmett, you're twenty four. It's not like you're a leering old man. Bella is eighteen, and above the age of consent. Sure the student/teacher jive was a bad thing, but you never did anything to compromise your integrity. I've never known you to be so restrained. You did the right thing then, but I'm not so sure letting her go was. I know you're trying to do the right thing by her, but have you considered that for her, you're it?"

"Don't, Al."

"I just can't help feeling like you're punishing yourself for no reason."

I don't know why I expected her to understand. She made it sound so easy, but she'd never been to college so there was no way she could ever understand. Bella was a bright star in a vast sky and she had the whole universe to move through. She thought she needed me, but she was too young to know that. She'd been stuck in a small town with the same people all her life, and now she had to go out into the world and discover just what it held for her.

Alice couldn't understand that, because she would see a reflection of that in her relationship with Jasper. But the truth was, they were different. They were the same age, going to the same school, and if it fell apart it would hurt, but they would move on. In order for Bella and I to ever have a chance, one of us would have to give up on our dreams. It would get messy and one of us would be filled with resentment.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" she asked quietly, her voice filled with unshed tears.

"Make sure Bella's okay. Help her find happiness and help her forget me."

"You're asking the wrong person to do that," she sighed. "Every time she looks at me, she's going to see you, and with that she's going to have a head full of memories to sort through."

She was right and I hated that it was going to be the last time I saw Bella, because the memory of the words was tainted by the shattering of it all in the same breath. I had been blessed with the love of a beautiful, smart and funny girl. Someone who understood me, shared my love of books, and could make me feel alive with a simple smile, and I'd had to let her go. Karma was a nasty, twisted thing, and I guess I'd just paid my debt in full.

"Come on, let's head home. I'll call Jasper later and get an update on Bella."

"You should go to her, Alice. You're her best friend, she needs you."

"Jasper's more than qualified. You're my brother, Emmett. I'm not going anywhere."

"What about Mom and Dad?"

"Sent them to the hotel to clean up for the celebratory dinner they want to take us to in Port Angeles."

I finally consented to leave with her and grabbed my coat from the back of my chair as we left through the side door that led straight to the parking lot. I locked the door behind me as Alice wrapped her arm around my waist and led me to my truck. My arm moved around her shoulder, and for the first time in our lives, the roles were reversed. I was the one falling apart, and Alice was my strength.

Against her better judgment, Alice left to go to dinner and told our parents I was feeling unwell. I didn't want to go anywhere and I sure as hell didn't want to socialize. I thought about my future a lot as I sprawled out on my bed in the darkness. This hadn't worked out the way I'd had intended it to. It was a good school, a small school and I loved teaching here; I just wasn't sure I could contend with the ghosts walking down the corridors.

I was terrified that the echo of her would live in every class, in every slam of the lockers. I knew that every football practice my eyes would move to the spot where she'd sat everyday after school. The house was filled with her laughter and quite possibly some of her blood from all the times she'd fallen over and cut herself.

I'd thought I'd at least have a couple more weeks with her before she left, but that was impossible. She'd been ripped from my life and now I was a lost soul, a dramatic, whining lost soul that could do nothing but lament over a situation he'd created.

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><p><em><strong>Trust us? :)<strong>_


	14. Chapter 14

_**Disclaimer: We don't own Twilight... Shame really! The trouble we could cause with SM's money! **_

_**A/N: Huge soppy thank yous as always to our beautiful and kind beta, TheHeartOfLife, who mkes our words look shiny! We adore her and so should you! **_

_**Sorry the chapter wasn't posted sooner. I did try but FFn was being all faily and wouldn't let me upload. So here it is and sorry it's late! We love you guys!  
><strong>_

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><p><strong>Letting Go Of Maybe<strong>

**Chapter 14**

**Isabella Swan POV**

I was almost unaware of the driving rain that sluiced down around me as I knelt on the soft, wet turf. The rain joined the tears that streamed down my face as I fought with myself against the onslaught of emotions. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of loss, like I had just thrown away something important. Something _so_ important.

All I could see in my mind was his shoulders, slumped in defeat as he said the words I could never un-hear.

_I_ _can't want you_.

Suddenly, the one thing anchoring me to Forks was the very reason I needed to leave. Every corner of the town I had known since birth was suddenly filled with ghosts. There was nowhere I could go to get away from his smiling face or his quiet chuckle. I could picture him everywhere and I wasn't sure my heart could handle it.

Oh God._ Alice._

She was my best friend, yet every time I looked at her, all I would see would be _him_ and all the times we had spent together. I would look into her sparkling blue eyes and only see him there.

What was I supposed to do now?

What was I thinking, bursting in there and laying my heart out for him to trample all over?

I knew better than that.

With my abrupt mood change - from grief to self flagellation - came the sound of sodden footsteps approaching me from behind. Just for a moment, I deluded myself that it was him - that he had followed me and was going to take back his words and make everything all right again.

It wasn't him.

The moment the Finding Nemo blanket from the back seat of Jasper's car was draped around my shoulders, I knew it wasn't him. I refused to look up and see the concern that was bound to be on Jasper's face. I kept my eyes trained on his feet, noting the small scuffs on his dress shoes that were perfectly polished and flawless just that morning.

"What happened?" he asked softly, dropping down to my level and pulling me onto his lap. When he started rubbing his hands up and down my arms, I realized that I was shivering from the cold, wet weather.

I didn't answer him. What could I say? I just shook my head, trying to extricate myself from his arms.

"Go back to Alice, Jasper," I said eventually, when he refused to relent his grip on me.

"She's with her brother. I'm more worried about you. Now what happened?"

"I don't want to talk about this, Jasper. Please."

"Okay, okay," he placated me softly, stroking his hand down my hair in a painful reminder of another set of fingers that were there only minutes earlier. "But at least let me get you out of this rain. You're freezing."

I nodded, sniffing, and allowed him to pull me to my feet and tow me in the direction of the school.

It was only when he reached for the handle, ready to take me into the school, that I balked. I couldn't bring myself to go back inside that building. If Forks was full of memories, then the school was just one big, concentrated ghost of him. Just through those doors was the corridor where I first felt the touch of his hands after my run-in with Mike. Without even going inside, without sniffing the musty scent of the school, I could see him that day, his eyes aflame with injustice and anger. My white knight in shining armor, and now...

Tugging on Jasper's hand, I pulled back, preferring the pouring rain to the possibility of the memories that would assault me inside those long, linoleum corridors.

"I'll drive you home," Jasper said, sighing. His brows were drawn together in a frown as he pulled me into his side with an arm around my shoulder and started to steer me in the direction of his car.

"I don't want to go home. I just want to be on my own. Please? I love you, Jasper, but I need to be alone."

"How can I leave you like this, Boo? I'd never forgive myself if something happened to you or if you weren't okay. Please, just let me take you somewhere."

I nodded my acquiescence, not having the energy to protest and just wanting to get away from the school as fast as possible. Jasper bundled me into his car along with the blanket that I was still clutching tightly around my shoulders, despite the fact that it was soaked through from the rain. As Jasper drove, I stared vacantly out of the window. The passing scene held no interest for me now; the buildings and trees sped past in a blur, the people on the sidewalks going about their business as though the world hadn't just ended.

I was still staring numbly out of the window, looking but not really seeing, when we pulled up onto Jasper's long drive. His house had always been like a second home to me. It was big and stately looking, not like the small house I grew up in. Yet it had always been homey and comforting to me. It occurred to me to wonder where Jasper's parents were now. They had been at the graduation ceremony and they surely hadn't travelled there separately.

"Come on," Jasper started, getting out of the car and coming round to my door to let me out, since I hadn't moved. "Let's get you inside and dried off before you catch the flu again." I felt a jolt of pain at my memories of the last time I was sick, but forced it back, claiming back the pain-free numbness that had overcome me in the last few minutes.

I followed him into the house through the side door. The house appeared to be empty as we went first into the kitchen, where Jasper made me a hot chocolate and pressed the steaming cup into my hands with the simple order to drink.

The scorching liquid burned my throat as it went down, warming me from the inside. Jasper sat on the counter-top, swinging his legs casually as he watched me drink.

"Better?" he asked once I finished the drink and went to wash the cup. I nodded as he took it from me, putting it in the dishwasher then taking my hands in his and pulling me upstairs to his bedroom.

"Here, put these on. Then we _are _going to talk about this." He handed me a small pile of clothes from a drawer before leaving the room, pulling the door shut behind him with a click. I held the soft, warm fabrics tightly, sitting down on the edge of his bed with a sigh. Alone at last, I was free to think my thoughts and wallow in the pain that forced its way into my heart with a jolt. Dropping the clothes to the floor, I curled in on myself on the bed covers, sobbing silently into my hands.

The thought that I would never see him again, never hear him laugh or crack a lame joke, never see his face drop into that devastatingly beautiful smile, with his dimples belying his age, tore at my chest. I started to heave with sobs, unable to stifle the gasping cries any more.

"Bella? Shit, Bella, what happened?" Jasper's voice was frantic as he slammed back into the room. He sat beside me, grabbing my shoulders and pulling me upright, then took my face between his hands, forcing me to look at him. "Boo? You need to tell me what's going on, right now."

I stared vacantly at him for several moments. I knew that he wouldn't relax his grip on my face until I told him what was wrong, but I wasn't ready to say the words out loud just yet. Somehow saying them seemed as though it would make them more real.

"Boo, you're scaring me. Is this about Mr. McCarty? Did he hurt you?"

"No! Yes! No... I don't know," I said, the words all piling out in a rush as I fought to clear his name without being sure that it ought to be cleared. It would almost have been less painful if he had physically hurt me. It couldn't have been more painful than this.

"Did he touch you?" Jasper asked, sounding a cross between confused, surprised and murderously angry.

"No!" I almost shouted. "He wouldn't do that. Never."

"Then what? The last time I saw you like this was when Mike..." He didn't complete that sentence, but I knew I had to clear things up to stop the suspicion that was growing in his mind. He and Emmett were friends and he was dating his sister; I couldn't let Jasper think things like that about him.

"He didn't touch me, Jasper."

"Promise me."

"I swear. He doesn't... He can't see me that way. He doesn't want me."

"Oh shit, Boo. I'm sorry. You told him?"

I nodded, suddenly feeling ridiculous for being stupid enough to put myself out there like that.

"I'm so stupid," I groaned, pulling back and curling back up on his bed and sighing softly when I felt his arms wrap around me as he curled in beside me.

"Oh, Boo." Jasper knew me better than anybody. He knew that trying to make me talk would be pointless, so he simply lay with me, holding me close as I cried myself to sleep on his bed.

I felt guilty that this was his graduation day and he was spending it comforting me, but he insisted that there was nowhere he would rather be, and as much as I suspected that it wasn't strictly true, I needed him too badly to send him away. The last thing I heard before my exhausted body fell into slumber was the ringtone of Jasper's phone and his voice as he spoke softly to Alice, his hand still stroking through my hair.

Twenty-four hours previously, three weeks had seemed like such a small amount of time. With everything I had left to do before moving to New York for college, it seemed as though I would barely make it. I was terrified of moving, terrified of leaving everything I knew and loved behind. Jasper and Alice were both headed to NYU, so I wouldn't have been leaving quite _everything, _but there was one very notable person I had thought would rend a giant hole in my world.

Now though, everything had changed. I could not get out of Forks fast enough. Any and all sentimentality I may have felt about my hometown had effectively died the moment the door to Mr. McCarty's office closed behind me. I loved my parents and would miss them a lot, but the thought of not having to walk down the streets with the constant danger of bumping into _him _was too appealing for me to be overly sentimental. Suddenly, three weeks felt like a lifetime and Forks felt smaller than it ever had.

I wanted to hate him. I wanted to stomp and shout about how unfair it was. I wanted to believe that I had been wronged in some way, but in reality, he had never led me on. He had never done anything to make me believe he felt anything more for me than the usual amount of affection an older brother feels for his younger sister's friends.

As the days went by, I felt bad for blowing Alice off so often, claiming to be swamped with packing for college or helping my dad out in the office, but I couldn't bear to see her. I was certain she would know about what I'd done by now, either Jasper or Emmett would have told her, and I couldn't handle the looks she would give me. It would either be pity or disgust and I wasn't eager to see either.

I wasn't proud of myself for virtually cutting myself off from them, but I was embarrassed and wallowing in self pity and I couldn't bring myself to be around them. They were so perfect for each other; their personalities complimented each other perfectly and as hard as I tried not to, I found myself resenting them for that.

I went into work with my dad to help out, I baked with my mom and I cleaned the whole house from top to bottom. I did everything I could to keep busy and prevent being without an excuse when they called. I was certain they knew what I was doing, but neither of them had dared to call me out on it.

I was baking with my mom, making a birthday cake for my dad's birthday, when the phone rang again. I could feel my mom glancing at me as I let it ring, keeping my attention fixed firmly on the batter I was mixing, before she sighed and answered the call herself.

"Hey, Jasper. Sure, I'll just get her for you." I gestured wildly to the cake mix I was stirring furiously and the flour that was all over my arms and hands, but she was having none of it.

"You can't avoid them forever," she whispered through her teeth with her finger over the mouthpiece, before handing me the phone and giving me a pointed look.

_Great day to suddenly become a pushy mother. _

"Hello," I sighed into the phone awkwardly, trying to brush the flour off myself with my free hand.

"She lives!" Jasper exclaimed on the other end. "We were starting to think you dropped off the face of the planet."

"Sorry," I mumbled, making a face at my mom and making my way upstairs to my bedroom where I could have some privacy from her prying ears.

"You're avoiding us." It wasn't a question.

"I just need some time. I'm sorry."

"Jesus, Boo. You're my best friend. What the hell?"

I sighed heavily, falling back onto the bed with the phone still in my hand. I hated the awkwardness between us now. It had never, ever been this way between us and now I had no idea what to say to him.

"I'm sorry, Jasper," I whispered, at a loss for what else to say.

"I miss you, you know? So does Alice."

"Jasper, I..."

I what?

I miss you, too?

"You what? Talk to me, Boo."

"I don't know what to do." I could feel the tell-tale stinging at my eyes that told me tears weren't far off. I fought them valiantly, determined that I had cried enough tears over him, but they fell regardless and once they started, I couldn't stop them.

"What you need to do is get that cute ass here right now, before I come over there and drag you."

I wanted to say yes. I wanted to jump in my dilapidated old truck and power over there as fast as its wheezing, old engine would take me, but something, a deep, dark hole in my chest, stopped me.

"Jasper, I..."

"I mean it, Boo. You have five minutes, then I'm coming to get you, and if I have to carry you to my car, I will."

"I'm making my dad's birthday cake with Mom. I can't-"

"No, it's fine. I can manage. You go hang with your friends." My mom had pulled the door open and was standing in the doorway with a sheepish smile.

"Snooping in doorways is way beneath you, _Mother. _Fine, Jasper. I will be there in a few."

Stalling as much as I could, I changed slowly, shedding my flour-covered clothes and pulling on something clean. Then, after checking and re-checking with my mom that she could cope in the kitchen without me, still not entirely convinced, I sighed and left.

Jasper was sitting on the steps up to his front door when I pulled up noisily on his drive. He stood up and sauntered over to me, his hands in his pockets, as I stepped out of my truck. He looked so casual until, without warning, he grabbed me and pulled me into a tight hug, his arms wrapped so tightly around me that I almost couldn't breathe.

"Can't... breathe..." I wheezed, banging my hands on his back.

"Tough, Swan. You only have yourself to blame for this," he replied with a smile in his voice.

My fingers tangled tightly into the thick fabric of his shirt, pulling him impossibly tighter to me and sighing into his embrace.

"Come on," he said, before grabbing my hand and dragging me into the house like a rag doll. He towed me straight up the stairs, via the motherly greetings from his mom, which I just about managed to reciprocate before being pulled away.

In his bedroom, sitting on the end of his bed and looking apprehensive and uncomfortable was Alice. I balked at the sight of her, not quite sure whether it was because I hadn't expected to see her or because of the expression on her face. It looked as though she was afraid I was going to yell at her or storm from the room. My suspicions were confirmed when she looked up at me, her bottom lip wobbling dangerously, and said, "Please don't hate me, Bella. I'm sorry."

"I don't hate you, Alice," I said quietly, staring at my feet as they scuffed the dark blue carpet. "I'm sorry I blew you off. I just..."

"I understand, you know. I'm sorry about my stupid brother. If it's any comfort, he's just as much of a mess."

"Thanks," I replied, not knowing what else to say. It was sweet of her to try and console me, but it wasn't going to work. On the one hand, if he really _was _upset about what happened, it gave me no pleasure to think he was suffering, and on the other, I could see no reason why he would be upset in the first place. He made it clear how he felt about me; there was nothing for him to be hurting over.

I hated the awkwardness in the room, the almost palpable tension that was so thick you could have cut it with a blunt butter knife. I hated the fact that this house, this room that had always been a second home to me, now felt like a stranger's room. Jasper stood beside me, his hands once again in his pockets and I could feel his eyes drifting between Alice and myself, probably waiting for one of us to somehow diffuse the tension.

When he finally realized that wasn't going to happen, he suggested a movie - something we had enjoyed together often enough before - and stepped forward to pull one off the shelf, but I halted him with a hand over his arm.

"Jasper, I think I should-"

"Don't you dare even think about bailing, Isabella Marie Swan. This shit is awkward as hell, but it's fixable. Alice is your friend, and a damn good one. Are you really going to throw that away because of her brother?"

"No, I just..."

"You just what? We gave you time and we gave you space, but no more. In less than a week we go to college and who knows what will happen then? This could be our last chance to hang out here like this, just the three of us, before New York swallows us whole. Please, Boo, stay. Make an effort here, for me. Alice thinks you hate her, and I'm not okay with that and the Bella I know wouldn't be either."

Oh, God. Turning slightly to face Alice, I could see that he was right. She was sitting, stoically trying not to show how much this was hurting her, but her eyes were too bright when she smiled warily at me and I could see the tears that were stinging there.

I wasn't okay with it, either.

Alice was the first female friend I ever had who truly understood me. Jessica and I had been close once, in the sense that we hung out together and I listened to her talking endlessly about boys or make-up or which celebrities happened to be getting married/cheating/divorcing/doing drugs or using the wrong brand of toothpaste, but I could never have talked to her the way I did with Alice. She wasn't any more interested in those things than I was, and she was the first female friend I ever had that preferred vegging out in front of a movie or curling up with a good book to going shopping.

In perspective, she had become just as important to me as Jasper, and the fact that she was sitting on the edge of the bed, wringing her fingers together and fighting tears because of me was _not _okay.

"I'm sorry, Alice," I said softly, sitting beside her on the bed and taking her hand in mine. "Are you okay?"

She sniffed and I was appalled to see a tear escaping down her cheek.

"Yeah," she replied almost inaudibly. She looked so sad and vulnerable in that moment that before I knew it, I was throwing my arms around her.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you. I didn't intend to. I was just processing, you know?"

"I know. I just hoped that when you were done processing, you wouldn't have decided that I couldn't be part of your life anymore. You're my best friend, Bella. I don't want to lose you because my stupid big brother needs his head surgically removing from his butt."

I laughed at that, despite myself. The small giggle felt strange on my lips after two long weeks of pouting and crying, but it felt good.

Jasper stood watching us with a small smile, the DVD case in his hand forgotten about for now as Alice and I fell into a much easier conversation, shifting back on the bed so we were resting against his pillows.

The evening that had promised to be awkward and painful had turning into a fun night with my friends and I chastised myself for staying away from them. If I had simply come to them when I was hurting instead of hiding and bottling, who knew how much easier this all could have been for all of us?

When the time came to say goodbye, I found I didn't want to leave. As Jasper had said, this could have been the last time we would all hang out together like this before college, and suddenly I felt terribly homesick, even though I hadn't left yet. Leaving Forks felt like leaving my entire life behind, including the possibilities I had dreamed of with Emmett and I wanted this night to go on forever - just me and my friends, safe and secure in the comfort of our small town and our small lives.

But our small lives were about to get so much bigger. New York, college and the life I had been dreaming of for longer than I could remember were calling out to me, beckoning me onwards, to go forward with my life, no matter what - or _who - _I was leaving behind.

**Emmett McCarty POV**

Summer school was harder than I'd thought it would be. I'd had almost a month and a half of misery. Alice was gone, Jasper was gone, and Bella . . . she'd been gone longer than the others because she was hurting and avoiding me. She avoided Jasper and Alice, too.

I'd known that she and I had this unfathomable connection, but I hadn't believed she'd been as deep in it as I had been. When Alice had finally had the chance to talk to her, she reported back that I was an ass, and she was so very right.

Jasper had confronted me about it only days after graduation. He wasn't rude or angry; he simply asked me why. When I finally explained everything, he seemed to understand a little more, but it didn't make it right. Alice had come back from saying goodbye to Bella heartbroken. She was leaving for New York herself two days after Bella's departure, but she was terrified that the distance between them was too far. She was convinced Bella would move on with her life and forget her.

Knowing she was further out of reach only seemed to make the pain worse. It was like losing a part of myself to a black void. A void nothing could ever fill as precisely as her. I hadn't been able to even think her name in weeks. It hurt too much.

As soon as summer school started, I'd stepped back into the school, glad for a distraction, but it was anything but. Everything reminded me of her. The classroom, where some other kid sat in her seat, looking bored as he stared out the window waiting for freedom. The bank of lockers, that had changed everything. The football field, and the twenty-five yard line, which was the precise spot she sat in every afternoon. My office . . . I couldn't even sit in there long enough to grade papers.

Her ghost followed me everywhere. Every time I turned around, I almost thought I could see her mahogany hair trailing behind her as she looked over at me while Alice and Jasper spoke to her and amongst themselves. I'd never seen the significance in it. I'd never thought I would miss those simple smiles down a crowded hallway.

Then there was my home.

It was filled with torturous memories. Even her smell seemed to linger by the bookcase as though calling to me.

The more I tried to function, the harder I failed.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to break down and be broken hearted. I was supposed to be proud that I'd had the strength to do the right thing. I was supposed to be encouraged that Bella would get her full, and blessed life.

Unfortunately, the longer I was away from her, the more I saw the mistake I'd made.

"Mr. McCarty?" Sarah Yorkie said quietly. Eric's little sister hadn't had her brothers academic talents, but she had passed. Of course, she'd wanted to make up her grades here this summer, because she was hungry for that perfect A. Who was I to disappoint?

"Yes, Sarah?"

"You stopped mid sentence again. Are you sure everything is all right?"

"Yes," I lied yet again. "I'm sorry. I was talking about extra credit. What I would like from you is a short story, based on a scene from the book, set in modern times. I want to see how well you understand the material."

"So, instead of a masquerade, a Halloween party?"

"Exactly. You don't have to stick to the story, but the concept has to be the same. I need to see that you're understanding the characters connections, what was trying to be achieved in that scene."

All of the students took notes, except for the kid in Bella's seat. He continued to stare out of the window looking bored.

I dismissed them from class and went to my office. I had a few things to pick up but I wouldn't be staying there. I couldn't. Every time I sat in that desk I heard an echo of the conversation I'd had with Bella. Her face, filled with sadness and pain, seemed to dance around my mind as the scene played out over and over again.

I avoided the gym altogether these days because the scene of the almost kiss was almost more than I could rationally handle. My brain closed that distance between us, and my fantasies took over. I could almost feel those plump lips pushed against mine. I could feel the curves of her beautiful body under my hands as I pulled her closer. She'd looked so beautiful in her dress, her soft mahogany curls falling over the porcelain skin of her shoulders.

I had to get out of there. I had to leave before I drove myself insane.

I couldn't see this getting any better either, so I did the only thing I knew to do. I went home and searched for another job, and planned to write a letter of resignation to Howard Greene. He'd taken a chance on me, a fresh faced recent graduate with little experience. He'd trusted me with his charges, and even given me a shot at coach, and now I was going to be letting him down.

I knew I was a coward for running away, but as I moved through the pages of job listings, I found myself moving further and further from the west coast. I needed something different, something that wouldn't remind me of Bella or Forks High School.

Page upon page of jobs were laid out in front of me. I hated California, so I weeded them out first. The south was too hot in the summer, so I took those out of the criteria as well. Mid west schools were too small and I knew they would only remind me of Forks, which left me with only the north east.

I applied for jobs in Maine, Connecticut, Massachusetts, and Virginia. I emailed out my resume to every job that was offered, but there was one particular school I paid close attention to.

It was a boarding school in Connecticut. I would live on campus, and I would teach, and I had also applied for coach of the football team there. It was a unisex school so if I were offered the job I would also be a student advisor in the dorms.

It was so different from my job here in Forks. It would be perfect.

I tried not to look around my small cottage as I worked, but it didn't stop the memories of Bella smacking her head in the kitchen retrieving the long John's at new years when I went to grab a beer from the fridge.

It was because of times like this I knew I had to go. I couldn't see it getting any easier. I'd thought it would start to pass a month ago, but it was the same thing every day. It was a little emasculating to be this torn up, but I couldn't seem to control my own emotions. I felt like I was grieving.

In a way, I guess I was. I had given part of myself away, and so I was grieving for the loss of my heart and what could have been. I was grieving for the part of me that had been able to drown my emotions in a beer and nameless woman, but I had changed.

I'd thought for the better, but when the pain consumed me like this, I found myself unsure it was for the best. It had been easier not to let myself feel. Emotionless connections and sexual gratification had been something I'd never seen anything wrong with, until I met her.

I went back for another beer, and another until the fridge inexplicably emptied itself. So I moved on to party with Johnnie Walker, because it just wasn't a Jose kind of night. I'd finished with the searches, and it seemed like a really good time to write that resignation letter.

I opened up an email and sat staring as the cursor blinked, waiting for my words of wisdom.

"Dear Principal Greene."

Nope, that was too formal. I hit the backspace until it was blank again. With my chin in my hand I tried to decide how he would feel about me addressing him less formally.

"Howard," I said into the empty room, feeling proud of myself for the one word greeting. I took another mouthful from the glass I'd filled to the brim with Johnnie black label.

"I regret to inform you that I quit."

I hit backspace again, deleting the word quit, and replaced it with: "I am handing in my resignation."

"Better, Emmett."

I took a few more mouthfuls of Scotch and stared at the screen that had decided to go fuzzy on me. I rifled in my drawers and found my glasses that I only needed for reading but rarely wore.

"Due to unforeseeable circumstances," I typed as I spoke. "I have decided that my time at Forks High has come to an end. I would like to thank you for the opportunity to work with you and the students. It's be an awesome year, but I sadly can't do it anymore."

It seemed I couldn't find the words needed to explain my actions, so I went into my own mind and shuffled through the library of quotes there instead.

"I know you're probably wondering why," I slurred, my fingers hitting the keys slowly. "But I don't think I can put it as poetically as Oscar Wilde. He once said that, 'I knew that I had come face to face with someone whose mere personality was so fascinating that, if I allowed it to do so, it would absorb my whole nature, my whole soul, my very art itself.' It's very profound, and so very, very true. I never thought that I would find someone like that. Someone that would gain my interest like that. I've always been very . . ."

Very what? Man whorish? That wouldn't work, I thought as I took a mouthful of scotch and refilled the glass.

"Independent," I laughed, proud of myself for finding a simple word. "And never once did I think I would meet the mythical unicorn I'd heard so much about. I've always prided myself on having control over my emotions. But I hadn't counted on meeting her."

Her: Bella, the perfect lips, pretty hair, beautiful eyes that spoke with an eloquence she hadn't always possessed. She was smart, funny and articulate. She knew who she was and made no apologies, yet I'd managed to summarize her in one pronoun: her. It didn't seem right, she was so much more than that.

"She." There was yet another pronoun. "Has left, but still lingers. You would be very proud, Howard. I fought the mythical creature with every part of myself and now I am empty, alone and so very desolate. I am a shell of myself, and the only way I can think to gain any of that back is to run away from the ghost of her that haunts me every day."

Wow, even as drunk as I was, I knew I sounded pathetic. I highlighted the body of text and let my finger linger over the delete button. This was a letter of resignation, not a chance to bare my soul. Greene was the only reference I had. If I wanted a good one I couldn't send that letter. However, I found it oddly cathartic to write it all down. I would delete it when I was through, and start again in the morning.

"She became everything to me," I sighed, taking a gulp of scotch and savoring the burning route toward my esophagus. "And now I have to find who I am without her in my life. I may never have touched her, I may have denied her and unfathomably hurt her, but it doesn't mean I am at peace with that decision. She deserves so much better. She deserves to live her life and fulfill her dreams. She deserves to be free. Yet, all I can think about is the images I'd had of us together. Her and I together, happy and in love, married with children, and growing old on matching rocking chairs on our porch watching our grandchildren playing."

"Man I sound like such a bitch," I growled, omitting it from my written declaration of love. I knocked back the rest of the glass and poured some more, chuckling as it sloshed over the sides. I took another mouthful and reinstated my fingers over the keys. "I love her. I know you will probably be completely appalled by that but you're not getting this fucking email so it doesn't matter. I love her and I think I always will. She doesn't know it. No one does, though I think Alice suspects, but she's gone too. I will always love her and she will always own the rights to the muscle in the middle of my chest. It's not a heart without her to keep it beating. I love her, and I let myself lose her, but I know she will be happier without me."

I reached for the scotch and caught it with my cuff. It spilled over the mouse and keyboard and in my rush to save the hardware, I hit buttons I shouldn't. The little ding from outlook let me know it had been sent off successfully.

"Oh shit. Oh fuck, shit, bastard fuck. You have _got_ to be kidding me?" I wasn't sure who I was speaking to at this point. I wasn't sure I cared. I got up to pace but the alcohol made it impossible so I face planted on the couch and said goodbye to the one career I'd ever wanted other than football.

I was so screwed

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><p><strong><em>We just need you to keep trusting us for a while longer! All will be well. We're both suckers for a happy ending! ;-)<em>**


	15. Chapter 15

******_Disclaimer: Still don't own Twilight, but an Emmett who reads and an Alice who hates to shop are ours! _**

******A/N: Thank you as always to our beautiful and kind beta, Jess, who makes our words look pretty and who makes us smile. You are the best and we adore you! **

**This chapter is dedicated to our wonderful friend, SabisSookie, whose birthday was last week and who is amazing and pre-read for us and plies our inboxes with yummy Firesper! We love you, girl! **

**On with the show! :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Letting Go Of Maybe <strong>

**Chapter 15**

**Isabella Swan POV**

"Yo, Izzy B, time to rise and shine." I swatted my roommate's hand away irritably before groaning and rolling over to look at the clock.

"Rose, seriously. Seven AM? On a Saturday? Are you freaking kidding me?" Her irritatingly perky face filled my cloudy vision as I yawned and cringed against the light that she had taken it upon herself to turn on.

"Come on," she insisted, bouncing on the bed and clawing unsuccessfully at the covers that I had pulled stubbornly up around myself. "Places to go, people to see."

"Saturday doesn't start for at least another three hours, you freak of nature." I attempted to roll over and out of visual range of the pout-glare she had unleashed on me, but she managed to use her insane strength, (acquired through years of hefting heavy car parts around a garage in the part-time job she had before coming to college), to pin me to the bed, where I could feel the full force of her pathetic expression.

"I brought sustenance," she attempted, flashing a Starbucks cup at me with a small grin.

_Dammit._

"Well played, sister," I conceded. "But, it's really not fair to use somebody's weakness against them like that. One more early wake-up call this semester and I'm going to defenestrate your shoe collection."

"The fact that you're able to use words of more than one syllable clearly tells me that this is a perfectly acceptable time to wake you. I already went for a run and make pancakes. You're wasting half the day lying there arguing with me over what time it is."

More than happy to let it waste away if it involved more sleep, I gave her the stink eye, but took the offered coffee cup. I inhaled the bitter scent as though it held the secret to long life, or hell, maybe even a lie in.

"So... These places? People? I presume you're talking about other crazy people who like to torture their roommates at ungodly hours in the morning?"

"Nope," she said, with an evil grin that I had learned to both fear and respect in equal measure. "You have a date tonight. We have things to do."

"_Excuse me?" _I demanded, sitting bolt upright and somehow managing not to spill coffee all over my bed sheets. I was wide awake now.

"You. Have. A. Date. Tonight," she responded, over-pronouncing each word as though my _hearing_ were the problem here.

"No. I. Do. Not," I threw back, sitting the now tainted coffee on the side and slamming back down into my bed.

So many times she had tried to get me to date. She had been my college-appointed roommate in the first year and at first we couldn't stand each other. Or rather _she _couldn't stand _me. _

I was quiet and shy and still moping around over Emmett, and she was lively, confident and outgoing. We just didn't seem to _mesh _well. Especially when I found out what her surname was. Naturally, it wasn't her fault that her name was so similar to Jasper's, but when I saw her name, _Rosalie Haale, _on the room listings, I wanted to cry. It didn't exactly set our relationship off to a roaring start.

Apparently it was Swedish, as were her father's family, but that didn't change the fact that each and every time I heard, read, or even thought of her name, I ached inside for my best friend. We still talked and saw each other very occasionally, but he and Alice were moving on with their lives and somewhere deep inside, I knew that was what I should have been doing, too.

Rosalie was a go-getter. Fiercely passionate and apt to fly off the handle when things didn't go her way, I thought she was spoiled and irritating at first. She was beautiful and turned heads wherever she went, yet it never seemed to bother her. Guys would try their luck with her and she would just brush them away with a brilliantly sarcastic retort or a simple glare that told them all they needed to know.

I found her cold and almost impossible to get a handle on until one night in November. I thought she was out for the evening and curled up on my bed with far too much ice cream for one person and watched _The Notebook. _When she came back earlier than expected and found an emotional wreck curled up around a carton of Ben and Jerry's, we discovered that we weren't so different after all.

Her high school boyfriend, some undeserving douche called Royce (what sort of name is that _anyway?_) had royally screwed her over. He well and truly messed up her head by breaking up with her in front of their entire class, when she refused to put out on prom night.

We spent the evening sharing the ice cream and lamenting over men and their general lack of brain function. It wasn't much, but it seemed we were friends after that and gradually, over the next few months, we had grown to realize that our differences were what made us ideal roommates and eventually, great friends.

She was pushing her luck now, though. Time and time again she had tried to encourage me to date, and occasionally I gave in to her pushing, just to keep her quiet. But each time I had met one of the guys she set me up with, I just couldn't bring myself to like them. They were great guys, I was sure, just not right for me. There was always just _something _wrong with them. Too short, too tall, too smart, not smart enough, hell, I'd even dubbed one guy "too nice".

Rosalie knew about Emmett_, _and was determined to help me to get over him, but now, over a year later, I had still failed to find anybody who made me feel the way _he _did.

I wanted my knees to shake. I wanted butterflies in my stomach and God, I even almost missed the way that he single-handedly and without even trying to, turned me into a blundering, incomprehensible mess.

"Oh come on, Iz. I really think you'll like this guy," Rosalie whined, tugging on my arms in an attempt to make me sit up again. I flopped stubbornly back to my pillows, scowling at her and shaking my head. "He's tall, but not too tall. He's got muscles, but not too many. He's well-off, but not too rich and he's nice, but not too nice. He's like the perfect guy. I think you two would really hit it off." The look of hope on her face almost, _almost _did me in.

"I don't need or want a boyfriend, Rose," I stated, but the air of finality wasn't as strong as I'd been going for and I cringed at the rapidly reviving hope on her face.

"Come oooooon," she whined, using the puppy dog eyes that she knew I couldn't resist. "Just this one guy and if you don't like him _then_ I will stop. I promise."

As deals went, this one seemed almost too good to be true, but she looked genuine enough. Eyeing her suspiciously, I raised an eyebrow at her, waiting for the catch. She didn't offer one.

"Right," I said, elongating the "i" in disbelief. "So I go on one date with this guy and in return you stop with the matchmaking?" Yeah, it was definitely too good to be true.

"Yup."

"Forever?"

"Yup."

"What's the catch?"

"No catch. I just think you'll like this guy, that's all."

"Ugh, fine!" I finally conceded, knowing I would get no peace if I didn't. How bad could it be, really?

As it turned out, not bad at all.

Jacob Black was the consummate gentleman, and any other girl would undoubtedly have fallen for his charms. He was sweet, kind and attentive. He took me for the most amazing meal, which he refused to allow me to pay my half for. He was handsome, bordering on breathtakingly so, with huge brown eyes set into flawlessly tanned skin. His dark hair stood in perfectly manicured spikes atop his head and his lips turned up in the most devastatingly beautiful smile. He was incredibly well built, with muscles that practically ripped their way through his navy suit jacket. But he wasn't _him. _In every way he was perfect. He made me laugh, he made me smile and he even managed to somehow make me dance without tripping over my own feet or his. When we said goodnight, his cheeks coloured as he leaned forward and dropped a small, sweet kiss on my lips.

He was everything I should have wanted, and oh boy did Rose agree with that sentiment.

"What the hell do you mean, you're not calling him?" she boomed, towering over me as I cowered on my bed, holding a pillow in front of me for safety. "You _said _you had a good time."

"I did," I whispered lamely in response. "I just..."

"You just what, Iz?" she demanded, leering over me with a slightly murderous expression, hands firmly on her hips as she pressed. "What exactly are you looking for in these guys?"

"I don't know," I lied, scooting back to the head of the bed as she took a step closer, wobbling slightly as she walked on my poor bed.

"Well I do. You're still chasing down a day dream from high school. I love the shit out of you, Iz, but you need to move on. You can bet your cute little ass that he has."

I choked back the sob that threatened at her words. She was right, of course. He had seemed upset to hurt me that day, but there was no doubt in my mind that the moment I left town, he would have been just fine. Perhaps he had a girlfriend. I so rarely spoke to Alice these days and when we did, she was always so careful not to mention his name. Who knew, he could even have been married with beautiful little babies with dark curls and sparkling blue eyes by now.

Rose dropped down beside me, sitting cross legged and placing her hand on my shoulder, probably sensing my hurt.

"Look, Iz, see Jacob again, don't see Jacob again, it really doesn't matter. He's a big boy. He will survive if you blow him off. But I can't sit back and watch you torture yourself over this guy like this any more. You need to loosen up, and I know a few guys who are going to help you with that."

"What? No! I..."

"Come on. Put down the book, go on... that's it... right down. Now then, you can't go out dressed like that. To the closet." She grabbed my hand and yanked me off the bed before I even knew what was happening. She then proceeded to pull out armfuls of clothes from her closet, most of which I would never have had the confidence to wear. She picked up outfit after outfit, placing them against me, frowning and making thoughtful noises while I stood there. I assumed from the death glare I got when I tried to interrupt the thought process, that I wasn't required to speak or do anything much past breathing.

"Perfect!" she finally exclaimed, tapping her fingers happily against her lips. She bundled me into the bathroom before I could force out a protest, with hangers containing scraps of material that I was _not _going to wear.

"Nu uh, no way. I am _not _going out in these," I said, banging on the bathroom door that she was holding closed and glaring at the tiny plaid mini skirt and sleeveless red top that would cling to everywhere it touched. Which would be _everywhere_.

"You got a problem with my clothes, Swan?" she asked threateningly from the other side of the door.

"Well no. Not when you're wearing them. You actually _have _a figure. These will look ridiculous on me. Please, I just want to hang out here tonight."

"No deal, sweet pea. We need to do something about your self-esteem, and step one is that you're not coming out of that bathroom until you're wearing what you're told. It's time to flaunt what God gave you, baby."

I figured I could just out-last her. I mean, she had to use the bathroom eventually; she had been drinking Mountain Dew all afternoon.

How was I supposed to know that she had a bladder made of platinum?

What felt like hours later, she was still blocking my exit and I was getting uncomfortable and grouchy in the bathroom.

"Rose, come on. You can't be serious."

"You better believe it, Swan. The boys are waiting for us and _you _are pissing on the party. Now get your ass into those clothes before I come in there and force you into them."

I had called Rose's bluff before and it did _not _end well for me.

Sighing, I eyed the clothes that were still clinging to their hangers. They were cute, and on pretty much anybody else they would have looked great, but on me? Not so much. For somebody who lived in jeans and sweaters, a mini skirt was just a step too far. I couldn't wear them. _Could I?_

"I'll look ridiculous," I said softly through the door. "People will laugh at me."

"Why would people laugh at you?" she questioned, her voice softer now, almost serious. "Trust me, everybody else out there is going to be way too preoccupied with whether _they _look ridiculous to notice whether you do. Which you won't. What you don't realize, Iz, is that everybody walks around with the same insecurities that you allow to cripple you. Are you gonna let them hold you back, or are you going to live a little?"

I answered with a feeble sniff, which she took as agreement to the latter.

"Good. So are you going to get dressed or do I need to come in and _help _you?"

"Fine," I muttered, forcing myself to step into the clothes and refusing to look in the mirror for fear that what I saw would send me racing back for my trusty jeans.

"Woohoo!" Rose shouted, wolf whistling and smiling broadly as I finally emerged from the bathroom, tugging at the bottom of the skirt, hoping it would magically grow a couple of extra inches. "Tonight, Isabella Marie Swan, New York is gonna thank that Englishteacherfrom Spoons, or whatever the hell you call that place you come from, for letting you go. _You,"_ she said, pointing at me and grinning widely, "are a knockout."

When we finally stumbled into the club, after almost an hour of torturous "assistance" with make-up and a dangerous encounter with a curling iron, she bodily dragged me to the bar, where she practically threw me onto a bar stool. I was still looking around for these "guys" she had told me I was keeping waiting, but quickly realised my mistake when she gestured to the bar, saying, "Izzy B, I would like to introduce you to my friends, Jose, Jack, Jim and the Captain."

_Oh. _

Several encounters with all of her male friends later, I was feeling somewhere decidedly past tipsy and surprising myself by having a good time. I was even _dancing. _In public. In heels. _Me._

The bar was warm and crowded, filled with drunk people not unlike myself, all twisting and gyrating together to the awesome beat of the music. Was that music? Or were they all dancing to the beat of my heart? I was fairly certain I could hear my pulse in my ears. Maybe everybody else could hear it, too. Anything was possible, right? Wasn't that what Roseberry... Rosemarie... No... Rose...something-or-other was always telling me? Something about stuff being possible. Or was it something about something else?

"I don't remember." Huh. Apparently I think out loud when I'm drunk.

"What?" Rose shouted over the music, still dancing with some guy. When did she meet him?

"What is it you say? You know, about stuff." She laughed loud enough to be heard over the music that I didn't even recognize. It _definitely _wasn't my pulse. My heartbeat was _way _cooler than this junk.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Swan. You, my friend, are drunk."

"I, my friend, am beer," I said, stumbling into her and throwing my arms around her neck to keep my balance.

"You lost me again," she said, laughing and holding me up, swaying from side to side with her hands on my hips.

"_Beer _is made to be drunk. _I _am drunk. Therefore I am beer. It all makes perfect sense, Roseberry... Rose... Rose-thingy."

"I bet it does."

"I love you, Rose-thingy," I drawled, slumping over her and resting my head against her shoulder, gazing up at her through glazed, half-closed eyes.

"I love you too, my little beer." She hoisted me upright again, holding onto my arms as she steered me back towards the bar, where the guys lived. "A glass of water for my friend, please," she asked, smiling at the bartender.

"Water?" I asked, pulling a face that I'm sure was very attractive.

"I think you had enough. You're a charming drunk, I think everybody here tonight would agree with me on that, but I don't plan on carrying you home." She took the water the bartender offered her and put it in my hand, holding it there until she was sure I had a grip on it.

"I love your guys, Rose-thingy," I slurred into the glass that I was trying to drink from while it remained upright.

"Let's see if you still say that in the morning," she said, laughing. "And, Little Beer, you're supposed to tip the glass up. It won't just jump into your mouth."

"Yes! That's right!" I shouted, pointing at her dramatically, as though she just discovered the theory of relativity or something. "The glass drinking prize goes to you, Rose-thingy."

"I'm honored. Drink up or your head is going to be a sad and sorry place to be in the morning."

I gulped the water down obediently, taking a huge breath at the end, having drunk the whole glass in one go. Then I slammed the glass down on the bar triumphantly, disproportionately pleased with myself for working out how to use a glass successfully.

"Can I see you ladies home safely?" a familiar and pleasant voice asked from behind my shoulder. I struggled to turn and face him, trying to turn not just myself, but the whole bar stool, which was proving a challenge since they were apparently nailed to the floor.

"Jacob," I drawled, elongating the vowels in his name as I finally just fell from the stool. He placed a steadying arm around my waist as I stumbled backwards and pulled me into his chest where I nestled happily, not complaining when he helped me to walk/stumble from the bar into the cool night air outside.

"Brr," I said, shivering exaggeratedly. "It's cold enough to freeze the balls of a brass monkey out here." Jacob laughed loudly, his arm still holding me up as he gestured into the road for a taxi.

"Thanks for this, Jacob," Rosalie said, not sounding nearly as drunk as I was fairly sure I sounded. "I appreciate it. My girl here just needed to let loose a bit tonight."

"No problem. I'm happy to help, anytime."

"Jacob is nice," I said, my filter well and truly in the off position. "He's nice and he's beautiful, but he's not-"

"Aaaaaand I think it's time for Little Beer to get in the taxi now," Rosalie interjected, taking Jacob's place supporting me and lowering my head into the warmth of the taxi.

"It's all right, Rose. She's a great girl, but it was pretty obvious she was still hung up on someone else. You can't really miss it."

Wow. That was a sobering speech if ever I heard one.

"I'm sorry, Jake. That son of a bitch really screwed her over. She really did have a great time with you." My head spun as I curled into my seat, my ears buzzing as the conversation continued outside the cab. I couldn't hear what they said to one another as Rose-thingy pulled the door slightly closed. I saw her kiss Jacob on the cheek before she climbed into the cab next to me and put her arm around my shoulders.

"See you soon, Jake."

"See you, ladies. See that they get into their house safely," he asked the driver politely, giving him the money for the fare home and then waving as we drove off into the night.

**Emmett McCarty POV**

I stared out my window onto the foggy September evening. Connecticut was beautiful, and I'd enjoyed my first year here so I stayed for a second. I'd made friends, the students were respectful and eager, and the room I had resembled a studio apartment. Things were good.

Thankfully, the letter I'd written to Howard had been addressed to Alice, so I'd had a chance to send a more formal version of the letter and handed it to him in person. He wasn't thrilled. Mrs. Cope was even less thrilled; she seemed to have thought I could bring change to the school. I was flattered, but I couldn't stay there. I was finishing up summer school, packing my things and running for the hills.

The following week, the boarding school had invited me in for an interview. Thankfully, it was being held after the end of summer school when I was officially jobless, so in a presumptuous mood, I packed up the house, rented a truck and made my way across the country. There was no point coming back. I had only applied to Northeastern schools.

When they'd given me the job, I took what I needed and put the rest in storage.

I'd met Edward the second week. He was the same age as me and taught history. He was also the soccer coach. We had a lot in common and I'd forgotten what it was like to have a guy friend that I could relate to. We ran together every morning and had pretty much the same schedule, so we'd go to the bar on our nights off. I was beginning to live again, but it didn't stop that hole in my chest from making itself known every time I breathed.

I may have been away from where the memories of Bella lingered, but she still resided inside of me. I'd been on a couple of dates, but it never really went past dinner. I had sat there listening to them talk, but my mind was always somewhere else, or comparing them to Bella.

When I'd finally explained the whole thing to Edward, he'd called me a pussy and told me I needed to get laid. He was a pretty boy, angular features, crazy ass hair that I liked to call ginger, and he looked after himself. To women he was a magnet; no one could resist him. He could have anyone he wanted, except for Tanya.

Tanya was the art teacher who liked to see herself as a free spirit. She was beautiful, there was no denying that, with her long ass legs and aqua colored eyes. There was no denying she had a way about her. She was like a siren. Edward wanted her on his card. She, however, wanted me. I just wasn't interested. She was everything Bella wasn't. She was the anti-Bella and it didn't do a thing for me.

Inexplicably, we were all friends and actually managed to ignore the elephant in the room. I liked hanging out with them. The snark often reminded me of the time I'd spent with the three musketeers. It was just an older version and there was always alcohol involved. You could only be a responsible adult in front of the students for so long before you needed to cut loose.

"Hey, Dimples, you ready to go or what?" Edward asked, walking into my space without so much as a knock. There was nothing different there; he was my neighbor and we apparently had no boundaries.

I turned away from the window and saw him at my dresser, running his finger along the sapphire bracelet I'd bought for Bella the Christmas before last. She was turning twenty today and I'd had a moment of weakness and thought about sending the damn thing to her.

"What's this?"

"If you don't know, then you're more of an idiot than I thought. It's pretty self explanatory, Ginge."

Edward gave me his goofy, sarcastic laugh, his green eyes flaring with humor. He was smart as hell, and to the students he was straight laced as they came. He never showed his fun side with them. I had asked him about it once, and he'd told me that it gave him a distinction, especially living on campus. He needed to separate the work him and the real him.

"I'm aware it's a bracelet, jackass. I was more curious as to what it was doing in your room."

I gave him a look before crossing the room and running my fingers along the line of sapphires. Snapping the box shut, I stuffed it back into my underwear drawer and pushed it closed.

"Ahh yes, your unicorn. Man, you have to give that up already. You're a decent looking guy. I've seen how the women react to you. You're denying the world of your never-ending wit and dimples."

"Don't go there again, Masen. We've talked about this."

Edward held up his hands in surrender. "You got it, big guy, just trying to help. I just think a good, old fashioned roll in the hay would do wonders for your pining heart."

"Yes because sex has worked so well for you. You have worked BTM out of your system, right?"

"Point taken, asshole."

I bowed at the waist and punched him in the arm when I straightened.

Edward rubbed his arm and flipped me the bird, which only made me laugh harder.

"And you call me a pussy."

"Look at you two starting with the derogatory, testosterone fueled man love while still on campus," Tanya joked from the door Edward had left open. She was leaned against the frame in a dress that looked like a seventies reject. She actually did it wonders. She looked beautiful.

"We all gotta start somewhere, beautiful," Edward purred. "You ready to go?"

"I think the bar requires footwear, Emmett. As charming as your feet are, you need to cover those up."

I rolled my eyes at myself and grabbed the shoes I'd been planning to wear. Pulling them on, I grabbed my keys, phone and wallet and headed to the door. It was going to be an interesting evening.

The smoky bar was busier than usual. As we entered, the regulars gave us a nod, the girls gave Edward and I an approving scan and the men let their eyes linger on Tanya's chest. It was a charming place, and I just adored being ogled like a slab of meat in a butchers shop.

"I need a drink," I mumbled.

"First round's on you then, Dimples," Edward laughed, slapping my shoulder and squeezing it before offering his arm to Tanya and leading her toward the booth we'd dubbed as ours.

"Two Buds, a cosmo and a shot of Jamesons while I wait, please."

The shot was there in a flash, as were the beers, but the fruity cocktail Tanya loved so much needed to be made, so I slammed the scotch and watched the ocean of women on the tiny dance floor gyrate against one another. Of course my mind went immediately to Bella and wondered what she was doing for her birthday. Did she do this kind of thing now? Dress up in cute little outfits and dance the night away?

The bartender filled up my shot glass again, thankfully distracting me from my line of thought. It wasn't always like this. I was good at coping and pushing her to the back of mind, but it was her birthday and that did something to me. All of the images I'd had of us together seemed to assault my brain and once again bring her to the forefront.

Tomorrow, she would be back in her box and the hangover would keep her there for a while. Tonight, I would have to work around her memory and pretend everything was just fine.

After my third shot of scotch, I finally had the drinks in hand and made my way to the table, falling into the booth where Edward and Tanya were head to head, looking as thick as thieves.

"You two need to just get it over with," I laughed, sliding their drinks toward them with a laugh. "The sexual tension is killing the mood."

"Actually, we were just discussing you," Edward laughed, taking a mouthful of his beer. "T wanted to know what the shots were about. So I told her."

"Of course you did," I growled, taking a mouthful of beer.

"I told her that it's been a while for you."

I gave him a look and he responded with a nod. He hadn't told her anything at all. She'd asked and he'd lied out of his ass. I owed him another beer.

"I took a vow of celibacy."

"Are you serious? Or are you just messing with me?" Tanya asked, her eyebrows raised in question.

"It works for the monks?" I said, posing the statement as a question. My abstinence was anything but voluntary. Sure, I could take Tanya anywhere and screw the breath out of her, but it wouldn't give me any satisfaction to do it.

Edward was convinced that sex was going to be my cure, but I knew better. When I'd been with Kate, trying to hide how I felt, I knew I was cheating us both. It wasn't fair, and it did nothing but make me feel like I was betraying Bella. No matter what I did, or how drunk I got, that feeling never went away.

Edward was right. I was a pussy.

"I love this song," Tanya called out, obviously deciding I was bullshitting her. "Emmett, dance with me."

It was obviously not a question, because she was already out of the booth and tugging on my hand, her hips swaying provocatively.

"Oh come on, you big lug. One dance isn't going to kill you."

"Yeah, Dimples, go shake what your momma gave ya," Edward chimed in, but his eyes were on a redhead that was making it very obvious what she was offering. If he fell in love with her, their poor kids would be some pale ass red heads.

"Have fun, bro," I laughed, tilting my head at the girl. He just grinned in response. "And bag it before you tag it."

"Yes, Mom," Edward laughed, sliding out of the booth with his beer.

I let Tanya lead me to the dance floor, where she started out slow, her hands on my hips as she tried to get them to move to the beat. Some chick behind me decided she needed help, which was fine until she got all handsy and grabbed my ass.

With one look, Tanya had the girl backing off. I was grateful. I wasn't in the mood to be manhandled by the pretty people. I just wanted to go back to the booth and drown my sorrows. There were plenty of guys who would have happily kept Tanya occupied, but apparently, that wasn't in the books.

One song turned to another, and another. Edward would occasionally stop by with shots. Every time I tried to leave, Tanya would grab me and grind on me. She also loved every song known to man and emotionally bribed me into staying with her.

When I'd finally had enough, I made my way back to our table and a brick wall couldn't have stopped my progress. Tanya had made my body react, and I just wanted to shut down. My body may have responded, but the rest of me was disgusted with little Emmett's reaction.

At first, Tanya didn't follow and I felt relieved to have some time to get my head together. The alcohol was clouding my head and my judgment. The memories of Bella seemed to swarm through my mind with the Scotch's persuasion and I was quickly falling into misery.

I just had to make it to tomorrow and it would be placated. I just had to make it through this one day where she lingered on my mind and I would be safe until Christmas.

When Tanya finally came back to the table, she was holding six shots of Jameson in her hand. She looked pleased with herself as she slid three in front of me. I knew she was trying to loosen me up, but I couldn't have cared less. I needed to be numb.

I slammed all three down happily and relaxed back into the PVC cushion of the booth and let the alcohol work its magic. It moved through my system with fire, landing in my belly with a dull thud. I was going to feel like hell tomorrow, but it was a Sunday; a couple of checks to dorm rooms was all that was expected of me.

I slid my eyes closed, wondering whether now would be a good time to call a cab and head back to my bed. My mission of drowning my sorrows was accomplished for now. As the deep resonating bass of the music sent small vibrations through my body I tried to gather my breath.

For a second I was able to block out everything but her face, the sadness that had fallen upon her features when I told her I couldn't want her. She morphed slowly into the girl that was smiling at me as Harry Potter played in the background and I felt my arousal grow.

It took me only a second to realize something wasn't right, and when my eyes flicked open and I looked down, I realized exactly what had made my body stand to attention. Tanya's hand was down the front of my pants, gripping me under the table. No one could see anything, and for a second I thought about letting her do it, but the guilt was like a tidal wave.

"Tanya, stop."

"Why?" she purred, her hand moving gently and making me sit upright. "Your body is saying yes, Emmett. Just let me do this for you. I promise you won't regret it."

"I asked you to stop," I snapped, removing her hand and buttoning myself up. "I'm not expecting you to understand the whys behind this. Hell you haven't even asked, so I'm guessing it just doesn't matter to you. I like you, Tanya, but this is never going to happen."

"Fine, I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. I just thought we were having fun."

She looked embarrassed. Her cheeks were fully flushed and her eyes were filled with tears. I hated that I'd been the one to hurt her feelings like that. She'd been a good friend to me, and I'd known that she wanted something more, and I had a feeling I should have been more direct that it was never going to happen.

I kissed her cheek, cupping the other with my hand.

"I'm sorry, T. I never wanted to hurt your feelings. I'm screwed up, and I'm not worth your time. I don't want to lose you as a friend, but I understand if you avoid me."

"I'm not going to avoid you, Dimples," she laughed, covering my hand with hers. "Can I just say, whoever did this to you is crazy. She has no idea what she's missing."

"Thanks, T," I sighed, smoothing her cheek with my thumb. "I'm going to get some fresh air. I'll be back."

"Okay."

I dropped a kiss on her hand and stood up from the booth, swaying slightly on my drunken legs. I staggered through the crowd to the door and stumbled out into the fresh air, gulping in the untainted oxygen like a drowning person.

I was a mess, and I was certain if you looked up FUBAR in the Urban Dictionary, you would see my picture staring back at you. I leaned against the wall feeling hollow and empty and let the emotions consume me.

I needed to talk to someone who knew me, someone who knew how I felt. There was only one person I knew would understand, so I pulled out my phone and dialed her number.

"Emmett, it's almost midnight."

"It's her birthday, Ali," I said pitifully, looking around and hoping no one was seeing this moment of shame.

"I thought you were doing better?" Alice whispered sadly.

"I'm starting to think it will never get better. Someone just tried to give me a hand job in a bar and I ran like a bitch."

"Have you changed your mind?"

Had I? Could I go on living without her as though it was never meant to be? I didn't really know, but it was out of my hands. Bella was living her life and had probably moved on. I was the one stuck in that office with her, living the moment I let her go over and over again.

"I think it's too late, Ali. I let her go. She's probably moved on with her life. I hurt her. I was a fucking idiot and let her go."

"I wouldn't know, Emmett. I haven't seen her in months. We don't talk as often either. I would love to give you some answers, but I just don't know."

"This is all my fault," I groaned.

"Stop beating yourself up over this, Emmett. It's been over a year since it happened. You did what you thought was best at the time because you love her."

"Thanks, Alice."

"Just go home and sleep. Drink lots of water and take a tylenol, or you're gonna be like a bear with a sore head."

"Thanks, kid."

"You betcha. Love you, Em."

"Love you back, Ali."

I hung up the phone and looked back at the door of the bar where the music was thumping almost in time with my already sore head. I'd had enough. I'd punished myself and now I needed to sleep it off. Alice's words of wisdom rung through my head as I hailed a cab and fell into the back seat. I had changed my mind, but was it fair at this point to do something about it?

I just didn't know anymore.

I closed my eyes and gave the cabby the address of the school, closing my eyes as we drove off in to the night.

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><p><em><strong>Looks like our kids are having trouble moving on! Maybe there's hope for them yet! ;-)<strong>_


	16. Chapter 16

****_**Disclaimer: We still don't own Twilight. But an Emmett who reads and an Alice who hates to shop are all ours! **_

_**A/N: Thank you, a million times to our awesome and beautiful beta, TheHeartOfLife. If you like good Emmett, you need to check out her story, The Long Way Home. It's one of my (Bob) absolute favourites. Trust me on this! **_

_**Thank you to everybody who reads and reviews. We love to hear what you think and it pains us that we can't always get to doing review replies. Life is crazy! But we read and love every one! Thank you, wonderful people! **_

_**And now, I believe this is what you've all been waiting for! **_

* * *

><p><strong>Letting Go Of Maybe<strong>

**Chapter 16**

**Isabella Swan POV**

There was a finger on my nose.

Yes. A finger. On my nose.

Of all the ways I might choose to wake up, a perfectly manicured fingernail biting into my nose was not on the list.

I swatted at the finger with very little coordination, then rolled over, groaning at the pain in my... _everywhere_. Then, bravely opening one eye minutely I was able to identify the nose poker: my apparently _not_ hungover roommate.

"I swear to God, Hale, if the little hand is pointing to anything lower than a ten, your shoes are history," I attempted to snap at her, but found myself cruelly blocked by a rasping in my throat that I suspected did not come from a virus.

"Relax, jeez. It's almost noon and you have mail."

"Mail?" I repeated, confused. I tried to sit up but fell back against my pillows when my head swam dizzily.

"Yes, mail," she confirmed, hitting me lightly over the head with a small, pink envelope, then grinning at my pained groan. "How's your head this fine morning?"

Giving her the stink eye, I grabbed the offending envelope out of her hand. She laughed loudly enough to drill a bore-hole through my skull, sitting back on her heels beside me on my bed.

"You should know that I hold you personally responsible for any and all pain in any part of my body today. _This_, right here, is why I don't drink," I said, gesturing to my body as though it should be obvious what "this" was. She only laughed at me, patting my leg patronizingly through the bed covers and tried to grab the mail out of my hand. Surprisingly, my reflexes were sharp, considering the amount of alcohol I imbibed the previous night and I managed to dodge her, smirking at her as I hid the envelope down my pajama pants.

"Ew!" she exclaimed, withdrawing her grabbing hands. "Even by your standards, that's nasty, Swan."

"It's the only place you won't go rooting," I replied, with a triumphant smile that quickly dropped from my face when the light pounding in my head turned into all-out warfare inside my skull.

"You think I won't go in there?" she challenged, her face lit up with the most evil smirk I had ever seen on her face - matchmaking schemes included.

I weighed up her expression against my knowledge of all things Rosalie and decided I was right.

"You're bluffing," I asserted, raising an eyebrow at her in challenge.

"Had you worried for a second though, didn't I?" She grinned widely and for the millionth time I wondered how she managed to be so perky. She drank as much, if not more than me the previous night, and yet, there I was, feeling like somebody was stamping on my head repeatedly and with a furry mouth that tasted - and very possibly smelled - like something died in it. And there _she _was, all... Rosalie.

"You do realize, don't you, that one of these days your insatiable perkiness is going to be the reason somebody, somewhere caves your head in with a brick?"

She tilted her head to one side, as though considering the prospect, before grinning and saying, "I'm good with that."

I laughed, cringing as the merriment rattled around my skull, creating an avalanche of pain that ricocheted right down my spine.

_Yeah, I'm never drinking again._

"Ugh, remind me never to listen to you again when you suggest anything involving "the guys"," I said, making air quotes for her freakishly affectionate wording for the alcohol that was currently making me feel like I went three rounds in a boxing ring.

"You surprise me, Izzy B. You seemed to be having plenty of fun last night. Poor Jacob seemed positively awed by you." She was grinning, but the words "poor Jacob" made my stomach clench with guilt. He was such a sweet guy and had been nothing but a perfect gentleman, yet I had obviously been rude enough on our date that he could tell that I was not only not interested, but also hung up on somebody else. Somebody else who probably didn't even remember me.

"Wow, turn that frown upside down. Jacob is fine, Iz. I was just kidding."

I hadn't even realized I was frowning, but the expression on Rose's face told me that I was.

"Well, you know, if _somebody _didn't keep waking me up before I'm ready, I would be the very definition of content and well-rested," I snarked back at her, sticking my tongue out childishly and attempting to lie back down. "You didn't even bring coffee. _Last time _you brought coffee."

"I didn't have time to bring you your potion, Milady. I was too excited at the prospect of life in the postal service that I completely forgot your need for stimulants in the morning." She was grinning ear to ear at me and peering down at my pants where the letter was still stowed, an expectant look on her face. "So are you going to open the snail mail, or do I have to hide your coffee until you show me?"

"I tell you what, you bring me some liquid sustenance _of the non-male variety _and I will consider letting you see what's in the envelope."

She pouted at first, but a short outing of my best stern face had her scampering to the kitchen quickly, yelling back that I better not open it without her.

"Half a jar should do," I shouted hoarsely after her.

In her absence, I warily pulled the envelope from its hiding place and turned it over in my hands. It was a light rose pink with my address written in a bright silver pen in an achingly familiar script.

_Alice._

Of course. Who else would take the time to send something by snail mail, when email could get it there faster and with far less effort for the sender?

My heart jumped in my chest painfully at the thought of my friend. It had been so long since I last saw her - since I last saw Jasper- - that I couldn't even remember when it was.

After a while I had managed to push down my longing for them, to store it away and pretend it was nothing, to stop the pain in my heart from losing my best friends. If you asked them, I'm sure they would say that I didn't lose them, that they were always there, waiting for me. They would probably say that _they_ lost _me_. That I slowly started to drift out of their lives from the moment Alice's brother shattered my heart.

It wasn't their fault. It was all on me that every time I hung out with them it felt like there was a big, muscular and goofy hole in the group. A hole that would have had bright blue eyes and a dimpled smile that, on a good day, could bring me to my knees.

I missed him and I missed them, so I filled the gaps in my life with school work, a part-time job in the university library and even evening piano lessons with Felix, a guy from one of my Lit classes in our Freshman year. I was terrible at it, but Felix said that what I lacked in skill, I made up for in enthusiasm. Enthusiasm that largely stemmed from my need to bury anything that resembled emotion away as deeply as possible.

"You better not have opened that letter without me." Rosalie's voice drifted through from the hallway as she finally appeared carrying twin cups of steaming hot coffee, that looked thick enough to stand a spoon up in.

"Wouldn't dream of it," I muttered, wondering at her obsession over a piece of mail that wasn't even for her. It wasn't like her Blackberry wasn't constantly pinging and bleeping at her all day and night with messages and emails. Apparently an actual paper document, sent through the post, with a real stamp and postal mark on it was big news to her. I chuckled lightly at the excitement in her eyes, then pushed my finger under the seal on the envelope, cautiously pulling out a slip of card and a folded sheet of writing paper.

"Well?" Rosalie asked excitedly, practically bouncing herself off the bed.

"It's an invitation," I whispered, reading the small card. I was apparently cordially invited to a Halloween party in Alice and Jasper's new apartment. I frowned as I read the card; its formality was somehow jolting to me. We had never been formal before. Was this what we had been reduced to? What _I _had reduced us to?

Remembering the folded note paper that had accompanied the card, I set my hopes on something less formal being contained in there. It was tightly encased in my hand, hidden from view. I would wait to be alone to open that.

"To?" Rosalie asked, a slight laugh in her voice as she watched me scanning the card.

"To the royal wedding. What does it matter what it's to? I'm not going." I put the invitation face down on the bed, not wanting to look at it any more.

How could I go to their party when I hadn't seen or spoken to them in months? It was clear they were inviting me out of some sort of misguided sense of duty or similar. I tried to ignore the voices in my head that told me that that was bullshit. Jasper had been my best friend almost from the moment we could hold up our own heads, and now it came down to this, formal invitations to parties that, once upon a time, we would have been throwing together.

"Why the hell not?" Rosalie asked, incredulous, as she reached for the discarded invite. "Somebody cares enough to send you a summons, through the post, no less, you have to at least put in an appearance. It's like... a rule or something."

"Rules are made to be broken," I mumbled, grabbing one of the cups of coffee from her and hiding behind it as I took a long, life-giving gulp.

"Dudette, it says plus one on this thing," she said, moving up to her knees and shoving the stupid card in my face.

"Yeah, thanks. I can read. Rumour has it they don't let you into this place if you can't." My tone was unnecessarily snappy and her eyebrows shot up onto her forehead in surprise. Her head tilted to the side and she studied me intently for a moment before putting the card down and sitting back on her heels.

"What aren't you telling me here? This is more than the usual, "Izzy B doesn't like to party", thing you have going on."

Damn her and her psychology major. She could read me like a book and had been able to for a long time. But this was a conversation I was unwilling to have, so I shot her down with a look that clearly said "leave it the hell alone" and climbed out of bed. I headed in the direction of the bathroom, hoping a call of nature would put an end to the conversation, but apparently I was forgetting just who I was dealing with.

"Nice try, Izzy B," she said, leaping off the bed and blocking my path to the salvation of the lockable bathroom door. "What's going on?" Her tone was suddenly serious and her expression had morphed from one of playfulness to concern in an instant.

"I just... Don't want to go," I tried in a final attempt at evasion.

Her eyebrows shot up on her forehead in realization and her hand closed around my wrist, tugging me back towards the bed.

"That's your _Notebook_ face. What does this have to do with that McCartney dude?"

Cursing her observational skills, I sighed, looking down at my fingers that were tangled in my lap.

"I just can't. I'm sorry. I know this won't make sense to you, but Alice is his sister and Jasper is... _was_ my best friend. I don't know how to be around them any more. I've blown them off so many times that frankly I'm surprised they even bothered to invite me to this."

She nodded as I spoke and her eyes softened as she started to understand my lack of enthusiasm for the party.

"Maybe they invited you because they want you to be there," she offered softly, her eyes catching mine and boring into them. "Maybe they miss you. I know I would."

"I miss them, too," I sniffed. "But I don't know how to face them again. Not after... Everything."

Suddenly, out of nowhere, she tugged on my hand, pulling me up to stand next to her as she bounced on the balls of her feet excitedly.

"You face them again by being fabulous," she enthused with a shit eating grin. "We make you look so beautiful that every guy there will be dribbling into their Halloween punch. And if McWhatsit is there, he will take one look and realize what he should never have let go."

"I don't think so," I said, trying to pull my hands out of hers and turn away. "I could never pull that off anyway."

"Not alone, maybe. But with your own personal shopper-slash-stylist, you can't fail."

I protested feebly for about another ten minutes, offering pathetic excuses that she shot down easily, one by one. Before I knew it, she had the RSVP written out and somehow convinced me that this required a shopping trip. I swear, that girl could sell ice to an Eskimo!

Halloween arrived, as I guess I knew it inevitably would. I spent the day in classes, getting more and more antsy as the day went on, my frustration at every little indicator of what day it was becoming increasingly irrational. Every pumpkin or idiotic costume I saw raised my hackles just a little more until by the end of the day, I was certain the vein in my head was going to pop.

When my final class of the day ended and I went to the bathroom, one glance in the mirror told me I was definitely pale enough to get away with crying off sick. However, Rose was having none of it when I attempted croaking my excuse to her.

"I call bullshit. You know, Izzy, I never had you down for a coward."

"I'm not, I just-"

"You're just pretending to be sick so you don't have to be magnificent and make McDooglethingy jealous tonight. That's bullshit. Now get your skinny ass away from that bed and sit down so I can make your hair all shiny."

She looked so fiercely determined that I could do nothing but plonk myself down in the chair she was pointing to, waiting for her to attack my hair. And attack it she did! Almost an hour later my hair was sleek and shiny after she sprayed God only knows what on it then tortured it into submission with some expensive looking straighteners.

Next she attacked my face, apparently going for a natural, sexy and seductive look. All I knew was it seemed to take forever, but when she was done I barely recognized myself.

I almost balked when I saw the outfit she expected me to squeeze myself into but, remembering the last stand off over apparel, I quickly reconsidered protesting.

"Good choice, Swan," she said, smirking. Evidently she saw the entire thought process in my eyes. "That corset is going to knock McDoodah's eyes out. Everybody knows that Halloween is basically just an excuse for girls to dress like sluts and guys to enjoy it for one night only."

I forced myself to suck it up and, refusing to look in the mirror, headed out to the party in time to be what Rosalie called "fashionably late."

I spent the entire cab ride to Alice and Jasper's apartment tugging at the far too short black skirt I was wearing, trying to coax it into covering more of me by any means possible.

"Stop it. You have legs to die for. Stop stressing."

_Sure_, I thought to myself. I couldn't for the life of me work out how she looked so at home in her matching outfit. She wasn't wriggling, tugging at hemlines or looking even remotely uncomfortable at all. I comforted myself by glowering at her, but she just rolled her eyes at me, telling me that the pouty look was sexy and I should try it on McWhojama. I scowled even harder, forcing myself to assume that he wouldn't be there. He would surely be staying in in his pretty home with its white, picket fence, snuggling with his wife and doting on his undoubtedly beautiful baby. God I hoped his beautiful wife wasn't Miss Lewis. I wasn't sure I could handle that.

The apartment was on the fourteenth floor so we tottered into the elevator on heels that, by rights, I really shouldn't have been wearing. I stood, wringing my fingers as the soft, lulling background music contrasted almost painfully with the racing of my heart and the wild over thinking happening in my brain.

_What if he's there? What if he isn't? What if things are unbearably tense between Alice, Jasper and I? What if they only invited me out of duty and are really hoping I don't turn up? What if, what if, what if?_

"You're overthinking this, Iz. I can see it in your face. Just chill. Relax. You're a strong, confident woman, remember? You gotta walk in there like you own the place."

"They won't know me if I do that," I mumbled to myself, earning a grin from Rosalie.

"Exactly," she said. "You have to give off the impression that being jilted by him was the best thing that ever happened to you."

I snorted in derision. Anybody who knew me back then would know that that wasn't the case. They watched me fall apart after graduation when he took my heart, stamped on it and threw it back at me.

I groaned as the elevator doors pinged open and Rosalie dragged me by the arm along the narrow corridor to the number on the invitation. I could hear the soft beat of music playing inside and would have turned and run if it hadn't been for the death grip Rosalie had on my arm.

"I can't do this, Rose," I said, pleading with her with my eyes not to press the buzzer her finger was hovering over.

"Well you're gonna," she shot back, her finger pressing the button, which ground out an awful sound that seemed deafening in the relative silence of the corridor.

After a moment the door flew open and the smiling face of my oldest friend appeared, complete with eye patch and skull and cross-bones hat. He stood and looked at us for a moment, looking slightly confused, before he stepped forward. His eyes scrunched up as he eyed me, as though he was unsure of what he was seeing.

"Bella? Boo, is that you?"

"Hey, Jasper," I offered with a timid smile, the best I could manage on hearing my old nickname again. I could almost hear Rosalie tutting at my lack of strutting and owning the room, but I didn't care. Jasper was looking at me as though he couldn't quite believe his eyes and for a moment I was scared he would turn me away. It took me by surprise when he suddenly shot forward and pulled me into the tightest embrace I had ever received. My hands gripped feebly at the back of his pirate costume as he hugged me, whispering into my hair.

"It's so fucking good to see you, Boo. You have no idea how much I miss you."

I buried my head in his chest, breathing in the scent that hadn't changed. He held me tight for what felt like an age and yet no time at all. He didn't say anything else and I was lost for words so we stayed silent.

When I felt tears that would earn me half an hour in front of a mirror with Rose starting to form, I pulled back and he released me reluctantly, but kept hold of my hand as I introduced him to Rosalie.

"It's good to meet you, Rose. Any friend of Boo's is a friend of ours," he said with a friendly smile.

"We're gonna talk about the Boo thing later," she whispered to me as Jasper led us into the apartment that was already teeming with people, none of whom I recognized. Apparently Alice and Jasper knew a lot of people.

Jasper kept hold of my hand, dragging me through groups of people as I mumbled apologies to them. Rose followed along, already looking irritatingly at home, while I felt horribly awkward and wished I'd worn something less revealing.

Eventually we wound up in the kitchen where Jasper tapped on the shoulder of somebody wearing a pair of fairy wings. Alice squealed when she turned around, apparently not having the same recognizing problems as Jasper.

"Bella. Oh my God, you came! I was so worried you wouldn't come."

She flung her arms around me and I returned the embrace, beyond grateful that my friends seemed so pleased to see me. Suddenly my concerns over whether I was really wanted seemed ridiculous.

"Looking good by the way, Boo. A corset, eh? Nice!" Jasper joked and was quickly shushed by Alice slapping his shoulder.

"Shut up, you pervert," she snarked at him, rolling her eyes and then looking at Rosalie expectantly.

"Alice, this is my friend and roommate, Rosalie. _She _is responsible for the corset." I couldn't decide who I wanted to glare at more, Jasper or Rose, so I settled for giving them both the stink eye.

"You look amazing, Bella," Alice said with a smile. "All the guys are staring at you. Jasper will be beating them up before the night is over if they keep leering at his best friend like that."

"Oh, God," I groaned, hiding my rising blush in my hands at the thought of people staring, but I couldn't help the small smile tugging at the corners of my mouth at Alice's choice of the words "best friend".

"Our Izzy B just loves the limelight, doesn't she?" Rosalie said with a laugh, and Alice and Jasper joined in, nodding with knowing expressions on their faces.

It was odd to see Rosalie hitting it off so well with them after I went so long without seeing them, but it was a relief that they seemed to be the same old Alice and Jasper I remembered.

"Holy shit!" Rose's exclamation caught me by surprise and I almost spilled the drink that Jasper had just pushed into my hands. She shot me a slightly apologetic look before continuing on. "Who in the world is _that_ fine piece of ass?"

We all looked up to the doorway to see who she was practically visibly drooling over and my heart dropped into my stomach like a stone. Rose's eyes were locked on a tall, lean guy with insane auburn hair that seemed to be sticking out in all directions, but mine had immediately zeroed in on the person standing beside him.

I could feel my stomach rolling and the entire room, the entire apartment, seemed to disappear around me as I saw him for the first time since my high school graduation. His eyes were slowly sweeping the room, a small, all too familiar smile on his lips, and I had to get out of there. Somewhere in my head I had made the assumption that he wouldn't be at the party. Jasper and Alice would never invite us to the same place at the same time, right?

Wrong, apparently.

He was there. He was there and he was about three seconds from knowing that I was there, too.

"I have to go to the bathroom," I forced out against the waves of nausea, already hastily vacating the room and running for the exit to the kitchen.

My hands clutched desperately at random door handles, not caring what room I found myself in, as long as it wasn't back in the kitchen where my past was standing, unaware that he _still _had this effect on me, all this time later.

I slammed my way into a random room, pulling the door hastily closed behind me, and leaned back against the cool wood. Sliding down the smooth surface, I dropped to the ground, cursing that ridiculous corset and the indecently short skirt for stopping me from pulling my knees up to my chest.

I was in a bedroom. Most of the room was taken up with the huge bed that stood in the center against the wall opposite the door, with a nightstand on either side. To my right was the closet and to my left was a big window that took up almost the entire wall.

I stood on shaky legs and made my way over to the window, my eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness of the room that surrounded me like a comforting shield. If I kept the room dark and kept quiet, nobody would think to look for me in there.

From the window I looked down at the dark city, spread out below me. The lights blurred with the tears in my eyes, creating a fiery canvass that sharpened into focus when I swatted at the tears. I promised myself that I was done crying over him. Why, oh why did he still have the power to do this to me? Why did I let him?

Angry with myself, with _him, _with life and this stupid party, I clawed at my hair, my forehead leaning against the glass with a small _clunk._

_Stupid, stupid, stupid, _I silently chanted to myself, cursing every decision, every wrong move that brought me here. I internally railed at everybody and everything that made this happen. At Alice and Jasper for inviting me, at Rose for convincing me that it would be a good idea, but most of all at myself for ever thinking that I could handle seeing him again without torturing myself.

My entire body stiffened at the soft sound of the door opening behind me, but I refused to turn and see who had discovered my hiding place. My entire body tingled with an eerily familiar charge that I tried to force away, unable to believe that of all the possible people, it could be _him _that followed me.

I was unable to believe it until the soft voice spoke out behind me and almost brought me to my knees.

"Bella?"

**Emmett McCarty POV**

"You ready?" Edward asked, lingering at the door in his pimp outfit. The asshole actually pulled it off. While me, I was simply utilizing my dorky side. I had on tight jeans, a tight button-up shirt with suspenders, a pocket protector, and a pair of old glasses that I'd wrapped some white tape around to look as though it was holding it together.

I'd received the invitation from Alice and Jasper three weeks prior, and in a moment of nostalgia, responded with a yes and plus one . . . Edward. I'd changed my mind a dozen times since I'd received the invitation, but Edward was looking forward to a college party and a weekend in the city. His family had money, so we were sharing a suite at The Plaza.

The suite was amazing, the view was breathtaking, and I was being a bitch. My mind seemed to linger on whether Bella would be there or not. It was wrong of me to hope that she hadn't moved on - that by some miracle some idiot jock hadn't claimed her as his own. I wanted another chance. Of course, this only made me panic more. What if she was single? Would she want to see me? Would she even be the same person? I wasn't arrogant enough to think that she could still want me, that she was still hurt, but in my mind and my heart, I knew that shit like that lingered.

After hailing a cab and working our way through the city, I was almost sweating with anticipation, while Edward ignored me on the other side of the cab. He'd questioned me on my sister and whether she had some hot single friends. After I'd snapped that I didn't know, he lapsed into silence. I knew that I was taking my anxiety out on him, so on the quiet ride up the elevator I apologized.

"I'm sorry, man. Freaking out a little here."

"You're such a bitch, McCarty." I didn't argue, and he put on his signature lopsided smile. "It's cool. But you can't let it get to you like that. You don't even know if she's going to be there. "

He was right. I didn't know and Alice wouldn't have told me even if I'd asked. She would have been too afraid of me chickening out and foregoing the party of the year, as she'd called it.

"You want my advice?"

"No."

"Well, you're getting it anyway. If she's here, you have a chance to be all girly and make it up to her. If she's not, take it as a sign she's over it and you and move on. Accept that it's over. Your dick hasn't seen action in years. You have to think of the little man."

I knocked the pimp hat off his head, and pushed him as he bent to pick it up. He smashed against the side of the elevator as I laughed. The man was a genius with words, but I had at least fifty pounds and half a foot on him, which meant I could throw his ass around like a rag doll.

"Fucker," he snorted, arranging the hat on his head and sliding his fingers along the brim. "Watch and learn, fucker. Watch and learn."

We stepped out into the hall where the dull thud of music was like a siren call. It droned through the halls and got louder with each step. I felt like an asshole for not visiting my sister sooner than now, but it wasn't as though I could go back and change anything, if I could, things would have been a lot different.

"Do we knock?" Edward asked, stopping outside of the door.

"What do you think, asshole?"

"She's your sister, I figured you'd barge on in there."

Again, he had a point. I reached out and pushed open the door revealing bodies littering the space, some grinding against others. In one corner there was a game of beer pong raging out of control, and some idiot was playing with a beer bong on a tarp.

"I'm too old for this shit."

"Speak for yourself, old man," Edward laughed, pushing the door closed behind us. "Which one is your sister?"

My eyes scoured the room, praying that we were in the right place. It would be just my luck to walk into someone else's apartment. It wasn't like it was Halloween or anything. There couldn't possibly be more than one party going on! When my eyes finally landed on the fairy in the kitchen, I couldn't help but smile. She and Jasper were talking animatedly, their smiles bright and happy, as it should have been. They were talking to a blonde and brunette in matching costumes of corsets and micro-minis. The hair of the brunette reminded me of Bella's, but there was no soft curl to be found, just sleek shiny strands, hanging over her shoulder.

"Alice is the fairy in the kitchen. Her boyfriend is the pirate."

Edward strained to look over the crowd, his smile growing bigger as he spotted the blonde. She was just his type: tight body, perky tits, long legs and almost platinum blonde hair, natural from the looks of it.

"Damn. Who's the blonde and her friend? I wouldn't mind being the filling on that sandwich. "

I backhanded him playfully in the chest and he turned to look at me. When I looked back up, the blonde was staring in our direction and her friend . . . was Bella. She wasn't looking at us, but she was facing in my direction, panic evident in her features as she excused herself and bolted. It was then I knew she'd seen me.

Before I could even think of following, Alice was bounding toward me. I could tell she was happy to see me, but under the circumstances she was a little stressed. I don't think she'd anticipated that reaction from Bella. If I was being honest, neither had I. I gave her a bear hug and for a moment gave her flight with her wings as I picked her up off the ground. I shook Jasper's hand and gave him the ubiquitous man hug.

The blonde, however, stood to the side glaring at me. Bella, apparently, hadn't forgotten about me. I felt my heart slamming against my ribs as I watched Bella retreating into the darkness of a corridor. I could hear the sounds of people talking around me but couldn't make out single words as they blended into a cacophony around me. Bella was here. She was here and she ran from me. What did this mean? I needed to go to her. I needed to see her face, those eyes again. I felt like I was drowning as the room spun around me, until I felt a hand on my arm, the grip tight and almost painful.

"So you're the infamous McWhatsit?" My eyes found the blonde Bella had been stood beside as she glared at me with open hostility. "You have a lot of explaining to do. But before you go and find the person that needs to hear it, introduce me to your friend. He can keep me company."

"This is Edward."

"Rosalie," she said, sticking out her hand. Edward took it and tugged her closer to him. Ostensibly, he was unabashed and unapologetic for his forward nature. Nothing new there then, I decided. Instead, my attention moved to the only two people in the world that would understand.

"Go," Alice said. "You wanted another chance, Jasper and I provided one. The rest is up to you. If you hurt her again, I have given Jasper permission to take you to the alley and beat your ass. She's in our bedroom."

I kissed Alice on the cheek and made my way through the throngs of college students. It didn't take me long to get where I was trying to go. There was some pushing and shoving with exclamations and expletives thrown at me as I passed, but I couldn't have cared less. Bella was so close. I could almost smell the perfume she'd worn throughout her senior year, but was almost certain I was imagining things. I pushed open the door at the end of the hall and stepped into the darkened room.

She was silhouetted against the backdrop of New York City, but I could still make her out perfectly. She looked amazing. My body immediately reacted as though it was the most natural thing in the world and I almost fell to my knees at how good it felt to just be looking at her. The corset hugged her beautiful curves, accentuating her hips. The short skirt highlighted her beautiful, muscular legs. I wanted to reach out and touch her.

"Bella?" her name was nothing but a whisper on my lips, but I knew she'd heard me. She stiffened, her shoulders nothing but muscle under her porcelain skin. I had so much to say, so much I needed to tell her, but in that moment it all evaded me with the pure exaltation of being in the same room as her. How did you tell someone that you'd made the worst mistake of your life by letting them go? How did they believe you when you'd been the person to hurt them?

I'd missed her so much. I hadn't conceived the magnitude of that over the months without her, but now, standing in the same room as her, it hit me hard. Hearing her drawing her breath as it mingled with the gentle rise and falling of her shoulders, the smell of her perfume, the vertiginous feel of just being in the same room with her, all consumed me. Words weren't enough to tell her how I felt. Words would never be enough.

"What did you need, Mr. McCarty?" I could hear the thickness in her voice as she choked back emotion. She wouldn't even turn around to look at me, but I couldn't blame her. I was locked into place, talking to her slender shoulders and soft mahogany hair, wishing I could run my fingers through it.

"You don't . . ."

"I was feeling a little unwell, so I stepped in here to get out of the way. I can leave if you want . . ."

"No." I sighed, feeling the rejection welling up inside of me. "No, I don't need you to leave, Bella. I came in here looking for you."

She didn't respond, just stood, staring out the window with a cup in her hand, still full and completely neglected. I was hurting her all over again. It occurred to me that being in the same room as her was probably dredging up the memories for her. I had humiliated her, broken her heart like she'd meant nothing to me. I'd lied.

"I'm sorry?" she asked, shifting a little, eyes still peering through the glass.

I looked down, my hands briefly binding at the back of my neck as I begged for my mind to start working. Since the last time I'd seen her, I'd practiced this speech a half dozen times a day in hopes I would see her again.

I was being the pussy that Edward had accused me of being on more than one occasion. I stepped forward, one foot in front of the other until my breath moved the smooth hair on her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I lied to you. I pushed you away when there was nothing in the world I wanted more than you. I have regretted it every day since. I know you probably hate me and I fucking deserve it. I just can't walk away from you without you knowing that you weren't wrong. I love you. I have since the moment I met you."

I heard the small gasp fall from her lips, moments before her free hand covered her mouth. I had her attention. For once, luck was in my favor. The floodgates had opened and I couldn't have stopped if I'd tried.

"Do you know how hard it was for me to let you go? I know you didn't understand it at the time. I'm not even sure _I_ ever really did. I just couldn't take away what you'd wanted your whole life. I couldn't be that selfish."

"I wanted you, Emmett. I wish I could say it was all worth it. That you were right, but I don't think you were. I . . . I . . ."

"I wasn't," I said, my hand reaching out for hers as it dropped from her neck. Our fingers tangled together and I couldn't get past how right it felt, how easily we fit together. "I thought about following you, but I was so worried that you . . . That we would drift apart. I couldn't ever forgive myself if I held you back, but in doing so, I took your choice away."

She took a deep sigh, her skin shifting gently over her elegant shoulders. Her head bowed as she looked at our intertwined fingers. I wanted so badly to know what was going through her mind. I needed to know. It had been so long since we'd been together. Not seeing her eyes made it all the more difficult. I could always know what she was thinking when I had her eyes in front of me.

I leaned forward, my forehead resting on her shoulder. Her skin was cool on my warm forehead and she smelled so damn good. I took as many deep breaths as I could as the silence lingered around us. She needed to know how sorry I was. She needed to know that accepted that I'd screwed up, that I would do anything to make it up to her.

"It was the biggest mistake of my life, Bella. I knew the moment I saw you there would never be anyone that could make me feel the way you did, without even trying. That day in my office-"

"Emmett . . ."

"Please, let me finish."

She nodded her assent.

"That day in my office, when you told me you needed me, I should have kissed you. I should have thrown caution to the wind and given into my own emotions. It was so hard to let you go, so hard to watch you break away from me when all I wanted was to keep you in my arms. After you left, you haunted me. I couldn't be anywhere in that town without a memory of you. I was functioning on the belief I'd done the right thing, that you needed me to let you go. All the while I was fighting the instinct to follow you to New York and claim you back. I couldn't stay there. I couldn't work at that school and turn a corner expecting to see you. So I moved."

She didn't say a word. She just kept staring out the window, her fingers tangled with mine. For the first time since I'd entered the room, I realized that she might not want this. She may not want me. Maybe she had moved on.

"I know you may not want to hear this, you may not even want me, but I needed you to know that there was no one since you. It's you. It's been you since the day I met you. I love you, Bella. I'm not afraid to say it anymore, but I understand if you don't want this."

I dropped a kiss on her neck and felt her shudder. I closed my eyes and tried not to dwell on the fact that I repulsed her. I would let her go again, for now. It wouldn't be the end. If it took the rest of my life to get that chance then I would do it. I owed it to her.

"I'll leave you alone for now. I'm so sorry, Bella."

I backed away, our fingers staying linked as I stepped away, but before I could release myself, Bella squeezed, taking a deep, dragging breath.

"That's it? You get silence so you walk away? Is it that easy to give up on me?"

"It was never easy, Bella. It will never be easy for me. I will fight for the rest of my life if that's what it takes, but I am not going to push you into this. You need to catch your breath. If you need space . . ." I trailed off as she spun on me. Her eyes were so familiar that I had to swallow a couple of times as she watched me, the tears welling on her bottom lid.

"Fight for me, Emmett."

I stood, drowning in her eyes as the tears slipped from their cradle and slid down her cheeks soundlessly. I wished I knew how to fight for her, I wished I knew how I could show her that I would be here if she would let me in. It wasn't that I expected her to forgive me. In fact, I understood the reluctance, and I just needed her to show me how.

"Tell me how, Bella. I'm drowning here."

Her brown eyes locked with mine and there was no mistaking the look she was giving me. For a moment I hesitated, blinking back my surprise. I took a step toward her, and another and another until she was in my arms and my lips were pressed firmly against hers.

I groaned at the feel of her against me. I had thought about this moment since the day she'd walked into the classroom. Our lips pressed together with a gentle fervor, our need for one another eclipsing anything else. I was glad I'd waited, that I hadn't betrayed us, because nothing would ever feel this right, this real. There was nothing in this world other than Bella and I and I would never walk away from her again.

I pulled back from her, and her eyes opened wide with surprise. She read me for a second as she panted from the emotion.

"I will never let you go again, Bella. I will fight until the day I die if I have to."

"Not necessary," she said breathlessly, giving my body another nudge in an inappropriate direction. "Just keep kissing me." She smiled, but I happily wiped the smile from her lips with my own.

I kissed her with every ounce of passion I possessed, my tongue teasing her lips apart as I lowered her gently onto the bed. Her arms gripped my shoulders as we deepened the kiss; my fingers curled around her satin smooth thighs and hoisted them over my hips as I leaned further into her.

She felt so fucking good. Neither of us were thinking and I knew it the moment her hips rolled against me and a small mewl of pleasure dropped from her lips. She was so perfect, so beautiful, and I would make her mine the moment she would let me, but it sure as shit wouldn't be on a bed of coats in the middle of a party.

"Bella," I hummed against her lips, my hand moving from her thigh and cradling the side of her neck to I could tilt her head to look at me. "We have to stop."

Her tongue ran along her lips. It was a brief second of imagery, a reaction she probably hadn't even realized she had. Yet, I had to stop myself from sliding my hands up her skirt and just having my way with her. Not terribly chivalrous, but it was the effect she had on me. I shifted my hips, hiding my hard on as best I could without initiating pain.

The moment I looked up into her eyes, I stopped. I could have sworn I was seeing rejection there. Like I was once again telling her she'd got the wrong idea. That I still didn't want her. It was my fault that was the place her mind went to when I'd stopped her, and I would spend a lifetime making it up to her.

"No, it's not that, beautiful," I whispered, brushing my lips across hers with a smile.

"Then . . . What?"

"Not like this," I kissed her again, unable to get enough. "Not at a party with drunk kids all around us. I want to take you out on a date, a real date. Just you and me, away from everything else."

She laughed a beautiful melodic sound, her smooth hands cupping my cheeks as she locked her eyes with mine. She was silent for a while before her eyes lit up, and her eyebrows rose.

"What?"

"You gonna ask me? Or make more assumptions?"

I kissed her again, my lips dancing with hers as my arms wrapped around her slender form, pulling her closer to me. I rolled onto my back and her arms shot out to either side of my head as she stabilized herself. She smiled mischievously and dipped her head to mine, taking the lead.

We should have been talking over everything that had happened. We should have been pouring out our feelings or some shit, but I figured we had plenty of time for that. If it was up to me, we had our whole lives together ahead of us. She felt too good against me to let go of her now.

"Ask me," she whispered against my lips. She smiled playfully as she pulled back only inches.

"Bella, would you like to go out on a date with me?"

The smile she gave me was contagious, for a moment I thought she was going to cry. Her eyes glazed over as she just stared at me in the dark.

"I would love to."

We tangled up in another round of kissing, my hand traveling down Bella's back until my hand was on her ass, which was the exact moment she gasped.

"Bella, where'd your skirt go?"

She started giggling against my lips, trying to find some control so she could talk to me.

"I told . . ." more laughter, "Rose, it was too short . . ." She tried to stop laughing as my hand gripped her scantily clad ass. "It's ridden up," she squealed.

"Hmm, well while we're on the subject of clothes, may I say I approve?"

"All this time I thought you were a gentleman," she whispered. "And here you are just like every other man when they see a girl practically naked."

"No, I just have a thing for corsets," I growled, rolling her onto her back. "That's better, now if someone walks in they won't have a great shot of your ass."

She laughed, but it died away, her hands gripping my forearms as she looked up at me. I knew what she wanted to say. I could see months of pain reflecting out at me. The same pain I'd been through every time I even thought about her. She was all I'd wanted and now we were here, together.

"I missed you too."

She nodded. I dropped a kiss on her lips, my hand running through her smooth hair. I wasn't sure how long we lay there talking; it could have been no time at all or a lifetime. With Bella, I found time was indeed relative; I had no interest in it. All I could think about was the lilt of her voice and the affection she had for her roommate Rosalie. At least Rosalie's warning began to make sense. I warned her about Edward and the fact that Rose shouldn't get attached. We talked about her classes and my work. We discussed our families, our friends, how we'd been passing the time. The books we'd read since we last spoke.

Nothing ever grew old. We gave and took, and occasionally stole kisses as the other drew breath. There were no awkward silences; neither of us was unsure of what to say. We were comfortable. It was as it always should have been, and we fit together just as well as I knew we would.

I leaned in to kiss her again. It was difficult not to when her lips were as swollen and inviting as they were. Of course, no good deed goes unpunished, and before we hit our stride, the door flew open, two figures back-lit by the dancing lights of the party stumbling in. I pulled a few coats over Bella's legs making her laugh.

"Izzbee, is that you?" Rosalie slurred, leaning on none other than Edward. "Aww you and McWhodunit made up."

"Does this mean my man is pussy whipped?" Edward asked, grabbing Rose's ass, making her swat him away.

"Leave 'em alone." Rosalie turned and gave Bella thumbs up before pushing Edward into the next room over. Bella rolled her eyes and laughed before burying her face in my neck. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close, unwilling to let go of her again for any length of time.

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><p><em><strong>See what happens when you trust us? :) Thank you for reading! xx<strong>_


	17. Chapter 17

**_Disclaimer: We still don't own Twilight. But Teachermett is all ours and *sniff* we don't want to say goodbye to him! _**

**_A/N: So, it's been a while. We know. Sorry sorry! The Bobble half of the Weebble has had no computer for months so the updating couldn't happen. But we're back and hopefully this is what you've been waiting for! Thank you for your patience and for being awesome! ;) _**

**_We didn't have this chapter beta'd since we figured you've waited long enough. So any and all mistakes are courtesy of us and not our fabulous and beautiful beta, Jess! _**

**_So, over to the guys... Enjoy! _**

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><p><strong>Letting Go Of Maybe<strong>

**Chapter 17**

**Isabella Swan POV**

I needed to stop staring at my cell phone. It was only nine-thirty AM and I was already obsessing over his declaration that he would call as soon as he woke up. Having woken up naturally - read also, without Rosalie's help - for the first time in longer than I cared to remember, I finally, reluctantly, dragged myself out of bed to hunt down some coffee. Maybe then my head would be clear enough to decide whether the previous night really, truly happened and wasn't just the best dream ever.

Stuff like that didn't happen in real life, right? Real girls like me didn't just find themselves smack dab in the middle of fairy tales, where the man of every one of your dreams since you were seventeen walks in and tells you that he loves you. That he loved you all along. That the only thing stopping him from reciprocating when you declared your feelings for him at eighteen was his miraculously unselfish desire to not hold you back from living the life he believed you deserved.

That couldn't be real, could it?

I shook my head, clearing it enough to reach for the coffee jar, blearily hitting my head on the cupboard door as I turned and groaning when it began to bleed.

"Dammit!" I yelled, slamming the door shut and forsaking the coffee - my usual life source - in favor of finding a band-aid.

As I walked into my room I could hear my phone chirping merrily from where I apparently left it on my bed. Grabbing it, I immediately pressed send, not even looking at the flashing display.

"Hello," I rushed out, still searching around for a band aid or anything to cover the stupid cut on my forehead.

"Bella?" _Oh God._ "Are you okay? You sound weird."

"Emmett." I fell more than sat down on the edge of the bed, my ridiculous overreaction to a small cut calming at just the sound of his voice. "I'm sorry, I just..." I trailed off, not exactly wanting our first ever phone conversation that wasn't about an English assignment to begin with tales of my clumsiness.

"You just?" He sounded almost amused now, as though he knew exactly why I took so long to answer.

"I just nothing," I tried, lying through my teeth. "You called."

"So I did," he said with a chuckle. "Did you doubt me, Miss Swan?"

My heart leaped and I fell back on the bed at the seductive way his words came out. I felt like I was seventeen again and giggling over the inappropriate crush I had on my English teacher. But I wasn't seventeen any more and he wasn't my teacher.

Suddenly his reasoning for the heart-wrenching rejection on the day of my graduation became so much clearer. Had he reciprocated, taken me in his arms and told me he loved me, I would have been overjoyed. I would have thought, at the time, that it was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. I would have been spared the misery of believing he didn't care for me. But I would also have been stuck in time - a perpetual high school student, dating her teacher, instead of an adult, going into a relationship with the man I loved on equal footing.

"No, I didn't doubt you," I said softly, smiling as I stared up at the ceiling, imagining I could see his smiling face up there. "I'm glad you called though."

"Me too. I didn't want to say goodnight to you last night."

"I gathered that," I replied with a giggle, remembering the half hour long goodbye we had in Alice's hallway, in which we must have kissed goodbye at least fourteen times. The words 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' had never felt more appropriate to me.

"So what are you doing today?" he asked as I rolled onto my side, my hand cupping my cheek the way his had the night before. I was craving his touch again already.

"I don't know yet. What did you have in mind?"

"Well, I believe I owe you a date, but I need your help." he said and I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Oh?"

"Well, you must know New York better than me. What's good to do in the city?"

"Umm... I don't really know," I murmured lamely.

"How can you not know? You _live _here," he asked, his tone teasing.

"I don't really go into the city much," I admitted, tearing at a loose thread on my comforter with my free hand.

"So, hang on. Let me get this clear. You moved the _entire _length of our enormous country in order to live in New York and now you don't really go into the city much?" I could almost see the air quotes he was undoubtedly using, despite being on the phone, as he mocked me good naturedly.

"That sounds accurate, yeah," I groaned, not especially wanting to admit to him that I spent the best part of my freshman year moping over his rejection of me.

"Then that needs rectifying immediately," he said with a chuckle. "How about a trade. I can drop your truly charming roommate off there, if I can prise her away from Edward, and then pick you up while I'm there?"

"She's there? Rosalie?"

"Apparently so. It would seem that she and Edward hit it off last night, and, well... you don't want to know what I walked in on when I got back to the hotel last night." He laughed and we said goodbye, knowing we would be together again in just a short while.

For perhaps the first time ever, I wished Rosalie was there to help me to get dressed. Emmett hadn't said what we would be doing, but it seemed a fair guess we would be heading into Manhattan and I had no idea what to wear. I wanted to look good. I wanted him to find me attractive and sexy, but, I realised as I stared at my wardrobe hopelessly, that I had no idea.

After changing my mind at least twelve times and even considering calling Rosalie for a phone fashion consultation, I finally just decided to go with comfort over sex appeal. I pulled on my favorite jeans and a blue sweater, pulling my faithful Chucks onto my feet with a sigh. I had never been especially beautiful and I probably never would be. If that was what he was looking for, he would never have gone for me in the first place. I experimented with my hair for a while, scowling at the mirror as I tried it this way and that before just admitting defeat and leaving it loose, pulling my dark red, knit hat on over it.

I was just grabbing my coat and purse when the apartment door flew open and Rosalie walked in with a shit eating grin on her face, followed by Emmett and the guy he brought to the party with him. Edward, I presumed.

"Morning, Izzy B," Rosalie sung with a smirk as she glided past me, her fingers tangled with Edward's who smiled curiously at me as he passed. I smiled back shyly then turned my attention to Emmett who was standing a few feet in front of me, his hands tucked in his pockets as he watched me carefully.

"Hey," I said softly, closing the distance between us and standing on my tiptoes to plant a kiss on his lips. His arms closed around my waist as he stooped down to polish my lips with a searing kiss that made my legs turn to jelly beneath me.

"Good morning, beautiful," he said, smiling into my neck as his fingers tangled in my hair. As his fingers massaged against my scalp then ran down the length of my long curls, I congratulated myself on a perfect hairstyling choice.

"G'morning," I replied, giggling as he kissed his way up my throat and around my jaw to my lips. I knew I risked sounding like a teenage romance novel when I thought to myself that I could probably spend all day every day kissing him like this and never get tired of it.

"Oh, would you two get a room already. Some of us just ate!" Rosalie teased from the corner, where she was practically wrapped around Edward. I giggled and turned in his arms to childishly stick out my tongue at her.

Emmett's hands moved to my shoulders and began to massage them lightly as his face came round so that his lips were beside my ear.

"Are you ready, Bella-Isabella Swan?" he whispered, his warm breath caressing my neck as he reverted back to the first name he ever called me. I didn't know whether to swoon or giggle.

Composing myself, I replied, with far less confidence than I'd hoped, "I was born ready, Mr. It-Took-Me-An-Entire-Lesson-To-Work-Out-Your-Name."

"Is that so?" he asked, using his best teacher voice to weaken my knees and speed up my heart.

"Mmmhmm," I managed, stifling the giggles that threatened to erupt as his nose explored my neck, tickling softly.

"Well, that's very disappointing, Miss Swan. You know I'll be forced to keep you back after class, don't you?"

"I was counting on it," I replied, finally giving in to the giggles and turning in his arms to face him.

"Detention it is then," he said with a wide grin, before dropping his lips to mine once more and practically stopping my heart with a series of firework inducing kisses.

"Ugh, seriously, get a room!" Rosalie's voice cut through the moment we were sharing like a knife.

Emmett threw his hands up, looking sheepish, before landing his hands on my shoulders and turning me so that my back was to him once more.

"Come on then, Bella-Isabella Swan. Let's do this thing."

Before I knew it, I was plunged into darkness as a soft piece of material was tied around my eyes. As I struggled against it, I felt his hands cup my cheeks and a soft kiss was dropped on the end of my nose.

"Relax. It's a surprise," his voice crooned as I fought to adjust to my new, temporary blindness.

His hands held mine as he guided me forward and I wanted to laugh at his folly.

"Are you serious? You take the clumsiest person in the tri-state area and then take her sight away and expect her to walk?"

I could hear his chuckle rumbling deep in his chest and his hands squeezed mine tightly for a moment.

"Quite right, Miss Swan. What was I thinking?"

I was expecting the removal of the cursed blindfold, so it took me by complete surprise when, instead, my feet left the ground as he lifted me into his arms.

"You're right. I like this much better," he said with a laugh as I gripped onto him for dear life.

He started walking forward and I heard the laughing goodbyes of my roommate and her new "friend" as we left the apartment.

When I felt cool air against my cheeks and heard the complex doors slamming closed I buried my face into Emmett's warm chest, shaking my head with suppressed laughter.

"You're not going to let me down, are you?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Nope," he replied simply, his arms tightening around me minutely. "Do you know how long I've waited to hold you, hell, even just to touch you? Now you're here, I confess I feel no inclination to let you go. You have no idea how many times there were when I wished I could just sweep you up and hold you like this."

"Maybe not," I started. "But I know how many times_ I_ wished you could."

He laughed softly at that and pulled me tighter against his chest, his strong arms holding me safely away from the rest of the world.

"So where are we-"

"Don't even ask, Swan." he interrupted with a laugh. "It's supposed to be a surprise. Those eyes aren't just covered up to stop you from seeing, you know. It's also to stop you from using those big, beautiful puppy-dog eyes to wheedle out of me where we're going. I can never resist them."

"Worth knowing," I mumbled to myself, snuggling into his arms comfortably since apparently I wasn't getting down any time soon.

As much as I was beginning to get a bit of vertigo, I was slightly disappointed when I found myself deposited into a car seat. The loss of his arms around me seemed monumental somehow and being restricted from seeing him almost had me huffing like a petulant teenager.

I heard him slide into the driver's seat beside me and once the car was moving, his hand gripped mine for the entire journey. Soft music played through the speakers in the warm car and his voice sung along in low tones as his thumb caressed my knuckles.

"Here," he finally announced, putting the car in park and pulling his hand from mine.

He carried me once again, but this time I could hear voices, footsteps and the sounds of traffic all around me. I wondered what people would think of the sight of me being carried around, blindfolded. But, if people thought it was strange, they didn't comment or try to intervene.

"Now then," Emmett said softly, setting me down on what felt like a cool bench or chair. "These need to come off." And he began to remove my Chucks.

"Whoa, what?" I cried, pulling my legs back away from him, my hands instinctively shooting up to the blindfold.

"Trust me," he crooned, stroking my face reassuringly with one hand and pulling my fingers away from the blindfold with the other. "Would I do anything to hurt you?"

"No," I sighed, pouting slightly and allowing him to remove my shoes and replace them with something ill-fitting and not very comfortable.

"Perfect," he announced, sounding pleased with himself. "Right."

He lifted me again but only for a few shaky steps this time before I was carefully planted back on my feet, where I instantly began to fall down.

"What the-"

"Here," he said softly and pulled off the blindfold.

I blinked quickly at the sudden influx of light then looked around, gasping.

"Is this?"

"It is," he replied, his smile so wide that I could see all his teeth.

"Wow," I breathed, taking in my surroundings.

All around me people were whooshing past, twirling and leaping skilfully as I stood in the middle of it all, gaping.

The giant Christmas tree that was so familiar and yet so foreign to me towered above us as we stood in the center of the ice rink on Rockefeller Center.

I felt my eyes misting over with tears as I took in my surroundings. The lights on the famous tree blinked and twinkled in my blurred vision and the sounds of people skating by filled my senses as I gazed up at Emmett in wonder. Could anything have made this moment more perfect?

Reaching out to my cheeks and wiping away my tears with his thumb, Emmett sounded slightly choked, too when he spoke. "I always was good at making you cry. I'm kinda hoping that these are happy tears, though."

"Definitely happy tears," I sniffled out quietly.

Then, taking both my hands in his, he began to skate backwards, pulling me along smoothly with him. His breath came out in white puffs as he glided around the ice like a seasoned professional.

"I didn't know you could skate," I said softly, enjoying the feel of his hands around mine and the warm glow in his eyes that were trained determinedly on mine.

"Alice insisted on teaching me when we were kids. She used to be really into dancing and skating back in Portland. I think it was a good outlet for her back when she needed one. I'm nothing special but I can find my way around an ice rink alright."

He wasn't kidding. No sooner had he spoken than he tugged on my arm, pulling me into him, then began to spin us around as though we were ballroom dancing on the ice. Being on ice with only thin blades holding me up, I ought to have been nervous about my likelihood of nose diving straight into the ice, but Emmett's arms were so strong and sure around me that I knew he would never let me fall.

And he didn't. Around and around we went, faster and faster, laughing and squealing as though I was twelve years old again.

Happiness flooded through me over and over as I fought to convince myself I was really here with him. It felt like a dream, spending the day with him as he took it on himself to rectify what he saw as "a great wrong" by showing me the sights of the city I had all but ignored since moving there.

In a way I was glad I had waited. Everything was just... _more _with him there beside me. The Statue of Liberty was greener, Times Square was brighter, Central Park was more beautiful than they could ever have been had I been alone.

We walked through the park, hand in hand, taking photographs of squirrels and eating overpriced hot-dogs from creepy looking vendors and laughing. So much laughing. It had been so long since I'd seen him, spent time with him that I'd forgotten how much I loved just being with him. I'd forgotten the little things, like the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he laughed, or the dimples that pulled into his cheeks when he smiled at me. I'd forgotten about his jokes, about that light in his eyes that glinted playfully when he teased me.

In just a day I found myself remembering all the reasons why I fell in love with him, and doing it all over again. I almost wanted to skip through the twilit park, singing a cheesy song like some crazy person in a Disney movie. Gone was that cold, empty feeling I was left with when he turned me away. Every second we were together just felt right. Like it was meant to be. Like no matter where we had gone, what we had done, this moment, this feeling deep inside, was completely inevitable.

Laughing, he shoulder bumped me, knocking me temporarily off balance before his hand tugged me into his chest where I sighed, breathing in his scent happily.

"You're very deep in thought," he said, peering down at me with a soft smile.

"No," I responded, grinning. "I'm just happy."

He stared at me for the longest time, his eyes wide and bright as his hand came up and caressed my cheek softly. His eyes seemed to be searching my face for something as they darted around. His lips were turned up in an almost dreamy smile as he just gazed at me.

"What?" I asked, confused by the expression on his face. "Something on my nose?"

He laughed softly, touching the end of my nose with his finger and shaking his head. "No."

"Then what?"

He seemed to hesitate a moment, before his other hand lifted to my face so that he was cupping my cheeks in his surprisingly warm hands.

"I just..." he started, then blinked and stared at me again. "Is this real?"

I felt the inevitable blush rising to my cheeks at his adoring expression, proving to me that while we were both older and allegedly wiser, some things would never change. Leaning forward, I buried my face in his chest, letting his hands fall away and sighing in contentment when his arms folded around me, holding me tightly to him as he dropped a kiss on the top of my head.

"It's real," I whispered, unsure if it was him or me that needed more convincing.

I never, ever wanted to leave that place that seemed so magical now, with his arms holding me so tight. But as the sky grew ever darker and I started to shiver from the cold, he took my hand, telling me there was one more place he wanted to show me.

I had no idea where he was taking me as we walked, still hand in hand, through the bustling city streets. People passed, shrinking back into their hooded coats as the night turned ever colder. Emmett's hand wrapped firmly around mine was still somehow, miraculously warm.

My eyebrows raised in recognition as we entered the lobby of one of the most famous buildings in the world. The Empire State Building. The queues to get to the top were horrendous, but I didn't care, because I was queuing with him. We talked about just about everything. He asked endless questions about the long months of my life he missed, apparently wanting to know everything. He asked about Rosalie, looking amused at my choice of friend.

"She seemed..." he attempted, searching for a word to describe my charismatic friend.

"Yeah, Rosalie is very... _Rosalie,_" I agreed, grinning. "I should probably thank her," I mused with a giggle.

"Oh?"

"Well, I had every intention of spending last night with a pint of Ben and Jerry's and a bad movie," I explained, attempting to look casual about it, while inside I was crying at the thought that I could have missed him. Missed this.

"Oh, I see," he said, smirking. "A cosy night in with two other men while I had to endure all of Alice's 'arty friends'." I laughed loudly at the way he did quotation marks with his fingers and shuddered mockingly at the thought of art students.

I should have been ashamed by the fact that I hadn't met a single one of Alice's new friends at her party, nor had I spent nearly enough time with she and Jasper after so long apart, but there was time to remedy that, and I found it almost impossible to conjure up any negative emotion when I was standing beside Emmett with his hand in mine.

It seemed like the entire day we had been touching in some way. Holding hands, hugging, his arm draped around my shoulders, kissing, anything, just so long as there was contact there. We had spent so long being unable to touch beyond what was considered appropriate for a teacher/student relationship, that it seemed now, we were determined to make the most of our new freedom.

Every time his lips met mine, I felt like my knees would give out beneath me and I wanted to erupt into fits of giggles like the immature school girl I'd never really been.

They did just that now, crashing against mine almost possessively, completely disregarding the grumbling murmurs from the people in line around us. I wanted to care about inappropriate behavior, I really did, but with the way my heart almost exploded in my chest at his lips against mine, it was hard to even notice there were other people there.

"Ahem!" A not so subtle coughing from the person behind us alerted us to the fact that the line was finally moving. Looking sheepish, Emmett took my hand once more and we moved forward as he whispered against my neck, "Those Ben and Jerry dudes can't have you. You're mine now."

_His. _

I liked the sound of that and couldn't help showing it with a stupidly large grin as I looked up at his smirking face.

When we finally made it to the top, he blinded me once again, with one hand over my eyes and the other on my shoulder as her led me slowly forwards. My hands reached out blindly in front of me until they hit cold metal and his hand disappeared from my eyes, dropping to my other shoulder.

Once my eyes adjusted to the strange light, my jaw dropped practically to the floor. Spread out beneath us was what looked like a blanket of stars, twinkling and glowing in the darkness. The city was lit up like a giant Christmas tree, spreading out for miles in all directions. My breath caught in my throat as I stared around, not quite able to believe that I was here.

Emmett's arms encircled my waist and his chin came to rest on my shoulder, where I could feel his warm breath on my cheek.

"It's... incredible," I breathed, almost lost for words at the amazing sight all around me.

"Yeah, it is," he replied, very pointedly looking directly at me and not at the view that we stood in line for God only knew how long to see.

Smiling, I turned my head until our noses were touching and closed my eyes, in heaven as his hand cupped my cheek and he leaned in to kiss me. Just as his lips touched mine, I felt him smile and he whispered, "I love you, Bella-Isabella Swan."

**Emmett McCarty POV**

I'd known somewhere inside myself that a date with Bella would be amazing, but I'd never known it could be as amazing as this. We saw most of the city in one day and I found I couldn't keep my hands, or my lips, off of her. Even the weight of her body in my arms, as I'd carried her from her apartment, had been more perfect than I'd thought to imagine.

Bella was still the girl I'd known when I'd first met her, but spending time with her now, I was discovering things I had never known about her. The small quirks I'd missed while I'd been longing for her. She was smart, as I'd always known she was, but she was always so hungry for knowledge. The way her eyes widened slightly when she saw something that fascinated her, the way she twirled the end of her hair in her fingers while she was in deep thought. Then there was how delicate her hand felt in mine, how soft her lips were, the way they darkened into a deeper pink after we'd been kissing for a while.

I was, for lack of a better term, enamored with her.

Even stood on top of the Empire State Building, I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was stood in front of me, looking out over the city at the lights, and I could hear the slight stutter of her breath as she exclaimed at its beauty. Yet, all I could look at was her.

"You're beautiful, Bella," I whispered into her ear. My warm breath on her neck made her shiver gently, but I could see her smile from where my chin rested on her shoulder. The way her cheeks flared with color and her lips turned up from the side.

"Are you even looking at this?" she asked, her hands rubbing my arms that had closed around her slender form.

"Nope," I replied, popping the P playfully. "I'm having more fun watching your reactions. I think this is the most fun I've had since we watched Harry Potter together."

She snorted in response and leaned back against my chest as the night air became bitter around us. In a moment of chivalry, I wasn't aware I possessed, I pulled my jacket around her to keep her warm.

"Speaking of Harry Potter, I have tickets to that show Daniel Radcliffe's in."

"How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying?" she asked, her voice lilting with excitement. I'd managed to convince the concierge at the hotel to track me down a couple of tickets. Being that it was one of the more prestigious hotels, he'd gone above and beyond the task and managed to get us seats in the perfect spot. Edward had said to have the full New York experience, we needed to take in a show. That one just seemed fitting.

"That's the one." I pulled one of my arms from around her and thrust it into my pocket, only to discover it was empty. For a moment, I was certain I'd lost them. Disappointment flooded me. I didn't care about the money, I was more concerned about letting down Bella.

"What's wrong?" she asked, turning to look up at me as my hands moved to different pockets.

"I think I lost the tickets."

"Are you sure? When did you last have them?"

I backtracked what I'd done after I'd picked them up at the desk. I'd gone out to pick up coffee for Edward, Rosalie and I, and I'd . . . "Shit. They're in my other jacket."

"Which is in your hotel room?"

I nodded in confirmation.

"Well, maybe if we hurry we can get there and to the theater in time."

I kissed the tip of her nose affectionately. I adored her optimism. If I was being honest, I adored her. This was the happiest I'd been . . . Well, ever. In less than a year with her, as her teacher, she'd become my whole world. Even if I never allowed myself to fully commit to the thought of she and I being a we, it had happened regardless. Now I had a chance to be with her, I knew she was all I would ever want. If I had to hand in my man card simply for saying that, I would gladly give it up.

"We'd better go then," she urged, smiling at me quizzically as I simply stood in place, grinning at her like the cat that got the cream.

After nodding in agreement, I clasped her cool hand in mine. We rushed toward the elevators as it began filling up. It was a tight squeeze, but it worked out for me, considering Bella was squished up against me, her cheek against my chest as we descended.

It took us twenty minutes to get back to the hotel. Edward had advised me not to take my own car, but I'd ignored him, insistent that it would be more personal to have our own space. It wasn't the best decision I'd made all day, but sitting in the car with Bella's hand in mine, it was easy to forget about that. These were the moments I'd enjoyed the most. We didn't need to fill the silences. It was easy in a way I didn't know it could be.

"Wow, this place is beautiful," she murmured, as we ventured through the doors and into the lobby hand in hand.

"Don't look at me. Edward's folks are loaded. It's the only place he'll stay in New York."

"Rose is going to love that."

Trying not to remember the sounds coming from their room the night before, I nodded my head in agreement. Edward had never really been one to wake up next to the person he'd just been with, so the fact that he and Rose were still together was something of an anomaly. When Bella had said Rose could look after herself, I'd never imagined she could have whipped Edward into submission. I had to give her mad props for that, if nothing else.

"I think you're right," I teased, pulling her into the elevator and hitting the button. "But they're at your place so Edward can relive his college days."

"So what you're saying is, he's reliving his glory days?"

I brushed some hair over her shoulder and shook my head. "He still is. He and Tanya always drag my ass out with them. He has no trouble being the center of attention."

"Somehow, that doesn't surprise me. How about you? Did you enjoy being the center of attention?"

"Me?" I laughed, taking a step closer to her. "I was the wallflower, hiding in the shadows, drowning my sorrows."

"I don't believe that."

"Why not?"

"I think I have a better handle on how women think than you do."

"What are you saying, Miss Swan?"

A blush crawled up from her neck as her hand settled against my cheek. I loved that shade of pink on her fair skin. It brought back so many memories for me. It made it difficult to focus on anything other than that and her thumb brushing my skin.

"You're not exactly someone a woman could ignore, Emmett."

We stared at one another for a moment, both of us lost in the words that lingered between us. I closed the last of the gap and pushed her up against the wall of the box as we ascended. I wasn't normally someone who reacted to compliments like that. I had been borderline conceited in high school, but after I blew out my knee, my confidence had taken a nose dive. However, those words, from Bella's mouth, were like gas to an open flame. It spurred me on, feeding the drive I had to always be closer to her.

There was no way I could ever resist her. I dipped a little, pushing my lips against hers and indulging in the sweet taste of her. She was green apples and vanilla, warm and inviting like a hot apple pie on a cold winter's night. As small as she was, she seemed to encapsulate me. She was all I could see, all I could hear, smell and taste. Every sense seemed to be attuned to her as we made out like a pair of teenagers against the wall of the elevator.

In one swift motion, I pulled her up my body, and before I even had time to doubt the action, her legs were wrapped around my waist and my bottom lip was between her teeth. Her intrepidity astounded me; she was normally so reserved and shy, especially when it came to the two of us. This newer side of her, however, was just as appealing, and harder to resist.

Rather than causing me to retract, I found myself more eager. The hunger for her multiplying tenfold. She felt so good against my body that there was no way in hell I could have hidden my arousal. I'd been trying so hard to be respectful, she was Bella after all, the woman I'd wanted since I'd laid eyes on her. Yet with that knowledge, and her heat against my very hard dick, it was impossible to stop the rocking of my hips.

Her body trembled against mine as her breath rushed out in a small mewl of excitement. I'd never heard anything like it in my life, and it only served to make me lean further into her body, my lust taking control of my responses.

I almost missed the ding of the elevator as it reached our floor. It was Bella that breathed the fact that we'd arrived into my ear in her soft cadence. Always softly spoken, it wasn't hard to miss her own reaction to our intimate situation, but her voice had a hoarse breathlessness that made me pay attention.

"We're here."

"We are," I said against her lips, one of my hands shooting to the door to keep it from closing. I hated to admit it, but I was reluctant to let her down. We fit together perfectly like this. She was warm against my body, her trembles matching my own.

"We should go inside."

"We should."

Neither of us moved.

I wasn't sure if she was as attuned to my thinking as I thought she was, but I knew that the moment we crossed the threshold into the suite, there was a chance we wouldn't stop. I wanted to be a gentleman. I wanted to be the man she thought I was. The only way I could do that, was to let her make the decisions.

"I don't want to move," she finally said, her face moving to burrow into my neck.

"Bella, honey, we're doing this your way. Your speed. I don't want to put you in a position where you feel you have to do something to please me. I want to be with you, and I want you, but we're going by your judgment."

"Then take me inside that room," she replied boldly.

I didn't hesitate. Pulling her against my body, I kissed her and began the short walk to the door of the suite. I pushed her up against the door, my hands digging in my pockets to find the room card. I fumbled over each pocket until I found it. I managed to get the door open without breaking the contact between our lips, and kicked it closed behind us.

I didn't stop. I couldn't. My need to be with her was the best motivation I'd ever had, and as I stumbled through the door to my room, she laughed breathlessly against my lips.

"Too presumptuous?"

"No." She grinned, her hands squeezing the back of my neck affectionately. The slight tremble in her body had progressed into almost a full shake as I crawled onto the bed with her still wrapped around me.

"We're going to miss the show," I whispered, my lips hitting the skin below the lobe of her ear. "We can still make it if we leave now."

Her answer came in the form of a kiss. A long, searing kiss that made me push into her, my hips rolling against where we were still connected with her legs around my waist. I wanted to make her feel good. I wanted her to remember this for the rest of her life. I wanted her to want me the way I so desperately wanted her.

Before I could question her further, her elegant fingers began picking at the buttons of my shirt, her tremble making it more of a task for her. I should have helped, but I was mesmerized by the fact that this woman, this perfect, amazing woman, was using her initiative and taking charge.

The moment the shirt was open, her hands roamed across my chest, her palms dusting gently over the skin of my torso as her lips found mine again. I was hyper aware of her hands on my body, and even as we kissed, my mind followed their path, cataloguing every move they made. Even as they reached my back and her short nails scratched against my skin lustfully, all I could do was indulge in the sensation of the combination.

It wasn't long before my need to be closer to her drove me to push her sweater up her body, exposing the milky skin of her stomach. The exposed flesh was so soft and inviting, I couldn't help but pull back from her kiss. The moment I sat back, I slid the sweater up and over her head, leaving her on the bed, her black bra exposed.

If I'd thought she was beautiful before, it was nothing compared to the scene in front of me. The black bra, in my mind, would have been uncharacteristic for Bella, but seeing it with my own eyes made me shift involuntarily. I was certain the seam of my jeans were about to castrate me, there was so little room.

I wasn't sure if it was my staring or my inability to move that created a small wave of self-consciousness to roll through Bella, but the moment her arms moved to cover her chest, I regained my composure.

"You're beautiful, Bella." I ran my hand from the waist of her jeans, and up her stomach until my hand rested in the valley of her breasts, directly over her heart. It was hammering beneath my palm, with excitement, fear, or both, I wasn't sure. It just reminded me she was here, with me.

She searched my face for signs that I was lying or placating her. I hated that she doubted her beauty so much. She had no idea how enchanting she could be. In order to back up my words, I leaned forward, kissing the scar that ran just above the waistband of her jeans.

"I love that every one of these tells a story about you. I want to know the story behind every scar you have."

"That could take a while," she whispered, her hands sliding into my hair.

"Well we have plenty of it, I'm not letting you go. Not again."

"Emmett–"

I kissed a small freckle on her stomach, effectively cutting her off before I looked up at her again.

"These freckles are beautiful. The first one I saw was right here on your wrist," I said, picking up her hand, my thumb running over the tiny mark on her skin. "I stared at it for hours, memorizing it. For months I wondered if you had more."

She laughed gently. "I have plenty."

I grinned up at her, and continued my tour of Bella. I brushed my thumb over the small peak of flesh that pushed against the lace of her bra. As I looked up at her, I couldn't help but notice her bottom lip between her teeth as her nails scratched against my scalp.

"You know that uniform shirt you wore, it was so modest, I never understood, just how perfect you were," I leaned down and nibbled gently on her nipple, my hips rocking as she gasped with pleasure. "I tried so hard to not look at you when you stayed at the house, but you mesmerized me."

I pulled the black lace under the swell of her breasts and ran my tongue around the darker skin of her nipple before closing my lips around it completely. My body tensed as she cried out, her hands gripping my hair in her ecstasy. There were so many things I loved about her; I could worship her body all night if she'd let me.

"Emmett," she stuttered out my name, her hips rising from the bed as she writhed under my lips. "Oh God, Emmett."

The way her voice called my name.

I'd thought about it often, but I'd never done her justice. It was enough to make me come. Her lips wrapped around the syllables, elongating them and teasing them before she released them. No woman had ever done that before.

While I moving to the neglected breast, my hand moved down over her stomach to the button of her jeans. I popped the button with one hand, my fingers fumbling with the zipper as she lifted her hips to give me easier access. I only managed to pull her jeans halfway down her thighs before my fingers ventured under her panties and slid to her heat.

Her body tensed the moment the tips of my fingers slid between her folds and found the bundle of nerves. I froze, unmoving as I waited for her to relax, but it never came. I lifted my head slowly as her hands slid to my shoulders and caught her eyes with mine. They were wide with excitement, but there was something more in the deep chocolate brown. Something telling me what I'd always suspected but never given much thought to.

"You've never done this before, have you?" I asked in my most soothing tone. My heart was almost beating out of my chest. I'd never thought about it before, not with any real detail anyway. It didn't seem right, and after it was appropriate, she was no longer in my life.

"Would you believe me if I said yes?" she asked, her hands covering her face. Blocking me off from the answers.

"Bella." I waited for a response but she continued to hide behind her hands. The only option I had was to talk to her this way. I retracted my hand and crawled up her body, dropping kisses on the backs of her hands as they hid her beautiful eyes from me. "You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I just don't want to hurt you."

"I'm so sorry."

"Bella. Please, look at me."

She peeled her hands away from her face, her cheeks scarlet as she tried to avoid eye contact with me. I finally caught her chin with my fingers and held her in place as I caught her eyes with mine.

"Listen to me. This doesn't change a damn thing, Bella. I still want you just as much as I did five minutes ago, I just asked because I didn't want to hurt you."

"I just . . . I mean I . . ."

I shut her up with my lips, my tongue pushing into her mouth and dancing with hers. I could feel her relaxing into me as I let one of my hands move down to her exposed chest again. I teased and tweaked, until she finally let go, her body once again responding to mine naturally. Letting my hands wander, I ventured back to where her panties were covering her, relieving her of the cumbersome clothing completely. She tensed a little under my touch, but it was forgotten as I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth, my teeth nibbling on the flesh there.

While she was distracted, I slid my fingers inside of her, biting down on her lip at the same time in an attempt to distract her. Her legs fell apart in response to the motion, and I wasn't even certain she was aware of it. Her body writhed against my hand, her hips lifting off the bed pushing me deeper inside of her. I knew the moment I'd succeeded. Her gasp filled my mouth and her body stilled against mine.

"Are you okay?" I asked, kissing her neck, hating myself for that slight twinge of pain in her eyes. I held my breath until she nodded, her body working slowly against my fingers. I watched as her eyes fluttered closed. One of her hands moved down to meet mine and I let her direct me. Her body shuddered and twisted as my thumb worked her clit.

She was beautiful like this - slightly out of control and euphoric. Her hair was fanned out on the bed around her like a halo and her bottom lip was held firmly between her teeth, only released as she sucked in bursts of breath. When I finally took control, I could see the fluttering of her muscles under her ethereal skin. A small sheen of sweat coated her forehead and the curve of her neck.

When she finally reached climax, her eyes flickered open with surprise before she lost herself in the moment completely. There were no words for the way she looked in that moment. Even with my extensive vocabulary, I couldn't explain the magic of seeing such pleasure crossing her features.

I was lost as her soft breath washed over me.

Unable to contain myself, I littered her face with kisses until she released a small laugh of satisfaction and those does eyes opened to meet mine. Relief flooded through me as I saw the happiness that danced over her lips, reflected in her eyes. I needed her to be alright.

"That was... Wow."

I chuckled gently and licked the damp skin on the curve of her neck, making her shudder again. My previous discomfort was becoming substantially worse as I watched the flush on her skin, and her fevered eyes washing over me.

I was so consumed by her that I hadn't noticed the disappearance of her hands until they were on the buttons of my jeans, popping them open and releasing me from the prison of denim I'd been suffering. Her thumb brushed the head of my dick as she slid my jeans and boxers down. The sensation was so unexpected I thrust into her hand with an apologetic smile.

I could see the smile of power behind her eyes as she gave me all of her attention. With a gentle shove, she had me on my back while she explored. Her fingers traveled along the length of my dick, making me hiss out expletives like they were skittles. I let her experiment in her own way, shuddering under her small hands and guiding her when she needed it.

The anticipation built inside of me like a pressure cooker. She moved both hands to my shaft and worked it gently, building speed until I was certain I wasn't able to contain it. Not only had it been a while for me, but this was _Bella._ The one and only person I'd ever wanted with body, mind, and soul. She was everything to me. How I could possibly have believed I could have lived without her was beyond me.

"Bella, baby."

She moved her hands away quickly, a look of concern clouding her lust filled eyes.

She looked enticing and alluring, her long hair was hung over her shoulders wild and tangled from her first climax. Her eyes were wide and filled with excitement, the brown almost glowing as she watched me. Even her swollen lips seemed to accentuate her already glowing beauty.

Unfortunately, I could see the conflict behind her eyes. My stopping her had made her doubt herself. I hated that her old doubts seemed to linger under the surface, yet I knew there was a part of her that was aware the noises she'd elicited from me meant I'd enjoyed it.

"Come here," I said gently, kicking off my jeans after retrieving the only protection I had from my wallet and moving to my knees.

Her smile was radiant and shy as she nodded. I watched her body as she moved to kneel in front of me, mirroring my position on the bed. The moment she stopped, she placed her hands on my shoulders and leaned in, kissing me like she'd never kissed me before. It was a kiss filled with possession and confidence, and as her chest pressed against mine she hummed in delight. The sound filling my mind like a fog.

My hands explored her body again, squeezing her ass before circling her waist and pulling her so close I wasn't sure where she started and I ended. I lifted her by the thighs and eased her to her back, settling myself between her legs. My body burned with need as my dick ran against her folds. Both of us were panting heavily as my lips moved to her shoulder.

In one last act of chivalry, I pulled my head back and found her eyes, asking wordlessly if she was sure. She nodded only once, her hands gripping my shoulders as I moved my hand down to my length. I guided it toward the slick wetness of her and took a breath, hoping my mind would take a mental snapshot of this moment.

I caught her eyes as I slid in slowly. They widened as I stopped to let her get acclimated to me. I watched as her lips parted, her tongue darting out to wet her bottom lip. I took my time moving in and memorizing the tightness of her around me. Both of us were panting by the time I was fully sheathed inside of her. I was at a loss to describe the way it felt, but before I could get lost in the feel of her, instinct took over and I began moving. Bella's body took control, her legs digging into the bed and lifting so I was hitting deeper inside of her.

Before long we were a tangle of limbs and breaths, our bodies moving together as a sheen of sweat began to cover our skin. It didn't take long for either of us to reach euphoria. It had been so long, but it had been worth every minute of that wait. Heaven would have a hard time comparing to this. Every moan and groan of Bella's seemed to intoxicate me. When I collapsed beside her, I was fighting for breath.

She buried her face in my neck as her body draped over mine, and my hands moved up and down her back in a soothing gesture. I'd been so lost in her, so consumed by her body against mine, I hadn't been mindful the closer I grew to climax.

"Did I hurt you?" I asked into her hair. My hand cupped her head gently, my thumb running along her hairline.

"No," she sighed, moving so her head was on my chest and she was looking up at me. "I was just wondering when we could do that again."

Had it been anyone but Bella, I was sure my answer would have been different, but the truth was she was the only person I wanted, and she turned me on in a way I hadn't expected.

I rolled her onto her back with a smile and her eyes widened before her lips matched mine.

"For you. Anytime," I whispered. My lips meeting hers.

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><p><strong><em>Only the epilogue left now! *Sobsob!* Thank you for reading! :)<em>**


	18. Chapter 18

****_**Disclaimer: For the last time, *sniff* we don't own Twilight. But we had great fun messing with her characters!**_

_**A/N: So, this is it. The epilogue. The final frontier... or something! Thank you so much to everybody who has stuck with us through my epic failure to stick to anything even resembling a posting schedule. Thank you a million million times to our fantastic beta, Jess, who is not only an amazing beta but also a fantastic person. She deserves cookies, people! To those who have faithfully read, reviewed and told us what you think, we love you and feel privileged to have you read our words. We are so blessed to have the best readers in the fandom! **_

_**To our wonderful pre-reader and precious friend, Brey, we would be lost without you! Our final chapter is dedicated to you and our beautiful nephew! Many loves!**_

_**Okay, on with the show before I get teary! (As if it isn't too late for that! HA!)**_

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><p><strong>Letting Go of Maybe<strong>

**Epilogue**

**Emmett McCarty POV**

Being with Bella was amazing. After our night in New York, we went back to our lives as they had been, but the evenings were filled with long phone conversations, and the weekends were spent making up for lost time. We went that way for a month, and then she invited me to her home for Thanksgiving.

I think it was the first time that I ever considered saying no to her. I couldn't imagine walking into her family home and facing her father. I'd played poker with him, I'd been his daughter's teacher, and now she wanted to introduce me as her boyfriend. It wouldn't have been so bad, but the man was a cop and had a firearm. It was not exactly a welcoming thought.

I tried to persuade her to come to my parents' home. Jasper and Alice were doing Thanksgiving there and Christmas at his house, as they'd done every other year as far as I knew, but Bella couldn't turn her parents down, and we both knew it.

I will never forget standing at their front door, hand in hand with Bella as she knocked and then entered, tugging me in behind her. To his credit, Charlie had been calm as Bella explained the situation, but I was certain that had more to do with the two women being in the room than taking the news gracefully. Of course, the moment they left the room, I saw his eyes move to me.

"I think we need to have a talk, son."

"Yes, sir," I replied, my body going cold. I'd known that this was inevitable.

"You and I are going to the shooting range after dinner."

I swallowed. Hard. And I could see the satisfaction in his smile. He had me and he knew it. I don't think I'd ever sweat so much in my life, and my appetite flew out the window. Bella was cooking and I'd been looking forward to the spread she was putting on. She'd been questioning me for weeks whether I liked this or that. At that moment though, she may as well have been serving cardboard for all I could taste. My mouth was dry, and my palms were sweaty as hell.

Before Charlie and I left, I heard her giving him a stern warning. She made him promise to be nice, and he'd conceded, knowing full well I would never tell her if he decided to go against his word. I was trying to get in his good books, after all.

We left shortly after, both of us silent in the car as he cruised across the small town toward the police department target range. It wasn't until he pulled out a bag of shotguns and handguns that he decided to speak to me.

"You realize why we need to talk, don't you?"

"Of course I do, Chief Swan. Believe me, I hadn't planned on this happening the way it did."

"Uh huh. You were her teacher."

"I was, and believe me, nothing happened while she was my student. Nothing."

"You were the reason she was so eager to leave after graduation, though?"

I sighed, my hand hands on my hips as I looked at the shotgun he was pushing shells into.

"I believe so. She came to me and told me how she felt. I told her it couldn't happen."

Charlie quirked an eyebrow at me. "But you felt the same way."

"It was immoral and wrong. She had her whole life ahead of her."

Charlie cocked the shotgun and threw me a set of headphones to protect my ears, and a set of safety glasses.

"What changed?"

"It became evident that neither of us were moving on."

Charlie took a couple of shots at the target with perfect precision. I couldn't help noticing that he barely moved, even though the damn gun looked as though it kicked like a mule. He opened it up and dumped the shells before placing the gun on the small counter in front of him.

"I can't say that I'm happy about this. I know you aren't much older than she is, but you were her teacher. It sounds as though your intentions were good, and I believe that you thought you were doing the right thing letting her go, but if you ever hurt my baby girl like that again, you're not going to like my reaction. She's happier than I've ever seen her; as long as it stays that way, you have my blessing."

I stood in front of him with my mouth open like a guppy, staring at his offered hand as his mustache twitched in humor. It took me a second to gather myself together before I shook it. I'd been certain I would be placed on the missing person's list, or suffer accidental friendly fire. In fact, I'd been prepared for it.

We spent hours shooting at the range after that. He asked questions about me and my family. He had me sign a consent form for a background check, and for a moment I was sure he'd ask for a urine and blood sample, but he seemed to restrain himself. He was as much of a good guy as I'd thought him to be, and by the time the weekend was over, things were smoothed over.

Bella and I went back to our lives, and our weekends. I missed her during the week but talking to her on the phone made it easier. It also helped that Edward had a huge thing for Rosalie and that if we had an evening when neither of us were chaperoning, we drove to the city for a couple of hours. It was a long drive, and I paid for it in the mornings, but it was worth it.

This went on for the rest of Bella's college career, and by the time she graduated with honors, she already had a position lined up with the local school in the small town near the boarding school. So I moved off campus, and the two of us found a small house together.

Having all the extra time with her only seemed to make me fall deeper in love with her. She was still that quirky, intelligent and funny girl I'd always known, but she was also my entire universe. Everything about her was mesmerizing to me. I could sit for hours and watch her type away at the computer, her teeth worrying her bottom lips as she leafed through the pages of the book she was studying from. It was when stray strands of hair would fall from her neatly composed pony that I couldn't resist getting up and brushing them away. Her smile was always bright and welcoming, and that moment would lead to me dragging her from her chair and making love to her until she cried out my name in her euphoric cadence.

Every night we ended up cuddled on the couch, my body wrapped around hers as she watched TV and I watched her.

I finally asked her to marry me only a year after we moved in together. It may have been slightly caveman of me, but I saw the way the guys she worked with watched her. More than that, though, it was the fact that I couldn't imagine my life without her. I loved her, so what was the point of putting off the inevitable?

I took Bella out to dinner in New York and, largely thanks to Rosalie nagging Edward, I booked the suite at the hotel where we'd spent our first night together. Rosalie, being the unfailing romantic she was, was given the spare key card to get everything taken care of for me and made me promise to have Bella call her the moment she accepted.

The elevator ride up to the suite was spent pressing Bella against the wall and kissing those soft lips of hers. She was smiling beautifully and I don't think I will ever get her dress out of my head. She'd sworn Rosalie had forced her into the thing, and honestly, I believed her. Bella was, and always had been a jeans girl.

As we stepped off the elevator, I led her to the door and opened it, revealing a huge amount of flowers and petals all over the place. It looked like a florist had thrown up inside, but it worked. Candles seemed to flicker on every available surface, and for a second I thought it was overkill, until I saw Bella's face.

The tears on her cheeks were highlighted by the flames of the candle, and her smile was radiant as she took in the sights around the room. I led her soundlessly to the only open space in the huge room and dropped to one knee in front of her. Her hands moved to her mouth as I situated myself in front of her. And there I unleashed everything I felt about her and put it into words.

"Bella, I don't even know how to tell you what you mean to me. You're the reason I wake up in the mornings. My life without you wouldn't be worth the paper trail I left behind. You make me a better man because you love me. You are everything to me, and there will never be anything else I want more in this world than you. I know what it's like to live without you, and I never want to have to do that again. Would you do me the greatest honor and become my wife?"

She stood staring at me with wide eyes filled with unshed tears. She took a step closer to me, her fingers trailing down the line of my jaw to my lips. She fell to her knees in front of me, her eyes never leaving mine.

"Yes," she replied shakily, drawing in a breath. "I want nothing more than to share my life with you, Emmett."

I pulled the ring Rose had helped me pick out from my pocket, and with trembling hands, pushed the ring onto the finger it would stay on for the rest of our lives. She eyed it with an awed smile before wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me.

We made love all night and watched the sun rise from the huge windows of the hotel room while wrapped around one another in the bed. Both of us were exhausted and sweaty, but it worked out well because it was us. Just us. Together.

We married only six months after that. Bella wanted something small and meaningful, so we all congregated in our small backyard and Bella and I promised our lives to one another. I think that was the only time I'd ever seen Jasper cry, other than at his own wedding. Bella was his best friend, and the little sister he never had. Of course, Charlie was over the moon that I was still making his daughter happy, but he re-issued his threat about breaking her heart.

Life for the two of us became something of a routine, but there was never a boring moment with Bella around. We had fun together, and I had been smiling since the moment she said, "I do."

"Emmett? I'm talking to you." Bella laughed gently, pulling me out of my ruminations. She leaned over the back of the couch and ruffled my hair. "Where were you?"

"Thinking about us. Have you heard anything from the school in Louisiana yet?" I asked. She'd applied to be the head of the English department in a school that she'd wanted to work in since she'd graduated. She'd been worried that she was uprooting me from a job that I loved, having never really grasped that I would follow her to the ends of the earth if that was where she needed to go.

"Nope. They said it would be a few weeks," she said, dropping a kiss on my lips.

"So what were you saying then?"

"I was asking if you wanted something from the kitchen. A beer or something?"

"No thanks, babe. I'm good."

She gave me a kiss on the cheek and disappeared into the kitchen. Only minutes later she showed back up with a bag of M&M's and a smile. She fell into the opposite end of the couch and swung her feet into my lap, wiggling them at me.

I pulled off her cute little socks and dumped them on the floor beside me before starting to rub her feet. She'd always been highly ticklish, but being on her feet most of the day seemed to outrank being ticklish.

"Oh, that feels so good," she sighed, hanging her head over the back of the arm of the sofa. Her long hair was fanned out around her as she popped M&M's into her mouth.

I continued massaging her feet and watching her writhe until things became uncomfortable for me. The way she arched her neck and bit her lips, all I could think about was being buried between her legs with that same look on her beautiful face.

I dropped her foot and crawled up her body, hovering over her as she popped another M&M into her mouth. She kept her eyes closed, but her lips were a dead giveaway, curled into a smile as she teased me some more.

"You want candy?" she asked, opening only one eye.

I shook my head.

"You want some sugar?"

I nodded my head.

Without hesitation, she dropped the bag to the floor and took my head between her hands. It was easy to see the lust in her eyes as she leaned in to kiss me. As our lips touched, it was hard holding myself back from her. She tasted like chocolate, but there was still that hint of her that always drove me crazy.

"I love you, Emmett McCarty."

"I love _you_, Isabella McCarty."

I initiated the kiss again, our bodies tangling together and coming closer as I indulged in her. My wife was possibly the most perfect creature on the earth, but knowing her as well as I did, I stopped. As aroused as she was, she was holding back.

"What's going on with you?" I asked gently, pulling back her sweater, kissing the swell of her breast and making her smile. It was different enough to catch my attention, but not to the point of panic. She was distracted, but her smile told me she was happy. It only served to make me curious.

"Well, I was going to wait to tell you, but you're as intuitive as ever," she huffed, scrunching up her nose.

"Tell me what?" I asked, sitting up and pulling her with me so she was facing me. When a flicker of anxiety passed over her face, I picked up her hands in mine. "Bella, you can tell me anything. You know that."

She fidgeted, but never took her eyes from mine. I could see her growing more nervous by the minute as she tried to think about what she was going to say. She was still the open book she'd always been, but for the life of me, I couldn't even begin to think what would make her so nervous.

"I know that, but this is big. Huge actually and we really haven't talked about it much."

I released one of her hands and cupped her cheek. She leaned into my palm and closed her eyes, shutting me off from her and her thoughts. Her emotions had always been worn on her sleeve, but there were so many crashing together on her beautiful face, it was hard to get a read on it.

Finally, she opened her eyes and caught mine in them. She held my gaze for the longest time as she tried to read what I was going to say in reaction. I would have loved to help her out and offer her reassurances, but not knowing what this was about made that difficult. I knew nothing she said would change how I felt about her, and so my love for her was the one thing I focused on.

"Emmett, I'm pregnant."

The world shuddered and stopped as her words slowly penetrated my foggy brain. We were still staring at one another and I was still holding her cheek, but for a moment I just couldn't process the information. My breath was stuck in my throat.

We stayed like that for a long moment before disappointment started to flicker in her expressive eyes. It was then that I realized she was misinterpreting my reaction as something negative. It only took me a second to regain my composure after that. I leaned forward with all the enthusiasm that was bouncing inside me and littered her face with kisses, before dropping a lingering kiss on her lips.

"I'm going to be a daddy?" I asked, my voice almost trembling with excitement.

"Yes," she replied, then laughed as I kissed every inch of her face again. I pulled her in against my body as the words sunk in further. I was going to be a father. Bella and I were going to be parents.

"I can't believe this. How long have you known? How far along are you?"

"I've only known for a week. I took a home pregnancy test when I was late. I didn't want to say anything until I was sure, but I took another two tests this morning and both were positive."

"Oh, baby, I am so happy," I said, kissing her again and making her laugh with the most joyful laugh I'd ever heard from her.

"I wasn't sure how you'd react. You said you wanted kids, but we never really discussed when would be a good time."

"Now is a perfect time," I responded, pulling her into my lap and cradling her in my arms. She snuggled into my chest as I laid my cheek on the top of her head. For me, there couldn't be a more perfect start to our future than this.

When I thought back to all those years ago, when I was certain I would never have the pleasure of being with her the way I longed to be, it suddenly occurred to me that I'd never thought to ask for this. That no matter what dreams I had of us together, I'd never once imagined just how beautiful my life could be. Yet here I was, living beyond the happiness of those silly daydreams and into a whole new realm of perfect that even the love of my life wouldn't be able to name.

**Isabella McCarty POV**

Huffing loudly, I released the car seat back another notch, irrationally irritated at the ever increasing bump that stopped me from fitting between the seat and the steering wheel. It seemed as though I was getting bigger every second, and with every additional inch of waistline, I seemed to get crankier, too.

Slamming the car into drive, I tried to suppress crabby Bella and harness some of that warm, motherly glow pregnant women were supposed to emit. I was sure that was all an elaborate plot by make up companies to make those of us who sported more of a blotch than a glow feel bad about ourselves.

I'd had the day from hell at work and I just wanted to get home to the only person who could make me feel beautiful when waddling around the size of a killer whale. I had decided, conclusively, that I was _never _going to be pregnant in summer ever again.

I bitched and moaned my way through the rush hour traffic, cursing my decision to stay after work and get my marking out of the way, because it landed me smack in the middle of the five o'clock rush and I wanted nothing more than to see my husband, soak for at least an hour in a hot bath and then curl up on the couch with Emmett in front of the TV. Glamorous? Perhaps not, but it was my own version of paradise after two trapped fingers, one forgotten lunch, one case of swallowed paint and an appraisal with my unsubtly perverted boss, who struggled to keep his eyes above my neckline. I loved my job. Teaching was everything I hoped it would be and more. But teaching while seven and a half months pregnant was a whole different thing.

As my car finally glided onto the driveway, I smiled to see that Emmett's car was already there. I felt some of the day's tension leaving my shoulders at the thought of being in his arms soon. I uncurled myself from the car as gracefully as possible with a lump the size of Texas on my front, then waddled my way to the front door.

Opening the door to our small but comfortable home, I was immediately hit by the loud music that seemed to be coming from upstairs. Dropping my bags and jacket by the door, I kicked off my shoes and padded my way slowly up the stairs, following the sound of my husband singing along enthusiastically to Bon Jovi's 'Wanted Dead Or Alive' to the room we had set aside as a nursery.

Pushing open the door, I had to stifle the laughter that bubbled up at the sight before me. Emmett was standing, wearing his suit from work, covered in the light yellow paint he was rolling onto the walls.

"I'm a cowboy. On a steel horse I ride. I'm wanted, WANTEEEEEEED, dead or alive," he sung loudly, using the paint roller as part of his air guitar and splattering paint just about everywhere but on the walls.

"Hey, cowboy," I said with a laugh, avoiding the flying paint as I made my way across the room to him. He dropped the roller to the, thankfully uncarpeted, floor and stalked towards me with a huge grin on his face. I felt myself sigh in contentment as his arms enfolded me, dipping me back slightly as he dropped kisses over my face.

"Hey, baby momma," he said, laughing and lifting me into his arms, despite my resemblance to a killer whale.

Giggling, I touched the end of his nose, where a small glob of yellow paint had landed. "You couldn't have changed first?" I asked, rolling my eyes and showing him the paint that transferred to my finger.

"I was excited," he responded with a small, contrite pout. "I picked up the paint on the way home. Do you like it?"

I looked around thoughtfully, pretending to think about it for a moment. "I prefer it on the walls to on you," I offered.

"Hmm." He looked down at himself, taking in the paint that was splattered over his shirt and pants and all up his arms where he had rolled his sleeves back. Even his blue tie was still in place with small yellow polka dots haphazardly strewn across it. "Looks like I need to take a bath."

Without a pause, he started making his way to the bathroom, leaving the paint where it was and with me still in his arms.

"What are you doing?" I asked, laughing and playfully punching his arm.

"I'm going to take a bath," he replied as though _I _was the one acting crazy. I raised an eyebrow at him and he looked back at me, grinning happily. "Well I'm not going to bathe alone, am I? Where's the fun in that?"

I giggled like a schoolgirl as he set me on my feet but kept his arm around my waist, the other hand coming up and tangling in my hair as he pulled me in for a kiss.

"Happy Friday, Mrs. McCarty," he mumbled against my neck, making me shiver involuntarily.

He still had this effect on me, all this time later and with rings on our fingers. He could still reduce me to a bumbling idiot with just a single look, the way he had when I was in school. He could turn my knees to jelly just by whispering my name, or by touching me with his large but gentle hands. He could play my body like a fiddle, eliciting physical responses from me that I hadn't even known I was capable of. He knew this and used it to his fullest advantage.

He was using it now as his nose crept along my shoulder, nudging my shirt aside as he kissed every inch of bare skin that pebbled at his ministrations. His hands started to unbutton my shirt, as my fingers tangled into his dark curls, tugging lightly.

"So beautiful," he murmured as he pulled the shirt completely free of my body and knelt, resting his cheek against my swollen belly. "Hey, Jelly Tot," he said softly, placing his hand tenderly against my stomach with his eyes closed.

I gazed down at him, blown away by the look of complete adoration on his face as he knelt there, his ear pressed against my stomach as though the baby was talking back to him. My fingers played idly with his hair, enjoying its softness and, for the thousandth time, relishing the freedom to touch him, to be with him every day.

I reached down, pulling his now yellow polka dot tie from around his neck and began to unbutton his shirt slowly, then pushed it from his shoulders.

After relieving myself and him of all our clothes, he lifted me once more and turned to the bathtub that was already filled, with bubbles floating happily on the top. I teared up irrationally at his thoughtfulness, taking in the candles flickering by the tub, and snuggled deeper into his arms as he stepped in and lowered us into the warm water.

I sat between his legs, leaning back against his muscular chest with his arms around me. His hands rested on my stomach, rubbing soft circles into the stretched skin as he murmured sweet words into my neck.

"You look so beautiful like this," he crooned, tickling a sweet spot behind my ear with his tongue and making my whole body come alive at the simple touch. "I used to dream of this, but I never thought..." he trailed off, finishing his thought by nuzzling my neck and tightening his arms around me.

I sighed, letting my head fall back against his chest, my eyes closing in contentment. Even as big as I was, his strong arms and thick chest made me feel tiny and protected. I knew he would never let anything happen to me or our unborn child. He had been protecting me virtually from the day we met - my knight in shining armour.

"We need to think about names," I whispered softly after a moment, breaking the intimate silence we'd shrouded ourselves in.

"You mean we're not rolling with Jelly Tot?" he asked with a chuckle. "I thought it was cute."

"You want our child to be the target of every bully in the country?" I teased, my body shuddering involuntarily at the feel of his warm breath on my shoulder and neck.

"If it's a girl, I think we should call her Hermione," he suggested with a laugh, reminding me of the time I first allowed myself to believe he could return my feelings: the night he compared me to his favourite Harry Potter character.

I smiled at the thought, remembering all the books we ever talked about or even sometimes read together. Some nights I would lie stretched out on the couch with my head in his lap as he read to me, his fingers running lightly through my hair. Reading was what brought us together and would always be a vital part of our relationship. When we chose our home, we deliberately chose one with a room we could use just for our books. It was a comfortable room, tucked at the back of the house with a large window overlooking the garden. We fitted it with bookcases around three walls, with a couch and large beanbags in the centre. It was our haven, where we went when we wanted peace, even if we were together. Emmett had even started a collection of children's books, starting with the tiny soft books for babies and moving up. Neither of us could wait to start reading with our child.

"I like Emma," he said softly, drawing me from my thoughts. "For a girl."

"I like that, too," I answered with a small smile.

We both gasped as a tiny foot kicked against Emmett's hand that was cupped around my stomach.

"You like that, Jelly Tot?" he asked, stroking the area our baby just kicked, lovingly.

"Emma," I whispered to myself, a small smile curling my lips at the name.

Emma Sophia McCarty was born on October 15th. She came out screaming even louder than I did, with a cute tuft of dark hair and the brightest blue eyes I'd ever seen.

I cried the first tears I'd shed since Emmett came back into my life, the moment she was placed in my arms, wrapped in the soft, yellow blanket his parents gave us. Emmett was perched on the bed beside me, his arm wrapped around my shoulders, his poor hand encased in a bandage after I squeezed it too tightly during labour.

"She's perfect," Emmett whispered beside me, his pinky encased tightly in Emma's tiny hand as she slept.

"She has your eyes," I said with a smile, looking up and meeting his bright blue replicas of Emma's eyes that were shining with tears he claimed to be too manly to shed.

"She's lucky that's all she got from me. The rest of her is all you, and she's the most beautiful sight I've ever seen.

Emma stirred slightly in my arms, her tiny ruby lips opening and closing into an adorable pout as her nose scrunched up as though she was concentrating terribly hard on something.

"What do you think she's dreaming about?" Emmett asked, reaching into my arms and scooping Emma out of them tenderly. I leaned back against the pillows, exhausted, and watched as her stood with our daughter in his arms, gazing down at her adoringly as her rocked slowly from side to side.

"Milk, probably," I said with a laugh, certain my ovaries were going to explode at the sight of our tiny, fragile daughter in his strong, sure arms.

"Very profound," he answered with a chuckle, glancing at me briefly before returning his eyes to his daughter, _our daughter, _sleeping contentedly in his arms.

He was beside himself. Our daughter, so new and precious to the world, had wrapped him around her little finger already. When the tears finally came, man or not, he didn't even bother hiding his sniffles of joy from me.

Seeing that part of him, brought back so many memories. When we'd discussed everything we'd been through, he'd often told me that he never could picture how his life would turn out. Especially when

he believed it wouldn't include me. The first couple of times, I thought he was pandering to my need for reassurance, but the way he was looking at Emma made me rethink. We were a huge part of his life.

just like they were the biggest part of mine. I couldn't even imagine doing this with someone else, which finally made me see the truth to his words.

The journey we'd been on, as long and arduous as it was, had cemented what we had together. Everything we had to go through to be together had made us see how precious the moments we had together really were. I didn't know if I could have said the same if we'd given in to our attraction earlier. Living without him had made me love him all the more. Which is exactly what he'd said to me.

I wouldn't have changed a thing, even when I knew the pain of not having him in my life, and when I looked up at Emmett, I knew he felt the same way.

With my daughter in my arms and my husband beaming beside me, his eyes filling with the same tears as mine as he clinked glasses filled with his precious forty-year-old scotch with his father, I knew I would never need anything more than this: my beautiful family.

_Fine_

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><p><em><strong>Thank you for reading! You can find our individual profiles under Nostalgicmiss and Hev99 for our other stories. We love you guys! :)<strong>_


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